Morning All how is everyone today.
Got my daughters best friends fruneral today what a sad day its going to be.
Got to stand by my daughter and be there for her and grin and bear standing next to ex wife, not a experience i personally gonna enjoy but will be on my best behavour.
Any one got any advise or tips or have had to deal with first social event where your ex is there to.
Stuart
OOOOH that is a difficult one.
Firstly I am sorry that your daughter has to go through this and I am sure she is glad her dad is there.
Do you have to actually stand next to the ex? Maybe each side of your daughter instead? One thing I have found really helpful is to focus on thinking about the child and think "I love you more than I hate my ex" over and over again in my head.
Also have a think about how long you might stay at the wake afterwards if there is alcohol around, that is when tempers flare so steer clear of anything too raucous.
Hi stuart
Good luck for today. I can only suggest that you treat your ex with respect and courtesy and whatever she does and however much you may want to scream and throw things, try to hold it down until you get home!!
Be charming. If (or when) infuriating things are said or done by her ....... count them! Then come back on here this evening and tell us exactly how many, point by point!
Grit your teeth , your daughter needs you to be strong and in control today, so that she can lean on your shoulder and cry if needs be.
You said you would be on your best behaviour and no doubt you will, just remember you will need to release the tension from all that hard work, afterwards.
Regarding your ex asking for money, I wonder if you would consider giving your daughter the money? I would not expect (or want) my ex's new partner to pay for my daughter, if they are not prepared to do it as part of being a stepparent. If your ex has no money of her own, perhaps you could think of it like your daughter is going to camp for a month, with a box of shopping too, fav cereal, bread, spread etc and pocket money?
I have to take daughter to her nans my ex mother in laws and sit in the same room as them, its a difficult one as i am happy not to be with my ex anymore and she is doing the same to him as she did me spending all his money i know what he has let himself in for.Its just a little dificult and awaked as i dont know what she has told him about me. I can hold my cool believe me way to calm for my own good.
Thanks for you input regarding the money for daughters time with mum think we may have to agree to disagree there.If i give my daughter some money i believe here mum would take it off her.
Stuart
The way i see it is like this there mum dont pay no csa and refuses to work or contribute to her childerns up keep, now she wants money to entertain and feed her children when its her time to have them. I still have pay the bills morgage school clothes to keep the children in the lifestyle they are acustomed to. they are a married couple now so his wage is her wage as i see it so its a combine wage and they know when they are due to have the children. Cause believe me if the shoes was on the other foot i would be hammered for csa and would i get a penny from her when it was my turn to have children i think not, so am i being punished or horrible unreasonable cause i am a proud hard working dad who bucked the trend and fought for his kids and for once a man won.
Hi Stuart. Have just been catching up with posts I have missed. I am so so sorry to hear of your daughter's best friends death. It really is so sad, and something a parent shouldn't have to go through. Those poor people. My heart really goes out to them. I do hope today goes as well as it can do. Am thinking of you all. xx
I cannot believe your ex is asking for money to have your daughter stay for a while. I did at first think that maybe Louise had a point, that maybe they couldn't afford to feed another person, (and I know how this feels). From what you say though, this isn't the case. Today of course isn't the day for discussing it, but perhaps a call to the ex in a few days?
Hello hazeleyes and gang
Thats that done what a very sad day church was packed and was there to support daughter. Forgot to inform you all it to is a sad and happy day for me as its my middle sons b/d he is 12 and its his twins brothers b/d the one that pasted away a 1 hour old. Must remember to light his candle tonight at the time he was born been doing it for the past 11 years.
Stuart
Glad you got through the day and happy birthday to your son, and loving memories of the son you lost, Stuart.
Happy birthday to your son Stuart. Like you say, a sad and a happy day. Mixed emotions all round.
Glad you were there at the church etc, to support your daughter, despite the fact that ex was there.
Best wishes, thinking of you all. xx
Hi stuart, how are you today, yesterday was quite a biggy, are you at work, I hope that wherever you are you're able to have a little R&R. Thinking of you.
We can talk again about your ex, her frustating behaviour and this whole money business in a couple of days, it feels as though you need a bit of quiet time, after yesterday
Hope you're doing ok.
Thanks ladies
Its has been a hectic weekend plus one lol. Son had footy tornement on saturday and sunday then there was the monday was none stop from start to finish but really i am feeling fine come a long way and in control of my life loving it.
Yes sparkling thanks for asking i am very well how are you doing, do you have sunshine and u out in it.
