Hello everyone! I'm not a single parent myself, but am the grown-up daughter of a single dad.
When my parents split-up I was a teenager (my brother was 12 & sister was 14) and it turns out it's really unusual for a mother to leave her kids with their Dad. In those days, I spent a lot of time reading lawyers letters related to the divorce and helping look after my brother and sister (picking them up from school, cooking etc...).
I know all about the great work that single parents do and thought it would be nice to chat with some of you :)
Hello Geographer Eilidh
Welcome. Dads being the main carer of children after separation is gradually becoming more common as the roles of men and women are more widely recognised as interchangeable. Some women who are not the main parent with care feel there is a degree of stigma attached to them and this is something I did some research on during my Counselling studies. However, on the whole the children of the families appear to be fine as long as they have consistent care from either, or both parents. Sounds like you had to take on a lot in the home though, I don't know how you feel about that but there is a risk a young person could miss out on some of the "fun" things.
Nice to "meet" you 
Hello Louise!
Lovely to "meet" you too!
It's true some young people take on a lot of responsibility...
Although it was a challenging and emotional time, I always try to focus on the positives. I feel independent and confident as a result. I'm lucky to have a great relationship with both parents now and a bunch of fun half-siblings too.
It's much easier to have a good parent-child relationship if the parents are happy themselves, so my mother leaving was the healthiest thing for our family and I don't feel resentment about her decision. Obviously different families find their own solutions, there is never one 'right' way to raise children.
It's interesting to hear how things change when society becomes more accepting of different kinds of family.
Thanks for your welcoming words!
Hi Geographer Eilidh.
It sounds like it was so difficult for you, more so perhaps with your Mum leaving.
Hi english rose, welcome to One Space from me too. How are you? Congrats on your divorce...or is it? Research now shows that one happy parent can raise a healthy all rounded child just as well as two. Do you believe that?
Hi GeographerEilidh, your post made me laugh, although it sounds as though times were tough, you didn't seem to realise that this was quite a rare occurrence. Do you think it has affected your relationships?
Hi SparklingLime & Anna!
SparklingLime, I think I've definitely kept a sense of humour and I guess it's a few years in the past now (2005 was when the divorce finally came through). It was strange not to have a mother around but I've learned now that she's a phonecall away if I fancy a chat.
Anna, I don't think it's affected my relationships too much in negative ways. Both my parents forgot how to communicate, so I am very open with my feelings. I never let bad feelings linger, if something is bothering that my boyfriend has done I'll tell him straight away. And I'm a complete romantic too...but that's just me, nothing to do with my parents!
Great to hear from you both - looking forward to so more discussion in the forums later as well.
Hi GeographerEilidh
Thanks for introducing yourself, look forward to chatting to you in other forums too 
GeographerEilidh
We have had a request from Channel 4 asking for young people whose parents have separated to take part in a documentary, I don't know if this is something that would interest you, read all about it here
GeographerEilidh
I'm a single dad, was given residency through court which took about three long, frustrating years (they lived with me through this time). They are; a girl six and a boy eight.
Hello : )
Hello Louise, thanks for the suggestion - I'm quite shy normally, but will see if they still want some help :)
Hello Bubblegum! Great to hear from you :) and thanks for sharing
your situation with me. Looks like you might be a photographer? What
great pictures - they seem to convey their personalities somehow?!
It must have been such a difficult time for you going through court. Have you had many opportunities to talk about your experience with other dads?
My dad managed to persuade my mother not to go through the
courts, but still spent a lot on legal fees throughout the
separation/divorce over about 2 years. She even started using his lawyer, so he
had to find a new one, to prevent a conflict of interests.
Although
my dad was obviously stressed by what was happening at that time he
made a real effort to have fun with us - I don't think the experience
affected any of us badly in the long term. Lots of good memories of living with him.
I don't know any other dad's, not really. But my sister has been there from the begining, we lived with her at first, so I confide in her mostly if ever I feel the urge.
I've never been one for feeling the need to share my problems in order to deal with them, I will though happily talk with people about stuff, conversationaly.
