hello
I used to run from home. I ran a heating and plumbing firm for 5 years, covering MOD call outs. The phone would start ringing before 7am and it would often be after 2am before I got to bed - so much admin to do, and working around the children! I loved it though. Long story as to why I gave it up.
Went to work in Tesco - well I had my car to pay for, and clothes, and holidays - which was nights. Heaven, no stress at first. Should have been 4 nights a week, but ended up being 6 plus a Sunday afternoon, and a day and a half admin for the afore mentioned plumbing firm!
I used to put money in the kitchen cupboard so ex would have money to go out... Hence the long hours. I earned £800 a month, and he earnt £2000.
I miss working though, and am terrified that I get used to being at home. It's been a long time now. My childen love it that they "have all of me" rather than me being there on the phone or so tired I was numb (that's looking back!). I couldn't do nights now.
So... 70 hours at £24 - not a bad weekly income!! That's what I'll be aiming for when my youngest is old enough to be ok with my son with special needs. That should get the older two through university!
To start off, I'll be looking at about 16 hours a week - averaged out over a 12 month period.
I have a business plan, just there seems to be a glut of driving instructors at the moment, which isn't very helpful. Difficult to get a loan for this, virtually impossible, being in my situation. If you're married, you have that second income. Lone parent, you're just a liability.
Hey Ho!
xray tuesday.
Sparklinglime....
Hurrah, great to hear you have your xray booked, VERY short post though, i hope you are well?? :? :) Future developments with One Space include money advice, so keep your ears to the ground in the next few months.
Sadsy
How did your morning go with your mum and the bank manager? You certainly seem to know your stuff when it comes to finances, all this stuff goes over my head I'm afraid! It is now the afternoon, I hope that you are well ensconced in Court forms and feeling positive, if it does get tough, have a mantra ready. 'I deal with these forms with ease, in the best interests of my children, I shall complete them without complication' Repeat it a few times and go back to it, see if it is any easier?!
ooh sorry i didn't see this post earlier....I was temporarily unable to see through the tears of relief that the garage (ok ok the MAN) has admitted my head gasket is a warranty job and therefore free. :D
Any joy with the forms, sadsy? Anna is right, find yourself a positive statement about them and GO FOR IT.
Sparkling, I am sure you will investigate the best possible deal for yourself, it is worth thinking about what Sy has said about the interest rates. Though I am not sure about the £30 a lesson bit. It is £22 round here.
Sparklinglime....
Hurrah, great to hear you have your xray booked, VERY short post though, i hope you are well?? :? :) Future developments with One Space include money advice, so keep your ears to the ground in the next few months.
So unlike me, a short post! :D
I thought I'd give you a treat...
No, not really, my middle two were home as they didn't want to go on the school trip to a theme park as they hate them! They decided to tidy up, so I was directing, shall we say... Hence the quick note as soon as I got the phone call. It's nice to have you reminding me, and I appreciate having you all to care.
xx
Sy : Here I am to shout at you: GET A MOVE ON! as Johnnie Walker says, lol. Seriously you must do them, you will be totally amazed once you have done them that a. they weren't so hard after all and b. you will feel sooooooo relieved.
Hmm surely you should be seeing Luke this weekend? that was what Louise suggested, you didn't see them last weekend after all.
Yes I am glad about my car. And glad your bill wasn't as bad as it could be.
Hello?
just got back, cheerios for dinner - ate lunchtime anyhow.
Espace clutch not quite right, has click now on pedal. sigh. Works though. Piles of destroyed cars a bit disconcerting.
Stopped by side of road to do evening talk with children. Luke say he want collecting Friday night, Louise shout "no!" in background.
Arwen still giving me all the gems and lovely things under the sun. I sing her twinkle twinkle little star. I tell them I have a small treat for them, because their school reports were good.
Forms staring at me from hearth. :(
Please shout at me someone.
sy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN FORMS STARING AT YOU??!!!
Surely you meant you're staring at them... It's 9.40pm. It's still today :D
(Any help?)
Glad you have your car back. Glad you've spoken to the children.
Sparkling, I am sure you will investigate the best possible deal for yourself, it is worth thinking about what Sy has said about the interest rates. Though I am not sure about the £30 a lesson bit. It is £22 round here.
Lessons are about £25 an hour around here. Speaking to the lone-parent advisor though, I'm going on £20 an hour for working tax credit purposes. 8-)
ooh sorry i didn't see this post earlier....I was temporarily unable to see through the tears of relief that the garage (ok ok the MAN) has admitted my head gasket is a warranty job and therefore free. :D
I'm so glad for you.
