Hi vixxie
Congratulations on your pregnancy, I really hope all that is going in your life isn't stopping you enjoying being pregnant?
Have you been in touch with a domestic abuse agency in your area? If he has been aggressive and it is making you anxious, it might be worth contacting your local agency, so they can support you emotionally through this time, they might be able to help you sort your housing out too? It is important for you and your unborn baby to be safe, relaxed and free from any stress, so please reach out for as much support as you can.
I am glad you found us, I am looking forward to getting to know you. :)
Hi from me too.
Looking forward to 'chatting'.
I had been dating my, now, ex for 2 years past august. We separted in november of this year. I told him from the start that i find it hard to trust men as my 3 previous relationships i had been cheated on, they relationships didnt last more than 3 months.
I never wanted children, but last october i became pregnant by accident as i forgot to take the pill for three days in a row. I found out in the december and my ex was so chuffed and exicted about it. he was out of a job in the february which meant i then had to buy everything we needed. Gladly my mum and dad bought the pram and his dad and granpa went halfers on the cot. His granpa had bought the matress for the mosses basket, a 2pk of sheets, a towel and 2 pairs of trainers. I then had bought everything else for the baby. Towels, baby wipes, nappy sacks, nappies, 2 outfits for baby, tolietries for baby ie nail clippers, baby moisturiser etc etc. So i spent a wee fortune. He never spent a penny, i kept reminding him about this which annoyed him but i made my point i wasnt happy he never contrabuted. Even when he got money he never thought to say what do we still need etc.
Once louise was born he feed her upto 6 times before we split at the end of september. We then got back together but i found out he had then cheated on me. When we split in september he got a new girlfriend within 3 or 4 days. But he told me they had split so we decided to give it another go. i found out in the november he had been cheating on me. I dont trust him no more. He has told me nothing but lies, made lots of promises. Its that bad i dont even trust him with our own daughter. I was honest with him there. my mum says its cos your angry at him. I said not really, when you keep getting lied to all the time you have no trust whats so ever. hes been taken her to his girlfriends house (which he aint denied). I told him i dont want louise to go until you's have been dating a year because if it dont work out with her or any other lassie that comes along louise is gonna get confused. Theres 1% of me that is glad if he does take her there on a sunday when he gets louise if he takes a fit (he has epilipsey.his dad works every second sunday and if he aint at home)
Hello shortie2
I am folllowing you around the boards today! It is good to get to know you better.
You have been really honest in saying that one reason you don;t want your daughter to go to her dad's is that you are still (understandably) angry with him. Hopefully in time you can get past this and feel happier about their time together. I totally understand the issue about his girlfiend, you are right that your daughter needs consistency and not different adults coming and going. It sounds as if your daughter's grandad is still wanting to be involved and at least he can keep an eye on your daughter's dad on alternate weeks.
Are you getting any financial support from him now, and is he working again?
Hi Shortie2
Good to hear your story a bit more fully - thanks for that. It really helps when answering people on here if we have a bit of background. I think you are totally right and he is in the wrong for not being honest with you. It must seem totally unfair to find yourself in a similar situation where people are not honest with you and cheating. You must not believe it is anything to do with you mind you, apart from the fact that you are probably too nice and too honest with people. I am glad you have the support of your parents and his parents - are they still involved with Louise?
Again I agree with you about not wanting to confuse Louise by introducing her to your ex's new partners unless you know it is going to be stable and consistent for her.
What are you plans for Christmas?
Speak again soon.
C-L
Well his mum had died 2 years past on july 28th, she had ms. I went into hospital to get started on that date. I said to mark that i think his mum had summit to do with that. ie wanting her grandchild to be born on the 2nd anniversary of her death. Louise was born on the 29th at 1.22am. In respect to marks mum my daughter was called after her. I dont like marks dads girlfriend but at the end of the day it aint my place. It toke marks dad around 2weeks to see her when she was born. Am still waiting for these so called clothes he was gonna get for louise from next. That was august and am still waiting. His dad says louise is his (marks dad) pride and joy. He spends all weekend in the pub with his girlfriend.