It was difficult, not the kids aspect just the hassle of courts, the frustration, having to listen to all the lies from my wifes side and have the courts entertain it. Luckily for me the local CAFCAS woman was really great, having previously worked in drug related programs she saw the situation for what it was and recomended the children reside with me.
It still took three odd years though and there is never any sort of real closure as my wife could at any time take it all back to court if she wished, which she does try every christmass, luckily solicitors wont entertain her, she changes them every year, I get a letter and reply with a 'no' (I will only consider supervised contact) and then we hear nothing untill next year, at least that's whats happened the last two christmasses anyway.
And thanx for liking my pictures : ) I do take millions and so like most things the more you do it the better you get and with photographs you start to see what works and what doesnt... and over the years my kids have become more and more relaxed with the camera being stuck in their faces : )
Glad to hear you had the full support of your sister and your
experience of CAFCAS was positive - not everyone has family that they
can talk to when times are hard or are given good advice.
I think the
uneasy feeling that your situation may change in future is hard to let
go of. Hopefully it's one of those things that gets easier with time -
especially as your kids will grow older, knowing and trusting you best.
We
don't ever spend christmas with our mother (not for the last 6 years),
only boxing day occassionally. At first she was ashamed (as other relatives pressured her to spend time with us) but now
she makes other plans. Also my younger brother is 18 now, so dad can finally
stop worrying about her interfering. Seems like we're lucky to have found a really friendly online community here - I'm learning how some of what my family went through is shared... :)
Hi There,
Im carrie, 35 and have two boys aged 3 & 5 and I have been a single parent for nearly 3 years.
Just found this website and it looks great.
Hi carrie11
Two young boys - is that fun, or just darn hard work??! 
Are you enjoying single parenthood? So many questions to ask to get to know you, please roam the boards and post where you wish. You can always start your own topic too, if you just want to stay in one place!!
Look forward to talking to you more.
Hello carrie11. Welcome along to One Space It is a great site, lots of support should you need it. Everyone is so warm and friendly, so feel free to jump in. Look forward to getting to know you.
I have an 8 year old boy, and have been on my own since the pregnancy. Sperm doner not involved. Bliss hehe.
Hi
Hello from me too.
Looking forward to getting to know you
Hi Carrie11
Welcome aboard, this is a friendly site and I hope you will soon feel at home. I have two boys too, they were 8 and 3 when I became a single parent (they are 21 and 16 now lol) so it IS possible to survive, I promise.
Come and join us in the Chit Chat section, if you would like to, that is where we share our day to day news and concerns
hi i am chrissie i have one daughter who is 2 n half i have been on my own with her since i was 5 months pregnant, and struggling :( x
I'm sorry you're struggling. This is a good place for support.
Hi Carrie 11 and Chrissie84, one space is great you will get lots of support and great advice on here xxx
Hi chrissie84. Welcome along Sorry to hear that you're struggling. Do you have friends and family for support? Does your little girl see her Dad? I really hope you'll join in with us all. Look forward to 'chatting'. Take care
Hello chrissie84
Welcome to One Space!
I am sorry to hear that you feel things are a struggle right now, parenting is never easy at the best of time. What are you finding particularly difficult at the moment? maybe we can help.
Hi I do have friends and family but at the moment i dont see much of my friends i think they have kind of forgotten about me and just assume i cant come out with them coz il have no sitter and they always make plans through the day n forget to invite me along :(
as for family yes my mum is great with k my lil girl but my mum suffers from very bad depression n my dad works alot, as for k's dad hes not around hasnt been since i was 5 months pregnant, i feel very alone and havent been too sure how to overcome this also i think k has hit terrible twos and i dont know how to deal with her temper tantrums and i feel terrible when i shout at her, ive tried takin things away from her puttin her in bed naughty corner but nothing seems to work or maybe am just being too soft! any suggestions on how to help k over come the terrible twos is very welcome
i also will look forward to chatting too and hope to make some new friends :)
Hi chrissie. How about sticking to the just the one thing with your daughter, as it might be confusing, taking things away, putting her in bed, naughty corner. Perhaps stick to one thing, the'reflection corner, tell her what she is there for, and she must stay there for 2 and half mins. Do you have an alarm clock? Set that, and explain when it goes off, why you put her there, and ask her to say sorry for what she had done. Any method we use is always hard at first, but with time, it does get easier. (if we stick to it of course)
aww thankyou i have an alarm clock i will try that and see what happens!
