Hi stu here
Dad of one, recently met the mother of my future kids, i know I am not technically a single parent anymore, but thought I would sign up anyway to offer any advice I could to those I see having been in a similar situation to what I was in. obviously still dealing with my ex too I am a non resident parent, but I sought parental responsibility after being denied access etc from my sons birth, I now have him every weekend and pay maintainance without question, its my sons upkeep and I am equally as responsible for him as she is. i dont get people who refuse to pay or say they cant because they dont work, I was made redundant and lived off of 10 quid a week for 4 months so that my son still got paid for.
my ex is as awkward as any but my opinion is what she does to me doesnt matter as long as we both do right by our son.
as I said earlier I have a new partner now, we are getting married and I am now seeing the other side of the coin with her abusive ex partner
Hi stuart 1213 and welcome to our forums, congratulations on your engagement! I look forward to getting to know you. It sounds as though you have had a battle on your hands in the past and you have managed to come through it. Well done you! 
Dear MadHatter, welcome to One Space too! Thank you for sharing some of your story here, it sounds as though you and your girls have been through a very difficult time. I have moved your story into a new thread, so that we can support you individually straight away without having to repeat yourself. Click the blue link in your message above
Hello everyone.
I've just joined and thought I'd introduce myself and quickly share my story. Im 37 and a single mum to an 8 year old daughter. I left an aggressive husband almost 3 and 1/2 years ago and although the last few years have been difficult emotionally and financially, it was absolutely the right decision for me and my daughter. I came across this site kind of by accident - I was looking for information on the "dreaded" work programme because I have my first appointment with them tomorrow. I decided to join because I find being a single parent can sometimes be an isolating experience and I like the way members here focus on supporting each other as much as they can.
Hi Faelamora
Welcome and good luck for tomorrow. I would say the main thing is to be aware of the fact that whilst your daughter is under 13 you can restrict your job search to ones with school hours.....see here (click) for details
How is your daughter doing?
Hi Faelamora. Welcome along. Glad you found this site. We have fantastic members on here, and you'll get all the support that you need. Shall see if I can find you the info on the work programme, and get back to you.
Louise beat me to it, hehe. Good luck for tomorrow Faelamora, let us know how you get on
Hello Louise and Hazeleyes.
My daughter had some problems for a while - in my opinion caused by my ex's behaviour when we were together rather than the separation. After the split there was a much more calm, peaceful atmosphere in the house and she gradually improved. Now she's doing great and we just kind of plod along together quite happily :-)
I am aware that I can restrict my hours but thanks for the reminder. I'm trying to keep an open mind about tomorrow. While many people have had a terrible experience of the WP others have found it helpful so I think the main issue is that the whole system is a lottery - where you live or which advisor you see can determine what kind of support you receive. I did ask them to rearrange the appointment for next week since my daughter is off school this week but they said it wasn't necessary and to bring her with me. It will be interesting to see if I have the same experience as others who have been turned away from appointments for bringing their children with them!
Hi
and good luck from me too
Hi Faelamora and welcome from me too!
Good luck today with your first interview, I am sure you would have preferred to Not take your daughter with you, but it is good that they can be lenient too!
Please let us know how it goes, you can join in any thread here!
Hi I'm Jules,
I have recently taken severence from my career of over 20 years working for BMBC,due to ill healthy. I am registered as disabled due to having multiple sclorosis and now need to sign for benefits or early retirement (I am nearly 53). Idon't know where to start and find it hard to get out ! Any advice please....
Hello petitebonbon8
I am sorry to hear of your health problems. Are you a single parent? What are the ages of your children and do they still live with you?
Hi Louise, I have no childeren , rented accommodation which is becoming problematic due to stairs
Hello again
This forum is for single parents so I have been thinking about where you can get some help and the best two things I can suggest are:
Citizens Advice Bureau (click) and
Shelter (click)
It is also worth getting some information from the Multiple Sclerosis Society (click) who might be able to suggest local support.
I do hope you can get the help you need.
Hi ………….to all the site members.
