Hello Anna
No the debt from the last relationship is not cleared because i gained property out of the divorce and my income was to high i had to pay back the solictors fees back to the land registory and theres a charge on the property which they charge you interest on per day .56p, as well as trying to feed cloth and provide a roof for the children.
My youngest again got a glowing report from parents evening so proud of the way they behaved after all they have been through.
Yes i do enjoy the friendly time we spend together like last monday at the katy perry concert.
But after what i have been through and many more on here yes i am very confident in many areas but with the relationship and emotions bit find it so different from last time, you look at all the risks.
Stuart xx
Absolutely and I think it is great that we are wary of the risks, as we don't want to make the same mistakes again.
Are you still taking time out for yourself stuart? Once you heal and learn to trust your instincts again, you are more likely to see trouble coming and really know what you want, then hopefully the rest falls into place. 
It is also important for your girlfriend....sorry fiancee, to get some 'me' time too.
Always good to get a good report from school eh, it always told me that actually I wasn't doing so bad after all!
Katy Perry! You guys like your concerts? Was she good? Did you see Russell Brand? 
Hello anna and ladies & gents
Yer the concert was really good and no Russell Brand was not there the show was very good the girl friend loved it.
Yes its a busy time with fitting in the work we both do the children and seeing / spending time together theres not enough hours in the day.
Time to myself yes i like that its nice as you well know i still have the toxic ex poping in and out with threats / raisng the kids and working on my new relationship have many doubts about my abililty to juggle it all, dont like making mistakes.
Being the responsible parent comes first and the rest comes later.
Had the tax credits stop my money because the ex put a claim in for them on her access visit and they had to investigate it i sent them all the relevent paper work to prove they reside with me main carer and they came to the decision that i did not have main care ( one department recieved the paper work on the 21/10/2011 the cut off date was the 4/11/2011 and it sat there till 23/11/2011 while the other tax credits department went a head and stop payments because they had no evidence i was fuming.
Hey its all fun and games this single parent life lol
Bring on what ever is next 
Stuart still hanging on in there
Hi stuart, good to see you are still hanging in there! Sounds like you have been very busy! What with concerts, tax credit correspondence, your lovely ex etc etc.
How annoying that the tax credits stopped your money, has it all been resolved now? Have you received back dated payments?
I am sure all this is all sent to keep us on our toes!! Imagine how boring life would be without it!!
It is great to read that being the responsible parent comes first and foremost in your life. It sounds from previous posts that your fiancee feels the same too.
You can juggle all of this as long as you keep looking after yourself first. It sounds as though your priorities are in the right place, so any mistakes you might make will not occur because of your negligence!
Are you ready for Christmas? Are you children going to their mums at all?
Hello anna
Yes i have got the tax credits payments sorted but am putting in a written cpmplaint as they had all the relevent paper work and it was sat on someones desk for over four weeks and nothing done about it and i was told i would not recieve back pay as they have paid me to much since april how can that be if i gave them the same salary as in april ????
The ex is still trying to contact me and saying shes putting a claim in for when she has them she just so anoying they have all the relevent paper work now so good luck to here.
Yes i am ready for christmas are you?
I have all the childrens presents wrapped put away did it all in one weekend.
Yes there going to mums on boxing day till they are due back to school.
Then when were alone going to take g/f out and pop that question fingers crossed .
..Ooh that is very exciting, stuart! (and romantic)
I don't see that the children's mum has much of a case to get money from Tax Credits as they live with you almost all the time. Very annoying, though, to be messed about so much.
You are very organised for Christmas, I am too, I always worry that there will be a disaster that stops me doing things so I do them massively in advance.
Hi all, well done stuart for doing a complaint to Tax Credits, that's really proactive of you. I am always surprised how the Tax Credit system works, I think we probably all have our horror stories. Because of their mistake (which at the time I had rung and questioned, but it was cleared) I am currently paying the £20 a month until 2016!
I am no way near ready for Christmas, probably won't be until the last week. Although my daughter and I have just decided to make a Gingerbread house and fill it with gingerbread men, trees, stars and hearts. We will take it to my Uncles on Christmas day. I felt I needed to do something crafty with her as now she is 17, we rarely sit donw together and do a joint activity!
I didn't realise you hadn't popped the question yet, what is the plan?? 
Hello Anna
The plan is to take her for a meal in her favorite restaurant and give her a christmas card with the ring inside , and fingers crossed the says yes will have to wait and see.
Yes the letter of complaint has been sent yesterday to the complaints department just gotta wait now for there repley.
You doing something crafty with your daughter how lucky i have to sit with my daughter and watch my life with peter andra 
thats are hour together.
