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Morning everyone
Sparkling I am glad that work went well, good luck with all the transportation this morning, what a good idea to say he had to finish his essay first before Hobbycraft! Once he has been and youngest has gone to his friend's, hopefully you will get a peaceful afternoon.
PQ lovely to see you, though it sounds as if you have had your hands full. You're right: they behave worse and worse to get our attention. I wonder if using the "first..then" would help in that situation, as in "when you can speak to me in a civil manner then I willl discuss this with you". You would have to say this over and over again in a calm voice and if neccessary lock yourself in the toilet! Spiteful things...if you could manage to think they are amusing, that might be one way to cope. Not that you think it is funny she is behaving badly, but as if you don't take her opinion seriously. This runs counter to a lot of other parenting strategies but now she is getting older it is time to add to your collection of techniques. Teens hate to be laughed at, and although it will make her more cross, it would be a deterrent for repeating the behaviour. Wow, it's tough though. Hope you get some decent sleep this weekend, and ready for the birthday 
Sally what a good idea to change the colour emphasis by doing that, you are so clever! Congrats on the birth of your new nephew, lovely news for the family. Enjoy your weekend.
I got the tyres done on the car, it annoyed me because the car is such an old banger that I resent spending money on it but also I needed a solid block of time on the book, I will do that today and that should be my bit finished. Son has been told to wear a shirt and tie to work so we had a lot of humming and haaing and hanging a shirt up overnight in the hope that the creases (from previously throwing it in a ball on the floor) would disappear.
Hope you all have a good day
How are you all? Look forward to hearing your news. Did anyone watch The Voice last night? What's for dinner today?
I was with my friend yesterday, the one who's just lost her dog. The dog was buried yesterday afternoon, so there were a few friends with her.
I did take the 18 year old out yesterday morning. We went to Chester to Hobbycraft, and then we ended up in an ancient model shop in Llandudno, with a brilliant owner who was so helpful. We did have a good time there!
I didn't watch The Voice last night, but will try to catch it on iPlayer.
I'm wanting to run away again. Perhaps with all these days off, I just may do that at the end of the week. I'm sure I should be finding things easier now.
Ouch sparkling, running away. You know what, I don't think it gets easier, the stresses are just different ones. The added pressure for you is that your son has special needs and that is more time-demanding than a chap without those needs would be. On the other hand, more or less all 18 year olds are a worry in different ways...more fool me for thinking that as the clock chimed for their 18th birthday, that was my job done. WRONG 
My eldest is at last less of a worry but he is 24 now. My hairdresser's son is 25 and she also tells me that about one year ago her son suddenly settled down. And of course you have young J who is well into his teens now. Big HUG coming your way tonight, it feels like you and I hoped we were going to get remission for good behaviour but it hasn't happened yet!
How is everyone tonight? As son was going out for tea I got some fish for me (he doesn't like it) I have also been to the tip to chuck out a clothes airer that has broken and I got a new duvet as I have still been using the 4.5 tog one and it is getting rather cool, HA
Morning all,
Had a great brithday weekend with A. She had 2 friends over on saturday for a 'not' sleepover, they were noisy but well behaved and seemed to have a good time. Yesterday we went out for a meal in the evening, just the 3 of us, which was good fun, the girls are great company when they are being nice to each other.
Big hug for you sparkling, I felt like running away last week, hang in there.
I often have fish if I'm eating on my own for the same reason louise, or if I eat out I'll usually choose a fish dish.
Hi Everyone
Glad the Birthday weekend went well PQ.
Thankfully my lot like fish, two of them are not keen on prawns, but other than that will eat most other fish.
How are you today sparkling, do you still feel like doing a runner?
I managed to get quite a bit done at the weekend cleaning and that sort off thing, neices Birthday party went well, having an early night tonight with a book that a friend lent me and hope to catch up on some sleep too.
Brrr it's chilly here this morning it is all icy outside, i hope you have all had a good evening.
I'm out meeting a few clients today, then will be catching up on paperwork at the office.
What are you all up to today?
I'm glad A had a good birthday pq.
I'm not working today, which feels odd. I need to go into college as 18 year old is starting to fall behind again. We're nipping it in the bud, it seems.
