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xxx
Thinking of you hopeful x
Hope all goes as well as it can today
Hi Hopeful, thinking of you today. I think I've told you this before, but you remind me very much of my sister. She had a few knock backs with her bloods, when going through chemo, and like you, she brushed herself down, and up she got. You're both amazing women, who've dealt with everything that is thrown at you, bloody brilliantly. You're managing to run a household with children, and also doing a course. So, allow yourself those down days, and don't feel bad for having them. xx
Feel like I've slept for days, just couldn't be doing with the computer stuff. Am taking silly injections after all (was a pure maths decision), but it's only three altogether, last one today (and yes, I have to do them myself).
Want my taste buds back!
Yes that will be fantastic when you can taste food properly again. Does eating srtong-tasting things help at all?
Glad you have the injections (nearly) done and hopefully that has boosted you up for the next treatment.
Hope the last injection is out the way and does the trick.
I hope its not too long before your taste buds recover.
Thinking of you Hopeful 
As you can't taste anything are you tempted to try all the foods you hate, which are good for you, and see whether you can tolerate them.
For me it would be brussel sprouts and peas he he
Funny you should say that PQ, a few weeks ago No2 son made himself baked beans on toast (I really don't like baked beans) and I took a fancy to them and enjoyed them. Very odd.
Things taste ok for an instant and then general disgusting gloup flavour takes over (is that how you spell gloup? glupe?).
I believe the correct spelling is as unoriginal is 'gloop'!!
I am not a great fan of baked beans I agree, but glad that you got to enjoy them Hopeful!
Sorry to be moany (just letting off tension, don't read if you don't want to, ok?):
This has definitely been the worst cycle so far. I have never ever felt so down and desolate ever in my life (not even when my husband died, and that is saying something). The day before yesterday I really hit rock bottom. I was ready to give up EVERYTHING. I felt totally overwhelmed by the work I have to do, No3 son playing up, my mum coming for Christmas, the house being in a mess and and and. Physically my head feels like it's being carved out from the inside - not painful, but dizzy-ish and very weird, I'm just not myself. Really I'd rather feel sick.
I sent out a prayer request to all my Christian friends. One came round (she had to come twice as I wasn't opening the door to anyone, but she text and when I knew it was her, I let her in after all). She didn't really say much or offer advice, but was there. We didn't talk that much, but I came to the conclusion that I should take ALL my studies back by half a year, so in the evening I sent an email to uni asking that.
No3 son bunked off school early (had phone call) that day, too, and didn't come home till 10. I told him never to do that again and have resolved if he does it one more time I'll tell him he has one more chance and then I'll call social services myself (I think that idea scares him). I didn't tell him that Monday because my daughter said it seemed that he was not happy with himself for what he'd done.
Another friend said to write down all the stuff I have on and the list goes like this: chemo (blurgh), pending treatment, uni, No3 son (bigtime), No1 son (on antidepressants), No2 son (needs to figure out what he wants to do, but he's working and he's trying so hard not to be a bother to me), daughter (am afraid she feels neglected), mother coming for Christmas (it's nice, but a pain if you know what I mean), money, house in a state.
Yesterday I felt already so much better though. Still emotional, but more resolved because I'd made decisions. I decided to not do any work at all and the friend invited me for lunch (vegetable soup with lots of sellery - I really hate sellery, but guess what, taste buds are mad and it was lovely) and then we went to a farmers market shop and had a nose around and a hot chocolate and a really good day.
Today I woke up really positive, but because I've been lazy the dark thoughts started creeping in again. I had a shower (hot water, yay!) to shake me up and then thought I'll check my email, and if uni have said yes, I won't work today either, but if not I'll do some work. I did have an email from one of my tutors who is also head of year - he can't make the decision, but he said he'd be happy to have me in his group from January. That was so lovely to have! So while it means I have to work today to finish the stupid essay on pulmonary embolism, he still has motivated me to do well somehow.
Will get dressed now (still in towels from shower) and get on with it. I am so blessed to have so many friends who know what to say when!
Sorry for this being long - but it's not ALL bad anymore.
Hopeful, it is wonderful that you have such lovely friends. Your list is indeed a daunting one. One thing at a time. Glad you can see some positive glimmers. Chemo is a like a dark tunnel so even chinks of light are good.
Good luck with the essay and sending you some extra hugs today.
Hi Hopeful,
sometimes making the decisions is the hardest part and can weigh you down, now you have worked out what you need to do that weight should be lifted. Your list is long, and as louise pointed out it must be quite daunting so its not surprising you feel overwhelmed. From what I have read about you so far I see a strong woman who has coped admirably with all that life has thrown at you and you will get through all this too. You have a great network of friends around you and you have the support of onespace too. I am glad you are feeling brighter today, good luck with the essay!
Hi Hopeful
Would your friends help to get your house to a point where you're comfortable with it?
I'm glad you had a good reply from your tutor, but sorry you still have an essay to do.
Loads of hugs.
After having a really really bad Monday last week (I have never felt as bad mentally - in hindsight I've put some of that down to dehydration - really must drink more) I decided I need a break. The answer I got from uni was that they thought I want to interrupt my course which sent me into a right panic, because interrupting means no money.
Went to see one of the programme directors yesterday and she said 'why don't you just go sick?' like it was the most normal thing in the world. I could have hugged her! It turns out I can have up to 3 months off sick AND receiving my bursary. How good is that?! So the week after next (have exam Monday, don't want to miss it, want it out the way) I shall go to my GP and have 6 weeks off sick (my daughter said - quite rightly - but Mum, you aren't sick! That alone made me happy! I don't feel sick, just worn out and exhausted).
