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hi im doing this there is a happy ending, im proof of tht, im lucky cafcass report in my favour and my ex no contact at all, and to me tht is a happy ending and residence order is in my favour which i can get tomoz, aw hun why hell wud report giv ur nutter ex ur children, dont understand it, i no these men can put acts on for courts, but nowadays judges cafcass see thru um, dont no wot to say, xx
i do no how u feel, stress dus make u ill i no, i thought i was losein my kids when i was in court in july, horrible feelin, i was getin paranoid tho, cud u spk to cafcass man or woman. av u rang womans aid,x
Hi kiera
It's complicated iv done wrong but no ones thought about why I did, I knew the safest way to leave and I did but cad as failed to look at this
Louise yes that he has care of them , I have contact
Good morning IDT I have to apologise as I did not realise that is what the CAFCASS report had said, that was why I was so shocked. And also I am shocked that the report said that! Where there has been abuse then it is usually taken into account.
What does your solicitor say about that?
I totally understand why you feel so worried and let down. You can only do what you can do, and it is a case of how you cope in the next couple of months too. Are you able to have some enjoyable times with the children at the moment?
Everyone is shocked caffcass don't put children first at all.
We are fighting it x
hi hun well cafcass report av put my little girl 1st thank god, no contact at court thank god, but got go bk in feb, ex as av drug test by jan 2nd, but i av to do a statement,want it over with next feb wil b last hearing,as courts aint messin bout they said i was so upset at court, didnt want see him in court, so i didnt av to, stayed in private roomx ope u do fight it hunxx
Hi Imdoingthis, I am incredibly shocked at this information too. I thought that you had mentioned recently that your social worker had signed you off, so obviously she has no qualms about your parenting techniques or for the children.
I am glad that you are going to fight the report. No wonder you are stressed.
You have mentioned before that you did something wrong (but you did it to protect yourself and your children) Is this something that can get raised in court?
We have a review meeting soon and she said she's closing
It's all crap this we shouldn't be put through this cos I chose to leave
I should of stayed
hi hun no u shudnt of stayed, u did right thing in leavin, dont understand report, its not right at all, xx
Hi Imdoingthis, I understand the turmoil you must be in, however I feel it is detrimental to yourself to keep saying that 'you should have stayed' and will not be helpful to your general wellbeing.
YOu had to leave, you know that.
Are you regularly going to the Freedom Programme? Do you have a support worker now from Womens Aid?
I go every week Anna I like going I lernt lots and made friends
They are supporting me I have a worker from Wa too x
Hi Imdoingthis, it is such a difficult place that you are in right now and i can understand how helpless and frustrated you must be feeling with this situation, i would have to say though that Anna's point about keeping on telling yourself that "you should of stayed" and being negative about yourself won't help your progress.
It is difficult when you have been in such an abusive relationship, to pick yourself back up and dust yourself down is or can be a long process.
I know from my own experienec that it took a couple of years to build up my self esteem and confidence.
What support are Womensaid giving you Imdoingthis?
Its so good you're having support from wa. And lovely you have made new friends. I can't put into words how sad I feel for you, facing all of this.
Thanks for support x
hi im doing this how are u hun im thinkin of u, i do feel for e ur plans for todayxx
Hiya thanks, I'm taking the children out for dinner tonight
How you doing?
Good morning IDT, where did you go to dinner? Mine used to love going to Pizza Hut when they were younger. Glad you're doing some nice things. Are there any Christmas lights on near you yet?
Hi IDT, just wondering how you're doing?
Me too. Just wondered how everyone is doing. Do I take this quietness to mean that our respective ex's have taken time from being xxxxxxx's and got in to the Xmas spirit??? Hope all are getting along as best as they can. Keep smiling and dont let the xxxxxxxx's grind you down :-) xx
Ah thanks for asking that's kind of you both.
Don't really know what to say, don't know how I got myself into this mess, it's my fault I should of been upfront with the police from day dot.
Iv just got to put up with it now until courts over with in feb, thing is now iv done the freedom program my confidence is up so now Im not running so scared of him cause for a fight or two so don't know what's worse.
Maybe oneday soon my little nightmare will end I'll live with my children happily ever after x
Hope u are all well x
hi im doing this how are u hun, im ok, av u got court in feb, i av to, feb 26th, well its called contested hearing,gona dread it, i av to stand up in front of panel of judges and say why i dont want ex to see my little girl, gona b so hard, av to do it tho, at mop hes stil not allowed any sort of contact at all with er,feb wil b last hearing, courts aint messin bout, i just want it over with, bet u do to hun, im doin freedom programme again,got go see my soliciter we and do my statement,xx top it off my eldeset dawter hates me, she left cos my ex u c, she stil brings it up, she said yest im horrible and selfish and how can i call myself a mum, she as blocked me from fb, so upset, i no i kept takin ex bk, she always brings it up u c, x
Hi everyone, nice to see you online again IDT. You say that since you have started the freedom programme your confidence has been raised, however this has caused more fights. It is really important to try and not enter into dialogue with him, short answers stating what you are saying is enough. The more you converse/say to him, the more ammunition he has to use against you. What are the fights about?
Hi kiera, I am sorry to hear that your eldest is feeling angry towards you. This is perfectly understandable, in one sense we could see it as a positive thing. She has been strong for you this year, now she can see that you are in a better place and she can be the child again. I know that she is a young woman, but a lot of your exes behaviour has been directed at her and she too has been massively affected by it. Your relationship can and will heal with communication. She needs you to be strong and 'mother' her. Do you know what triggered her outburst yesterday?
