This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
Hi all,
I'm fed up. At the beginning of the year I gave up my part time work because I found it very dull and was anxious about my son starting school and my not being able to spend holidays with him etc.. So I decided to become a teacher as I thought it would be the most compatible way of being a working single parent. From Jan to July I did an introductory course which I really enjoyed and thought I would never look back. However three weeks ago I started my PGCE (final teacher training year) and I don't like it!! :( I just feel like the odd person out, there are 40 on the course, most are 21 / 22 year olds (I'm 38) with no responsibillities, they go straight to the pub for the rest of the night after we finish, there are a few men in their mid forties but they are all married and seem to avoid me like the plague - they obviously don't want to fall into the clutches of a single mum - lol. And then there is me. With no one that I seem to be able to click with. Its so odd, I've never struggled to make friends before but now I feel so lonely and old and boring... with my usual group of friends I never feel like this, in fact I would have said I'm pretty lively and interesting, but that seems to be sucked out of me when I turn up at uni. I've overheard a couple of the younger students being rude about the people with children (dull / never join in etc etc) so they are not particularly approachable! On top of this I have been given so much work! I have about 6 assignments to hand in before Xmas and can't even find the time or motivation to start any reading...
As part of the course this week I'll be starting work in a school 3 days a week so the demands on my time will be even greater. Also my son has only just started school so my mind is on him a lot of the time. Maybe I've just chosen the wrong time to do this course? But I don't think there will ever be an easy time now... I feel so stuck...I feel like I've got to stick with the course but I really get upset thinking about it as I don't know how I'm going to be able to cope... I've tried to find out if there is any support groupd for mature students at the uni but there doesn't seem to be so I feel really isolated..
Anyone going through anythign similar?
I think it's brilliant what you're doing.
I feel it's early in the course and it takes time to settle into the routine of it and feel comfortable with the other lot. I know that's no help, but I know I've been hating something but it does get easier to cope with in time.
I hope your son is settling well in school. That must be so playing on your mind too.
Hi
I think also that you have done brilliantly. It would be such a shame and a waste to give it up now. I am finding it extremely hard to even sign up for a course. I lack a lot of confidence, and definately would feel old going back to 'school'. I want to become a teachers assistant, so it fits in with my son 7. I am dreading the whole thing. You are in there, so I would stay stick at it, if you can. Once they really get to know you, things will change you'll see. You should be proud of yourself.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Thanks everyone, I 'll let you know how I get on... you're right I wouldn't want to go to the pub at 4 oclock with a bunch of youngsters anyway - lol! My time is so precious and actually I'd find that boring! Its just hard feeling excluded and being written off as dull just because I've got a child, I've never really been treated like that before. Oh well, one day at a time..
Good for you. Mind you, if you did go to the pub with the youngsters, I'm sure you could teach them a thing or two. ;) ;) ;)
Enjoy your day, take care
Alison
x :)
Good luck with it all, :D
alisoncam it would be a crying shame if you felt you were not able to sign up for a course due to confidence issues. If you think about it, what position are the other students in? Your life experience must be a fantastic asset to bring to the classroom.
I did a GCSE coourse when I was 29 and pregnant, as I had just moved to another town and wanted something to stretch my brain. I didn't find any friends as they were all either very young or pretending to be ( :lol: ) so I know where you are coming from, but I enjoyed the course and the sense of achievement it gave me. I remember they were doing a session about modern technology and its benefits and were looking at microwave ovens and asked us to list the benefits. I listed one as "saves on washing up". The very young students were scornful of me thinking that that was a real benefit and I smiled to myself and thought "Hmmm, you are obviously not the one who has to do the washing up in your house, matey!" :lol:
Hi, i love the title you gave this topic!!
I think it is a question that we ask ourselves over and over again whilst parenting alone!! :lol:
I agree with the others, stick in there girl, you have got this far, maybe you were having a down day/week??
Remember to do something for you in the midst of all of this. You need to feel special and important, to remind yourself that this is all worthwhile.