When I get back to uni they will build the rest of the programme including submission dates and placement just around me. It's brilliant!
What a great solution hopeful
That is really good, you may not be sick but it will give you a break till you get REALLY well.
That is good. Good luck with the exam too.
Excellent news Hopeful, I am really pleased for you, you have been given a break - which you deserve.
By the way, have I said: my hair is coming back!
Ooh how exciting, it night come back curly, it often does to start with
Too early to say if it's curly! It's not even an inch long yet :-)
Great news about your hair. Do you plan to embrace the pixie cut like Kylie?
I haven't got a choice pq, it just is what it is. about 1/3 inch at the moment. We'll see when it gets a bit longer (a friend who's a hairdresser says it grows 1 - 2 cm a month, so I'm a long way off any haircut).
Hey great news Hopeful, I am thrilled for you!
Had chemo today. Just scraped in on the bloods, even with the injections. Was a bit uncomfortable with that, but I really just want it over and done with now. Only one more which will be in the first week of January (maybe....).
Had the same lovely nurse as last time, too, which was nice.
GP has written sick note for me to take to uni (over the phone! She didn't even see me, bless her!), so I can have a Christmas holiday although I'll have to apply for a job within the next couple of weeks. That's a bit scary!
I'm glad you were able to have the chemo, as it is one less. I hope you feel ok after it.
I think the holiday will be good for you. Good luck with the job applications.
Hurrah, the penultimate chemo. What jobs will you be applying for? a particular interest?
Hope you get through the next few days ok and enjoy the break over Christmas
The job applications are generic, basically you tell the trust that you please want a job at the end of the course. Then they give you an interview and then they give you a job (hopefully. There are not enough for everyone.....).
Am very tired today. Yawn...
I am not surprised you are tired Hopeful, but it is good to hear from you.
Am glad that you were able to get the sick note so readily. I hope you have a quiet and restful evening
Thanks for explaining about the jobs Hopeful. I had thought that there would be, say, one vacancy in paediatrics, two in outpatients etc and you had to choose....
How are you feeling today?
Ah, I see. I didn't realise how that worked.
I do hope your're feeling ok.
Feeling ok. Apart from No3 son kicking off again. Big time. Will post later on other thread.
Wish we could pick and choose with the jobs! :-)
Glad your feeling o.k Hopeful, Good luck with your job applications, do you have an area of preference?
I can state where I'd prefer to be, but I liked so many places that I just don't know! I look at the next year as an extra year training and then I can apply for what I really want (not that I know what I really want....).
Had fun with people making dinners for me this time. Friend on Thursday forgot, so when we asked her (in all innocence) when dinner was coming, she was upset she'd forgotten. Got chicken nuggets and potato waffles for the children, so they ended up very happy. Yesterday I had text from one friend saying she was making chilli and then another friend text saying she was bringing dinner in a bit. So would have had two! (second friend hadn't started yet, so will do it Monday which is when other friend was supposed to). One more go and then people don't have to worry about that anymore.
Had a card from church today with 100 £ vouchers for supermarket. How generous is that!!!!! I feel so blessed - this will be all the Christmas food done nicely, including treats. :-D
That is lovely, Hopeful, and very well-deserved 
What a lovely thing Hopeful. Enjoy the spending.
How lovely, you really are being well looked after. What a comfort for you and your family.
Hi hopeful, good friends and good fortune, its lovely to read
Awwww. That really is lovely.
The things I learn with this....
I now know what indigestion is. Over the weekend I have felt like a barrel on legs, really bloated and fat. Bought some whatever-you-call-them and they seem to work, so am feeling better now. :-)
Only one more, then Rads.
Went to uni yesterday to hand in that sick note. Noticed there was a bit of a misunderstanding - when I get back I am going straight into placement. That's ok, as long as I know. I was just under the impression that I get back and then we decide the next step, but apparently the next step is already decided. :-)
Feeling quite constructive now.
Great stuff Hopeful to read that you are feeling constructive now!
Sorry to hear about the bloatedness though, I am interested to know what you used to help with that?
So straight into placement when you get back, will it be the place you were at before or somewhere else?
Only used whatever the supermarket own version of calcium carbonate and magnesium carbonate. I still feel bloated - think it's the steroids - but not as bad as it was. Probably takes time...
Perhaps knowing the placement is in place (sorry) is a good thing? Or were you looking forward to a break.
I'm glad you're feeling more constructive.
Good for you, Hopeful. Hope your tum is feeling better today.
Have you completed the assignments?
What assignment are you talking about Sparkling? I handed in one (which was way under par and I have asked for more concessions. I just hope the tutor marking doesn't want to do me a favour and pass me - I'd rather make adjustments and hand in proper work than scrape through), but there are four more. In theory they are all due by 30th Jan, but because I am off sick I think I have to renegotiate hand in dates. It's all a bit confusing.
I don't mind going straight into placement, Anna, I just had misunderstood what was said at the meeting. I loooove placements :-)
Feeling a bit light headed today - no idea why that is, but I am sure it will pass. Went on the job application site to see what I have to do and have postponed (naughty me), but have had some thoughts about what to put - there has to be a statement why we want a job and we have to sell ourselves. I am good at that in an interview, but not on paper. So by twelve tomorrow I want to have that done.....
xxx