A single full time dad who has studied family law to be able to see his kids after wasting money on solicitors and encountering the incompetence of Cafcass the family court welfare officer. A resident full time dad, with an excellent knowledge of parental alienation and every dirty trick that can be played in the court arena. I assist any parent in contact and residence issues along with assisting in the pointing out to the profound lack of logic in Cafcass reports. I am also involved with a national charity (children’s panel) The family court process is far from perfect but knowing the process and options is a bonus.
Hello there, interesting to hear about your work, do you do this work on a voluntary basis?
Also just want to draw your attention (for your own sake) to our Forum Rules if you are contributing in a professional capacity,in particular:
15. For legal reasons, members are asked not to post messages which offer advice from a professional point of view or in an official capacity (eg Solicitors, midwives etc). Anyone who works/has previously worked as a professional and wishes to post advice on our boards should bear the following rules in mind:
a. Any advice given should be given with the primary intention of providing advice from a personal, not a professional point of view. Advice should be posted on the boards so that everyone using our boards will have the benefit of your advice.
b. Whilst you are welcome to state what you do, you should not use our boards as a way of promoting or advertising any services, business or website provided or used by yourself or others.
c. Whilst you may not agree with the views of others posting on our boards and are welcome to post your own advice to members, your posts must be in line with our forum rules and etiquette.
d. It should also be noted that our boards are publicly viewable and you may be held legally accountable for any advice however well-intentioned, which could result in harm or injury to another person.
Sorry to throw a rule at you, just wanted to let you know what the boundaries were. I am sure, like me, you have seen all sorts of situations go through the courts and the only surprising thing to you now is that you never stop being surprised! 
Hello there too..
Hi I do it both paid and voluntary.. for 6yrs, and I have liability insurance, I note your comments.
I have no shortage of client's, yep not alot will surprise me now with the family courts bursting at the seams and my attendance rate shot up 40%
many parents currently being 'Litigants in person', disadvantaged if thier ex can pay for a solicitor.Simple answers to every day issues can help them yet as we all know thier options to seek advice or simple information are limited. however I will at your advice only ever offer suggestions to be check out, by seeking appropriate legal advice. I am an firm supporter of FPR 1.1.2 (C) enjoy your day, I am pleased you only threw rules and not a brick, lol haha.
I agree the cuts in legal aid now mean that there are many more litigants in person. One would hope the judge would be aware of this and assist the person but that is not always the case!
Hi there, I'm Joanne and I've been a single mum since 2006 to my 2 lovely boys now aged 8 and 9yrs old.
Like many I hoped for the fairy tale, got married, planned children etc. My husband was in the forces so we moved around a bit, but then ended up on a base where we were both very unhappy; but what seemed like a godsend at the time we were only 1 & 1/2 hrs away from our home town so we would spend most weekends back there with our families - but this meant a supposed friend and my husband developed a relationship and when my youngest was only 11 months old he left me for her.
This is when my world seemed to swallow up the once confident, self liking person I had once been and replaced me with someone who felt like they were drowning in feelings of betrayal with no trust for anyone (as several people had known about their relationship). I had also unknowingly been suffering from postnatal depression just putting my low feelings down to our circumstances.
to cut a long story short; court proceedings started, 18 months of bickering and total communication breakdown followed until she did exactly everything I said she would do and found herself the next married man to have an affair with behind my husbands back - suddenly the bigger picture unveiled and we stood for the last time in court together agreeing our divorced terms alongside each other. So since Jan 2008 we get on brilliantly, although he's no longer in the forces he still sometimes works away (he's in Cyprus at the moment lucky sod!) but when he gets back we will plan a day out for us all together as we both recognise what happened is not the boys fault and nothing in the past can be changed.
In sept 2008, my youngest reached pre-school age and so i decided to go back to college and gain a career for myself and in 2011 qualified as a counsellor. for the past 2 years I have been running my own successfully growing part time private practice and from one of my voluntary jobs I was offered paid employment as a project worker for a drug and alcohol agency which has meant that since June last year I have managed to escape the benefit system! which was a big boost to my self esteem I tell you.