Then I'm going to see my pensioner friend who lost her dog on Friday. I may not make it to the gym but so bit it. She needs company at the moment. Then I need to pick up 18 year old later as he's finishing college late as he's doing GCSE English as a re-sit, then seeing MiL for a game of boggle.
So a busy day...
Yes its icy here too, had to defrost the car this morning!
Just a normal work day for me. Sounds like you'll be racing around a bit today sparkling.
Good Afternoon everyone 
Hi PQ how are you doing?
How did it go at college sparkling did you manage to come up with a managable plan for your 18 year old? schools are pretty hot on catching them when they are falling behind, i know when my son was slacking awhile back they put him into upgrade for three months. How is your friend that lost her dog? did you manage to get over feeling odd about not being at work?
How are you Louise, i hope you had a good day off?
Hope the rest of you are well keira, Skyflower......
Everyone enjoy your evening, i'm cooking tuna steaks for dinner..... then i'm going to sit around with a face pack on and looking green like the incredible hulk (have had spot out break) so am trying to give my face abit of TLC.
Sounds good Sally, tuna steaks! How did your face mask go ? How is your friend PQ ? And how is it now for you at work Sparkling ?
For me it is the waiting game for the next hearing and trying to keep focussed. Am doing the parent training on here and tonight I've been for the first time to the course parenting teenagers which was very interesting. didnt have any sleep last night so hope tonight is better. Hope everyone has a relaxing evening
We have a plan in place with college. He is going to do it, he says...
I did get to see my friend, and glad there was a houseful there. She's understandably very upset, but early days.
It is odd facing two days a week at work, but I'm formulating a plan and hoping that I will be positive about things. Pulling financial reins in further will be the main challenge. if I can get a business up and running it will be a while before it starts to bring in an income. It will be, hopefully, something my 18 year old will take control of and bring an income for his future. We shall see.
Take care everyone. Thinking of those of you with so much to deal with xx
Hello everyone, how are you doing?
PQ that is good that A's birthday do went well. Eeek, now she is is fully-fledged teenager. I was wondering if when my son reaches his 20th birthday this summer I could say right you're not a teen any more so from now on I expect model behaviour, haha. I don't think so. How is work? Hope your car is doing ok with the wintry weather, mine has got a leak somewhere so it keeps steaming up. Do you keep your car on the road outside? (rather than a garage, I mean, not in the living room 
)
Skyflower I do hope you had a better night, it's awful when you can't sleep and things are going round in your head. Have you tried the thing of imagining a big pirate chest and mentally "putting" your thoughts in there? just to give yourself a break for a while. What are you up to today?
Sparkling wow that was a busy day. How did you get on at college? It's a new regime with work and will take a while to get used to it. Who won at Boggle? I wonder if you ever watch Countdown on TV.
Sally you will feel pampered and nourished with the face-pack. I like those strips that you can put on your nose! Hope your tuna was nice. I had some curry but got very burpy later so won't be buying that particular sauce again!
One counselling client yesterday, the other two could not come. I find it quite frustrating when I have committed the time. Had a lie-in, though, and saw some friends in the evening. Eldest is staying with his girlfriend as his fridge freezer has broken down. The landlord is getting him another one and he is enjoying being with her, though I had to snigger as it was his day off yesterday and she got him to clean her house from top to bottom, she has her head screwed on
Morning,
Hi Louise, my car is on the street so not protected from the cold! It stuttered a bit this morning so I hope it's not the start of things to come! I think I've also got a leak as there is constant mist around the edges of the windscreen, the joy of being a car owner!!
Had an awful evening with the girls last night. A was winding H up until she got herself into a complete rage. I had to physically move her into her bedroom and shut the door as she was going to either hit her sister or break something. Both of them told me that I'm an awful parent and they don't want to live with me anymore. H is still angry this morning....I just don't know what to do?
Oh poor you, PQ. I hope you do not believe them one iota when they say you are a bad parent. Firstly, you aren't...and secondly of course it has to be "your fault", otherwise it is theirs, and they can't have that!
Try not to respond when they say hurtful things like this. Don't forget they are trying to be more and more extreme to get a reaction so rising to it actually means they have "won". It's very hard when you have no-one to talk to about it, or the other parent to be on your team, though.
