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I thought I'd put this in a separate thread rather into general chitchat....
There's the verdict: big lump, stage 2 ductal cancer.
Here's the plan: Mastectomy in June, maybe some radiotherapy after. Hopefully no Chemo as lymphs seem to be ok, but won't know that until after operation.
Seeing consultant surgeon tomorrow (who apparantly at the meeting on Monday said he wants to see me before the bank holiday, which is nice of him), and hopefully I'll have a date for op then.
I am quite positive: If I don't need chemo, I will probably not miss out on uni - at least not academically, may have to postpone placement a bit, but that's ok - and can stay with my cohort.
Also I seem to have millions of friends who all love me! :-)
Any advice on how to tell the children though - considering their dad died of cancer four years ago???
Hello Hopeful
Glad you started a new thread.
I am very sorry to hear that you have had cancer confirmed. I am positive you have lots of friends that love you. All your friends on here will be supporting you too.
There's a lot of info to take in right now so give yourself some space. Even if you avoid chemo, the radiotherapy is absolutely exhausting and it takes several weeks after it has ended to start feeling something like.
Ok so how to tell the kids. Two things to say. Firstly, try not to unnerve them too much. On the other hand dont be too hurt if they seem a bit dismissive of it...after all if you tell them in a understated way then they might have an understated reaction. It might be different for your daughter.
How about "I need to talk to you about something.....I have got a lump in my breast so I will have to have an operation to have it removed. There is some cancer there but the doctors can treat it so although things will be tough for a while, I will be Ok and will be going back to Uni" Make sure they know they can talk to you or ask you anything, if they ask about survival, the survival rates are now almost 90% (and dont forget that a lot of ladies are quite elderly who get it) PLUS there is no spread detected at the moment.
There is a brilliant site here for teens whose parents are going through cancer treatment
And there is an excellent one here for you. But the best help of all is your friends and some hugs.
Have a barrel-load of hugs from me, and we are here for you 100%
xxxxxxxxxx
Hi Hopeful. I'm so sorry to hear that you've got to go through this. You do have lots of people supporting you, which is great. You've also got something else going for you, you are an extremely strong person, and I'm sure after this shocking news has sunk in, you'll focus on being positive. Get the operation out of the way, and then is it about six weeks after the op that the radiotherapy begins?
We are all supporting you on One Space (as you know), so if you want to have a total rant about everything, then go ahead, and get it out of your system.
I know you'll be anxious about telling the children, but you'll find a way to do it, and Louise has given some helpful sites. Take time first to absorb the news though, and tell them when you feel ready. Am sending positive thoughts your way. xxx
Hi hopeful, I am so sorry to hear the verdict. I am wondering whether you can tell your children all on the same day, but at different times, as I am wondering whether son3 will cope as well as the others? It seems the death of his dad hit him the hardest and he is still going through the motions of grieving - albeit in his own way? Because however positive you portray the message, he may well not believe you.
I am so glad that you have a good support network around you and you are sounding strong and positive at this time.
Good luck with the doc tomorrow, let us know how it goes, thinking of you.
sorry to hear about the cancer Hopeful - we are here for you if you need us xxxx
Hope you're okay this evening Hopeful. Do you have any friends with you or just you and the children? Thinking of you loads. If you're able too, let us know how you get on with the consultant. Good luck. xxxx
Hello and thinking of you today, you should get more idea of everything from the consultant. Lean on whoiever you can lean on, you have some good friends so let them help support you now.
Thank you for your support everyone! Hazeleyes, my mum is over at the moment till next Saturday - what brilliant timing was this! Also I don't have to spend a single minute by myself, if I don't want to. - One of my friends said yesterday 'you know we're all here for you, and please let us help, because then we feel that we are doing something', so I will :-)
I am ok really, very cross, and still determined this won't interfere with my studies. At least not the academic side of it.
Telling the children will be the worst. :-(
I'm so glad you have so much support. I'm glad your Mum's with you too...
xxx
Thinking of you hopeful, have you someone who could be around to support you when you tell the children?
Hi hopeful, I am so glad that your mum will be around for the next week, this will be really nice for the children when you tell them.
Also I loved what your friend said - They need you to lean on them - So please do.
Take care, I hope you have a happy Jubilee weekend.