My fears in being a single mum is that; I'll not cope with the teenage rebellion that may occur and that one day they'll say the dreaded words 'I want to go and live with my dad!' but I guess i'll have to cross that bridge if and when I come to it and hope that some of the skills and resilience I have been forced to build will help me?
I saw someone mention relationships; I had one relationship about a year into seperation that lasted 9 months but his insecurities added to the stress of my divorce (him drink driving my car was the last straw - long story) so I chose to end it - his vulnerability was probably what atrracted me to him at that stage in my life, I perhaps wanted to help him cause I didn't feel I could help myself at the time - a big wake up call. For me now if love comes along I'll welcome it as I know who i am now, but if not yet then i'm happy spending time with my friends and family meeting new people along the way and seeing what's around the corner when i've turned that corner.
That's my story in a nutshell basically
Hi Joanne11, thank you for sharing your story, what a lot of emotional highs and lows you have experienced over the last 6 or so years! You have started a new thread in Introduce Yourself, so I will continue to write to you over there, so that this place stays for stories! Look forward to getting to know you
hello, i hope i am doing this right,, havent ever used a forum lol
i'm me, i have to stay anon unfortunately owing to my past and you will soon see why, i was with my older two's dad for 13 yearsand he was emotionally abusive and manipulative to the extreme, i left after a long time of abuse and torment which he blamed on my mental illnesses and i believed him, he made me feel i was so bad for him that he was unable to secure a job and maintain it and i felt such a burden i walked. that was 8 years ago and i left with a 10 and 6 year old. then i met the younger ones dad and long story short when i fell pregnant he became violent, seriously bad, and then once i had the baby it continued and i made a plan with the older two to tolerate him best we could until i was over my c section enough to properly take care of everything and deal with my chronic mental disabilities. he then placed his own 11 month old baby in severe danger and i had to throw him out. i have been through heaven knows what since, and still have hassles from both exes at times. i'm here to try n make friends as i am a housebound disabled mum with a disabled teenager an older teen who leaves for uni next year and a 3 year old so life is pretty lonely and hard and i'm trying to get out there and deal with it all but am not very confident and get anxious and afraid of it all so any help advice or friendship is greatly appreciated xx
Hello shadowseeker and welcome along
We ask that everyone remains anonymous, so that's fine to keep it that way.
You have been through so much and I take my hat off to you that you have managed to find so much strength. You said that one of your boys would be off to Uni soon and I could not quite do the Maths as you said it all happened 8 years ago and the younger one is 3 now? Sorry if I am getting confused, was just trying to get a picture of your life.
I imagine your life as being quite busy with your houseful. Do you need some help from the boys with your disabilities or can you "manage" them better on your own? I wonder if you are getting some support from outside as well.
There's lots of online friendship and support here. Have you looked at The Freedom Programme? (click) This is a free, online course for people who have been in an abusive relationship. It sounds as though one of the things that would help is building your confidence and this will help with that
So much more to say to you but don't want to bombard you. Look forward to getting to know you, you are very welcome here
Hello! I have been a single parent for just over three years now. My ex was amazing in the beginning, treated me like a princess. After a quick wedding, things went bad quickly. The normal, isolation, mind games then the beatings. Beatings stopped when I got pregnant with my daughter, after she was born, one more attack. Mind games went to a whole new level. Couldn't even go to the shops. Heaven forbid I was a minute late home from work. Found out I was pregnant and things got even worse. He said it wasn't his (they love that one, don't they?) and life was hell until a final fight involved a blow to the stomach. Thought my baby was dead. Little one wasn't but I realised I had to decide what was more important, my marriage, or my baby's life. Chose the baby. At the age of 23 I was 4 months pregnant, had a 2 year old girl and was hundreds of miles from my family and had no friends. Three hard years later, my kids and I are a happy, healthy family. Sometimes it seems impossible, I get so tired of doing everything, but God is good and I have amazing friends and family now. Sometimes we all feel like we can't do it, we cry ourselves to sleep, we scream with rage and frustration but it does get better. Keep fighting for yourself and the little one(s). Don't let the b*****ds win.
