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It's how to find a way to get to February really and I don't know how, it's like dragging I carnt move on ;(
hi im doing this how are u hun, wot av u bin upto, i asv cafcass cumin myn wed, but im not worrying, ope ur ok hunxx
Ok so the court will be in February, then? Yes it will seem hard to wait but in the meantime you have your younger children with you, they have all their Christmas activities to look forward to you and they want you to enjoy it all with them.
Thanks Loiuse x
Well I guess I take it all in my stride it's like living with him because you learn to protect yourself against him, you learn the emotional protection and physical you learn to please so he don't kick off etc etc , this is no different this is just more of his shit his cowardly shit because it's only me he's like this with no one else? Does he start punching his mate in the pub or calling him names? No he don't.
This is more of him more of his tyranny , more of him
I just ride my little boat through the waves and smile because I really don't care anymore we have new life now, we have moved on and are moving on,
Only I KNEW how to escape him only I knew how to leave safely for us, I now have to deal with it but I did it for us.
You don't allow yourself to feel anything that's the key
Just got text from my daughter said " I love you mum" f****** cry's an understatement
Yeah right blocking, and riding the waves really works , I really know how to protect myself Been told some s*** too wtf
hi hpw are u hun, im ok,. plodding on ike u do, we av to dont wexx
Hi Imdoingthis, your children do love and adore you and want to see you happy. No child wants more for their parents.
I am reading your posts and thinking that your ex is too much in your life. What new ways can you think of having less involvement with him? What changes can you make to keep moving forward?
Hi Anna, I don't know and I don't think there is anything else I can do to get him out my life, I'm doing it all I think.
What else can I do ?
hi im doing this how are u, well i ad get soliciter and police to get rid of ex, even then he stil mithered, it was court and everythin tht cum out bout him tht got rid of him and ive heard nothin since, not easy i no,even upto court he was leavin messages to try get me to respond to him but i blanked him as they say no contact is only way, just cos u av kids with this man doesnt mean u av to see him, like hell am i seein my ex again mean in court i av do but thts it, ex was sayin he ad bin in accidents in work and he as put my name down for mediation he was tryin alsorts but blanked him, ws hard tho x
if i can do it u can xxxxxxxx
Hello IDT
It is sad that the only way to cope is to "not feel anything". I think Anna is right, the less you can have him in your life the better, and I know that is not totally possible, so you need other things FOR YOU, in his place, you have already started doing this with the Freedom Programme, just keep thinking "me and the kids, me and the kids"
The text your daughter sent was just lovely 
I am thinking thrid party. Who can be there instead of or as well as you when you pass the children over? How else could you communicate if it was absolutely necessary? Email, member of his family.
I think it is about you standing up for yourself and letting him know that you are not open for discussion or casual calls.
Hi Anna
There is no one all really
I understand what you mean.
Im worried x
hi hunhow are u, av u bin ok, cafcass lady cum see me today it went ok, i did get upset when i kinda went thru all tht ad appened with ex, like reliving it again, i cud b marracced again, she wanted to no risk to me if ex ad contactx
Morning IDT
The third party idea does seem a good one, what about the friends you have? (it need not be the same person each time) It can seem REALLY hard to reach out for help to other people, as if admitting you're weak. You aren't, you are sooooo strong.
Have you ever had anything to do with an organisation called Home Start? It is a scheme where they match a volunteer to a family and they become an extra pair of hands, it is only available where there is a child under 5 in the family but I have heard such good reports of it. Have any of the agencies you have worked with mentioned it? Look here to see some details
Wish this would all end hate his torment
His tyranny his sick sick game
If he ever toutches my daughter then what? I stood in court and sobbed, I told what happened
hi im doin this how are u av u bin court bi conmfused wot as append ope u are okxx
It is good that you told the court what happened, IDT. I know that things can seem very bleak late at night. Take heart, you are moving forward.
Did you read my post about Home Start? I just think you could do with some hands-on support.
Hi Louise thanks, I just worry about her, how does he get to care for her I will never know, if anything happens at least I tried.
Yes I'm in touch with homestart thanks ;) I think I brave face it to much I don't know.
At least Im moving on with my life now, he isn't stopping that.
I am me now and I do as I wish, if he wants to mess with his kids life there's not much I can do, but he carnt mess with mine anymore x
hi im doin this how are u, my support worker cant cum court with me gutted, worried bout it already, cafcass lady said cub b adjorned as he asnt dun drug test at all,dreadin it when i do av to go my soliciter on holiday til next wed, feel down today are u feelin better hunx
Hi Kiera, I'm ok thanks Hun.
Iv not been back to court but I was just talking about last time x
glad ur ok , im not really dont elp av ad hr kip little girl ad me up most nyt again, she so demandin, i dont get a min, got alot on my mind, my heads alova place today hunx
Hi Kiera
Carnt the chdrens centre arrange another person to go with you ? They should do I'm sure.
Who else could go with you?
At least your carcass visits out the way now ;)
It's another step Hun, why dont u treat yourself? It is Friday ;)
Take care hun x
hi lol its ok, i get the message lol, well gona ring wave and see can sum1 go with me, really dont want go on my own, dreadin seein him, cud b adjourned cos he asnt dun drug test, wait for my soliciter cum bk off holidaysx
Hi keira i think that it would be good to see if you can get someone else to go to court with you, or if the date has been changed then maybe they can attend the new date.