I guess what I have done with the boys when they get like this is to say calmly oh dearie me, I wonder where you are going to live then? They knew (as do your girls) that mum was their best and only option, and that dad was not an alternative. That probably made them more cross and more likely to lash out (verbally) at me, instead of thinking what side their bread was buttered on.
Read the famous teen book again. Remember that the main "task" of a teen is to reject their parents' authority and to establish themselves as a separate individual. That is not to say that we just tolerate dreadful behaviour but there is something rather sad about their lack of power in the situation. You might also want to read this article about Family Contracts, which is a useful tool when you need to get tough.
Hope you are being good to yourself!!!
Hi
I'm not sure if this is the right place for this but I just wanted to pass on some reassurance to Skyflower. Generally a Judge will read any report from a social worker (favourable or unfavourable) , who the courts recognise as a professional in their own right, and will take their views on board. It is extremely rare that a S7 or S37 report is ignored and over-ruled. How do I know this? I am a social worker.
I hope this helps.
Abra
Thanks Louise, I will read the book again, I refer to it fairly regularly.
I worry about H and her anger. I have a bruise on my hand from her antics last night. If she is like this now aged 10, what is she going to be like when she is 15? Sometimes I can see in her face that she has really lost control of herself which is why I feel I have to physically remove her, but I wont be able to do that as she gets older and bigger, and to be honest I don't want to be doing it either as its unpleasent for both of us.
Big Hug PQ, raising teenagers aint easy, there are quite a few books out there one that i read which is good is called Teenagers! what every parent has to know by Rob Parsons if you click the link you can check out some reviews about it.
Thanks for your in put on the socail services reports Abra.
Glad to hear that your friend is doing o.k. Sparkling, Good luck with your business venture.
Hey Skyflower the face mask went well face felt fresher afterwards, i think that i might have to change my moisturiser as my skins been really dry which is what i think somehow caused the spot out break.
Your sons girlfriend is a smart lady Louise, can empathise with you on the committing of your time and people not turning up.
We have singing tonight, have some beef in the slow cooker so it should be ready for when we get back.
Hello Abra, good to see you in here and thanks for that comment for Skyflower, spoken from your experience
Sally what are you singing at the moment? Your slow cooker came in handy! I love mine and there will be a sausage casserole going in it very shortly.
PQ it feels like as well as you as a parent looking at things to do with H's anger, it is time for ask HER to address it too. She is 10 now and whilst a lot of children in year 6 get what I call "too big for their boots" and get firmly put in their place at secondary school, anger in young people seems to be becoming an increasing problem. Do you think she would talk to someone outside the family about her feelings of anger, where she thinks they come from, how she feels when that emotion sweeps over her? Sometimes they have someone in school who can chat with them, or sometimes a family friend can help out. Does she recognise what an issue it is becoming?
Sparkling, how are you doing?
Skyflower did you get a better night?
I have some shopping errands to do today then am doing some work on a sci-fi book; it is about a post-apocalyptic world. Not my cup of tea!
Hope you are all ok today, look forward to hearing your news
Morning!
Hi louise, there is someone at school so I will see if they can help, she was better last night but woke up today with her 'angry' head on. She does understand that its an issue because one of the things she said to me in a fit of rage yesterday was 'I know you don't like me because I have anger issues'. I've been to my GP twice in the past and been referred for help but they've always said she isn't struggling enough so they can't give us any support. In my opinion if they help us now they could prevent potential issues cropping up in the future, it just doesn't make sense to me. So glad I found you all on here, it helps so much.
Really considering getting a slow cooker, will have a look in the sales this weekend I think
Hi Louise the slower cooker is one of my best friends, i haven't done saugages in there yet so will have to give that ago, i'm reading a book written by a child psychiatrist about the effects of trauma on children and if they can ever truly over come it, it is rather a gripping book and though tough to take at times it is interesting.
Hey PQ, i hope the school are able to offer up some support for H, have you spoken with H when she is calm about what triggers her off?
Hope everyone else has had a good day.....enjoy your evening
Oh and Louise were practising worship songs, there is a dedication in a couple of weeks.
