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thanks for the messages. A better day today thankfully. I had a really horrible nightmare last night, woke up thinking it was real. It was all about school and one of my classes being really nasty to me. Anyway the nightmare was very vivid and, it seems silly, but i went into school really nervous about teaching them today. The lesson with them this morning wasn't great but much better than the dream! and my other lessons actually went really well today so its made me feel quite upbeat. Anna, I think you are probably right in saying that the sooner the 5 day weeks come back again it might actually be a bit calmer.
I have found myself being quite thankful this week that I haven't had to rush home to get a meal cooked and the house tidy etc for my boyfriend coming over. Today i actually got everything i needed to do at school so no work this evening :) and its lovely just having a night to myself, going for a bath in a little while. Helped at Beavers earlier so glad of some peace now.
My moods swing so dramatically at the moment, today it seems much easier to be positive.
thanks for being there everyone, discovering a lot about myself i think at the moment
Hurray, you had an evening to yourself, how wonderful I hoped that you soaked it up!
My positive thing of today is that the sun is shining and its Friday, woop woop!
Have you got any plans for the weekend?
Just got back from a counselling session - it makes me feel so much better having unloaded everything and thought constructively about everything. Have been quite down for the past week or so but woke up this morning feeling much much better, I'd slept really well and despite having a very vivid dream that seemed to be giving a big message to me, I woke feeling incredibly refreshed and renewed. Even tho I got up at normal time I arrived at work 20 mins earlier than usual - still not sure how I managed it! It was great feeling i had a bit of extra time tho.
The feelings of sadness and loneliness have certainly shifted today - just hope they don't come back again at the weekend when i have time to think again. Working with the counsellor on actually feeling my feelings tho rather than always putting a brave face to people when i see them face to face.
thanks for all your advice, was really anxious about this week at work as loads to do but as always its not as bad as i thought it would be, need to put Anna's advice into practice - only think about what I'm doing right now!
pg x
Hi pinkg. It's great to hear you sounding so much more upbeat. Really pleased for you also that things seem to be settling down at school at last. Did you ask the counsellor about a few more appointments (sorry if I've missed a post on that one) xx
yep - apparently i can have 5 more appointments :), am going to space them out a bit more towards the last few sessions. originally she was only going to see me about 4 times in total but the hiccup with getting dumped seems to have had a silver lining in the form of more appointments!
shattered now, been marking all night, off to watch end of apprentice and then head for bed, thanks for your support hazeleyes xx
That's great that you can have a few more. I know counselling is not for everybody but I see it help so many people. Glad that the positive thing is helping. I quite often give myself a mini-appraisal, several times a day if I need some encouragement.
Hope the rest of the week at school goes Ok for you 
Hi pinkgrapefruit, happiness and light to you!
Excellent to hear that you got more counselling
Keep up the good work, it sounds as though you are doing really well. There are going to be ups and downs, just remember not to beat yourself up on the down days.
Did you enjoy the apprentice? I think there is another one on tonight!
I'm glad she's given you some extra appointments, and so glad the sessions are helpful.
xx
Great news regarding the sessions. It's good too that you're getting something out of them, and they are helping you. Hope today was a good one for you. xx
Hi everyone, not posted for a while but just wanted to say thanks for your support when I was so down. feeling much much better and happier at the moment. work is tough still but enjoyable most of the time. And its so nice to come home, spend time with son and then just suit myself - ie do more work in the evening or just watch tv or have a bath and not have the commitment of having my boyfriend round. That sounds odd now as at the time I used to really look forward to him coming round but now i look back and remember how rushed and hassled i felt all the time trying to squeeze everything in so that I could see him, and then when i saw him i'd have to make this big effort to cook, drink wine and stay up late when all i would have really liked sometimes was for him to make me a cup of tea, put my pjs on and him tuck me into bed for an early night - he never once did it tho! maybe i should have made that clearer from the start, if there ever is a next time, then i'm not going to pretend to be a domestic / work / sex goddess, i'm just going to be boring me and if they don't like it they can walk away right then!!
The counselling is going well, not got an appointment for 3 weeks now - quite interested to see how i'll cope during that time. I'm feeling calmer than I have done for years tho at the moment :) Was a strange feeling at first but i'm getting to quite like it now.