Yes anna from last partner i to am paying back overpayments to them to £12.50 a week have been doing so since 2008 its due to finish in 2012 though.
With daughter going to sixth form there is no free bus pass for her now so you have to pay and the fee is around £200 for the two years (where was i suppose to get that amount from) and with her leaving school the credits reduce.Time to get a part time job for her me thinks.
Stuart
Hi stuart, what's the ring like? 
I wish you lots of luck and hope that you will share her answer with us! Are you going to write something lovely in the card proposing, or will you get on one knee and say all the right things??
Well done for getting your letter of complaint off, I hope you get a speedy response and a 'Sorry' cheque for £15,000!!
Did I tell you my daughter finally got a job? She is working at an outdoor leisure clothing shop. It is only over the xmas period, but you never know after they learn of her retail prowess, she might get a permanent contract! She was really enjoying it, but then realised that as it pays £3.68 (min wage) after all the hours she has worked, her pay pack is not going to be very big.
It has been a huge boost to her confidence though and I think all youngsters should be encouraged to find work!
Hello to anna louise and the rest of you hard working single parents
Just wishing you all a merry christmas and a happy new year.
The ring anna is a pandora ring the g/f chose it and the plan is to take her away to the place we first met rent a room for the night and take her for a meal.
Stuart
Happy Christmas Stuart to you and your family, hope you have a lovely romantic night away too
Merry Christmas and a Happy 2012 to you and yours stuart!
How did the proposal go??
Hi Stuart Happy New Year from me too am waiting news on how the proposal went as well?
Good Day all
Yes a happy new year to you all.
Yes the proposal went as planned and the answer was a very big YES .
So plans are under way to re decorate the house and move bedrooms, plans to get married are we are looking at next year around my birthday time october.
Stuart
Congratulations!
Thank you Sparklinglime
Hope you had a merry christmas and a happy new year.
You have any plans set this year for your self ?
congratulations!
What lovely news, thanks for sharing that with us!
Woop Woop, this year is going to be exciting!! How are all the children feeling about it??
Have you told the ex yet?
Hello Anna
The children are fine with it have sat them down and explained it to them.
It looks to be a busy one full of changes and planning but its never that plain sailing is it with work exs and life in the way !. Its a big chance for both of us and it takes both to want it.
I am not the one moving location i think g/f is worried about giving up her home (hers is rented).
And we have different contact with ex partners where as mine is none existent hers is quiet good and hes in her life alot with contact with there child and he is a violent and nasty man even though we have met and it was quiet civil i am a bit nervy about it,not the violent bit just the interfering part and been there done that kind of relationship.
My ex knows yes and she was full of congratulations for us both.
G/f had some bad new one of here closest friends pasted away in a accident over the weekend so she is in bits and i can not be there to support her as were in seperate homes.
So the future is looking good and plans are in motion its just the getting there which is bound to have its ups and down .
Great news stuart, so glad that everything went well, don't envy you doing all that room shifting and decorating, i find that kind off thing stressful 
Thanks Sally its all going well and the decorating and moving stuff its not so bad.
Can you ladies help a little my ex lived with what they call a dominator her ex he did nasty things to her and she was not allowed to do or make any desicions in the relationship knocked all her self esteam and confidence out of her ! she has rebuilt her life home social life friends found again with her but she still has to have contact with the childs father hes now relising what he gave up.Making any little excuse to have to pop round to hers or have a telephone conversation.
I dont say anything as i beleive its none of my business !
She finds it hard to under stand how me can treat her with respect and love her the right way !
I can see trouble ahead here i have been in a relationship like this before but she seams not to think so how do you put this across in the kindest terms 
.
Hi stuart
This can be a sticky situation.
Do you think your fiancee is ok with him calling and feels that it is good that he is being reasonable by popping round or is she not happy with it?
I agree with you, it isn't any of your business unless
1. It makes your fiancee unhappy
2. It affects your relationship
3. It affects any of the children (yours or hers)
Then I do feel is your business.
You love and want to protect your fiancee and if you see trouble ahead, then it is important that you share that with her.
I think women can often be blind to male tactics, motives and workings. If you feel you need to have a conversation with her don't point the finger at him, or her, just talk about how the situation and how his behaviour (not him) makes you feel, that then puts the ball back in her court as to how she will deal with it.
What do you think?
Hello Anna
I think she is scared of him as at the drop of a hat he can become violent and is trying to be civil as she said to me its about there son and him seeing them two getting on and her keeping him quiet and toeing the bounderies she has set but seeing as my arrangement is different i dont know !. but as he now knows shes moving on and going to be moving his motives will change as he will have to travel more to collect his son.
The thing is when we do live together he will have to come and collect his son from are home which i have no problem with as long as its not a come in and have a brew sort of visit i dont think that would work at the moment. As you can not be sure of his motives!