Hello mejsmith87 and you are very welcome here, thanks for sharing your story, you have been so brave and coped with a great deal. Well done for getting out of that situation and you're right, it is not straighforward and there will be times when it's a struggle.
Have you done The Freedom Programme? (click to see) It is a course for people who have been in abusive relationships and you can do it free with us online.
I was wondering whether there was still any contact with your ex, such as him seeing the children.
hiya, and thank you for the welcome, sorry to confuse you, i have a 17 year old daughter a 13 year old son and a 3 year old son. :D lookinf forward to trying to learn how to work a forum and to getting to know you all and hopefully find a space to ft in :D feel free to ask anything and i am open to any suggestions, my son has tutors who come out to our home daily and also we have a family intervention project worker and my lil one is in nursery but i have no actual support for myself other than my new fella but he is not able to be around as much anymore so im alone and very lonely most evenings after the lil one is asleep and that can be very hard and also there are nights where he doesnt sleep and that can be equally hard lol anyways sorry for rambling and once again thanks x
Hello again shadowseeker, thanks for clarifying that, we are up to speed now! You have plenty going on and yet like many of us parenting alone there are some lonely times. it feels like that would make a positive change to your life to make a new friend or two. Have a look at our article Making New Friends (click) where there are lots of ideas.
Have you done the Freedom Programme that I mentioned above?
Have a look round the different threads, there are some particularly enjoyable ones in the Just for Fun section
Hello to all, To be honest the past 3 years have been madness, I am also a single mum who has been through very bad domestic violence,a very long court case, to be truthful hell and back, i would just like somone to talk too, 
Welcome along, Rose35, there are people on here who have had similar experiences to you as I am sure you have read, and you can share with us. Have you also thought about having some counselling, to get your head round all the things that have happened? How are you feeling in yourself now?
Hi, I'm new to this site. I have four sons and have been on my own for a long time, more or less since my youngest son was born and will soon be 12. I have grown to like my own company, although I have tried a couple of times to have a relationship. I think lack of trust on my part made this very hard, so I have decided to be on my own for now. My older boys (I should refer to them as men as they are all over 18 but........I reserve judgement on that!!!) are semi-independent, not financially reliant on me but still live at home. I am hopeful that this will change in the near future as two of them are looking at buying their own homes.
I look forward to chatting with you all.
Ali
Hi Abra, how lovely to see you. I have moved your post to the place where we all introduce ourselves, you can also start a thread of your own if you wish. I expect you will have some wise words for newer single parents and you will have learned a lot over thelast 12 years. I have a 19 year old who still lives here although he pays board as he works full time, and another boy who has left home. It will indeed be a big change for you if your boys move out.
Do you work? What do you like doing to relax?
Hi Louise
I do work full time normally but am taking some time off at the moment until the New Year. As for relaxing, there is not always much time for that around here but I love to read, almost anything but generally thrillers. Two of my sons are here part time as they both serve in the British Army but I love it when they are all home together. My younger sons loves having his big brothers around as well (mainly because they spoil him rotten). As for words of wisdom, I guess, I may have a few tucked away somewhere but the best that I can think of is to take time for yourself whenever you can. Of course, the children need your time too but it is important to take care of yourself as well.
Take Care All
Yes I think parents in general don't take enough "me" time and that is even more so when we are lone parents
Hi Abra and welcome along to One Space from me too.
I agree with you it is really important to make time for yourself, are your boys all home for Christmas?
Oh yes, they start arriving mid next week, so will be a mad house with them and their girlfriends around. Tree went up this weekend as I couldnt contain the little one any more! Presents all bought, am sorting out cards for everyone today/tomorrow. Its the most organised Ive been in years. So looking forward to relaxing (ha, fat chance......wishful thinking) a little bit. Although cooking Christmas dinner is always a bit of a challenge whilst gift opening is going on. Im hoping my sister, husband and extended family will be here too so all in all about 16-18 people on Christmas Day. Joy!