if k leaves before the alarm clock rings should i restart it until she reflects for the full two and a half minutes??
xx
Just a quick note chrissie. We don't use our children's names or ours really. When you speak bout your daughter, refer to her as your daughter, or her initial.
oh ok sorry :s
x
Hi chrissie84
You are very welcome here, thanks for sharing what is going on with you, In order that you can get some proper support and info, I have copied your post, and hazeleyes' response into Parenting Support, click here to go to that part and we can continue that discussion!!!
Just keeping this page for new people to say hello, all newcomers welcome
Hello - This is my first time on this site so i thought I would introduce myself and say hello.
I have two daughters aged 12 and 13 and it has just been the three of us since the youngest was 8 mnths old. They do have contact with their dad, but it can be eratic.
Although it has been hard and lonely at times over the past 12 years I have always felt that I have done a good job and managed to be a reasonably good parent. In the past 12 months however as my eldest reached her teens I feel like I live in a warzone.. weekends being the worst time. Some of the things she says are so hurtful and vile ... well I am sure i am not alone - so I have come to listen to any advice I can get and maybe not feel so alone and rubbish mother as I do now :(
nice to meet you all....
x
Hi Strawberry fields
Welcome to one space, you will recieve lots of great advice and support here xxx
Oh yes the teen years, hardest of all, they morph into complete strangers overnight, I`ve been through it 4 times so far, eldest son now 24 wasnt too bad being honest, but girls who are now, 20, 18, 16 well I understand completely what you are going through, it does get better or maybe we just adjust, not entirely sure, but we do get there in the end, I have a son of 10 so a little while off the teen thing yet ha ha
Please do stay and post, we have a great chat part towards the bottom of the discussion board, we all have a good old rant there xxx
Hello Strawberry fields,
You are very welcome here. Teens can be very hard work as many of us know, Have a look here as there is a selection of helpful articles about teenagers!
If you would like to join in the chat section, then click here! look forward to getting to know you
Hi chrissie84 welcome I look forward to catching up with you in the Parenting Support thread, as I have experience of shouting at my 2 year old and have a couple of things to say about it!
Strawberry Fields, hallo! 2 daughters, so close together! Please start a thread in the Parenting Support (you may have already, apologies if so) and we can support you through this tricky time! My daughter is now 16 and things are pretty good, however she is very clever with the flippant remarks, that can catch me unawares! Generally it is when I am tired or concentrating on something else, but they can hurt, especially if our self esteem is not in perfect working order.
Hi
I'm Redlyn. I have a seven year old girl. My husband left almost a year ago. I'm wondering if there any folk on here who live near Huntingdon. It would be great to feel less alone.
Hi Redlyn
I'm in North Wales, I'm afraid, but this board can still offer some great company.
I hope you've enjoyed the bank holiday weekend - and that it's warmer with you than here...
Hello Redlyn and welcome
There is lots of support, information and laughter on here. If you are aprticualrly interested in contacting parents near you, then have a look in Local Information and scroll through the posts and maybe start your own thread?
You could also try Netmums.
Hope you will stay with us and look forward to getting to know you!
Thanks for the welcome!!! I look forward to chatting with you.
Welcome from me too xxx
Hi everyone..i guess i am a new comer and base very far from you guys.I am Vietnames and single mom of 2 years old boy.Life was a bit hard for me but now i use to it.Hope this side can share and we can talk as much.
Thanks all
Tam
Hi Tam. Welcome along to One Space. How long have you been a single Mum? Does your son still have contact with his Father? It is a lovely site, so please stay with us and join in.