Good morning IDT
You know what? I think you hit the nail on the head again (you are pretty good at that I find 
) You DO put a brave face on it so maybe people don't always realise how difficult things are. If you have a current HomeStart volunteer then do share with them, you need a hadn to hold. It is not being weak, it is being sensible. What are you doing over the weekend?
hi im doin this how are u today really ope ur ok, did u sleep okxx
Hi Louise, I went out last night, I made some new friends from the freedom p.
Today I'm rapping Xmas presants
I am feeling more together more happy, well I realized that my kids are everything to me they are my world.and always will be, but I am me too, I am a person and I will fight tooth and nail to keep them, because I believe it's in their best interest, but I am me and I need to have a life too, not sure if that makes sense or not.
I will love my children where ever they live.
Hi kiera I think I drank a bit too much feeling a bit rough bit I'll be ok x how u today u feeling any better xx
Hi idt. I'm glad you had an evening out.
Very organised wrapping presents - I've not even thought of presents yet.
I'm really glad to know you're feeling happier about things. Long may that continue.
Best wishes.
hi im doin this god wrappin presents avnt started exmas shoppin yet lol, im bit better today, im hope ing lady from wave wil cum with me, for support so ive left a message,i ad drink baileys last nyt with ice nice, and i ad gud nyt sleep as i slept in my sons bed he gave up his bed for me, x
Hi Imdoingthis.
Great to hear that you have made new friends on the Freedom Programme and that you had a good night out. It often helps to life the spirit.
You are right, this is your life and you must take control of it. You will protect your children like a lioness and you must whatever the circumstances.
How are your eldest two?
Thanks all x
My oldest two are ok I think, I don't see them very often
He was being a twat last night ..sigh wish I could move to mars
Kiera have you herd from the lady at wave yet?
hi im doing this im ok, avnt heard from wave, gons ring um again today, wot was ur ex doin hun, do u stil av contact with ex cos of kids, i dont see my eldest very much as she is at uni, she stayed sunday nyt so was pleased, x
and mars wud stil b to close lol
Glad to hear you're going to 'take the reins' and ring WAVE, kiera.
Your last post made me smile 
If I moved to mars he'd find me outa f'ing space outa Mongolia china There's to much needs to be done to educate ' authorities' Womans aid are running g their man enough campaign worth looking at if your a man , a real one that is x Kiera any luck with wave yet if not keep ringing them a lot x Thinking of you
hi hun how are u, not heard off wave left 2 messages,wot av u bin upto hunxx
Hi I have been freedom p and had him stressing me out he was out my house.
There's been lots going on
Wish this sight had a private message system
Hi Imdoingthis, I am sorry to read that there is a lot going on.
I hope you and the children are ok. It is not acceptable for him to keep turning up. Did you call the police when he came to your house? If not you might consider reporting it anyway.
I agree that there is a lot to be done to educate the 'authorities', perhaps that is something you will work on, when this is all over for you?
You have a lot of experience and know how.
Hi Anna no I def did not call the police no way although they got the whif's that s**ts been going on I got things happening that help they been good but too sh*t scared to talk to them One day it's all over one day he will leave us in piece x
hi hun how are u, im ok got court wed, got support,my mate goin with me, and victum support b there, and cafcass report was gud, stil no contact and residence order bin grantedx
It all sounds good Hun x I'll be thinking of you x
I'm not to good, had enough of all this stress making me Ill carnt believe I could loose my kids in few months.
X
It's not in their best interest why would a court do that
It's sh*t all this b*llocks should of never tried to LEAVE he had me cought in his sticky dirty net should of stayed stuck and dirty and thought I could ever attempt for us to ever be happy. People help him carry on his sh*t too they help him because they are so blind So fed up don't know where to turn
Is there ever a happy ending to leaving abusive relationship By time every ones done there's no point leaving is there? He's uses every sw court etc to help him along nicely Wish he would just do it have the bottle man up and do it but no he'll get everyone else to do his dirty work for him None of it'd help is it Wa are help real help but that's it no one else gives a sh*t.
Good morning IDT, I have been off for a few days so just catching up properly now. By the way I have edited your last few posts a bit for language, we do try to keep things the equivalent of a PG certificate at the cinema
It is good that you have found Women's Aid to be such a help but I agree it can see seem as if no-one else "gets it"
As for whether you can ever escape from an abusive relationship then the answer is yes, there are many women and men on here who have done just that, including ANNA
You keep saying that you are worried about losing the children. The recent CAFCASS report was very much in your favour and people seem to be telling you that there is no chance of you losing them, so where is that feeling coming from?
The carcass report wasn't in my favor louise, it's recommended him to care for all the children x
So I mean , is there a happy ending where I get to keep my children after leaving x
Hello IDT
I agree it is strange that they are signing you off when you still want and need support. Do you think it is because you put a "brave face" on when they come round? (I think that is what I would be inclined to do, because they are "the authorities") so they don't realise you still need support.
Every day is a day nearer the time when you will feel stronger, maybe you could say this to yourself? And every day you can find something positive, whether it is something one of the children has done, the way the sunshine looks on the grass (what sunshine??) the fact that you felt good enough about yourself to look in the mirror and put on some mascara or something you have enjoyed on TV.Would you give this a try?