Wow that's alot of you Abra, hopefully you will have plenty of helpers so you can take it easy, i'm from a big family so know how hectic big get togethers can be. Will you have the traditional turkey or do you go for something else?
Hi I have posted here during moments of crisis and have been very grateful for the responses recieved, but I have not actually introduced myself, so here goes...
i have one son whos almost three and have been on my own since I found out I was pregnant. Until recently I had a good job, and felt like I was providing for my son and I and then was made redundant a few months ago. I have struggled to find another job which works round my son and have found living on benefits, and experiencing the stigma, boredom and isolation quite a shock to system.... on the plus side I've had some great moments with my son.
Choosing to have the baby knowing I was going to raise him on my own was a huge decision for me, and it has taken along time to adjust., yet even with all the behaviours i have experienced from his father, I look at him and know I wouldnt change a thing :)
Hi new venture, thanks for sharing.
I'm sorry that you have been experiencing some difficulties trying to find work, it is tricky trying to find something that works around children, have you considered doing some voluntary work?
Hello Everybody,
I am J, new to the site. Have just signed up.
Will be moving back to the UK shortly with my 2 year old, have been living in Ireland for the last ten years. Big move for us, thought we would be here for life.
Joined the site looking for advice, suggestions and to help with my sanity, that I am not the only one finding this very hard....... Site looks great so far, looking forward to meeting some new online friends.
:-)
Hello there and welcome along, it is great to see you
Just a word, we do keep things anonymous here to protect privacy so do please change your user name to something not connected to your real name. To do this, click on Your profile and then the Edit Tab. You will see a box that says Username, it will list your current name, just change this then scroll right down to the bottom of the page where there are two buttons (Save or Delete) and click Save.
How exciting to be contemplating a move...but scary too. What has prompted the move?
Hope you can see from the site that there are lots of us at different stages of parenthood and we all help each other along. How is your little one doing, have you started with the "Terrible twos" yet...any help we can give?
Thanks Louise,
I'm all changed over to new profile name......
Little fella is a very lively 2 year old, but has been that way for a good while now, so can't really blame the "Terrible Two's".
Had been thinking about moving back to the UK for a while, be closer to family and have a bit more support and company really. My mum had a mild stroak at the end of November, so i guess that gave me the push that i needed to make the move. Hopefully fingers crossed it will be the best thing for us both.
Good bit worried about setting ourselves up in England, the Irish social welfare system was hard to get things straight (took over 6 months), hopefully the UK one is better and faster. Have always worked full time, (20 odd years), this has been my first taste of social welfare applications process. So any advice would be greatly recieved.
Thanks
Hello Jadejoy and welcome along to One Space from me too
I hope your move goes well, do you have a date for the move yet?
As for help with benefits you could take a look at this article Financial Support Available to Single Parents
Hi JadeJoy, hope your move will go smoothly it is such a big step !!
Hey all,
My name is S, I'm a 24yo graduate with a beautiful and charming little 18mo girl (she may be more clever than mummy...!).
I had a whirl wind relationship with a "man" who appeared to be perfect, charming, a gentleman (this sounds remarkably like Chicago.....?), swept me off my feet, was great all round (literally!), and I fell pregnant pretty much straight away, which I found really scary and out of behaviour for me. After 2 weeks of thinking and stressing really hard (and feeling slightly pressurised by "daddy" with sulking and moodiness when ever I said I wasn't sure I felt ready for motherhood just yet, plus over enthusiasm of having a baby), I decided to keep my pregnancy on the basis that Reading Uni could offer a lot of support, plus secure on-site family accomodation for post grad course I was looking in to; I then had to decide literally between abortion and career, or pregnancy and career, I chose the latter (Reading swung it for me).