You might find that one of the younger students is actually finding all this camaradarie difficult and could be in need of someone a little more down to earth to chat to. Don't let them phase you, we all think you are smashing! :D
Started my school placement today - 3 days a week til Xmas - its scary!! Everyone seems really nice but I'm dreading actually getting up there and being the teacher...Also I'm not so confident as I used to be even talking to the other teachers, really didn't realise my self confidence had taken such a battering as it obviously has. Nervous about going back tomorrow. And got so much work to do. And all I really want to do is spend time with my son, help him learn to read etc. Maybe its just not the right time to be doing this. But I would feel like even more of a failure if I gave this up.
Good luck for tomorrow although I'm sure it will be fine! Just remember we're all equal we just choose do do different things with our lives and have different priorities! Anyway we know that we get the best rewards from our gorgeous kids!! Just be yourself and they will love you x
Alison
It sounds like you're a fab mum so you will make a fab teaching assistant....cos you could be the most cocky confident person in the world and it aint gonna help you in a classroom of kids...go for it girl we know you've got what it takes xx
hear hear, mousie! :)
remember that quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:
We gain strength, courage and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face.....we must do that which we think we cannot.
Every day that you are at the school placement your confidence will grow. Believe and trust in yourself that this is the right time. If you truly think it is not the right time, take a year out. It is fine if you do that, but it sounds as if you may regret it.
You say that you feel you want to be at home and teach your son to read. I am wondering if you could timetable a couple of hours reading, cooking and playing with your boy, into your day, so that it doesn't feel like you are neglecting your work or your son. What that be a possibility?
How's it going? I hope the 2nd day was better than the 1st. I'm sure the nerves will stop very soon. I guess you've got to think of it as doing the best for your son. You will still be able to do stuff with him, like reading etc. Must be hard fitting it all in, as well as your studies. Have a great day tomorrow.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi Mousie
Still thinking about it!!! My son tells me if I am going to be a teacher's assistant, he will teach me how to read books and show pictures at the same time!!!!!
It is very frightening, (not the book thing) :lol: Now thinking I might be better working in a nursery.
How's your decorating going? Hope you well, and your little girl settling down at school and night
Take care
Alison
x :)
Well I've survived day 2 but I'm still rather unsure. I'm just going to take it one day at a time and hopefully before I know it I'll be at the end of my training year then I can review what type of job / what hours etc I want longer term. It was nice today because I managed to leave in time to surprise my son and pick him up direct from school rather than after school club and then took him to the school book fair that he has been badgering me about all week - made me feel like a proper Mum and I think so long as I'm able to do that kind of thing some of the time I'll feel ok. Just picking up re-assured me a lot, I had visions of all the Mums having got to know each other by now and be chatting but it didn't really seem to be the case. Lots of grandparents, big sisters, child minders etc picking up so I guess I'm not the only working Mum trying to juggle everything.
The school I'm at seems good and the staff really friendly. I just need some confidence and I might just survive! Then there is all the coursework...I'll keep you posted. Thanks for all your encouragement. I've always agreed that people should do things that scare them its just I manage to have avoided it for so long it seems doubly scary now.
Hi
Well done for day 2. Big pat on the back from me.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Thanks Alison, you should pluck up the courage and go for the teaching assistant role, then we can gee each other along (or have a good moan! ;) )
Good luck, I'm sure you'll be fab at it
Well done, and nice for your to do the school pick up for your son, and to see that there are lots of diiferent people picking children up. It's temptin gto imagine we are the only parent who is working or at college etc but actually we are not.
Have a lovely weekend :)
Oh dear. Another bad day. Still feeling stressed about my course but today I'm upset because my son is having problems at school. He started school for the first time in September. We moved in the Summer as the house had been on the market for ages (as ex was wanting his money out) but only sold then in the summer holidays. This meant that I didn't have time to get son settled in any playgroups etc before school started. So he started at his new school literally not knowing anyone (if we had stayed where we lived previously he would have known at least half the class at that school). He did so well in the first few weeks, he was so keen to learn and do big boy stuff. He didn't even cry on the first day despite not knowing anyone. At the weekend tho he was upset and told me that another child keeps calling him stupid and rubbish because he gets mixed up with his writing (he is left handed and wants to write from right to left across the page unless I remind him of which way to go). Today tho he was crying at bed time because he says no-one will play with him, he tried to play with one group in the playground and they told him he couldn't, then he tried to go to another and they told him he couldn't again etc etc, he says no one wants to be friends with him. He is the loveliest, kindest boy who always had plenty of friends at nursery but he is also incredibly sensitive and also hates people pushing or even shouting at him - I suspect this is because he is an only child and I have always said we don;t do those kind of things.