The thing is after what she has been through and having her own fredom and house and all if the moving and engagement was not the right move i wish she would say so i have asked her many time to make sure.
Hi stuart
I imagine that she is worried that the antics of her son's father will put you off her, so lots of reassurance on that count would be good.
At the same time, when you share a home then you have every right not to want him in it and so one thing you do need to ask her about is how she sees contact happening once you are in the same home. If you go into this chat with the attitude of we are a team, and we can decide together then that is better than you seeming to either put pressure on her to make decisions or steamrollering her into your own opinion, I am totally sure that you can do this as you already have been very respectful and thoughtful in your dealings with the situation. Nothing is perfect and of course, when he has to travel more and come to a house where anbother man is living then he might change his behaviour. He probably will not like the idea of her having a new partner but that is where she needs to stand firm as she has every right to move on with her life. And remember, you are a TEAM now.
Hi stuart, I agree with Louise, it is important that you both see yourselves as a team now.
Has your ex done any work on herself regarding the abusive relationship? Has she been in contact with Womens Aid? Or attended the Freedom Programme? Do you think she is still under his spell?
It sounds as though you are unsure whether she agrees that getting engaged and moving in together is what she really wants or the right thing for her to do right now. I think you need to trust your instincts stuart. One thing that women who have been in abusive relationship can often have a lack of assertiveness and/or confidence to speak their mind. They just want their new partner to be happy and they don't want to rock the boat. Do you think she does this?
Hello ladies
No the ex partner of hers has no hold they just have different morles and values he can not hold down a serious relationship, plus his son will be moving a little further away from him but he is consulted on all the plans for his sons well being.
Yes i think after a relation break up which included bad memories and a knock to you self confidence you look at things more in depth and become a stronger person on what you will and will not compermise on.
She has a good career has business meetings and stuff, we both are not afraid to speak are mind we respect each other views and for now no falls out have happened.
Woo hoo! You have done your avatar! Brilliant
It sounds as though your relationship is strong, however in your previous post, it sounds as though you are unsure of her ex and I am trying to work out whether you are concerned about your fiancee being co-erced into things she doesn't want. Whether you feel she is still under his control or is it that you want to set in place exactly an acceptable way for all, when her ex wants to contact her?
A controlling person is always a controlling person and he won't like the idea that your lady is not under his thumb anymore, so I completely understand your concerns.
You said that you have met him and he was civil. This is good. I wouldn't get too friendly with him, keep your guard up and support your partner in her decisions, but enusre your thoughts and feelings are taken into account, not just him.
Hello Anna
Yes things are still moving well set a date for the big move its 21st july, we have been decorating and moving bedrooms around so every one get there own personal space.
A date has been set for the wedding its halloween next year the idea of a different kind of wedding is being talked about lol.
I am sure somewhere along the line one of the ex's will kick up a fuss and we as a couple will deal with it.
Stuart
Hey stuart, it sounds as though all things are going smoothly, are all the children excited?
Ooh a halloween wedding, sounds like fun...and alternative! I have just had a look on the internet, look at this amazing dress!! (This is for the ladies really!!)
and here are some super cakes!!
Not that I have been scouring the internet having a think about a Halloween wedding or anything!!
You say that everyone will have their own personal space, does this include you and your fiancee? You have both lived on your own and although it will be divine to share your evenings and weekends, there will be times when you both need some down time/'me' time.
Just want to say hello to all the members My name is RobertPattinson i am 34 an a working single father of 2 children.Daughter 14 and son 7.
Just looking to make friends and take note of peoples views and experiences. For support throught this ride of raising my 2 children and the worries and joys of parenting.
Look forward to chatting to many different people.
R
Note from Moderator: Links removed, links to personal business interests are not permitted
Hello Anna
Yes things are going well children are doing amazing well at school and fiancee is slowly moving some of here pocessions in to make it more homely for her and we are in the process of changing bedrooms around and decorating.
We have four months till she and her son move in and looking forward to it there be no more traveling up and down the motor way for one.
Yes we have made the attic a relaxing room for us both to have are own me time one half is gonna be are bedroom the other half is gonna be a relax room sofa coffee table and tv / music station.
Once the move is done there gonna be changes i know the finance part of it will be better as we both work and we have support of another parent as we all know how hard being a single parent is.
We get to spend more time together and plan for the wedding.
Stuart
Ooh that attic room sounds absolutely lovely 
Glad things are going well!
Hi Louise
Thank you they are its a nice time in mine and my childrens life after what we have been through as like most people on here have been where i was four years ago.
But like parents on here and all over its still a thankless task rasing your children alone still have difficult days like i expect most parents do.