Hey Hopeful. You have some great friends there, so lean on them as much as you need too. Yep, brilliant that your Mum is around at this time for you. Lucky timing as you say. Have been thinking about you today. Hugs. xxxx
Deep breath: Considering that we are taught person centred individualised care in our course, I feel very conveyerbelted now.
Had an argument with the stupid surgeon because I said I want to see ALL my documentation and he said that was unrealistic and if I was going to be obnoxious he would not operate. Very unprofessional (the nurse reckoned he felt personally attacked, however, she also said she'd never been asked that before). Too bad, I shall see it, just will have to go the formal way. Another drag.
Although I had a friend with me, I did not get all satisfactory answers, so will check out the breast cancer site to see if there's a forum where I can ask. I want quite scientific answers, for example he asked about medication I'm on and I said thyroxine and a mirena coil. He said I have to have the coil out, I said why, he said because it's more hormones. However, (and I didn't ask anymore, I plain forgot) he didn't say what would happen, if I don't have it out or anything.
Also they are insisting that I will have chemo - I've not said yest to that, I'll see what the lymph nodes say, and then decide, based on proper scientific evidence not on their say so which is 'because that's what we do' and 'because you are young'.
The nurse tried to tell me I will not be able to continue on my course. This is obvioysly not what I want/need to hear. I need people to tell me to go for it and have a can do attitude.
I am soooo cross at them.
Felt a bit sorry for myself when I got home, lasted about twenty minutes. Don't like that because it's counter productive. I'd rather be angry and show them I can do it.
Also spoke to the programme director of my course. He was fantastic and understands why it's so important to me to stay with my cohort. Very supportive, so all was not bad. 
Told children one by one in a very low key way. Said the doctors had found something really wrong which was a lump in breast and needed to be cut out and maybe treatment after. Did not use the C word. So they are very 'whatever' about it at the moment which I think is good.
Oh yes, consoled friend who was crying on my behalf. :-)
All friends are being wonderful.
Oh, almost forgot: OP is 26th (the day after I would have started placement 
) and will mean an overnight stay. My mum is upset about that - she thinks one night is not enough. I think I know this hospital's reputation and I don't want to be there a minute longer than necessary. 
aah Hopeful sounds like the surgeon is a typical man - can't bear to be challenged - good for you anyway
Hope you have managed to regain your positive attitude - hope you are feeling ok this morning
Hi Hopeful, wow lots of info for you to take in.
Glad you have told the children. That must have been very hard (HUG)
Ok so your op is scheduled for 26th June? The overnight stay is very standard, although it seems like a major op, everyone I have ever talked with tells me that the surgery is far less troublesome than expected. The big key seems to be: do your exercises as soon as you can after the op, they are the golden key to keeping your shoulder mobile. The thing about the Mirena....after your tumour is removed they will test it and if it is hormone receptive (most are) then they will suggest that you don't put any more hormones in your body that may encourage a re-growth.
There is loads of information on the site I have given you, and a forum and a helpline. It helped my friend so much. Here is it again.
Don't spend too much time consoling other people (apart from the children); you need your energy for YOU now.
What's the plan for the weekend? Does your Mum go back today?
Good morning,
am still fuming about surgeon - Although he was probably not the right person to ask this particular question, he should not throw his rattle out of the pram like that. We almost had a staring contest.
I've sent my questions to the website you gave me, Louise, so am waiting on an answer.
The coil answer I am afraid is not sufficient for me (see, I know too much!). I take thyroxine every day - that is a hormone, and if I don't take it I shall get fat, depressed and eventually die a very miserable death. I know exactly how it works and what it does in real technical terms. So I don't need to hear 'it may (may isn't good enough anyway!) encourage cancer to come back', but 'this hormone x works on cells a, b, and c in this particular way, and they then react like that causing uncontrolled cell multiplication, i.e. cancer.
It's the same with the chemo they're dictating. I need to see figures and science and everything and then I make up my mind. In our studies we are told that we mustn't be parental but democratic. And at the end of the day it is my body and my health and I am totally entitled to make really bad choices, frustrating as that may be for other health professionals (and I understand that, too, I've been on the other side!).
As to consoling others - I don't think I can stop that. Firstly, it's in my nature and secondly it takes my mind off myself which is a good thing. I consider myself quite sensible though, so I promise I won't overdo anything. :-)
My mum is here for another week - we're going to the theatre today to see 39 steps - it's her birthday treat. :-)
Sorry for lengthy post!