About 2 months in to the relationship, things started to change a lot, from being perfect, I thought I'd met "The One"; to being almost hellish- my daughter's father began acting really moody for absolutely no reason at all, then began saying really harsh, nasty things to me, including slating my degree and dissertation that I was still writing, saying that they were stupid, pointless and rediculous! My housemates also reported him to be glaring at me across the room and behind my back, plus he later started arguing with them, taking over the house (sitting in the lounge in just his dressing gown, with the curtains drawn all day, turned the tv to face him more, etc, etc). By 4 months, I had broken up with him, to be faced by threats of him taking custody, and calling me an unfit mother (plus the C bomb!), to harrassing me by text and then tried to call, begging me to take him back etc etc. I then cut him off completely!
A week after Sprog and I got home from hospital after a horrendous birthing and after care experience, he showed up on my doorstep (I was still living at home) to see Sprog. He began visiting twice a week, for about 3 months, which my parents and I reduced to once a week, to which he reduced to once a fortnight, to not at all by 6 months. We were still however seeing his parents who are LOVELY!!! Thank god!
Then, shortly after being told it is compulsory for me to claim maintenance as I have to be on benefits, I received a copy of his court application for a contact order, just before Xmas 2013!
Anywho, my poppet and I are now quite happy in our own little home which we moved in to also just before Xmas 2013 x_X hehe :) sorry my story is so long, but so so so much as happened in the last two years, I can scarcely believe it! xXx
Hi CleverMummy2012,
What a great story! Sounds like you had a tough time! But especially well done for turning him out! It sounds like you are well sorted and much better off without him. How do you feel about the Contact Order? Are you getting some support form his parents? And has he changed at all since ‘Sprog’ was born? Keep us posted, we want to know!
I was just reading some of the treads on the Best thing about being a single parent http://www.onespace.org.uk/your-talk/discussions/the-best-thing-about-being-a-single-parent-is
Well, this story should be there. Assertive, determined, dedicated, resourceful…..thanks for sharing this with us!
Ahhh thanks ^_^ hehe yes it has been tough, and seems to have only just properly caught up with me! Been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster the last few weeks or so, but I'm doing much better now =]
I actually find the Order slightly amusing if I'm honest, as it hasn't changed him at all! His parents have been absolutely amazing, I mean they even stuck £30 in MY birthday card! I actually feel a bit bad for them, to be honest, especially as his mum said to me a little whole ago that she thinks he may be starting to show signs that he's growing up....
I will do, thank you :D
Awwww thanks :') hehehe I do try ^_^ lol
Hi from me, thanks for sharing your story, look forward to chatting more in other threads.
I am not surprised you have been experiencing an emotional roller coaster recently you have been coping with some of life's most stressful events, unexpected pregnancy, Uni, an abusive partner, it sounds as though your body went through quite a trauma giving birth and now moving house, perhaps finally your pregnancy hormone's are beginning to calm down, so now you have kind of 'landed' you will experience the enormity of it all.
It sounds as though your parents are supportive of you, do you have any friends locally?
Thanks :)
I know, I guess I sort of "forgot" the enormity of it all until now, and being asked by a health coach when the last time I felt "properly happy" was just sort of opened the dam! Yes, birth became horrid, it was more the negligent treatment I received more than anything, I was having regular contractions for 4 days, with my waters breaking at the end of the second day, and the hospital just let me keep going and going, my daughter wasn't born until 3.40 on the 4th day, by which time it had been 38 hours since my waters broke! I hope so, I mean my daughter is now 18 months, so hormones should've settled by now, shouldn't they...? Lol.
Oh yes I do, my friends are amazing :) yeah, my parents are really supportive, as are his parents; my daughter and I really are very lucky girls! Hehe :)
Does anyone know how much detail I am legally permitted to disclose in relation to goings on concerning the contact order served on my daughter and I....? You've asked to be kept up to date, but I'm not sure exactly how much to let you know xD lol
Hi mandyleelee and welcome from me too, how about you pop over to our Parenting Teenagers Discussion board (click) and start a new discussion.
Between us, we have a wealth of knowledge and information around teenagers! I look forward to getting to know you and helping you through this difficult period.