Hi anna quiet time ha your having a laugh lol i had a good few hours peace last night when the boys had been out for birthday tea and where in bed as my daughter has gone to her mums for a week as she has no exams.
Just dont get enough time to come on here and read other post and pass on sound advice as much as id like.
Stuart
Yes, we have a lovely sunny - and actually warm - day.
Glad you're ok, not been easy for you.
Heck, you have had a right week of it, stuart. Hope you get a bit of time to yourself in the coming days.
Hi stuart, has your daughters exams finished? Mine has her last today, actually it would have finished 20 mins ago, hurray for her!
I hope you have some fun time booked in with your boys this week?
Hello ladies and gents
Yes anna my daughter has finished her exams and is nowe just wasting the days away waiting to start sixth form.
I have three weeks booked off at the start of the holidays to spend with the children (god help me three whole weeks with on work lol)
The seas are at the moment calm all is well with work home life and relationship with amazing g/f.
Had a yearly bonus this month so booked a day off and went shopping with the two oldest for clothes (two x-box games and a 12 foot swimming pool and new washing machine later bye bye bonus) why do things break when you have a little extra money lol
My middle child has a presentation evening on thursday he is receiving an award for outstanding commitment and progress in his first year.
Living the dream stuart x
That's sounds brilliant Stuart.
Hope the sunshines while you're off.
Fantastic, Stuart!!! (although you will have to go back for a rest 
)
Woo hoo for bonuses! I bet you had a great day shopping! And although there may not be any money left, you know you have got some good stuff! Did you get your pool up this weekend? Perfect weather for it 
I hope you are looking forward to the 3 week break, it may well be exhausting, but hopefully in a fun, relaxing and rewarding way!
My daughter is desperately trying to find a job, to no avail. She has even contacted a fast food chain (Mentioning no naMes) even though she is vegetarian, but had no response as yet. I can't bear the thought of her loitering around at home for the next 6 weeks while I am here at work, I feel guilty and also jealous!!
So for your 3 weeks off are you planning a holiday away, day trips, or just general family chilling at home time?
Hello Anna
The three weeks will be spent on days out and just relaxing and interacting as a family, doing little jobs around the house.
Also the g/f and her son hopfuly will be staying a few days and bonding as a family fingers crossed things are going well everyone seams to be getting along and like each other.
Went to g/f sons nursery graduation ball on saturday night was good fun and had the hurdle of the childs father there to which surprisingly went to well very civil as i have never meet him before.
The pool is up and has been used great buy but its going to get alot of use when these three weeks arrive weather permitting.
Middle son had his end of year presentation evening where he recieved four awards for the year was so proud of him brought a tear to my eyes and a lump in my throat so glad to see all my children doing so well.
stuart
stuart, you sound soo well, it's lovely to read ....four awards for your son, wow, well done you, dad!
It sounds as though your relationship is going well too, great to hear that her ex was civil, that is such a bonus. It will be nice to have her and her son staying over I bet.
Did you say that your g/f son had a nursery graduation ball?? How old is he? 4...5? Did he wear a baby tux?!
Hello anna and guys and girls
Yer anna he wore a baby tux he looked so cute his mum was crying.
One very proud dad on thursday my daughter got her gcse results and very impressed she now has the grades to do the sixth form courses she wants to do.
I had a lovely three weeks off with them and now there with there mum for the last three weeks of the holidays. The contrast between them here then not it is so unreal its like no time to all this free time my god what do i do with it lol.
Just joined the local gym think its time i did some sort of exercise as i am starting to get more free time on my hands with the children getting older.
And been spending quality time with the g/f and thats going well to slow but going places x
Stuart
Congratulations to your daughter Stuart. You must be extremely proud.
Aw that's great about your daughter's results, no wonder you are proud!
Try to enjoy the (unaccustomed) peace and quiet while they are away, stuart
I'm glad she's done well Stuart.
These results each year are almost making me grey! (almost, note...!!)
Hi stuart, nice to 'see' you!
If you have pics of your little one in his tux, I would love to see You could put them on the Family Quilt, perhaps?
Well done to your daughter, I hope that she feels proud of herself. My daughter has had her results too and will go to sixth form, everyone keeps asking me what I am going to get her, for her achievements?? I recently bought her a new phone, she has had some new clothes and been on holiday this summer, so although all these were needed, I don't feel I have to buy her something else! I got her a card and a chocolate champagne bottle with 'Well done' on it!! I hear that some children got £20 per pass. Did you do anything?