PS: lrh, your post really made me laugh! :-) typical man! I hadn't looked at it like that! :-) Thank you for making me smile! x
Hi Hopeful. Wow, an awful lot for you to take on board. I'm sorry the consultant wasn't that 'nice' with you. I don't think they like to be challenged, because they think they know best, which of course isn't always so. Before you make any decisions, I think you are doing completely the right thing by checking things out for yourself, like using the forum etc. I would do exactly the same. There are lots of sites around as you know, so do the research, but don't get bogged down by it all.
The overnight stay after the operation. I was actually shocked when I read your post. I didn't realise it was such a short stay. They really do kick you out of your bed don't they. I know the exercises are important, like Louise says, as my Nan and Aunt had breast cancer, many moons ago now though.
Am glad you've spoken to the children. You handled that well (as always).
As for the course, not sure what to say on this one. You'll know if you are up for it, you're body will certainly let you know!!!
Completely different type of thing here, but my sister returned back to work when she was having radiotherapy. She had bowel cancer. Her GP was amazed, but my sister said, she wanted to keep everything as 'normal' as possible. (sorry if I've repeated myself from a previous post here).
Have a lovely day with your Mum. xx
See Hazeleyes, that's exactly what I need to hear! Thank you!!!
I am totally happy with the overnight stay! The hospital has a bad reputation (I've not worked in that one, but other students have), apparently a lot of staff are not very nice and morale is down, so I'd happily go home the same day if they let me!
It also means less worry about what the children are up to!
:-)
Don't be worrying about what the children are up to. I'm sure some of your friends could keep an eye on them. Or, the surgeon. He could 'stare' them into shape!!
I do agree that you need to hear about positive things, rather than being told you 'can't' do something.
Not sure, he lost the staring contest. He doesn't realise there is a problem to my lid-shutting reflex and I can stare forever....
I am pretty shocked about the doctor, I must say. As for your course and your work, only you can make that decision. I understand about the thyroxine (I take that too!) but the hormones often involved in breast cancer are oestrogen and progestrone, anyway I am sure you will get some answers from the specialist site.
Hope you enjoy the theatre!
Hopeful, words fail me as to what to say about the doctor, also about what you're going through. My Aunt was in her 70s when she had her mastectomy. She had radiotherapy. She dealt with it all very matter of factly. She has a very active life, and at no point did she let it slow her down. She's now 89 and stll incredibly active.
My thoughts are with you. I hope you have a good time with your Mum at the theatre.
Hi hopeful, I am sorry that the visit to the doctors added more stress to the situation, however so pleased that you have all the support you have.
I think telling the children without mentioning the 'C' word was an excellent idea - well done, really good thinking.
I went to see 39 Steps, it was absolutely marvellous, I hope you have a super time - it will take your mind off everything
39 Steps was brilliant! I really loved it.
Back to uni work today, sigh.
Children seem totally not bothered, which is good. I am ok, just cross at the nurse now. The surgeon is just a surgeon and was the wrong person to ask. I'll forgive him...
Good work hopeful - release, release, release!!! Although don't be cross at the nurse either.
I imagine you feel frustrated, because you just don't need this, but don't direct it at anyone, throw that energy at your assignments - oh and could you do some of mine too?! 
I am cross at the nurse because whe tried to tell me I can't do things and her cheap shot from the side was you will loose your hair!!!!. (BTW I am not so bothered about my hair. It will grow back, so ).
See, Anna, you say 'throw that energy at your assignments'. That is just what I need!
I didn't know you had any, what are they about?
You come across as someone who has the attitude 'I will if I want to...!'
Noone is going to keep you down for long! 
I have worked with parents for the last 10 years - parenting, domestic abuse, anxiety and depression and bringing women of different backgrounds together and worked with single parents - I have an armful of training behind me, however there haven't really been any official qualifications for the work that I do - until now!
Current assignments are on the National Occupational Standards, Theories of Change, Resilience and Difference, Diversity and Value systems.
Its interesting that you ask because by telling you, it has made me aware that I could talk the back legs of a donkey around all these elements, but when I think of putting pen to paper I get stuck. However you have now made me think that I will do just that - tell a voice recorder then type up what I said! - Thanks hopeful! 