I find it hard to trust people as it is. I cant help that. Me and mark have had disagrements as he has tried to put off louise and making his girlfriend his main priority. He asked if he could get louise next weekend. i said no. game over you've lost contact with her as you arent putting your daughter first. You kept promising me when we were still dating that you were coming out to see her and you never appeared. He said he was ill and he was gonna get a lawyer. This happened at the start of me being a single parent in november. I told him i didnt believe he was ill as i heard nothing but lies, promises and bulls***e from him. Am still waiting to hear from this so called lawyer. I know for a fact he aint been to one because he or his dad cant afford one and also its wasting precious time away from his girlfriend.
His granpa died 2 weeks ago so respectfully i went to the funeral. His dad said to me i should of sat down the front with the family. i said it wouldnt of felt right. he said how? i shoke my head and walked away as i was in tears at this point (from the fact of it was his granpa's funeral). I felt like saying i aint family anymore and aint have been for weeks, but it wasnt the time or place and i didnt want to start anything as am the better person at the end of the day.
He's giving me money every wednesday as he gets paid on a wednesday. I aint recieved any last week as he was meant to be away on holiday with the g/f. Its just until we get everything sorted out with the csa. Unfortunetly i dont want anything to do with him but for the sake of louise we have to put on a show for her sake.
hello shortie2
Sounds like there are a few different family members involved in the situation. It is good if your daughter does keep a relationship with Mark's family even if Mark himself lets her down. You're right: consistency is important for a small child. I am glad he gave you some money, even if it is not regular and hopefully you can get a formal agreement in place soon
Well we are in the process of going through the csa. Yesterday he was trying to get out of giving me money. He said he didnt have a wage this week and said that "according" to a book that the csa posted out to him that he doesnt have to give me money until its been settled with the csa. A customer at my mums work said thats rubbish as he still has to pay until it gets sorted (the customer works with the csa). I said to mark well how am i meant to feed your daughter and put nappies on her. then i get a text saying come through to my work i'll give you £100. He hadnt gave me money last week so pretty much 2weeks pay. so i go through and he gives me £60. He said he "forgot" to give one of the guys at work £40 that mark owed him. Needless to say i toke the money. at the end of the day he gave me money for her. To be honest am just wanting to tell him to clear off out of louise's life. He's admitted he aint the best father. But at the end of the day he has a right, i do believe in fathers having rights to see there children but if am honest i think mark doesnt really want to see her but feels he has to.
Its his family i have a problem with. His sister and brother in law i dont have a problem with, just mark and his dad. Ave got his sister&brother in law a presant from louise which am going to take down at the weekend and give them my phone number and say that if they want to see louise for an hour or so or take her out for the day just to give me a phone. If am honest i dont think mark has been taken her to see his sister.
oh my 2nd last post i should of said that his dad spends all day in the pub every weekend with his partner.
hello shortie2
it must be infuriating that Mark doesn't seem to want to see your daughter. As for "rights". neither fathers nor mothers have a right to see their children but the children have a right to a relationship with both parents, provided it is safe for them to do so. However, you can't force her dad to take an interest.
As far as the CSA is concerned, when they finally make a ruling it may well include an amount of arrears, to cover the period from the date you applied to the date you get the ruling, that will be what Mark is talking about. Glad you got some money this week anyway!
Hopefully your daughter's aunt and uncle will be able to spend some time with her :D
ah right i see. thanks for that. To be honest louise would be better off without her dad in her life. as marks life consits of telling lies, bulls***e and making alot of promises. He aint made excuses not to see her recently so thats good.
xx
Yes it is. And as she gets older she may still want to see him anyway, even if you don't rate him as a parent. That can be hurtful when they still want to see the other parent! However, first things first, you are doing really well and getting sorted :)
I wouldnt stop her at the end of the day. she'd find out her self what he's truely like but i just dont want her to get hurt etc at the end of the day am the one who has to pick up the pieces. but hey ho what can we do. :D
xx
I know, that' the thing, sometimes our children have to find out for themselves what the other parent is like, and that can be awfully hurtful, as other members on here will tell you. Best not to worry about that yet though; she is only little and enjoy these days with her as much as you can!
Hi Shortie2
Thanks for posting 'your story'. It really helps in replying to people on the boards if we know a bit more about them and so thanks for that. I really feel for you and Louise. I find it quite hard to understand people who are interested in new babies, especially if it belongs to them?! It must be very frustrating for you as you cannot force people to take an interest or to step up to their responsibilities.