Great to hear that things are still good with girlfriend, will you spend much time with her while you have free time, or will you indulge yourself with you??
Good Day
Little bit of advice needed:- Passports for the children who should hold them if parents live apart as you can not have two passports.
As main carer is it me or as there mum has them at the moment as shes going on holiday first. Have asked to use them and can but have to give them back.
Any advice much welcome.
Hi stuart
There is no hard and fast rule but I would think common sense says the parent with majority care keeps them and sends them along with the child when he/she goeson holiday with the other parent. If she is taking them on holiday soonish then she might as well hang on to them, though. Do you think she is using this as a "power" thing?
I have heard that some passports are held by solicitors, as the can be seen as neutral.
I am not sure of the legalities here, perhaps you would be interested in asking our Family Law Expert? So you are absolutely clear.
Are you planning a holiday abroad?? Or is it that you want to keep all their personal documents in one place? (which makes sense, may I add!)
Is it your daughters first day at 6th form today? Mine is, fingers crossed it all goes well.
Hello Anna
Yes thinking about going abroad with kids and g/f and her son but ex has the passports, have asked if i can use them after she has been on holiday and she has said yes but i know how unprdictable she can be.
Yes daughter has started sixth form and she is loving it, hope your daughter is to.
The children are all fine doing well back at school, daughter has a b/f mmm lol so the birds and the bees have been told ha !
The relationship with g/f it getting serious and there are talks coming up about how to spend more time together as we both like are homes and its are security from last relationships we both love each other its just a massive step for both of us.
As we are thinking about the feeling of all involed the committment to each other a little scary second time around.
Works going fine have a business trip coming up in plymouth for 3 days any one want to look after three little angels lol
Hope everyone is well
Stuart
Hey stuart, great to hear from you.
Glad to hear your daughter is enjoying 6th form, mine is too, although she has decided that English Lit is too boring and has already dropped it!
My daughter also has a boyfriend and I met him last night (her first one, eek!!) He seemed very nice and they seem to have quite a simple, lovely friendship (awww!)
Its a huge step from being with a partner to actually moving in together. You are right there! Who is instigating it? Or both of you in the same place?
If you were to move in together and it didn't work, where would the other family move to? Personally I would keep things as they are and then every time you meet it is special and when you get the weekend together, just the two of you it becomes more magical!
You have been through a lot stuart and you are right to be questioning security and new commitments. What do the children think? Have you mentioned it to them?
Good thing about moving in together: More money coming in and the bills get halved.
Bed thing about moving in together: Life and the children take over and the excitement and thrill goes of a relationship goes on the back burner.
I'm afraid I'm busy the week you are in Plymouth for 3 days!!!
Hello Anna
Yes not been on for a while busy as you might well know.
We both are missing each other and talking about it, but i know we have both been through a tough time her losing her home and the deposit she put into it and being made homeless buy her ex partner he throw them both out and me hanging on to the family home.
There lots of skeletons in are closet and we are talking through them there no pressure to move in right away. As we both are busy and have are routines ( how did my ex find it so easy to up sticks and live with someone i can not compute it )
The children are happy with it we all seam to get on extramely well.
As we both have toxic exs that does not help either i know mine is at the stage of i dont want him but no one else can we did not speak for months now all of a sudden
its a text a day mmmm ?
Stuart
Oh that's interesting isn't it. Jealousy is a strange thing, some of us want our cake and eat it too, your ex may be seeing you again through different eyes. The ones of your new (ish) girlfriend.
I have been homeless and I know that I wouldn't leave for hell or high horses (is that the right phrase? Seems odd written down!)
However much I might want to be with someone, mine and my daughters security will always come first and I guess you are both feeling the same.
Would it be possible to rent one of the homes out? Am I right in thinking that you have 5 children between you? You would need a big house!
I am glad that there is no pressure from either side to move in together straight away. I think that our children need the security of the one parent that they live with to be completely in control of any situation.
I have noticed that when two families merge and become part of a bigger family, everyone loses their own identity and place in the initial family and it has to re-established to become settled into step family life. So everyone needs to be in a good place for this to happen.
Your children sound really screwed on though. I wish you well. One thing I have learnt in my life is.....if I ever 'don't know' the answer in turn has to be 'No' and it is only then that if 'No' doesn't feel right, then the answer is 'Yes'!
Do you have any plans for the weekend?
Hello Anna
We have four children between us i have three she has one and my house which i am buying is four bedrooms with a converted attic which is used as a extra bedroom / games room it has all the fitting carpet windows lights heating.