Hello tam.dhm
You are very welcome here. You say you are used to your life as a single mum now, what have yoy found that helped you to cope? Do tell us some more about your life in Vietnam as well, in this section: Your story
Do you have local support from family and friends?
Hi I am Lettie, my husband decided in December that we must seperate and he moved out. I have a daughter 3 and a son 1. This destriyed me but we have a good understanding. He comes and see the children every other weekend but expect things to be the same between us. I love him dearly but now I think that he wants the best of both worlds (to be free and single andt still to be part of my life). I can't cope anymore. Neither of us have any family in the UK. I had to manage on my own and still is... just about.
hello Lettie
Nice to see you, you are welcome to One Space.
When you say that your husband expects things to be the same, do you mean he wants to stay for the weekend? sleep with you? or that he expects you to be friendly towards him? I know you love him but if he took the decision to go, he must live with the consequences of that, or come back and try and make things work out. What is your money situation? Are you in a rented house? Whose name is it in?
Hello Lettie
I am exactly in the same position as you. It my husband's decision to leave me and our seven year old. He wanted to live in London and pretend that he was still in his twenties, in fact he has told me that he never wants to grow up. He lives in a tiny bedsit and then comes to my house to see my daughter, does his laundry, takes the remote control etc. I have told him to respect my space but he says that if he is giving up his weekend to see his daughter that he needs to use my washing machine and see the Formula 1 etc.He behaves like not much has changed then he tells me of all his evenings out and the woman he has started to see who is 11 years younger than me. I meanwhile am stuck in the house, never going out, with no desire to find anyone else.
I too, am by myself with my family and most friends far away. My problem is that I still love him and also don't want any horribleness between us for my daughter's sake. My self-esteem is in the toilet. All my friends and family have told me to tell him get a B&B when he comes to stay but he has lots of debts and i don't want to add to that as he would surely put any hotel bill on a credit card. I feel absolutely trapped.
I am doing ok when he is away and then he comes to stay and I get so angry at him and at myself for putting up with it all. Part of me wants to cuddle him and for it to be like it used to be and the other part wants to slap him into tomorrow.
Hi redlyn. Welcome along to One Space. I actually got quite angry, on your behalf, at the fact that your ex says he is giving up his weekend to see his daughter??? Am lost for words on that I'm afraid. I know you still love him, and you don't want to upset the cart, so to speak, because of your daughter, but basically it sounds like he is purely coming round to wash his laundry, watch the tv, and little else. Your friends are right. If he gets into debt, that is his problem, not yours. You've already said that you are doing ok when he is not around, but at weekends you get angry. Your daughter will pick up on this, if she hasn't already. None of this will be easy for you, but perhaps you need to break the cycle of the weekend routine.
Please keep posting, as others will be along at some point. It is a great site, and theres lots of support and advice.
Hi redlyn
The father of my children used to look at contact as giving up his time... I'd be cutting the plugs off the washing machine and the tele!
Redlyn
Yes I do agree. What does he think you are running: a hotel, with F1 viewing facilities? I don't know what your housing situation is but you need to look at whether it is legal to change the locks, then send him a polite letter saying you have consulted a solicitor and that contact with his daughter should mean just that: contact time with his daughter, that you are not prepared to provide laundry or entertainment facilities and that he has chosen to leave the relationship and so needs to realise the consequences of this. Actually, HAVE you consulted a solicitor yet? If not then please do so, find one here
Thanks for your anger on my behalf - it makes me feel less alone. I would love for him to pick her up and take her away for the weekend but I wouldn't have her taking him to his place because it is a scum-hole. I hoped that he was going to get somewhere better but his credit rating is so bad that he got turned down for a mortage. So at the moment, this is where we are.It's a giant bag of crap.
Hi redlyn. I understand your concerns about him living in a 'scum hole', and not wanting your daughter taken there, but is it not possible for him to take her somewhere like the park, in order to spend quality time with her? He doesn't have to be invading your space for the whole weekend, which is exactly what he is doing. xx
Hi englishrose. A warm welcome from me too.