It sounds as though you are being very level headed about it and sorted out who you do get on with and just continue a relationship with those family members which is the most sensible way round I think. There is no point wasting you time and energy with those that are n't worth it. So focus on Louise and yourself and enjoy your time with her.
I am glad that you have been getting some money from Mark and I hope the CSA setlement works out smoothly for you.
Are you managing OK with the money side of things?
What are your plans for xmas? Do you have your own family around/nearby? What about friends?
Speak again soon
C-L
money? oft i dont ken how. Not sure how i managed to buy christmas pressies, but i got there. Im going back to work earlier than planned to start getting extra money. I go back the week commencing the 1st february. Im dropping hours at work so am gonna come out with around £850 a month before deductions eg tax, ni, union etc. I'll end up with maybe £200 or less by the time i have to pay for what i need to pay eg car. Am considering night shift at my work. am getting working tax credits and child tax credit but thats going away for when i get a place of my own so it can be used to pay for wallpaper, carpets etc then once ave got that done then the money will get spent on things for louise.
My family and friends are all close by to me and theyre a great help. My best friend is trying for a baby and ave told her that she can have any of the toys that louise has got because by the time my pal gets pregnant louise will of out grown them. The toys came from my neighbours sister in law who know i dont have much money and am thankfully for what she's gave me.
It's brilliant to share things and pass things on. It is also worth contacting your local National Childbirth Trust (see http://www.nctpregnancyandbabycare.com/in-your-area) as they often have local sales of nearly new stuff.
I agree with Claire-Louise, that you can just concntrate on you and your baby, shortie2, and I am glad you have some local support. The money sounds a great plan for getting ready for your own place. Are you managing to stay warm up there in Scotland?
aye managing to stay warm. Must be the thought of a hot country either that it would be the cosy nights in with either richard hammond or james may from top gear. lol :lol: :lol:
Hi Shortie2
gald you are managing to keep warm - by whatever means works for you???!!!!
Cheers C-L
Well apart fae my daughter its the only thing that keeps me going... :lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: not Jeremy Clarkson then, shortie2?
christ no!!! hes an over grown giant with silver tints lol.
Silver tints are very popular in my neck of the woods........ :lol:
Oh my, really??!!
C-L
Take it then your a fan of the good old oap with the silver tints??? :lol: :lol: Well seen i dont have grey hair yet! lol.
No I am not a fan, what I meant was I have a few silver tints myself :lol: , although only just before I put a new colourant on.
Shortie2 one of the things in my son's stocking this year is a soap in the shape of the Stig
Ohh
Just to let you know, I went to see 'Where the Wild Things Are' with my two children today. They both loved the book and can recite it off by heart practically so i was not sure how it would be, especially as my eldest had seen a trailer and thought it was too scary but they both enjoyed it and I thought it was very well done and very true to the book. the wild things were exactly as in the book and quite beautiful. It is quite a sad story but I always like a good old cry at film anyway! My son (aged 6) cried too so it really did conjure up the emotions.
Recommended I think.
Cheers C-L
ah i see now about the silver tints, :lol: Yeah i was thinking about getting that for mark for his christmas before all this with him kicked off. lol. Its rather smart like.
There are some lovely films out this Christmas, I have heard good reports of the film "Nativity", has anyone seen it?
I've not heard of that one...
Hi Louise
I have seen it advertised in the Radio Times but know nothing about it - sorry. Let us know what is was like if you get to se it.
Cheers and Merry Christmas
C-L
Hi, I'm 35, newly single and have a 2 year old son.
bit of a long story but here goes........my ex and I got together whilst I was going out with his best friend and he was married. I was younger, unhappy in relationhsip, and very very naive and easily swayed. We began a relationship of sorts. Mostly via email and text and met up once but didnt sleep together. He gave me all the story of how his marriage had been dead and both of them wanted out etc but he only stayed for the kids etc. Things came to a head when he told me he was leaving his wife for me. I begged and begged him not to but he did anyway. In a spectacular fashion( leaving them whilst on a family holiday in south africa). Looking back now i think i felt an obligation to make our relationship work after he had done that "for me". I now realise how this was just another example of his controlling behaviour.
anyhow, we set up home together have the ineviatble whirlwind, romatic, lust filled first few months. He seemed to really enjoy living the "young" life again with nights out, no responsibilities etc. We had his 2 children from first marriage on a regular basis and whilst i had no experience of children i felt i got on really well with them and the situ.