Son is good, we're both looking forward to half term next week - just a quiet week but we'll catch up with some old friends :)
hope everything is good with you all, thanks for being there
pg xxx
Hi pg, glad to hear your news. You are enjoying being single for a little while and I think you are right, when you meet someone else they need to be able to fit in with your busy life and understand that you need some early nights! A balance of PJ nights and getting dressed up nights (occasionally) woulod be great 
It is great that work is improving and even better that you are enjoying time with your lovely son
Hi pg, glad to hear your news. You are enjoying being single for a little while and I think you are right, when you meet someone else they need to be able to fit in with your busy life and understand that you need some early nights! A balance of PJ nights and getting dressed up nights (occasionally) would be great
It is great that work is improving and even better that you are enjoying time with your lovely son
Hi pg. You sound so much happier It's lovely to hear that you're enjoying the job more, even if it isn't all the time. Makes such a difference doesn't it? Your post was so upbeat, and it put a smile on my face. Really am pleased for you. Enjoy the holiday with your son, nice and chilled out one, just what the Doctor ordered, lol.
xx
I agree, you do sound happier.
Its good, I think, to realise what we would like out of a relationship too.
Half-term seems to have lept out of nowhere!
Hi pinkgrapefruit - fantastic post! If we had stars on these forums, I would post one to you. Well done - what I particularly like is when you say you are feeling calmer than you have done in years and that it was a strange feeling, but you are getting to quite like it now!! Hoorah! good for you! Single parenthood, definitely has its upsides!!
Hope you half term is going well?
Hope you're enjoying the break pinkgrapefruit.
xx
Me too. What have you and son been up too? Hope you've managed to catch up with some friends, or just spending time with the little fella is special isn't it? I love time with C but of course there are moments when I could scream for a bit of a break.
I sat my level 1 math last Wednesday, and fingers crossed that I've passed. I actually found it easy, but as soon as I left the room, I realised that I had at least two or three wrong. Oops!! Should get results in about two weeks.
hi everyone,
firstly well done hazeleyes on taking your maths exam - will keep my fingers crossed for you, sounds like you've done well tho :)
I'm still feeling very happy and calm. enjoying having a laid back half term. We met up with friends on monday, then yesterday son went to a football training day and today my parents have visited and we all got lots of gardening done, was amazing how much difference it made with more people helping rather than me just doing a bit - i feel like i've been ground-forced!
Been doing bits of marking for school in the evenings but thats fine, nothing too taxing. got a quiet day planned tomorrow then think i might use my national trust card to go for a day out on Friday and take a picnic.
I've realised in the last day or so that if ex boyfriend rang me (which i initially craved) I think all i could say to him is 'how dare you ring me now?' i've realised i don't need any answers from him and that i can get over this. its a lovely feeling to actually be happy just me and son - he's such good company these days.
thanks for all your lovely messages, hope you're having good half terms x
Send your parents round to me PG!!! Really pleased you're having a stressfree holiday. C is also great company, though of course has his moments, as do I hehe. Enjoy the picnic on Friday if you go. I'm still patiently waiting on the weather warming up LOTS. Take care. xxx
Am sure the sun is on its way to you hazeleyes, its roasting here, son and I have been lying on the sun loungers today - well until they started collapsing with us on them, very funny, now I know the problem with 10 year old sun beds that were the cheapest in the shop at that time! Thankfully neither of us got hurt whilst we were being gobbled up, the neighbours must have wondered what all the laughter was about! Weather forecast looks like its going to be lovely tomorrow too, hope it reaches you xx
Glad you're having fun.
Even we've had som sunshine today.
Hi pinkgrapefruit, glad to see that half term was fun filled and busy. It really sounds like you have turned a corner in your life.
How are things now you are back at school?
Hi pinkg, loved the story of the gobbling deckchairs. Can just picture the two of you folded hehe.
How's your first week back at school? Hopefully all is good your end. Only a matter of weeks now until the Summer hols, yeahhhhhhhhh. Take care. xx
Hi ladies,
firstly hazeleyes, have you heard if you've passed your maths exam yet? I've got my fingers crossed for you.
School was tough last week, lots of my classes have got their GCSE exam tomorrow so they were all panicing and I gave up my free periods and afterschool to run extra revision sessions for them - very tiring and stressful! hopefully this week will be a bit easier and am hoping to start winding down soon for the summer- maybe thats wishful thinking tho!
