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Contact - child-pressure :)

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

I'm so glad the boys have settled in their new club. It will make such a difference for you too.

Posted on: October 5, 2009 - 8:47am
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clara

thanks sparklinglime
it does make so much of a difference not having to watch over my shoulder or watch what i say as i could upset them .

this time i am focusing on the boys rugby and enjoying myself without having to worry . there are some very nice people there and they all talk to you . i have done this on my own and we are all happy about the change .

Posted on: October 5, 2009 - 4:18pm
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Clara
Glad to hear you're only hearing from your ex regarding the boys via the text. Keep up the good work of just replying to that. Even on a bad day, don't feel tempted to send the odd text. (I've done all of that, and it doesn't make you feel better)!
I don't really mind my son using the computer, especially for homework. He plays a few games on it too of course ;)
Have a good day
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: October 6, 2009 - 8:05am
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Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi clara, life sounds like it has brightened a little. Well done you and well done your boys! :)

Posted on: October 6, 2009 - 4:06pm
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clara

hi all
ex picked up two from school and brought them home when he went to leave youngest brought him his shoes as he wanted to go with him . ex cried and i felt sorry for him and he took youngest out for a bit i did feel like giving him a cuddle but i never . when he brought him back i went to talk to him but he just drove off he dont like talking to me .

the texts are about the boys and only if he has texted first which is really good as i have not sent any first which is good for me

hope ever one is having a good week :D

Posted on: October 6, 2009 - 11:21pm
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Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Gosh Clara you are sounding stronger and that is wonderful.....hope your week is going well.

Posted on: October 7, 2009 - 10:41am
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi clara
It must have been hard seeing your ex cry, and it must have taken all your strength not to cuddle him, even if you wanted too, but you stayed strong, so WELL DONE. Have you found it is getting easier now?
Hope you have a good day
Take care
Alison
x :)

ex picked up two from school and brought them home when he went to leave youngest brought him his shoes as he wanted to go with him . ex cried and i felt sorry for him and he took youngest out for a bit i did feel like giving him a cuddle but i never . when he brought him back i went to talk to him but he just drove off he dont like talking to me .

Posted on: October 7, 2009 - 10:56am
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sparklinglime
DoppleMe

I'm adding my well done here to you too.

That's brilliant Clara

Posted on: October 7, 2009 - 1:36pm
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Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Yay, good for you clara, it really does hurt when we can't comfort our exes and have a positive relationship regardless of the past, but you are doing the best thing, keep strong, no first texts and no emotion.

three cheers for you!

Posted on: October 7, 2009 - 3:39pm
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clara

thanks to you all

i was hard to watch him getting upset

i have found it easier with not texting but sometimes i think i need to tell him something but then i think no i dont .

i know that this is hard for him but he made the choice to leave the boys seem to be starting to cope the middle one is still finding it hard lashing out at me and my parents .

hope everyone else is having a good week :D

Posted on: October 7, 2009 - 11:02pm
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Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi clara

It will get easier for the boys as time goes on, consistency is the key. yes it's hard to see your ex-partner upset but as you say he made choices, he is an adult and must take repsonsibility for those choices.

Onwards and upwards! :)

Posted on: October 8, 2009 - 9:13am
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Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi clara

I am glad you have found it easier not texting, I wondered if you had considered getting a book and writing in it all the things that you would like to tell him? So at least you feel you are getting it down? You never know it might make an interesting book in the future....all the things I wanted to tell you but couldn't!

It must be hard for him, but it is even harder for you and the boys. It is good to read that the children are settling down, your middle one is obviously still confused and upset by the whole ordeal, as we have said before, he is only lashing out at the people he knows he can trust not to leave him. Do you ever get any one on one time with him? I imagine it is difficult having 3, but it is so important that he knows you see him as an individual and he can talk to you about his concerns.

Best of luck clara. Is your week going well?

Posted on: October 8, 2009 - 1:01pm
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clara

thanks all
i did have a book that i used for couselling i put in all my thoughts and feelings in .
i try and spend time with the middle one and talk to him i have tried to ignore the shouting and reward him when he is good . i tell him that when he stops shouting i will then talk to him but he dont like this he thinks that i should listern to him straight away have tried to explain that i cant understand him .

the week has been good so far . i am going out on sat nite with my friend and i am looking forward to this the boys are staying with my parents as he wont look after them as he wont babysit while i go out , but he forgets that they are his kids as well

Posted on: October 8, 2009 - 9:24pm
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Clara
Was just wondering how you are. Haven't seen you here for a while. I hope things have settled down for you between the ex and yourself, and the children are well and ok. How's the fish tank going?
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: November 6, 2009 - 3:30pm
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