My ex had his own business and what with going thru his divorce, living an hedonistic lifestyle with me, he totally let it slip. this caused him all manner of problems and 11 months into our relationship he abruptly ended it with me. I was at a total loss and the only conclusion i could come to was that he wanted to get back with his wife to save losing all his money/business etc. we were in contact the whole time of our split (6 weeks)and he assured me he wasnt trying to get back with wife and that he just needed space (that all turned out to be lies i've only found out now - 3 years later!).
anyway, we got back together and i fell pregnant. I was ecstatic and really thought that all the hassles we had had re his divorce, money, business would get sorted now that we were happy.
Our son was born and not long after my ex had a nervous breakdown as his business failed. He was a complete wreck and my heart almost broke cos i felt so sorry for him. I helped him through it, whilst looking after a small baby, fending off aggressive creditors/henchmen at the door/phone. it was a true nightmare.
my ex then got another job, well paid and seemed to be on the up. However, the new job gave him a new found confidence and he seemed to belittle me all the time.
I had some real trust issues with him (which i only realise now) and some real feelings of injustice and that i had no control over anything. He was over 200K in debt and made no efforts to sort it out. we jointly own a house which he has 3 charging orders on his share.
we had some massive rows, and i really really lost it with him on occasion. I realise now how destructive we both were to each other.
in november we sat down and talked and decided we would have a real go at working thinigs out for the sake of our son and his 2 kids. I made a huge effort to let little things slide and not give him a hard time about stuff (again, hindsight is a wonderful thing and i realise that would have been impossible to sustain). just after xmas we had a row which escalated into all out war. He had said some really horrible things about me and my family in a vitriolic, vile way i had never seen him do. He used the excuse that he was ending it because of my volatile behaviour. The next day i found out that he had all the time been in touch with an ex girlfriend and was planning a new life with her, trying to get her to leave her husband etc. So i realised he had engineered a fight to get a rise out of me so he had a reason to split!!
anyway, if you have got this far well done!
my son and I have had to move hundreds of miles away from H as I desperately need the help and support from my family and friends if i am going to feel better about things and ultimately give my son a quality of life. We will be financially much much worse off but at the moment that is the least of our worries. I had to give up my job and take my son out of nursery. My ex thinks i have taken our son away to punish him but that is definitely not the case. I couldnt cope with my only support being him seeing him every 2nd weekend.
This all just happened 2 weeks ago so is all very very raw. As cliched as it sounds the one shining light that will get me through this is my little boy. Am still having very up and down days and as well as dealing with the breakdown of a relationship (even tho i know its best it ended) i am having to deal with finding a new job/somewehre to live and all the hassle that goes with that.
we will get there though.
reading through the other stories on here have been truly inspirational and much support. I hope in time i will be able to return the favour.
someone once said "it'll all be ok in the end, if it isnt ok, it isnt the end" and i am keeping that in my mind x
thanks for reading xxx
Hi Faye
Thank you so much for opening and sharing your tale. You write very well and it really help when meeting people on all the differnt topic areas to have this background info and to try to get a clear picture of everyone on here.
I think considering how recent it is, you sound very strong and as if you are now, finally really in control of you and your son's life and future which is great as you mentioned control a couple of times in terms of your ex so that is really key.
I am alos gald that you have made the brave decision to up sticks and leave and move to a place where you personally have more support. Very sonsible but not always that easy to do. The good things about children that young is that they will adjust pretty quickly. How is your son dealing with the changes?
Age 2 can be quite challenging as they start to assert themselves as an individual and test the boundaries a lot more - does that sound familiar?
It certainly sounds like the two of you have a really good, strong relationship which is good and that will get you through the down days. I think consistency is the key in terms of bringing up children and although there may have been a few changes recently, now it is just the two of you, the consistency can realy be brought in. That is the real benefit of being single that you don't have to comrpamise over how you are going to child rear!
I am pretty sure you will get a lot more people replying to your posts too with their opinions which is a real support - you are not alone in this.