I'm feeling so bad for him. I'm blaming myself for moving just before school started, altho there was really no other option. Also he's the only child in his class with parents that are not together. I wish I could take him to and from school every day so that I could get to know other Mums etc but that isn't an option if I continue with this teaching course. I find it so upsetting. I'm spreading myself so thinly I feel like I'm not there when he needs me but equally I'm not putting enough into the course. The youngsters on the course on that have started to ignore me, rolling their eyes at everything I try to contribute to conversations - I don;t want to be their friend but it just reminds me how terrible that must seem for my son. Its horrible dropping him off in the morning somewhere where he isn;t happy. Is this just a phase?? Or will it be difficult for him to be accepted now??
Well you know what kids are like,l it couild all be different by this time next week. That is not to say that you should just ignore it. How about a quiet word with the teacher? If you can;t see him/her in person because of your college commitments then drop in a letter.
I am sorry to hear that some of the younger ones on your course are being so rude....hey they won't make very good teachers will they??????
Hi
I feel so sad for your little boy and for you. Kids can be so cruel, even at this young age. I would certainly go in and have a word with the teacher. She/he should then get the children to mix. I would also ask that it is checked on at playtimes, (which is where it's needed).
As for the ones on your course, just ignore them, though of course it is upsetting. Rolling their eyes just shows that they are probably thinking 'oh blimey, this one knows everything'.
Take lots of care
Alison
x :)
Oh dear. Another bad day. Still feeling stressed about my course but today I'm upset because my son is having problems at school. He started school for the first time in September. We moved in the Summer as the house had been on the market for ages (as ex was wanting his money out) but only sold then in the summer holidays. This meant that I didn't have time to get son settled in any playgroups etc before school started. So he started at his new school literally not knowing anyone (if we had stayed where we lived previously he would have known at least half the class at that school). He did so well in the first few weeks, he was so keen to learn and do big boy stuff. He didn't even cry on the first day despite not knowing anyone. At the weekend tho he was upset and told me that another child keeps calling him stupid and rubbish because he gets mixed up with his writing (he is left handed and wants to write from right to left across the page unless I remind him of which way to go). Today tho he was crying at bed time because he says no-one will play with him, he tried to play with one group in the playground and they told him he couldn't, then he tried to go to another and they told him he couldn't again etc etc, he says no one wants to be friends with him. He is the loveliest, kindest boy who always had plenty of friends at nursery but he is also incredibly sensitive and also hates people pushing or even shouting at him - I suspect this is because he is an only child and I have always said we don;t do those kind of things.
I'm feeling so bad for him. I'm blaming myself for moving just before school started, altho there was really no other option. Also he's the only child in his class with parents that are not together. I wish I could take him to and from school every day so that I could get to know other Mums etc but that isn't an option if I continue with this teaching course. I find it so upsetting. I'm spreading myself so thinly I feel like I'm not there when he needs me but equally I'm not putting enough into the course. The youngsters on the course on that have started to ignore me, rolling their eyes at everything I try to contribute to conversations - I don;t want to be their friend but it just reminds me how terrible that must seem for my son. Its horrible dropping him off in the morning somewhere where he isn;t happy. Is this just a phase?? Or will it be difficult for him to be accepted now??
Thanks Louise and Alisoncam. I spoke to son's teacher on the phone today, she was surprised. In the classroom she thinks my son is one of the most popular but knows there can be some issues with the boy that was the meanest to him. She thinks he might be jealous of my son who apparently regularly makes the whole class laugh and is getting known as a little entertainer! She is going to check what goes on at playtime tho to ensure it is just a hiccup and that he has got friends to play with. He seems a bit happier tonight, came home plastered in stickers so the teacher must have been trying to give him a boost! I'm glad I spoke to the teacher tho, she seemed to be happy to talk about it and its reassured me a little bit. Hopefully during the next few months he'll start a make a group of closer friends.
I was at my school placement today so had proper grown up teachers to talk to - not the other students on my class at uni- much nicer, altho the day when I have to actually start teaching seems to be getting close now... bit scared but will be nice to start properly rather than just following people around.