NOTE FROM MODERATOR: kiera, your messages have been moved to your thread here.
Yeah Anna your right, it's seems to boil over straight away, my neighbours seen him at my door when I was out on Saturday
Hi Kiera you will get through court your strong and were fighting behind you xx
Hi IDT glad to see you back on here i was wondering if all was o.k with you. You could always do the Freedom Programme a second time like keira, i think you get something different out of it each time you do it.
Great that your feeling more confident 
Thankyou Sally
Feel very much alone right now with everything u carnt talk to know one one, so the nightmare continues ..
Hello IDT
Good to hear from you.
It's especially hard when you feel you haven't anyone to talk to.
Anna is right, try not to get involved in any fights, short answers and walk away as far as you are able.
Are the children getting excited for Christmas?
So upset so much shit happening
Sorry you are so upset, and wish there was more we could do other than tell you that we are here for you and have lots of virtual hugs to send you. Is it the behaviour of your ex that is causing all this at the moment?
I want to 'poor out to someone'
hiya hun how are u, im ere again lol, xx
Yes I know that feeling...rubbish for you, I know. Could you buttonhole a friend? Or what about The Samaritans? That is anonymous (08457 909090) I have used them a few times.
.
Is he going to get residency of the children? Someone please help me cannot carry on with the thought of losing my children x
Hi Imdoingthis. I don't have the answer that you're looking for, but please try not to think about losing the children. You must be feeling wretched right now, and I wish there was more that could be done our end. Focus on a positive outcome. x
Going out of my mind, sick of 'putting the tought' out my mind or not 'thinking about it'
It's dragging on now
If I'd not left him wouldn't have to go through this?
I don't want to do this I carnt take no more pressure thought I was doing the right thing taking kids away from it, I was wrong I figure maybe people want me to work it out that want gonna happen couldn't bend over backwards anymore x
hi hun u di do ryt thing in leeving, u did it for kids hun,why wud ur ex get residency,if u adnt left god nos wot wud of appended hun,ope u are ok tonyt, im ere hunxx
Kiera thanks I'm in need of some help right now, carnt take it anymore
caffcass have so much to answer for, don't know where to turn
aw hun im ere tonyt if u want keep messageing me, are any of ur children with u hunxx
Yeah I have kids with me, carnt take it, iv had enough why was I so stupid to leave what a stupid twat I am to think it would ever work I should of k own better ;( carnt do this
Just look at your user name...you can do this and you are in the process of doing this.
I do understand how incredibly hard it feels at times and how the path of least resistance (staying with your ex) might seem 'sensible' in your darkest moments, but you are learning all the time that it wasn't wise to stay with him. You ex sounds both manipulative and aggressive - is the kind of behaviour you would like your children to grow up considering 'ok'?
Stick with the Freedom Programme - and us here on the boards. We will be popping on and off through out the festive period, so if you have the urge to off load, feel free. But the Samaritans, as Louise suggested, is a good call too. I know they are manned throughout the Christmas period if you would rather speak to someone directly.
Take care x
Thankyou Mary,
I don't want my children to grow up thinking it's ok .. That's why I left.. For them... To grow and have freedom to develop their own personalitys they were very surrpressed before... Then came along caffcass .... And missed the boat completely and recomended he have residency of all of them .... So adds to the confusion a bit more doubt in my cauldron along with the mixed messages from the court and others.
Got a daughter that's 11, children grow up so fast but she's a very young 11 she has asked Santa for a doll an outfit and other toys I'm sure it's down to how we lived.
X
hi hun how are u today, i do really feel for u ,how cafacss recomeded residency to horrible man like tht, but these men put on very gud acts, but cafcass shud b trained in seein thru um, xx
My wa worker said very similar to what you said kiera.
One big problem is time with caffcass but it children's lives and future here how can they spend so little time with a family.
I think it's a problem with a lot of 'expert' agencies - they only ever see a 'snapshot' of what a family's situation is, not the whole picture. And it can be hard to keep calm and explain things when you feel like they are making bad decisions that concern your children's lives. Which then leads the experts to see you as someone who flies off the handle, and so more problems occur...
I hope you can continue to put your case forward and CAFCASS start to see more of how your ex truly is - though that may take some time. Masks always slip eventually though, so I'm sure he'll trip himself up in some way. Shame no one knows when that might happen.
I hope your daughter - and you and your other children - have a wonderful time this Christmas. You know where we are, should you need us.
x x
I carnt do it I'm not doing it anymore I'm not dealing with losing my kids
hi i do understand, really ope cafcass see thru him cafcass avnt dun report on ex yet,thinkin wot wil ex say to um, wil they believe him, doubt it as his criminal record spks for itself u c, i av never bin in trouble with police .iav dun everythin courts av asked, he asnt so really nothin worri bout, and ur same hun, i am thinkin of u hunxx
Imdoingthis, the important thing is you haven't lost them. You can not tell how this situation will finish up, no matter how much you agonise over it.
Hang in there. I know you can do it x x
I know what you mean doesn't take away the worry the stress of it,
It's so unfare
Sorry? The CAFCASS report said he should have fulltime care of the children? or that he should be able to see them all?