My g/f is renting a two bedroom terreced house as the house she shared before with here ex he evicted them both.
And yes she likes her home and thats what we both like are homes are sercurity we talk about this and know how we feel about that part.
Theres no rush we both know that and but we would like more time together !!!
Yes son has footy match on saturday morning then g/f and her son are coming round where going out for my b/d meal even though its not till next saturday.
Stuart
Ooh stuart your house sounds lovely. Why do converted attics always sound so appealing?!
I guess the ball is in your girlfriends court then, as you are buying a place, she can either move in with you or keep renting. You will continue to buy regardless.
Have a super birthday meal on Saturday, it is my birthday weekend too, so looking forward to family, fun, friends and lots of lovely pressies!!!
Wishing both Stuart and Anna a very happy birthday at their respective celebrations!!
Thank you Louise! I had a fab time, I hope you do too stuart
Hello all ladies and gents
Had a good birthday went to gulivers world with g/f and her son and friends for her sons birthday treat.Weather was great and we caught the train there and back ( had not been on a train since 1994) hugged my car when i got back lol.
Bit of a rant now had a letter from the tax credits as another party has tried to claim for the children, there mum wants money for them when its her access time so the tax credit have sent forms out to fill in to find out who has main care of the children another way to be a pain in the neck, had to get court order out and send a copy plus letters from school stating they go to the same school all term.
Does the ex thing ever get any easier all i want to do is rasing the children where they want to live and move on and be happy.
The conflict is getting more frequent since the g/f has been spending more time at are house.
Stuart
Glad you had an excellent birthday trip.
As for the tax credits, massive nuisance but right is on your side. Does it ever get easier? Maybe once the children are all over 18
Hi stuart, what a pain ex's can be, eh?!
I am presuming that you receive the child benefit, if so you will be entitled to all the tax credits.
You know how your ex works, she seems to rise and fall in waves. This too will pass for a while, until the next time.
I agree with Louise, it will get easier once they are all over 18!!
Good Day ladies
Yes anna i do recieve the child benefit and do all the day to day running of the children, they just have access to mum every other weekend and half holidays, theres no school runs or anything like that.
Yes i know its just another way to try to hold control and be a pain,as things are moving on with the children and the g/f theres talk of engagement and other things maybe she feels threated or something i dont know.
How are things with all you ladies and gents,anyone ready for the christmas shopping time ?
Did I read correctly? ................ENGAGEMENT??? 
Oh you just slipped that in there didn't you stuart! You are getting engaged? How exciting! Our first One Space wedding (as far as we know!)
Your ex is probably green with envy, the poor thing, I know it doesn't make your life any easier, but obviously she knows she lost a good thing!
They say that being the 'dumpee' is harder than being the 'dumped' as you can always carry around the question of 'did I do the right thing?', when you are the dumped, you hurt, you heal and then you move on.
Maybe she is questioning her actions all over again. Also she knows how much she hurt you and she probably felt that she held lots of power over you, now she might well be recognising that if you get married, she loses all power??
Christmas shopping, oh don't go there! Have you started?
Yes Anna you have read correctly the lady has chosen the ring she wants all we have to do is find out the fingers size.
And yes i have bought the first present at the weekend.
The children have given me there list and its not to long thank god.
Have a katie Perry concert to go to on the 31th my treat to the g/f.
Oh my! May I be the first of all One Spacers to congratulate you stuart! 
What wonderful news stuart, CONGRATS from me too!
Thankyou ladies
Yes we are going at are own pace and things are really good, bit stuck on what to do regarding where to live, i have ample room in my house and she is ok with living there the children are to. But for me its i would love a fresh start clear the last relationship debts and start a fresh in a new house/home.
The children are all doing well school wise and are still amazingly calm considering the actions of mum.
Started playing 7 a side football on a monday with my brother for his pub team he is a chief in a public house.
Have g/f ring size now just got to get the funds to purchase the said ring and pop the question.
We have sat down many nights and while enjoying each other have not gone in to this starry eyed every possible angle has been talked about as we both want it to work an last, from bedrooms to money bills cars future plans does and donts oh my now my head hurts lol !!!
Stuart x
Don't blame you for wanting a new start in a new place, to be honest...
I dont' blame you for being angry, but I don't think its uncommon.
With my lot, if there were any events, parties, etc, The Git wouldn't take them unless I gave them money to take with them and presents for any birthday parties.
Of course, I gave the children the money.
He had a very good job at the time, but didn't see it as his place to be out of pocket with the children as he was paying the CSA.