Hi Stuart
I can understand why your daughter and her mum want this time and I guess you can, too. Myself I would not let my child miss a whole week in their final year and I am certain the school would take a dim view of this.
What about half-term? or do the boys go then as well? Maybe she could stay a bit longer than the boys next time. You could say to your childrens' mother that the school has made it very clear they are not to miss any time and that you risk a fine if you take her out without permission (which is true!)
Hello louise
Yes it is impossible to reason with a unreasable person, as me an the mum still dont see eye to eye and i dont think we ever will.
I have sugested that at crimbo the boys go for one week then the daughter for the second week.
The mum dont think about what the school say its got to be her way or the conversation stops. As i have stated in previous posts if she dont get her own way there is no comunicating with that person no one is allowed to say no to her.
I just want my children to get and do there best at school and in there adult life give themself a good start.
Dont want them turning out like there mother by living off someone else all there lives, have a little self respect amibiton in there life. Am i being to hard on them for this.
Hello David nice to meet you and hope you make many friends on here allways open to listen to you if you need a male input on your posts.
Stuart
Hi Stuart,
I appreciate your reason's for saying no and at this crucial point your daughters education has to come first. But I would add that it might be a wonderful thing for your daughter to have some one on one time with her mother...could you suggest a weekend to your ex? Perhaps even a long weekend incorporating a Friday or a Monday? Its a compromise and hopfully your daughter would be getting the best of both worlds.
HelenT
Thanks Helen for your input.
The childrens mum dont live local or drive so it has to be when her new husband is free or get the train.
There is always access to the children as long as a little notice is given and we aint got nothing planned.
Also when i do start to date someone like now the mum has a habbit of things coming up at her weekend so she carnt have the children.Like last weekend it was my bd an i was due to go to york but the mum couldent make it you see a patten forming here.
Stuart
hello stuart, hope you had agreat b/day at wekend. Hello David.
It's nice to have some more men on here, it's not just for the ladies to chat. I like to hear about what it is like for the men, coping with a split or looking after the children on their own, so please keep coming on to say hello.
Yes, it is nice to see more dads on here 
I was wondering, Stuart, if you could get a letter from the school about not having time off? although a compromise along the lines Helen T has suggested, with only a day off tacked onto the weekend is another good idea
Hi Stuart,
It sounds like a really challenging situation and must be really frustrating when you have to miss out on the rare treat of quality time with your new partner, especially on your birthday!
However this doesn't mean that a compromise has to be impossible, although it sounds like you feel your the one having to do all the compromising? The travel issue is a challenge for your ex but with plenty of notice of the propsed date presumably she could arrange something? Perhaps come up on a Friday evening with lift and bring your daughter back by train on the Monday or Sunday night? At least that way you have given your daughter the chance to have this time with her Mum if she wants it?
HelenT
Good day all
Yes i see what you are saying Helen,but we have been at this access issue for over 3 years now mother wount travel on a friday evening cause the traffic is bad and theres a refusual to travel on the train on a sunday they come back by car, as she then has to get a bus from the train station to the childrens home.
The Book i read about are you the one for me ( the toxic ex bit is right for my situation even though we have moved on ex still insists on being an interference)
My childrens mother can see are children when ever she wants even in the middle of the week just a little notice needed.
I dont have a new partner find that bit hard to fit in with working and looking after the children, but do have a female that i go out with for meals and company taking things slow see if we have anything strong enough to have a relationship.As i have become very independant and a bit black and white when it comes to relationships.
The children go to there mums every holiday so with there mum having a new partner is it not possible for her mum to make time for her daughter, i have to juggle all that quality time with each child and a little time for me.
Stuart
Hi Stuart
What a shame when a "toxic ex" tries to spoil your plans. It sounds as if you are in a no-win situation. It is true that the parent with majority care often gets little "me" time, as I know only too well. I suppose one way I coped with it was by thinking "well, the alternative would be for them to be with the other parent most of the time and I would find that much worse".
Sadly it takes two to compromise!
Hello ladies and gents
Yes i dont mind having very little me time as it was that or no time with them at all, dont have the luxury of dropping all and starting again somewhere else have the children to think about to.
I know in time i have rebuilt my life and goals and money situation,its been a hard slog but well worth it.
Because i have had the vast majority of my childrens lives and seen and been there at all there majory acheviements, put my childrens needs before my own to help then ajust to a split home.
Know i have done the right thing and wouldent change a thing.
Stuart
Yes I know what you mean. Good for you, your children are very lucky to have you.
What are you up to over the weekend?
Hi Stuart,
It sounds so complicated, your children are very lucky to have you.
HelenT
Hi david : )
Hello all how is everyone
Just a general question to all out there, today i asked the childrens mum if she could get the children some new t-shirts and trackies when she has them half term.
The answer was no i carnt afford them as she dont get money for them and i do.I have spent money on them t-shirts trackies and other bits also i have to work to keep a roof over there heads.
Ok i get the child tax for them sure as they live with me so its spent on them food heating house.