I'm glad you're getting on with the forms. I'm a fine one to nag, you know how good I am at not doing things.
Now you're going to hate me, although this is just my view point.
My children were 12, 10, 8 and 5 when I left. Major solicitor letters were involved when I withdrew Sunday contact 3 years ago, when my eldest was 14.
Not at any stage did I show them a solicitors letters. They could not have coped knowing that things were that formal.
Yes, I've been honest with them with information that they've needed to know, and information they could cope with, and discussed with the older two what they wanted me to do to make things better.
I'm sorry sy, but I feel this is too much for Luke to deal with, and it could be frightening him. Things need to be simple for him. I get upset enough over solicitor language...
Just my thoughts.
Loads of hugs
It's all moving forward sy. You're doing well.
I'll just be glad when its Friday. AGM with Scouts tomorrow and the Beaver Leader seems to have all the timings wrong, so I've been emailing the world to change it!!
Always a cup of tea and a buscuit to have untile she arrives...
Sometimes I just love the Scouts as its given me so much - yet at the moment, I just seem to get it wrong and its not fun.
Nothing major though.
Hope you sleep. Good luck with the meeting.
Hello Sy, glad you got up in time :)
I think you have every right to query the children's absence from school, although I doubt Louise would be prosecuted over this. I understand your anger though. Glad you were able to straighten things out with the teachers and ensure they were thanked for all they had done for Luke.
I am glad that Sparkling made the point about Luke and the solicitor's letter. I, too, would strongly recommend that he is not privy to all of that. He is a still a little boy and needs reassurance from you whereas he may be unsettled or even scared by all that grown-up stuff.....My own experience of wanting to involve my children is still a very strong feeling for me so I am not "preaching". I remember feeling really betrayed by my children that they could still love their dad after what he had put me through...and I remember thinking I wanted them to know what he is like. It was a strong, passionate feeling and ripped me to pieces. I was persuaded (by a good friend) that it would do no good to involve them and indeed may undermine their security. This person said "as the children get older, they will learn for themselves what he is like. And do you know, he was right!!!! I also understand that you may feel angry that Louise herself is not "playing the game"...but you still need to be the best that you can be :)
WELL DONE for doing those forms last night, what a massive hurdle overcome. See what you think of what you have put as to whether you need another copy.
I hope you've managed a nap.
Please don't think we're "telling you off" - we're not...
I've only ever heard of mother's being prosecuted of school absenteeism (however the heck you spell that!). I'm sure that the onus was put onto the mother to get the child to school, and I'm sure one has been married and the other a lone-parent. It was a persistant issue.
Serious point here. And I know you have work to consider... However, just to throw another dilema in the pot, and a thought.
Have you considered having the children live with you? In theory (gawd, I'm stirring here) they've been taken away from the area they've grown up in, from their school and from their Grandmother. It would mean a shed load of child care issues with work, I know.
If I had to fill a form out 5 times I'd probably got through about 53 as I'd muck it up along the way! That's hard going - are you not able to photocopy them?
I think that's so lovely having the shirts. I had a load of my dad's shirts after he died - the scruffy ones he loved - and would wear them over t-shirts. I was able to let go of them in time, but I always felt better wearing them! I would pinch his shirts to wear like that when he was alive, so I know he'd have smiled.
Oh sy, you and your mum must be missing him so much. My dad died 17 years and 8 months ago. I still miss him.
Scouts is doing my head in. Please remind me I love doing it!
And I've managed to pull my back now! I was only getting out of the car!
Come on Sparkling, you can't have a bad back, you have to be fit to get to that Xray on Tuesday ;) You DO love Scouts, and so do the kids, but what you don't love is all the petty messing about and people getting things wrong or telling you that you have got something wrong ie the politics (which you might be studying next year ;) ) But the most important thing is the activities and the joy and fun the kids get from it.
Glad you will think about the point about Luke and info disclosure, Sy, in my view it is very important to protect him where possible. You must be tearing your hair out re the forms, though!
I used to swim competitively! Hate it now. I was going though with the children, but the leg locking means its not happening at the mo.
As for a bath - bad knees. Always have a shower.
I'm not using the bad back as an excuse - honest! I've no idea how I've twisted it. I'll get a hot water bottle on it in a mo. My older two are now old enough to babysit, and my neighbour will be on standby should they need her on Tuesday. Its quite nice being able to "just" go!
Eldest is clearing the well over grown weeds in the back. Thank goodness! The sticky type ones were huge. He's putting the biggest ones on the table we have outside as he can't get over the size of them.
huge huge hugs!
Well done!
WELL DONE, Sy :D
Hallo Sy!