Thanks again for your kind words x
Hi
So glad you've managed to sort things out for your son. I know how distressing it can all be, as my son went through similar. I am regularly on the 'bullies' thread. Really pleased he came out happier today. You are doing your very best for him, and though you are finding it hard at the moment, things will work out in the long run.
Not long to go for you then, becoming a 'real teacher'. That is fantastic, and I'm sure you will be marvellous. Your son will be so proud of you too.
Hope you both have another great day tomorrow.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi
That's great that your son was happier :D Glad the teacher listened to you properly as well.
it will indeed be scary to start the actual teaching but I bet you will be great!!!!!
aaaaargh got far too much work on that all needs completing this week - is it a ridiculous idea to try to become a teacher when I'm a single parent???
I think it's a brilliant idea, but that's easy for me to say when you are the one really feeling the pressure. :( How long does the course go on? is it another six months? Perhaps you need to put some other things on hold for a while and just concentrate on the work and your boy and not much else. But I guess that is what you are feeling you are doing anyway! I, too, am completing a qualification and people will say ooh what are you doing at the weekend? and I say writing an essay or doing some research. it's much harder when your son is so young, of course, but do keep at it, you will be so thrilled to qualify and be ready to stride forward into the future.
Hi
It must be very hard as I know from personal exoerience how tough the PGCE course is. I imagine that you started in September is that right? So you are almost through the first bit and I know you mentioned having essays to hand in by xmas. So this is the first big hurdle to get over and then you can relax over xmas. That is what you need to hold on to, the idea that it will enable you to work and have holidays with your son.
Also try not to worry too much about not fitting in with the students on the course as once you are working in a school, there will be a real range of ages of staff and I am sure that most of them will have children so you will fit in there much more easily. Just try to focus on whichever essay is due in next and take it in bite sized chuncks rather than get overwhelmed by the picture as a whole if that makes sense?
Do you have support around you to help with childcare so you can work on your essays at the weekends?
We are all rooting for you on here so come back as and when you need to and keep recognising what you have achieved already - well done for getting this far!
Cheers C-L
aaaaargh got far too much work on that all needs completing this week - is it a ridiculous idea to try to become a teacher when I'm a single parent???
No. I'm quite certain you've made the right decision - even though it's so hard getting all the work done.
I really admire you.
I've often said I can't stand kids ( :roll: ) yet the more I do the scouts, the more you sort of get fond of them.
My Welsh just isn't good enough to consider teaching as a career, as sometimes I'm almost tempted.
Sending loads of matchsticks your way, and hope the hands go around the clock slowly at the right times for you....
Thank you for the support. Yes the PGCE finishes at the end of June, so less than 7 months now! I've got a lot of work due to be completed in the next couple of weeks and I'm exhausted, being tired always makes me want to give up and hide away somewhere! I just crave a film, a bath and an early night, none of which I can see happening for another couple of weeks, just hope I can keep going til then, I've written myself a big timetable to make sure I get the work done on time, but it means no evenings off (apart from some friends coming over on Saturday night - its been arranged for months - but I'm really wishing they weren't coming I've got too much on my plate, but they think they are helping me out coming here (rather than me having a pay for a sitter) and cheering me up and I daren't risk upsetting them and telling them not to come!). My son had a tantrum tonight cos I wanted him to go to bed rather than do some painting - when he was shouting and crying at the top of his voice I just wanted to join in! Wouldn't it be lovely to have someone to take care of me?! - not that I have time for anyone!
Thanks for your support, sorry for the rambling message
I don't see why you shouldn't have a "toddler tantrum" if you feel like it ;) When mine were little, I always use to think "I wish someone would just put me to bed for 12 hours and not expect anything of me except that I could shout if I was hungry or thirsty"
As for your friends coming over, I know you think you haven't got the time, but it will be good to take a break and have a bit of a laugh. Good idea re the timetable (see, turning into a teacher already!), you could even tick off the sections as you do them with a big red tick, that would be psychologically good. You can always come on here for a rant or a ramble as well....
Hi
I hope you are able to enjoy the night with your friends. It is really good to have a tiny bit of time off - perhaps you should put that on your timetable too?!
I like Louise's idea of ticking things off as I am addicted to daily lists of jobs and get real satisfaction from ticking them off - sad isn't it?!