Never take anything we do for granted and enjoy the special moments.
Just a note to all that are having difficult times at the moment things do get better with a lot of hard work they truely do.
Stuart
Hi stuart, it is great to read that your life has really turned around. You sound like you are really in good form.
I too love the sound of the attic room, can we come and hideout sometimes too :)
How is your ex handling this situation at the moment?
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Hello anna yes things were all going fine till Sunday now the ex has started the mind games on the youngest son, saying he can come live with her and that he wants to come and stay hes only 9 bless him, i believe hes not mature enough to make that choice, and hes being brain washed by his mum to say things. Hes been told by his mum that she has seen a phyic and hes gonna live there !!!
That boy has all the stablility he needs and routine over the last three years hes not going anywhere.
Me and his mum are trying to be civil but its not going to last for long its gonna end up back at court with the judge having to deciede and a lot of old wounds being opened, all the times hes been lets down by her.
I know he has two loving parents but with his mums track recored she is going to have a great reason to split the children up.
The attic room is fab its so cosy now.
Hi stuart, the attic room sounds fab
Your poor little boy, he must get confused, no-one wants to see their other parent upset.
I am presuming that you have a residence order? What do you say to your son when he talks about living with mum?
How aware is he of her instability? Would your ex really start up court proceedings again do you think?
Yes i have the residence order.
And i always tell him both his parents love him dearly.
Well its hard to say i have said that his stabillity and welfare are here with dad and brother and sister.
Oh yes she would any snif of unrest or attempt to get custody of her children she will jump at, people laugh but i know exactly what type of person she is the welfare of the children are not the priority its having the children with her as she misses them and regrets leaving them in the first place.
But there no way i am undoing all my hard work getting them sorted and in to a routine.
Yes they know about her insatability its happend so often in the past.
That's so hard...
Hi stuart
I will be sending you a private reply on this issue tomorrow. I know it may seem as if things have just settled down and then she pops her head over the parapet again, but try not to worry too much in the meantime.
Morning Ladies
Thanks sparklinglime its hard but its just the way this up and down relationship the ex has to find any way to cause unrest as her new life and partner is safe.
My little lad is a daddys boy and he just dont want to upset his mum but believe me he aint going anywhere here is where his stability is.
Thanks louise how do you send a private reply where do i find that ?
Stuart
Stuart, it is through the Ask the Expert service and I will send it to your private email address later
Thanks louise
I sent them a question yesterday just waiting for a reply from them .
Its just another ploy from the ex i believe as things for my family are soon gonna be there living together a new parent with a positive influence on are children.
I can understand she misses her children but its four years of stability, health and well being and quality education since there mum left they have grown so well with one stable resident parent.
Hi stuart as you probably would have read already on some of the other post this is something that happens quite alot for single parents, the non resident parent popping in and out of their childrens life and turning life upside down, with little or no apparent thought to how this effects the children.
Often the resident parent has to pick up the pieces, so it is great that you have such a great relationship with your children and are able to support them through any difficulties that arise.
Attic sounds fab!! do you have plans for the weekend?
Hello Sally
Thanks for your reply and to the other ladies to.
Yes as of friday the children should be at there mums for a week as its half term.
So this week end its just me and the fiancee having quality time doing nothing as she also does not have her child.
So we will be playing just dance and having lots and lots of wine, and if the weather holds up maybe catch some sun in the back garden.
The second week of the half term i am off for a week so get to spend some quality time with my three and a few days with fiancee son if he wants to stay over.
We all have bed rooms now my two boys have a bigger bedroom and fiancee son has the box room now.
Have a diversity concert to go to with daughter on april 9th at the MEN in manchester.
Happy Half Term to all you wonderful single parents out there keep up the great work you do.
Stuart
Have a wonderful time!!
Good day everyone
Just letting you know i am still here been a while sorry been a busy boy.
Hope everyone is doing well and you have all enjoyed the time off.
Things are alot calmer now and kids are doing well.
Partner and her son move in in July after her son finishes school, and the plans have changed for the wedding we are toying with the idea of just going on holiday and getting married abroad ! we shall see.
Stuart
Hi stuart
Glad everything is progressing well. Big changes ahead.How is your private attic room coming along?
Have you enjoyed the Jubilee weekend?
Hi stuart
Are all your debts cleared from your last relationship? I gues once that is done things will look different. However I still feel apprehensive for both of you, giving up your own homes.
Once you pop the question it still doesn't mean that you have to rush into anything. It sounds great that you are discussing all the options at great length, but I hope that you are still managing a little bit of time out of that, to just enjoy each others company. Spend an evening not discussing marriage, children, jobs, money, ex's, but just enjoying the current moment of loveliness!