I'm still feeling much better, my counselling has been great. I feel like I'm much more in touch with my feelings etc and more willing to show them than I was previously so hopefully I don't bottle things up so much like I used to as then from time to time I just got overwhelmed by stuff when i could finally take no more. I'm loving it being just me and my son and probably for the first time since my husband left years ago I have no desire to meet anyone else, i finally seem able to be content with what I've got and am realising the benefits of it just being me and my boy :) Am bit nervous as only got a couple more counselling sessions left, am feeling ok in between sessions at the mo but am hoping that when I get a few months into my non-counselling future I don't revert back to how i used to act. At least I'm far more aware tho now I supppose.
right, can't put off work anylonger, still got my lessons to plan for tomorrow :(
hope you are all good :)
pg xx
Hi pg
Glad you have now got some good coping strategies, despite the stress. I was thinking you could ask your counsellor to recommend a book for you to get hold of after the counselling ends so that you have it handy. When you feel ready, you could have a think about your relationship that has just ended in terms of the "Are you the one for me" book as well, maybe?
It is soooooo good to hear that you have found some contentment and you are happy just with you and your son, if you DO meet someone special in the future you are now in a much better place.
Hope this week is less hectic!
I'm so glad that you're doing ok.
I hope you have a good week.
Hi Pg. Not heard about exam results yet, should be this week though. Keep everything crossed, not just fingers, think I may need it, hehe.
You are sounding great, which is fabulous to 'hear'. You're now at a place where you're finally content just being with you and your son, it's a lovely feeling isn't it? Glad school is going ok too. Hectic last week with the exams etc, but hopefully like you say, it won't be as stressful this week. Not long now and it's Summer hols here we come, yeahhhh. Well, not sure about the Summer bit, but the holidays at least
Hi pinkgrapefruit, great to read you are still feeling positive about life. It sounds as though you are really finding your feet, there probably will be difficult days ahead. But I can honestly say, after I found the right counsellor and had my time with her. I have never looked back, she saved my life!
You are getting stronger emotional and mentally, I think it is a great idea to have a good book to hand when you feel you might be slipping. And although it costs money, there are always plenty of counsellors around.
My daughter is doing her GCSE's and I really feel for the teachers having to get their students up to scratch and coping with their stress. Don't worry it will all be over soon! :)
What plans do you have for the summer?
grrrrrr fed up fed up fed up fed up fed up
hoping that makes me feel better, will explain more later xx
sorry about that, just had a bad day. Anna you were very clever to remark that there would be difficult days ahead! Did not enjoy school at all today, back to wondering why on earth I'm doing it. Counselling was good this afternoon but by the time i got home i was shattered, snapped at son, ate a massive bar of chocolate and generally feel very fed up. Just feel like wrapping myself in the duvet for a week and not have to bother with people. 5 and a half weeks to go til the end of term - no idea how i'm going to make it. feel like i need a day off sick tomorrow to recuperate and get back on an even keel but the thought of having to plan some work to send in for others to do is even more off putting. hopefully i'll feel better tomorrow.
I hope you do feel better in the morning.
Five and a half weeks will soon go (when you look back - when its ahead it seems a life time!). Just think of how proud you will feel having reached it!
Loads of hugs. Nothing wrong with the odd bar of chocolate - I'm having a bowl of ready brek!
Hi Pj. Share that chocolate hun, hehe. You are doing so well, this is just a blip. We all snap at our kids, so don't beat yourself up about that. Jesus, sometimes I'm like a crcocodile, hehe. Not long, and it will soon be the hols, hold on to that thought. xxxx
Hi pinkgrapefruit, even the best of us have hard days at work! dont let that cloud everything else.
Ok so you snapped at your son, we all do it to our nearest and dearest. You ate some chocolate - ok a whole bar, so what? This is just one day in many!
All is going well, you are happy in your space at the moment, you have just had a bad day and that is ok.
How are you feeling this afternoon/eve, (I am presuming you are reading this after school hours!)
Hi, thankfully i've had a much better day. I slept really well but had to struggle to get up this morning, just felt exhausted and also very wary of what the day might bring. Had a fairly good day at school tho - isn't it amazing that a terrible day is generally always followed by a much better one? Classes were ok and had chance to catch up with a few other teachers in my department - as its been so busy recently i feel like i haven't seen any of them as i've been locked away in my classroom with all my stressed kids! anyway it was nice just having a 15 min chat with the others today, and feeling like part of a team again, my boss is having a bbq on sunday that we are all going to, I'm taking my son, should be good (altho the weather forecast isn't too promising!)
I think Anna that you're right, it was just a bad day and I have to accept that everyone has them sometimes rather than feeling it means that my world is collapsing again.
Upon reflection counselling was great yesterday, its just exhausting tho having so many things to think about and try to work out in my head! everything makes lots of sense tho, its having the space and time to really think and put it into practice. She beleives a lot of my issues come from my being a perfectionist and if i could stop putting so much pressure on myself then everything would be fine - easier said than done tho, altho i do feel i'm making steps in the right direction.
anyway, thanks for all your support as ever
pgxx
Glad today was beter... xx
Hi Pg. Glad yesterday was a better one all round. BBQ sounds great, hopefully the weather will buck up too. I'm sure your son and you will have a lovely time, no matter what. Have they met him before? Hope today is a good one for you. xxx
That's good news that you had an improved day!!