Just take each day as it comes and focus on what you have timetabled that day so you don't get too overwhelmed. What are your plans for xmas? Nothing hopefully - just rest and relaxation with your son.
Keep it up - we are all rooting for you.
Cheers C-L
Hi
Coming in quite late to this as I don't have the time to check these boards as often as I used to! I really admire you - and you should be so proud of yourself for getting onto the PGCE course in the first place - it's so competitive! I want to do a similat thing myself - I had it all planned out: the year that my youngest went up to high school (she's currently a year 6) I would go to the local Uni and do my PGCE. There I was back in September, with my application all ready to roll . . . and my youngest was diagnosed with her brain tumour!! I'm hoping that this means I can still follow my dream - just a year later than scheduled. So, be my inspiration - LOL!!! Fi x
Hi furicnow
Thanks for your post - yes she is a rela inspiration for us all.
How is your daughter now though? How are you all coping with it? Is there treatment for her and what does that consist of? I can imagine that takes some time to get your head around, both for you and her?
I hope you are still able to follow your dream a bit further down the line. It all goes to show, that you can have the best plans in the world but you never know what is round the next bend?!
good luck
C-L
Fi, thanks for your post, my goodness, that sounds terrifying, how is she now? Yes, the course is really enjoyable but totally exhausting and you need every ounce of energy and minute of time you can find! I've now just completed my first school placement (yippee - there were certainly days when I didn;t think I'd make it to the end) and now back at uni full time for a couple of weeks in the run up to xmas, loads of assignments and stuff to hand in but if I keep sticking to my timetable I should be able to just about manage it. Jan is quite daunting, straight into a new school, teaching properly for 15 weeks full time... I've found I can only deal with taking it one week (and sometimes only one day!) at a time..hopefully I'll make it to the end of the course in June somehow tho.
The head of dept in the school I have just finished at asked if I was interested in working there when I'm ready for a proper job next sept, I love it there so said yes, he says he's been impressed with me and will give me a shout if a job comes up so I'm really happy, big boost to my confidence.
Really hope things are ok with you now
Wow that is great news and a real compliment to you - well done!!! That is especaially good to get that sort of feedback from the first placement you get. Imagine what you will be like by the end of the course, once you have assimilated all the knowledge and experience over the year? You will be head hunted by all and sundry!!!! It is really positive to find and place that you like as well, that is another good think about the course as it gives you a chance to check out all the different schools so you can decide where you would like to work at the end of it all.
If someone is giving you the heads up on when jobs become available, that is a real help and although there is alot of talk of equal ops in terms of job opportunities, I think quite a lot of that actually goes out the window if they have someone in mind for the job so that is a real bonus for you. You might as well make the most of it.
Good luck with the assignments and the intensive shopping.
Cheers C-L
That's brilliant! I'm so pleased for you.
that is brilliant. You see, you can do it, and obviously the headteacher knows you can do it. Wow, that is so exciting for you. It sounds terribly hard work, but you are really giving it everything you've got, and on top of that, a single mum. You should be proud of yourself. All this hard work is certainly going to pay off for you.
I hope you had a lovely evening with your friends, you so deserve it.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi ficurnow
How is your daughter doing now? It must have been so stressful for you all when she was diagnosed. You're amazing, and I admire you.
Wishing you all the very best
Alison
x :)
wow, it is great reading these posts, you are doing a fantastic and I hope you feel the team of supporters on here with our poms poms and rara skirts! Go , go, go!!
I hope you had a good night on Saturday and totally forgot about assignments and children! It is important to schedule in good times, otherwise you become completely weighed down. Only 8 more term days left!!
Hi Fi, its lovely to 'see' you again, as always. What dreadful news about your daughters brain tumour, I have been away for a while and just read another of your posts where you talk a little more about it. You sound in good form though, I hope you are all doing well??
well i've almost made it to the christmas holidays, its been a tough term and I'm shattered but we finished uni early today and i'm at a bit of a lose end! its funny when I'm busy I crave some spare time, then when I get it I just don't know what to do- plenty I ought to be doing but thats a different matter! Am trying to plan lots of things for the xmas break to make sure my son and i enjoy our time together but keep getting upset as ex keeps mentioning other days when he wants to have son,, is it me or is it quite late for him to keep chopping and changing?? Nothing i can do about it I suppose without being portrayed as the awkward and difficult one but it really annoys and upsets me when I take time planning stuff and then have to unplan to suit him... he laughs at me and tell me to be more spontaneous, but i don't really want his advice on how to run my life after 10 years of beinbg subjected to his bullying! hmmmm i'm much better when i've got less time to think about this...