Speak soon
C-L
Hi Faye
I'm glad you have your family and friends around you. That in itself must be such a comfort.
It will be ok in the end. It's amazing what our children can get us through.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Hello again fvm
Thank you so much for letting us know how you have reached where you are today. It sounds like your son's dad felt ok whilst he was vulnerable but the minute he regained confidence he decided to move on. You must feel so churned up, and even though you know that this is the right thing to do, it has meant a massive upheaval in your life, including moving area and giving up your job. Your reserves of strength will be called upon in the coming weeks and months and we are all here to share with you and support you.
Is your son fairly settled with the whole situation now?
Hi faye
its great to get to know your story/situation. Your on a great site here as everyone is very supportive of each other and we all get by with the help of not only our family and friends but each other aswell. Everything will work out in the end like you say with the quote.
wendy xx
thanks for replies girls,
at the moment i certainly dont think i feel strong! Its very up and down. THe first week was horrendous with my little boy continually bringing me tissues saying "mummy cry". THat was just grim!
I cant do things like watch tv or listen to the radio cos everything upon everything reminds me of my ex. I flit between hating him so much and remembering the good times. Is that normal?
In a way i wish i hadnt found out about the other woman. THe hurt was and is just immense. The betrayal, and injustice at all i've done for him and this is how he repays me? I read emails between them and they made me physically sick. On the other hand I am glad that he hasnt achieved his goal of making me walk away from this relationship feeling it was all my fault. It has just made me see just exactly what I was dealing with.
My son has been amazing. He is being very well looked after by my parents, as am i, and they are being so good by not spoiling or undoing the "good" work I have done iwth him so far, if that makes sense. In a way i do take some comfort from the fact that he wont remember a time his parents lived togethre and that i didnt have to uproot him from school etc. Am trying hard not to dwell on the what ifs though and as i say we are where we are and perhaps this new start could really be the making of us.
I'm really glad i have found this site. lots of good advice here by the looks of it.
thanks again for reading xx
Its up to you i suppose if you think its normal to hate him one minute then remeber the good times the next. Me and mark did have a few good laughs together but i just got on with it (that aint meant to sound mean but its just the way i deal with things etc. Not meant to sound bad to you. Everyones different). Bet when you look at your wee boy he puts a smile on your face when your low?? Like him bringing you tissues to make you better!!
Hello fvm
Even when you know it is the right thing to split up, you will still mourn what you THOUGHT would be and this can be triggered by different things like certain pieces of music. My own experience was that my concentration span was severely affected and it was hard to watch a whole film or read a whole book for a long time. That's fine, just go with the flow. You're right, your son will not remember living with his dad. Glad your parents are being so fab :)
Hi i have been a single parent since i became pregnant with my son. He's now 4 years old. I knew his dad since i was 17 and he is 5 years older than me. We were never really close over the years but we knew the same group of people and would often bump into each other out and about at parties or functions. When i was 24 he told me that he was interested in me i suppose i always knew deep down he had an attraction to me but i didnt see us as anymore than friends/aquaintances. I said i didnt want to get togther with him because i didnt really find him attractive and we'd known each other for years and i just thought it would make things awkward between us. Then in 2005 he kept pursuaing it so i thought i'd give him a chance we started seeing each other nothing serious to begin with but i got pregnant pretty early on into us seeing each other and from the day i found out i was pregnant everything changed he wasnt interested and tried to pressure me in to having a termination but i didnt want to as i felt that i was old enough to take care of my responsibilities. for most of my pregnancy he wasnt around and things were very strained between us but around 7/8 months pregnant he decided that he wanted to be part of my son's life which as hurt and angry as i was for him abandoning me my son still deserved to know his father. He was a part of my son's life for 2 years but shortly after my son's second birthday we had an argument and he decided that he didnt want to have anything more to do with him and my son nor i have seen or heard from him in 2 years now. My son is now at the age where he ask's where his dad is constantly and say's he misses him and loves him and it breaks my heart as he remebers him being around when he was 1 and 2 but cant understand why he is not here now or why he cant see him. I tell him that he's gone away for a while and he might see him when he's older but i dont think that covers it for him anymore as he knows when people go away they usually come back. I dont know what to say to him without hurting his feelings as i would never slag off his dad to him as it's his decision to make in the future but im lost at what to do or say? 8-)
Hi Deyone
Thank you for sharing your story.