Thank you very much, Abra that is so helping. The section 7 was overruled by him though and the Cafcass officer was fired as she had ignored his findings. The section 37 report of last year though as this was coming out together with the paediatrician report (checking for FII) was taken aboard at the time, as they were both positive for me . This time it's just section 37 again.
Good morning
I am really noticing the evenings getting a little bit lighter, are you? Makes me feel spring is not far away, whoopee!
Skyflower, how are you doing? Are you saying there will be a further Section 37 now?
PQ yes, slow cookers are great. I even cook little joints of meat in mine. if you get one, let us know and I will give you my top tips. I echo what Sally has said, are you able to talk with H about her anger at times she is calm? It's something about getting a balance between empathising with her feelings and yet giving her to understand that the behaviour is totally unacceptable. You as the parent needs to stay the boss! As far as the GP goes, their resources are limited as they tend to refer young people to the local CAMHS service and this is usually so overloaded that they only take on the more serious cases. Agree with you that prevention is better than cure! as with so many things but maybe we could take this on board ourselves and work with you so that the prevention happens at home?
Sally, I love singing. Your book sounds interesting, if challenging. The sausage casserole: I dry fry the sausages and out them in with the veg on Medium for about 5-6 hours but I guess you could do it on Low for 10 if you are out all day. I use those packs of ready cubed carrot and swede in mine, but find they need boiling for about five minutes before going in the cooker. For liquid I use a sausage casserole mix dry packet, made up with the least water I can get away with to cover the ingredients, but you could use a tin of chopped tomatoes I guess.
What's everyone up to today? I have a church coffee thing later and also hope to finish off editing the sci-fi book
Morning all,
I have had a couple of chats with H. I think she has quite a low self esteem, she has said a few times that she thinks she's ugly or fat (neither are true), I try to give her plenty of random compliments. I also think she is still unsure about her relationship with her dad, and where she fits in with his life. There isn't any structure to when they see him anymore which doesn't help.
Whats everyone up to this weekend? The girls are out tomorrow so I'm going to meet a freind for a posh coffee
Pancakequeen I really think you are a good mum, you are always thinking things through and trying to help them, supporting them. I am right now doing a course in parenting for teenagers, which is very helpful in striking a balance in supporting them and laying firm rules.
You also hear other parents dealing with the same problems and how they are dealing with them, which is very helpful as you get support and good ideas and see that you are not alone in this.
Thank you for your support Pancakequeen, and Louise you are so supportive and so very helpful in guiding us and yes Louise, it is
Thank you Skyflower,
I've heard the parenting teenager courses are very good. Unfortunately the one they run near me is on during the day and I work full time so not able to attend. They do put on a session where I work every so often which I go to if I can they have been great.
Afternoon everyone...
Hey Skyflower do you you have any plans for the weekend? what would you say has been the most helpful thing that you have learnt on the course you are doing?
Great that your colleagues/work place have been supportive PQ, are you able to talk to the girls dad to arrange some contact?
Thanks for the sausage recipe Louise, did you complete the editting of the sci fi book?
Ballet tonight, going to drop in on a friend for a coffee and a catch up whilst L is there. A is going to choose dinner tonight as a treat because she did well in her german oral exam today.
Hope everyone enjoys their weekend.
Yes I ask him often to have the girls more. He just says that's what he wants too.......but then doesn't do anything about it.
The more sleep plan has finally started. Had a little dose after work today :-)
Glad you are getting a little more sleep Pancakequeen, it makes such a difference to have that little more, hope you will have a nice time tomorrow, love a posh coffee
i am just so scared. My youngest was interviewed and he said he didn't really want to see his dad because it was not safe and that he was scared the court would separate him from me as he cried. I think I am now in trouble. I never talk about court with them as I am not allowed to but as in the last hearing the judge said if the kids did not improve and be happy to see their dad he wanted them in care, i did tell them that they had to be very positive about visiting or the court might take them away from me. The youngest was showing he was fine in visiting but as my ex stopped it himself in July the youngest did not want to restart and copies the eldest. can't sleep
Hello Skyflower, and how are you this morning? Hope you got some sleep in the end.