I like Louise's idea of ticking things off as I am addicted to daily lists of jobs and get real satisfaction from ticking them off - sad isn't it?!
Not at all sad. When you tick stuff off you get a tiny little endorphin rush, which is why you feel better. No, really. :)
I am such an advocate of lists, and ticks, that if I do something that wasn't on the list, I write it in at the bottom, then tick it off. Now *that* is sad. :lol:
OOOOOH I love lists, I love writing them and ticking them, and once when moving house I even had a list of lists :oops:
Bec great that you have finished for Christmas, well done on all your hard work! As for your problem with your boy's dad, there are lots of comments on your other thread http://groups.onespace.org.uk/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=280&start=1940
I do not think it all unreasonable that you need to know what is arranged and to stick to it so you can make your own plans!
How are you feeling today?
feeling really down still today. Ex just turned up in brand new sports car to pick up son for the day. I'm just surrounded by mountains of stuff that needs tidying and a massive list of things to do - none of which are exciting , just necessary! Why does life feel so unfair sometimes? Ex has this flash life style and has quality time with son when he wants - I have total drudgery and never enough time or money. I don;t want his life but life feels so hard. rang my sister last night hoping she would cheer me up, just upset me more tho, hearing about her and her perfect husband and her perfect 2 children and her perfect plans for christmas. just cos i've been on my own for 2 years now people seem to think I don't have feelings, when i mentioned to my sister that I find christmas tough she just brushed it off. i know i;ve got it much easier than most of you on here but I just wish life was a bit more fun sometimes. I have days when I think sod it and do the fun stuff with my son but the fairies still don't come to do all the chores!
Hope the sun is shining there, as somehow it does seem to help.
Please don't think things might be easier for you than others - how you feel matters so much.
I do understand.
Loads of hugs - and put some music on - very loud music.
xx
You don't have it easy at all, and you work soooo very hard. The chores can seem never-ending and other people can be very insensitive sometimes. You have my permision to have a full-blown toddler tantrum, that's what I would feel like doing! :o
Hi Lindsaygii - good to hear I am not 'sad', although I also add jobs onto my lists that I have done that weren't on there and then tick them off with great satisfaction so maybe I am sad after all - who cares, whatever makes you happy right???!!!
Hi pink- don't beat yourself up about the chores as it sounds like you have been madly busy with essays and so you can allow the chores to build up a bit. Plus I really don't think you should have to 'unplan' around your ex. He should have to fit in with you and your son. I don't like to label people but he does sound like a bit of a bully to me. Someone suggested that you practise some assertiveness before he come (infront of the mirror is good, although feels a little odd at first) and perhaps have a friend there to support you and then telll him when he next picks up. Children need routine and so it is in the best interests of your son that you try to set that for all of you to avoid any disappointment and upset in the future.
Alternatively you culd write it down in a letter if that works better for you but I think your and your son's needs should come first.
What are your thoughts here?
Cheers C-L
Hi
Sorry your sister wasn't able to cheer you up. I know the feeling well of the 'perfect' family. I don't think my sisters have any idea of how I feel (actually, I will change that sentence), They know exactly how I'm feeling, and they choose to brush it aside. Over the past weeks, I have mentioned to one of my sisters, (near to me) that I feel quite down over the christmas period. I feel for my son, as he could be surrounded by family on that day. She doesn't take the hint of course, she just tells me that she has her grown up children and their children for the day!!!
I do feel that Christmas Day will be just like any other day, you know, just the two of us. Of course I try and make it more special by playing all the games etc, but deep inside, I feel like it is a nothing day, (if that makes sense)
I realise that some of the members won't be having their child (ren) for the day, and my heart goes out to them. I couldn't imagine not being with my son, I just wish things could be different. The sad thing is they could be, if my 'beloved' family could invite us for a few hours.
I hope that you are ok. You do work hard, so don't feel guilty about leaving the chores and playing with your son. (I know what you mean about the fairies though) ;)
Hi Alisoncam
Thanks for the post - I am sorry that you feel deep down like Christmas will be just another day, as I am sure your son does not feel like that. They love all the presents and magic of Christmas and that is the memory they will hold on to, I am sure.