Mother is a lady of leisure with her new husband and child so its that it her responabillity to her other children have what disappered, just winds me up how people shurk there responabillity towards there so called loved children.
Stuartxxx
hello stuart
How are you doing?
Does their mum pay you any maintenance? If so, I am guessing she is thinking she already contributes....but if she does not then it is not unreasonable for her to help out. Many of us on here know, however, that some parents so appear to just wash their hands of that responsibility............
In all the times my lot stayed with The Git, he didn't buy them clothing. If he was asked by them when they were there, he'd say no...
I never asked as I knew he'd refuse.
He reckoned the maintenance was for everything.
Hello louise and sparklinglime
No louise the mum pays no maintenance as she dont work and she refuses to pay as she says i would spend it on me an my new g/friends.
Me getting the child benefit and child tax is enough, she now relise on her new partner to keep her as she is a stay at home mum.
She thinks having the children over the holidays is her way of paying, for her children when she has them.
Stuart xx
That's a shame for both of you, stuart and sparkling lime, with the other parents, when you get no child support (or very little in the case of sparkling)
It's not easy to manage everything that young people need and if a parent is not with them a lot, they have no idea
Hi Stuart..
Don't make an issue of it with her as that just gives her satisfaction that basically boils down to her getting a feeling of control over you.
Don't ask her for anything, it's her who is loosing out in the end as your children will notice what goes on.
:)
Afternoon Everyone Hows sparkling alison lousie an anna.
Not been on for a while been a busy boy and things are going smoothly at the moment (bar the odd blip)
Have bought myself my new car love it my crimbo treat for me, kids toys for crimbo sorted.
Been helping daughter with revision for GCSE and useing my pc maintenance experience to repair friends pc / laptops.
Ex still tries to be a pain now and again think it maybe due to the fact i have been dating a lady who i meet on parents already and things are going well we meet when we can, treat her like a lady enjoying quality time and building are friendship.
I dont how her mind works crazy woman.
Have been giving the option to childrens mother to have them two weekends a month instead of one no joy, then out of the blue says can i have the children 3 weekends a month as shes now missing them more ??????? bit mental if you ask me, we share the weekends and holiday what more can be done as we live so far apart.
Hope everyone is winning the war and keep your chin up.
Stuart loving my freedom (oh and my new car whoooooooooooo)
Hi Stuart.
Only been on here a week or so and sparkling & alison and co have given me good adivce as i am going through a split with GF and DD.
I see things are working out well for you so there is hope for me down the line.
What new car you driving
Hello wayne nice to meet you.
I am driving a seat altea 2lt TDI sport love it.
Yes bet its hard times for you at the moment but in time it does get better just one step and day at a time worked for me. Never give up hope and get as much advice support as you can.
Stuart
Hi Stuart. Wow, you have been busy, new car, new woman, AND christmas sorted for the kids. I'm really envious, (of the xmas shopping all done) hehe. Uhmmm ex wife, sounds a bit wierd, asking for the children for 3 weekends a month, when you'd already offered her two, and she refused!!!! What are your plans for Christmas? Will the children be with you Christmas Day? How about the new woman? Have the children met her?
Hi Stuart.
Trying to take things one day at a time but am finding it hard. Have my little DD aged 2 keeps me going at the mo have to make loads of tea with her. Will not give up but think i am losing the battle.
Thats the same car as i drive i have a 55 plate . They are good fun to drive.
Afternoon Alison how are things with you.
The crimbo was done at the start of the year just paid towards love to shop vouchers up till october then the children gave me a list of what the would like and i went out and got it.
The children have not meet the new lady yet we are just happy spending time with each other, she has a child to a 4 year old and she has a very demanding job / career.
For the first time in my life a have no partner full time to carry share and i think it is what i needed as i have been in relationship since the age of 18.
Stuart xxx
Lol mines a 55 plate to in light blue.
Yes single parenting is dam hard i have 3, teenage daughter and two boys 11 and 8 but believe me is well worth every second i love it and enjoy the fact i get to watch my children grow up.
I work all day then go home and cook tea,homework etc, lots of women do it so why can't us men lol.
Hi Stuart
That is half the problem with my relationship i work all day as well and went home and do the cooking and bits and GF says she has lost he independence since we have had DD.
Must have made a lot of 55 plates as i drive a metalic light blue one Lol.
Oohhh twins, hehe
Hi Wayne
Sound like your GF needs to find herself again and maybe having a baby and home was not what she expected. Having a child changes your responsebillitys and you sometime have to sacrifice things you like for the sake of your children.
Everyones situation is different but we all find areselfs in the same boat single parents.
I found out my parnter was forming a relationship with a guy on the net, so it was the end of are relationship. But i was not willing to give up my children and home so it was a long bitter fight and not something id like to do again in the near futrure.
But at the begining it was hard work lots of bad days but as time goes by and you take each day at a time the bad days turn to a few then very little.
My main aim was to watch my kids grow and keep them stable nothing i could do about the partner.
All you can do is be there for your child and if your gf want you in her life shes going to have to decide that for herself as you have the right to have a happy future with or without her.