Skyflower, it just seems contradictory, doesn't it? A child tells the truth, that they do not want to see their parent (the reasons may include because their sibling has said that, because they are scared of the whole "court" scenario and because they feel rejected by that parent, who was the one who stopped the contact) and yet the outcome may be the very opposite of the child's wishes. Taking the common sense view, based on my 12 years of seeing parents go through court, it feels like this is off my radar, in other words yes, I have of course heard of, and worked with, the parental alienation that they seem to be alleging, but there are only a few specialist psychologists in the country who can confirm this, and the outcome of these cases is still not for the children to go into care, it is for supported work to go on to help the children and the alienated parent to rebuild their relationship.....and that leaves me wondering whether that judge's remark about care was said to shock you and to make you realise the extent of his powers. Obviously I am not a lawyer, so I can't say definitively...it is just that they have to have real, hard evidence to remove a child. I hope I am right and that this is going to work out for you, Skyflower. Big HUGS.
Morning, one and all and it's the weekend!
PQ hope you enjoy your posh coffee today. It sounds as if you know what is going on with H, hope you will get some support from the school. The teen courses...there is one called Riding the Storm that is run by Relate, click here to find your nearest office and ask if there is one planned. They are usually in the evenings. However, I deinfitely think it is about the balance between empathy and being a bit tough. Teenagers love boundaries, however hard they kick against them. My son's 19 now but he still likes some boundaries because he doesn't quite trust himself to set them so it feels safe to him...of course, at his age I am encouraging him to set them but H is 10 and she needs you to stand firm. That's hard when they are hurling insults at you. Remember they don't mean those, it is to get a reaction. "Rise above it" is a good motto.
Sparkling, how's it going for you?
Sally, hope you have a good weekend. What did A choose for dinner?
I had a meal out last night, well it was the church organising it at the local cricket club, curry yum yum, to say thank you to the people who are on the various duty rotas, I am a helper with the babies and smallest children in the creche. Had a really good laugh with a group of friends, always a tonic!
Hoping to finish the scifi book today, then am at a brass band concert tonight!
Thank you Louise for your lengthy explanation. The psychologiist chosen already made those statements which was accepted by the Court, even though many professionals (paediatrician, first social worker, CAMSH, independent psychiatrist) have contradicted this report. The Court still work with it and I have to work with it. Thank you for trying to reassure me but the things they do are so incredibly dishonest. Thank you for hugs x
Wat a lovely time you seem to be always having Louise ! enjoy your band tonight !
Morning
Hope you ok skyyflower. Lying awake at night with things racing round your head is awful. Have you got much on today.
The girls are having a sleepover with thier dad tonight so I've got the TV remote all to myself! It will be the voice followed by silent witness from last week I think? Will probably havd salmon for dinner too and lots of sleep:-)
Ooh yes, salmon, PQ. I have to admit to being in charge of the remote all the time! what is really funny is if I go out for the evening, when I get back, not only is my youngest in possession of the remote, he is also sitting on my bit of the settee, he must think that is pole position haha. Hope you have a lovely evening, and some peaceful rest.
Skyflower, even if they accept this psychologist's report, they should be finding a way to work with you, not threatening you like that, and maybe that is the way forward for you, to say..."whilst I do not think what was said is true, let us find the way to work things through"? it is incredibly frustrating for you to have this "label" plastered on you.
As for the brass band, my friend is in the local Lions and it is in aid of a laser machine for the hospital. I have finished the sci-fi novel and sent it off. The house is like Widow Twankey's laundry today
Enjoy the band Louise.
My slow cooker has decided it's had enough, and I need a new one. As I need a 6-litre one, it might have to wait.
I've noticed the days are getting longer. Thank goodness.
Loads of hugs to those who need them...
Thank you Louise and PQ and Sparkling, you are so helpful. I will do that,sounds so much fun, the brassband with a lasershow. Thats going to be a good show.
Yes the day's are getting longer, much better apart from missing an extra hour sleep soon. Hope your cooker gets soon replaced.
Sounds like a good plan PQ, lots of sleep, and the remote all to yourself
thank you xx
Met my friend for posh coffee......ended up buying new boots and having a glass of wine! All good fun :-)
Sounds really lovely Pancakequeen. I am so incredibly hard working as I have a house move very very soon.