I have visited my uncle, dropped daughter at friends 40 mins away, just got back in and now checking the boards, I was hoping to get some work done today - but have just decided I shall do a bit of cleaning & pottering this evening then wake up tomorrow and crack on!
Have you done any work on yours today?
Hi Anna,
I've had that - not a clue what to write and then gone and explained the whole lot to somebody who'd then say 'just write that'! :-) I am sure you'll do fine!
I got a little done - not too much - and am supposed to do more now.... sigh x
Went on Macmillan chatroom. People trying to tell me all the things I won't be able to do, just because they weren't able to do. Really upset about that because now I am doubting myself and I don't need that. Need to stay positive.
Daughter picked up on mood and is now upset, too.
No3 son came home and is upset. He doesn't want to tell me why, but I reckon he's had lots to cope with recently with his friends' families and now this.
No2 son upset because No3 son is making a mess of his room (No3 son's room occupied by my mum atm).
My mum upset because of me and is trying to keep a brave front.
All this is upsetting me. Feel like having a really good cry, but I am afraid if I start I won't be able to stop.
Somebody please say something really positive!
Hi Hopeful
I haven't been on this site for a few weeks what with one thing and another. Have just logged on and sorry to see that you are having a bad time at the moment.
I would like to encourage you to stay strong, and positive. One of my closest friends was diagnosed with breast cancer exactly 2 years ago. I have to first of all say I can identify with what you said about comforting your friends in all of this. When my mate was first diagnosed I was gutted and cried on the phone when she told me the news. Her words to me were "this isn't going to beat me". And although she has had a tough time , she has come through it an is absolutely radiant now. If you want me to ask her any questions please let me know.
I believe the main things that have carried her through this are:
(1) Her positive attitude throughout the whole illness
(2) Very good support from friends and family
You are obviously having a bad day, and hey don't be afraid to cry you are allowed to... Have you got a really close friend you can call, that might help.
As you may have guessed from the name I use on this site, I am a Christian and will keep you in my prayers. I prayed for my friend throughout her illness. I am also going to a prayer group on Saturday morning so will ask them to pray for you also.
Take care and remember be strong....
Xxx
Thank you very much for your kind words, Christian! (I was wondering about your name - I am a Christian myself and I do have a great Church family, too, so your prayers are really appreciated).
What really upset me yesterday was people saying that I wouldn't be allowed to continue on my course (I am studying nursing). Uni are being very supportive and I think I'll be able to do the academic side of it, but may have to postpone placements. I just don't want that to take too long.
Hugs to you! x
If your university is supportive, then I think that is what you need to focus on maybe? I can only go by how my Aunty was, and she really did keep going. The after effect for her is less strength in her shoulder.
The friend I work for, his sister has been through breast cancer. The life insurance she had gave her a good payout. They did an extension to their house and she managed it... It gave her a focus as she wasn't able to work (her work in advertising can take her abroad, and she's self-employed).
I think you're drawing the positive energy from those around you - and hopefully us on here.
It is a shock for you and your family to come to terms with, and understandable they're digesting it at the mo.
Perhaps those on the chat site are sharing their experience just in case... Because they weren't able to do something doesn't mean that you won't. You will know how you're dealing with the treatment, and you know the university will be doing all they can to help you succeed. Getting the academic side will be such an achievement. And with support, perhaps the placements too. Maybe not looking too far ahead and dealing with the assignment in front of you now is a way to keep focused?
I don't doubt for a second that you won't succeed in all you do.
Hi Hopeful,
Every person is different and you will find your own way. One of the ways that a serious illness can affect us is the loss of our expectations and that is what you are struggling with at the moment. If Uni are willing to work alongside you then just do things at your own pace and go for it!
However.....whilst a positive attitude is always helpful, you need to be honest and caring enough with yourself to monitor things as you go along. I know that you are a very focused person but if there are things you have to skip for a while or something needs to be put on hold then it is not a failure on your part...it is all about being flexible as to your week-to-week needs now.
There are people who seem to enjoy being scaremongers. I remember meeting one lady and she had to have chemo and she said how scared she was because some other woman had told her that she herself had had to stay in bed for a week each time, unable to eat and "only able to suck on the corner of a cream cake" (I noticed it wasn't the corner of a slice of dry bread ) My friend was able to reassure her and she went ahead with it and we met her a few months later in Matalan and she said how glad she was my friend had helped her.