All the best M8 leave any comments or words you need to get off your chest fella i will reply and support you best i can.
Stuart
Hi everyone! My name is Josh and I've got two small kids I'm raising on my own. It's a tough challenge, that's for sure, but I love it. I'm interested in hearing more from other single fingers and how they are coping.
Great post, Stuart
hjosh!
Hello.. fingers? do you mean fathers or parents or?
Hello anyway.
: )
Hello hjosh
Nice to see you here, there are both mums and dads on the site.
How old are your children?
Hi hjosh, welcome to One Space. Are you a single Dad? Look forward to chatting some more. Take care.
Hi hjosh. Looking forward to chatting
Glad you're enjoying the car stuart
Hi Josh.
Hope you are o.k. , I am a new single dad of one so just starting out , trying to fix things with the GF but it is not looking good. Your in the right place to chat.
Hi Stuart
Thanks for the advice mate . Am at the stage where it is all down to her now . I said this weekend I will always be there for her so it is now a time thing and down to her.Just concentrating on little DD and me at the moment now.
Hi wayne
Yes m8 all the best and things do get better its up to you to be strong an decide whats your plans for the week take small steps. Plans start from week to week then weeks to weeks than b4 you know it its months to months.
Its like one of those snow ball toys someone has shuck it up and the bits are falling down and you are trying to catch them all.
Just work out the important issues and try not to dwell to much on the past.
I am now coming out the other end of a really horrible time in my life a stronger person an know what i will and wount put up with.
Chat when you can m8 i will ride the emotions with you m8 anytime i can help.
Stuart.
Hi Stuart.
Things have moved on for me now. We now have agreements done for joint custody of DD. It really is now a case of lose everything and see if Ex GF changes in the future once she realizes what she had. Glad you are coming out the other end a stronger person. This is what i will have to do now.
Hope the car is performing well in the snow.
Hi Wayne
So the wheels of change are in motion for you thats good and you had joint custody thats best for everyone involed.
I know you may feel like your world is upside down and you still love your g/f dearly but like they say you carnt make someone do things they dont want to do.
Now you go out there an do whats best for you and things you want to do have a little you time.
The car is doing well i love it never had a decent car before always had family cars.
Stuart
Hello josh
Nice to see you here you say you have two small children bet they are getting excited about father christmas.
And yes i do agree with you on the tough challenge part no/very little social life and your world revoles around the kids welfare.
Seams to me that the support for single fathers is few and far between as in us men may find it hard to talk about are feelings and the pressures of single parenthood.
love to chat and exchange experiences as to all the single fellas on here.
Stuart
Morning
One for louise or anna need a little advice
The children are finishing school on the 17th december.
The oldest two are finishing at 1.30 the youngest at 2.30 and they are going to there mums.
Its the mum time to have them she had decided to tell the youngest school she wants to pick him up at 1.30 is she in here right to do this.as it then sets a presidence for her to take the kids out of school when ever she feels like it.
Whould she not have to at least consult me on these matter as the kids reside with me.
Hi Stuart
There are no "hard and fast" rules as such but I would have thought common courtesy would have been to chat to you as the there are two different finishing times. Also what will your youngest miss by leaving an hour early? Maybe carols or a party. Their Mum could take the two older ones to a cafe until 2.30 but I am guessing she is thinking about getting on with the journey while it is still daylight.......but she could have discussed this with you!
It is up to the school if they let her. I think it would be a good idea to write a letter to the school saying that in future you need to be consulted if something like this is requested as you are their main carer and therefore you need to know exactly where they are at any one time. That would solve your worry about setting a precedent.
Thanks Louise
Yes he aint going to miss much i wouldent of had a problem with it him leaving early.
And the school know not to let the mum do anything with the kids till it has been discussed.
Seeing as i am the main carer like you say id like to know where the children are.
Its just the old i will do what i want attitude of the mother because it fits around her life scedule.
Just latly the mum has been pushing the school and time spent with the kids and thinks i am just being a pain by not letting her do what she wants with them as i dont alwasy see eye to eye on her desicions.
Yes I remember she wanted them to miss school earlier in the year. It's hard when the other parent just does their own thing. Is this their Christmas visit to their mum and how long are they staying?
No not hard its a battle / clash of parenting skills and one person putting the kids first and the other fitting the kids into and around there new life.
We just dont like each other and cause the children reside with me the mum dont have control over a situation.
The new woman i am seeing we have talked about in the near future her meeting my children as they know about her and i have asked them if they would like to meet her and her meet them, as a new woman was going to be introduced to the children first i informed the childrens mum and if she had any worries we were willing to sit and talk it through.
Nope was the answer not interested none of my business, so atleast she has been given the option.
I am a resonalable guy just dont like having to communicate with unreasonable people makes my blood boil.
Yep, especially when you are doing your best to consider HER!!!!
Morning All
As its that time of year again was just wondering how on a shoe string budget you all cope with the demands of the christmas period.
With trying to jugggle bills and buying presents hard to make ends meet.
Stuart xx
Hello David
Thanks for your input, I will say hello properly to you on the other post!