Hi pinkgrapefruit, glad your day was better, well done for taking it in your stride.
When you feel like you have lots of things to think about, do you ever list them? I find this so helpful, it clears my head and also makes me realise that things are manageable.
Hi Pinkg. Just wanted to pop on here and tell you that I passed the Math exam. Received the letter today.
Hope you're ok, and looking forward to a lovely weekend. I do hope the weather picks up for the BBQ. xx
Hazeleyes: WELL DONE!!!!!
PG: Hope you will have a lovely weekend, I am so glad the counselling has been of help to you as well
well done Hazeleyes - thats fantastic news - very well deserved I'm sure. Hope you have a nice evening basking in your success :) thanks for letting me know, so pleased for you xx
It's the BBQ for you tomorrow Pg. I really hope and pray that the weather is good for you and your son. It has been absolutely miserable here really. First brilliant sunshine, then an almighty downpour. This has been continuous throughout the day! Have a good week next week too. xx
We had a lovely sunny afternoon. The black clouds seem to hover over the mountains.
Hope it's sunny, and you have a brilliant time.
Hi everyone,
strange day today, I'm on strike and my school is closed but son's is open so I'm having a day to myself, just getting caught up with the washing, trip to the supermarket etc, now sat with a cup of tea.
Things are a little calmer at the moment, I had my last lesson observation recently that I needed to pass to get this first year as a teacher signed off, it went really well and I was told it would be classed as outstanding, so thats made me feel a lot better about sticking with teaching, nice to get my best result for the final lesson too as it rounds things off nicely. Lots of special events going on now until the end of term so not too many normal lessons to plan for etc, altho I have got to do a form's worth of reports next week.
Never heard anything from my ex, silly man. But its still calmer on my own, feels good having a bit more time for my son and for me. Was contacted out of the blue recently by someone I had a few dates with soon after splitting with my ex-husband, anyone i had a think and realised that I don't want anything with anyone at the moment and i told him so, i feel better for that. In the past i would typically have seen him a couple of times to be polite and then worried about extricating myself from the situation, it was so much easier not letting anything get started in the first place! I must be learning something from my counselling and all this reflecting I've been doing.
Hope everyone is having a good day xx
Hi
Glad you're able to catch up with things. The last few weeks of term always seem calmer.
Congratulation on your outstanding! Glad you've reached the decision to stick with teaching. Hopefully things will be less stressful with more confidence?
xxxxxx
Hi Pg. Wow, outstanding. We already knew that of course That is brilliant, and must have given you a real boost. Well done! Glad you had a day to yourself. When you're ready for another relationship you'll know it Pg, but for now, you seem to be enjoying it just being you and your little boy. Summer hols fast approaching, so like you say, the work load isn't so much, which gives you more 'me' time. Really really pleased that you're sounding more positive. xx
OUTSTANDING! wow pg, that is fab. Just think of how far you have come in the last twelve months, in your experience and competence as a teacher, and also in learning about yourself and thinking about what you want in terms of a relationship. There have been some VERY tough times for you to overcome and I hope you are as proud of yourself as we all are of you!
Hi Pg, hope you and son had a lovely weekend. Is the weather nice where you are? We are counting the days till 21st July, as I'm sure you are too. What date do you and son break up? Take care. xx
Hi all, well done with your observation pinkgrapefruit and also a well done to you for turning down the chap that raised his head and invited you out on a date again. You are getting stronger by the day! Another pat on the back for you!
hazeleyes, well done you with your maths, hurrah, great news!
Holidays are coming, eek I hope you are looking forward to 6 weeks of bliss!!
I might have said this before recently, but I am going to say it again. I read somewhere that you need to write things in your diary.
Like Louise says, perhaps set up your own timetable. If you have written down somewhere Bath at 8pm, Film at 9pm on Weds, then you are more likely to stick to it rather than just thinking about it.
I remember when I was working part time, I couldn't imagine working full time, however once you get into it, its fine. We have had some funny old weeks the last month and I am feeling a bit like you pinkg, however I kind of wish that we could just get back to a 5 day week again and life will calm down a bit!!
I know you are feeling shattered and worn down and we are sooo here to hear about it, but how about a new rule, for every negative that we feel and say, we have to think of a positive thing to counterbalance it
??