I'm afraid I have no answers, and its something I won't ever understand.
Hi Deyone
Thanks for sharing your story and how frustrating to give your ex these chances and then for him not to stick around. I could imagine it could feel quite unjust? I know that others on this site have struggled with similar issues of what to say to their children and when. You will find more on this topic which might be of use. Generally the advice from others is to stick to the truth and tell them as much as they need to know at each age/stage that they ask.
Check out this link and see if that helps?
http://groups.onespace.org.uk/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=569
Be in touch again soon
C-L
Well in 98 I met my son's dad and after a short time he moved in and then was apparently told he would be in a wheelchair within 5 yrs so we planned our son-2 months later I was pregnant and he was over joyed!
Over the next 7 yrs we had a very turbulent relationship and split up 4 times and got engaged twice-he was getting more and more aggressive until one day when my son was nearly 6 he went for me and in that split second all I could think of was how would I explain a black eye to my son!
That was the day that I shall never forget and his relationship with his sosn has been very on n off, my son has ADHD, ODD and Tics and has a lot of behavioural issues some say due to his dad and others well lets just say my fault! I fought nealry all my son's life to get him the help he needed and even set up a local ADHD support group for parents/carer's and anyone interested in ADHD. Professionals needed to be more clued up and so did schools and professionals and last year I dealt with 15 professionals and agencies and won my son a place at a Residential School for him and although being a single parent hindered me at times I never stopped fighting for my son.
Inbetween all this I had counselling through DVAP and went through all the usual emotions and got strong and found myself again.
In 2005 I met a 'nice' guy. In 2006 we got married and in late 2007 our daughter was born but within this time my son got worse and found it hard to love another man so it put a strain on things and when his little sister arrived my son's agression turned to her and that was when I knew it would end badly so after practically no support from the usual professionals me and my estranged mother decided to take him on and to be honest it was the toughest decision in my life and I would never put that on anyone. But it was the best decision as now my son is growing and learnign to love and having all the support he needs from the professionals that wouldn't help me and from a school that was designed to help children like my son.
Over the past 4 years the control in my marriage has slowly been taken and with all my energy going into making sure my son gets the proper help, I started to fade away into a background of despair and unhappiness, 6 months of marriage counselling, 5 letters over the past 4 yrs to my husband saying how hurt and unhappy I was to not be given permission to see my friends, go out on my own or even bath my daughter made no difference at all.
In April this year I took a stance that ended with my ex taking my daughter without my permission and the police were called and they wanted to arrest my husband for Domestic Abuse-I was scared and didn't want to make things difficult for him to see his daughter so said no-worst decision I ever made!
So the next day I filed for divorce and 4 days after that I took our daughter and left with his permission and him saying sorry and seeming remorseful and he even told me to divorce him!
Since then I have been on a roller coaster ride of worry, happy in the fact we are safe and away and then anger, disbelief and even more frustration.
Being a single mum after swearing never to divorce a man and believing that children need 2 parents by their side has kinda been thrown straight out of the window!
Being a single mum for the second time makes me feel slightly sick and like a failure as how can I show my children that happiness can be theirs to hold if their surroundings tell them otherwise but I think that will pass with time.
I have lost all my friends since being married so am trying to get a few back but being a bit of a loner doesn't really help and having my confidence pretty much slowly walking behind me and at times under my feet is proving a little hard to over come but each day I say to myself 'there are people out there worse off than me, wives beaten, children in pain, men silently suffering' so stop moaing and see that I have two beautiful children that will at least learn that strength comes from within and whatever they set their minds too they can achieve and happiness doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship as happiness is about feeling good about who you are, how you treat others and the paths you provide for the people around you!
My legacy is the same to all here-you have already taken the first step which is usually the hardest step of all, fight for what you beleive is right for both you and your child, think as clearly as you can whend ealing with an ex and try and be logical even when you want to scream at them! Get as much support from friends, family and online people as you can and let us ride this out with you giving each other the support and virtual hugs you need and the horray's when life is good too.
Smile at what you have achieved and remember you can do this-I have faith in all of us.
xxxxx
Hello Dark Angel 9676
Thank for your wonderful post.