As for feeling isolated, I could suggest a couple of things, we often arrange to meet with friends (of the children) at a local playground on Xmas day after opening some presents, so they get to meet, have a play and interact with each other which I think is quite special for them.
Secondly, it could be pretty hard but maybe blantantly stating your needs to your family asI always think there is no harm in asking and if people say 'No' then you haven't really lost out but if they say 'Yes' then that is a real bonus! You could say that you and your son would love to pop round and exchange presents on the actual day as it can be a bit lonely otherwise. Or could you invite them round to yours? Then they might return the offer next year?
I think somethimes it is the fear of what people might say stops us from asking in the first place, and although I realise that hearing someone say 'No' to our request could be upsetting, we don't know that is definitely what they would say. Does that make sense?
Good luck and enjoy the time you have together with your son, it is so precious.
Cheers C-L
keep getting upset as ex keeps mentioning other days when he wants to have son,, is it me or is it quite late for him to keep chopping and changing?? Nothing i can do about it I suppose without being portrayed as the awkward and difficult one .
this is just wrong.
Yes, it is far too late for him to keep chopping and changing. You need to plan, too.
And it is him that is being awkward and difficult, not you. Why are you letting him tell you that you are at fault when it is clearly him?
Well, I know the answer to that, of course. It's because you are depressed and unhappy (with every reason) so you aren't thinking straight.
I have a suggestion, I hope you don't mind?
Put a calendar up, even just a page you drew up yourself, but put it up.
Write on it his days over Christmas. Also write on it days that you have things planned out. Get him to stand with you (since he invites himself over anyway) and write in his days. Then make is clear that the two of you now have an arrangement.
Can you invite yourself and son over to Perfect Sister's house for Christmas? Maybe you wouldn't even want to, but it's just a thought.
What are you getting for Christmas from your family? Why not tell them you are really struggling with the house and what you want is a Five Star cleaning service to come in and sort you out? Or a decluttering woman? I'm not kidding! I hate all the tat I get given every year - I tell everyone to get me stuff I can use up, whether it's posh soap or fancy olive oil or whatever. Now I've thought of it for you I'm half tempted to ask for a cleaning company for myself! :lol:
You'll get through. Christmas is famously the hardest time of all, but you'll get through. Then at the end you can start thinking about money, and how much he's paying, and so on. But in the meantime, take control of the few things that you can, and let the rest go.
Are you in touch with your doctor by the way? I can't remember, but I think you really need to speak to the GP about pills (if you take them) and counselling (to help you see more clearly that HE is the awkward one, not you).
Good luck, stay with us, it'll be january in seventeen days. (thank f*ck)
:)
So many people feel down at Christmas time and I think it is because we all imagine that "other people" are having this chocolate-box day. They aren't! You listen when you are out and about and hear how many women, in particular, hate the people they have coming for Christmas Day. I would rather spend it on my own! I was just chatting with Bubblegum on another thread (http://groups.onespace.org.uk/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=5250) about the insidious influence of TV and I feel that this is another case in point. Every Christmas, and Bank Holiday, I would think that everyone else in the country was doing these fab things and living like a movie, and they aren't!
Great post, lindsaygii :D The idea about the calendar is a great one and I am going to pinch it to use with other people I work with. Do you think that might help?
I hope you will be able to get some wise words from other members who have been through the same thing. it sounds as if your self-image has been rather shaken by all this. The only comment I can make about that is to say that "it is all relative". In other words, even if you didn't have your lovely boy, you might not want to be pubbing it every night with a load of 21-year olds. And if the married blokes are avoiding you that is a bit of a compliment; they wouldn't be avoiding you if you weren't attractive (if you see what I mean). And let me tell you this: YOU ARE NOT BORING, FAR FROM IT. Remember that "boring" is a favourite teenage adjective!
Maybe you are going to have to make up your mind that you have this academic year to get through, for the sake of your career and your son and so what if your classmates haven't recognised what a fab person you are....you have so many assignments to do that you haven't got time to bother with all the pettiness anyway! Be proud of the fact that you are doing this course AND bringing up your son. You are Superwoman!
best wishes