So what I am saying to you, Hopeful, is: TRAVEL ON YOUR OWN JOURNEY...and we will be right beside you.
Appointment for radioactive dye test came through for the day before op. I'm going to be so pretty!
Had massage today (had to convince masseuse {is that the right word?} a bit, we compromised and she dug a bit less hard - we've agreed the next one for three weeks post op, provided the doctor says ok). Feel very good.
It's weird, everyone around me is having aches and pains and colds and tonsilitis and stuff, and I feel brilliant!
Oh, forgot: uni friend made me a special planner with info about helplines, drugs they may use, breast cancer in general, crosswords for when I'm waiting, revision questions in general and assignment guidelines, and timetables for trains and busses just in case I can't drive when I'm having treatment. She is such a sweety!
Hi Hopeful. Yes, you need to remain positive, and you don't need these people telling you what you can and can't do. Like I said before, you'll know what your body is telling you. As for that nurse, and losing your hair. If you do, it's not the end of the world, and like you say, it'll grow back. You can also of course, should you wish/need too, get a wig. Imagine, you could be a blond bombshell one day, and a brunette the next. (Just trying to cheer you a little). I think because you're such a strong determined woman, you will get through all that is thrown at you, and then you can do this at those you wish too
That was great of your uni friend. Those are the sort of people you need around you.
As for having a good cry, go ahead and do it. Don't bottle it all up will you.
Hi Hopeful
Your uni friend sounds brilliant, that planner she has done sounds fab. You sound like you have had a good day having a massage, well done you:)
Xx
How lovely is your uni friend?
What a fab present!
Yes you will have a bright blue area after the test. When my friend had the test, her Uni friend bought a matchpot, painted her own breast blue and walked round like that for weeks. Her mum wasn't very pleased as she got blue matchpot all over the bathroom 
Oh and by the way the test does not hurt
Not worried about the test or a bit of pain. Or blue areas (they'll only be there for a day and then the whole thing is going to be gone, isn't it....). The nurse said I'm going to have blue wee, too, that will be interesting!
Blue is not really 'my' colour though. Do you think I could ask for a nice shade of green? Can you imagine what the surgeon would say!?
If you don't ask - you don't get
I wonder if some yellow icing would adjust the colour... Lemon cake perhaps...
xxxxxx
You could really challenge their technical ability and ask for stripes....
Hehe, Louise, that's a good idea!
Remember I mentioned the coil story? I went to see the GP (my own is taking a sabbatical, what is he thinking?!) who is really lovely. She got wound up about the surgeon on my behalf and offered to write him a letter, so he minds how he talks to me. I said it was ok.
Asked about the coil and she said she was no expert, but went sn earching through all her books and then on the internet, but could only come up with 'no evidence that the mirena should be removed' So she said she wasn't going to take it out, but she'd refer me to their family planning specialist doctor who knew all about this sort of thing and then should make my decision.
She printed me off a copy of the letter the surgeon sent her; it starts with 'This young nursing student.....' So I have forgiven him because he still calls me young, and he didn't mention at all that he thought me obnoxious, bless him.
In the meantime I am already negotiating about placement with Occupational Health. Programme Director is being very protective of me and is trying to go sooo easy on me, he is lovely.
So already this is showing me how many lovely lovely people there are who really care for me and I feel very loved.
Please remind me of this post when I have a down day and rant!
Hi Hopeful, it sounds like you are surrounded by some fabulous people and that is such a blessing. Do you have one or two particular friends who you can call when you feel you are going to break and show them your true feelings?
You mentioned that you felt as though you wanted to cry, but were worried that if you start you won't stop! Remember: the chemical content of tears have a tranquilizing effect when shed and absorbed through the skin. So go ahead and have a good week, it will help you to feel a bit calmer after all the stress you are under.
It won't make you weak or less able to face the next few months of uncertainty , hopefully it will make you stronger.
How long is your mum staying and how are the boys today?
Hopeful, I have no idea what to say. As you say, what you've been through already with the loss of your husband will add to their concerns.
Would Macmillan be able to help explain?
Loads and loads of hugs.
xxxxxxxxxxxx