I have been so busy here, it seems i have been missing out on lots of conversations
Three cheers to Sy for completing the forms..... HIP, HIP.........(HOORAY - I hear you cry!)
Well done you, now just the Contact forms, I hope that you find them a little easier, because you have completed the first ones.
Not sure I like myself today.
You have been through an absolutely turmultuous time these last weeks, don't give up on yourself. You are a great guy and you have put your everything into sorting out the children and your mum. Please tell yourself, that you love and approve of yourself - right now, 5 times!
I sometimes find if I fall asleep in the middle of the day, I wake up a bit out of sorts.
Also no doubt you are going to go through phases now of, what did I do wrong, seeing your self through ex's eyes, focus on all your bad points - that is normal. But that was then this is now, you never intentionally did anything spitefully or deliberately (as far as we know) so don't beat yourself up, there is absolutely NO POINT. Trust me sy, I did it for years and all it did was keep me down.
Hello Sy
That's kind of you to think of taking the children (or just Luke) down to see his maternal grandparents but I wonder if that might fall into Louise's responsibility area right now. You have little enough time with the children, and your own Mum to see them too.
Well done on ALL the forms! Don't worry that you fell asleep in the day, you must be exhausted!
Sparkling, how's your back feeling?
Good morning all!
It's a nasty, rainy morning here so I hope some of you have escaped the torrent :)
Paulasgems, wow that was a job well done all the clearing out. Pat on the back for you. Sorry you have had such a tough couple of days, it is hard to keep going, isn't it, when you can't see the future? Please don't blame yourself for the breakdown of your marriage, it takes two to make a relationship work and if he wasn't happy he could always have asked you to go to counselling etc, instead of which he ran away. You have three kids to look after, Paula and enough on your plate without taking responsiblity for another adult that could take it for himself. Tough words, sorry :( So are you going to phone the GP today and see about an appointment?
Sy good luck with doctor, big step for you now contemplating work on Tuesday but it might not be so bad, at least you have some supportive colleagues and being at work will give you some structure to your days. That's very upsetting about the contact confusion, hope you will sort out to see Luke soon. I guess at least if this court thing goes through then you will have in black and white what should happen, although it's my betting that the court will order Louise to mediation with you first. If so, it is really important to keep your temper in mediation, otherwise you just play into her hands. ;)
Sparkling, how are you feeling today? Do you have to drive anywhere with your bad back?
Good morning.
I've skimmed through the other posts, so sorry if I'm vague!
I had the AGM last night, and decided to go early incase the Cubs turned up even though they shouldn't have - and they did! Well, four did. See little point writing letters for the parents if they don't read them - and I told them so. I made them stay for the AGM out of guilt thought :lol:
I didn't get in until 10pm, and just chatted and laughed with the children. My eldest said I was very good in the meeting. I have fantastic children. I did a very mushy speech and gave thank you badges to the other Leaders, as the Scouts has given me such a purpose.
sy - when you say you couldn't do that to Louise, I totally understand. I couldn't breath without any of this lot. With regards to Louise's parents. If I didn't take the children to see The Git's dad and step-mum, they wouldn't see them at all. I do have a brilliant relationship with them though. I think the fact that they married in 1988 helps, as I've known mother-in-law as long as he has! I think had his mother still been alive them the situation would be very, very different.
I'll go back over the posts again now...
and catch up!!
My back is still awful - but less awful than yesterday, thank you. :)
Sparkling?
Are you OK? Hoping it's just a small muscle pull in your back.
I really worry about your health now.
You need a happy body to carry that sparkly spirit around.
love
sy
Please don't worry. I know it sounds mad, but so long as it's nothing worse than a leg locking or twisting my back, then really its ok... I'm ok otherwise. I'm just glad that the Scout AGM is out the way and went well. There will be a building committee agm to organise when school's back though :roll:
I think the sparkly bit sort of wins through in the end, even though I do find things too much at times! Silly billy that I am. 8-)
hello Sparkling,
yes my counsellor just said the same thing about using pencil for forms, hehe.
Tomorrow is form day. No.1 thing. In late afternoon, I'm taking mum to bank manager in morning.
Career development loan, 14% APR, sounds very high. Does it have to be career development loan? Could it be a small business loan from bank instead? They just need a simple business case, hours to work, rates etc. I just looked up Natwest business loan and APR was nothing like 14%. Think it was 8 - 9%.
Working 70 hours a week Sparkling, what were you doing! Mining in the Russian steppes! Most I worked is 55 (not including 3.5hrs a day travel though).
You will be a fabulous driving instructor! Lets get started now!
sy