The thought of moving house fills me with dread! Do you have a lot of packing to do?
Didn't watch the voice in the end but did watch last week's silent witness.
Enjoying a nice cup of tea in bed and reading Alan Partridge autobiography, it's really funny but probably only if you're a fan!
Morning everyone and how are you doing?
PQ I loved Steve Coogan in Philomena. Alan P is a very funny character! Your day sounded nice, new boots eh. good for you!
Skyflower when will the move be and will it be far? I don't envy you doing the packing, but maybe a good motivator for decluttering stuff you don't really need?
Sparkling yes a big slow cooker for your team! The main aim is to get one before the warm weather so you don't have to have the big oven on.
Band was really good, they were all teenagers, so talented. My friend, who was helping to organise it, wasn't there when I arrived...she got there eventually, having fallen asleep at home after a long shopping trek, haha.
Some One Space news: we have been shuffling things around to fit in with our funding budget and what is happening is that Anna and Sally will be here during the week, and me at weekends, just so you know what is happening
What is everyone up to today? I am hoping to meet a friend for lunch, which might (fingers crossed) mean no cooking!
Morning all. Lots going on in my 'world' so difficult sometimes to get on here. Not forgotten any of you (promise)
Louise, you'll be missed lots in the week, but am sure you've plenty to keep you busy. Enjoy your lunch with friend. Off to do ironing!
It is a lot of work and yes, lots to do away with of course, there always is.
I can't imagine you only being the weekends on here Louise, you are so incredibly knowledgable in so many areas. I hope you enjoy the editing and your councelling job, have a lovely lunch
Well I will still be here and in touch with everyone and Anna and Sally will be here too so you get all three of us...extra good!
Hazeleyes that word "ironing" strikes fear into my heart.....
Skyflower do you ever watch those TV programmes where they help someone sort out all their stuff? They are awesome!
TV programmes where they help someone sort out all their stuff ? what is it called ? You mean helping them throw away stuff 
No never saw it I am going to look for it now and get some ideas ! It would be nice to have some help with it.
Have a nice week Louise
I will miss you too Louise. I do hope that you enjoy your editing, and look forward to the weekend catch ups.
My neighbour, who does my head, but who I think the world of has died. She was found in the armchair on Saturday when a friend couldn't get hold of her. It seems she died peacefully. Although she had emphesema, I was with her on Thursday and she seemed well and happy. She came with me to the gym and I dropped her in town. She always got the bus home.
I've been away for the weekend, and the children didn't want to spoil the weekend for me, and sent a text yesterday afternoon.
We're quite shell-shocked.
I'm so glad we did the buffet thing on New Year's Day. That will be a good memory. Just wish I'd got the camera out.
Sorry to hear about your neighbour sparkling. Did you enjoy your weekend away?
A is off school today so have come to work for a few hours and then will go home again.
My friend and her son came round for sunday 'late' lunch yesterday, its so lovely to have people over for a roast dinner, a roast for seems a bit overkill!
Louise its a shame you'll only be here at the weekend, I will miss you, but glad that Sally and Anna will be here.
hi everyone hope eveeyone is ok, i no im not on ere much, sorry, well im at hospital today to see consultant, my eldest son ad another 2 siezures last week, got letter from dla sayi they are now lookin into my claim, so see wot they say, my little girl not we,, full cold and keeps coughin, keep er off nursery today, skyflower really ope ur ok, court is very hard. bin thru it, b strongx
I think sleeping more is an excellent new year's resolution!
I had to get the AA out when I had a puncture as I can't change a tyre any more! He was sweet though and pointed out that no one would have been able to open the wheel nuts.
Work today was ok. Three girls in the office, and it was a laugh as we do get on well. I even had a thank you when I left today. I just don't get this man.
I'm feeling shattered this evening, but a bit of running around to do this weekend. The 18 year old wants to spend his birthday money, so I have told him to finish his 3000 word essay and I'll take him to Hobbycraft in the morning to get some more Hornby stuff. It will take us just over an hour to get there. Then I have to get youngest to a friend's house up the road by 1pm, to timing will be critical!!
I hope everyone has a good weekend.