As for what you tell your children, you have shown them TWICE what it is to be strong and to refuse to accept less than you deserve, I know it took a while but you got there. Well done! You have also fought, very much against the odds, for good care and education for your son and once again I say that is inspiring to know. I am sure your mum can also provide some home back up for him as well.
I undertand when you say it is a roller coaster, one on hand a relief and on the other hand I expect it can feel scary and insecure and "Help!" sometimes. Keep going, your support on these boards for those who are some way down the road behind you will be marvellous and we are here for you on those days when it all seems too much.
Hi Louise
Thank you for the support. Today has been an arrggghhhh day too but Im trying to be positive and hope that when others read my story that they feel they can maybe with support take a first step that they have yearned to do for some time too.
:)
Hi Dark angel 9676
Thank you sooo much for sharing your story. You are doing a great job and it is amazing the things that we can now share with our children and hopefully build them into strong and independant children.
How did it feel writing it all down I wonder? Was it empowering, did you surprise yourself how far you had come? I think when we are in the middle of difficult times all we can feel is despair and unable to cope, but as time passes and we look back we can recognise how difficult things really were and our feelings and actions were normal.
I hope others reading your story will fiind it empowering and gain inspiration. Keep going, we are right behind you :)
HI Francesca,
You have a beautiful name. I was reading your story and tears came to my eyes. I can feel the pain. No man is worth your life and most importanly seeing your children grow and taking away from them their mum.
How are you a year and half later?
hugs
x
Its great to be able to read other peoples stories, I love the diversity of our circumstances but that we all come together in One Space!
I also think it is empowering to read other peoples stories and can give hope to others who are feeling that they are the only ones enduring the loneliness and sadness that we have all encountered some time along the highroad of single parenthood!
Hello Everybody
My story here goes:-
Met my ex-wife through work in 1994 she was 21 i was 23 just moved to B******** from M********* after living with family in P******.
We started seeing each other and after a few months got a flat together in B******** after a few months she was pregnent and we moved in with her parents for a few months then got a house near by, i asked her to marry me as i though it was the decent and right thing to do as i loved her, we both had made a child and i wanted to do the right thing an be part of my childs life.
Life was good we had it all work nice home holidays and a great friendship, then we both wanted another child but could not concive so we both got tested to see if there was a problem, it was found out to be my wife she wasent producing eggs so fertillity treatment was started and we had twins but unfortunatly only one of the twins survived as there were complications with the other twin and he only lived for 1 hour.
Its was a hard time for us all but i believed that was the time that my ex-wife change.
After that day as time went by she started to stray and affiers followed and are friendship disapered.
We worked through these tough time and had another child 4years later.
Then we got the internet and that changed everything i dident know this woman anymore she was hooked, as time went on she struck up a relationship with a man and wanted to leave said she had not loved me for years and wanted out.
So i said fair enough you can go leave and start again but i will not give up on my children home and my life. i started the divorce the very next day and i fought for everything that i held dear. The children dident want to move to another part of the country nor did i want them to leave and there mother dident want to take them either. I found out after she had gonna how much debt she had left us in i had no idea, she was off having a new relationship and no resonsibllity while i was left to hold everything together.
Went through the courts to gain residence for the children and pay off the ex it was the most harrowing experience i have ever been through and wouldent wish it on anyone.
As much as still now three years down the line me and the ex dont get on and i know we never will we dont even talk to one another the children have a relationship with her and contact never stopped that or used it against her they will make there own minds up about her.
Stuart xxxx
Hi Vickie
Welcome to Onespace and thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you have been going through some real ups and downs recently, what with being ecstatic to find out you were expecting, then not getting on with your partner, mood swings etc which must have been quite hard to work through. pregnancy in itself can feel quite a roller coaster ride, but then when you have additional issues to sort out as well, it can feel hard and energy levels can be a bit all over the place. The second trimenster is generally a bit more easy to get through as hormones etc stabalise a bit.
How are things going now? Are your parents supporting you in the way you want them to?
It is good that you have made some important decisions and are able to stick to them. I hope you find the posts on this site helpful and suportive. Come back as much as you wish and join in on whatever topics take your fancy and of course, feel free to start any new topics.
Cheers C-L