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Hi kiera, I was just thinking it is important to take things really slowly. If he is a genuine guy then he will understand that and if he gets sulky or puts a lot of pressure on you then that would set alarm bells ringing. Please do reassure your son that you will never get into another violent relationship and will take extra care.
Hi kiera
You ask whether you have left it long enough to meet someone. Only you can answer that question, do you feel as though you know yourself better?
Do you feel as though you won't allow certain behaviours in your life and if they do arise you are strong enough to walk away?
Do you know that you are happy on your own and don't need a man in your life?
If the answer is that you are not sure, I think you must take things slow to protect yourself and your children. It is always nice to have attention, however do you know what his ultimate goal is? Is he looking for a best friend, is he looking for a lover, is he looking for a 'wife'?
Then I would ask you, what are you looking for right now? A lover, a best friend or a step father? You probably think all three! But what would be your preference at this point, with this guy?
Tell us more about him, what do you like about him?
thanks anna i feel tht if any warning signs arose then he wud b out the door, asap, im use to bein on my own, he is lookin for a girlfriend and meet sumone nice, i wudnt mind sein sumone nice and decent , he does seem to b tht, not a stepfather, im kids mum and dad, he is nice, he works, he as respected what i av said, so we wil seed how it goes,x
hi louise he does understand , he asnt got sulky or put pressur eon he said he understands and we shud take it slowly, he said he does really like me, he as asked me to b his girlfriend, i av defiantly reasured my soni wil never get in a violent relationship again, we are takin it really slow, he said im one of the good guys, so we wil see, but i do no any warning signs he is out the door asap, i am stronger, but i do like him, he is the 1st lad ive liked since ex
Hi honey
listen to what your head says, don't ignore anything x
Hi kiera
How did Friday night go? How did he interact with the boys? What did they think of him?
hi louise well stil not heard from solicter bout 3rd party indirect contact, mayb it aint gona appen, wudnt i of heard summat by now x
hi anna yes it went well friday nyt, my little girl didnt leave him alone, hes very laid bk,sumat im not use to, he cum for dinner sunday as well, and last nyt to watch the football,hes polite nice genuine lad, like i say we wil see lolx he put my little girl scooter together, she loves itx
All sounds very positive, kiera. How old is he? Just wondering if he had any children of his own.
As for the solicitor, I honestly think no news is good news 
hi hes 33. toyboy lol, i he as no kids,but he seems gud with my little girl, he says hello to my 2 boys, youngest spks to him bout footy, whereas my 15 year old just grunts at him, lol but i understand thtm, and he does, hes teenager plus hes gona b more wary, yes no news is good news, ex solicter baffled as well i bet who 3rd party b, its my little girl birthday in oct a swell, im nervous bout my 11 yr old birthday tho 20th sept, his dad sent threatenin message on face book which is deactivated now, swear if he turns up at my door im tellin him stay away, hes allowed indirect but thts it, if he kicks off il ring police, last 2 years he as posted card with crappy tenner init, he as never paid for his son,waste space, and with tht threatenin message he sent me proves hes stil a nutter, ive kept it anyway just in casex
Yes that's right, you know what to do in case of any trouble, hey a tenner is better than nothing.
Hopefully your eldest boy will come round to the idea of the new chap when he sees everything is OK. Could you make some time to do something with your boy, just the two of you? My eldest used to love that even when he was in that awful teen phase.
well yeah tenner better than nothin but still hardly anythin, well i said id go to curry restaurant nr me just me and my eldest son for treat for him doin so ggod in his exams, waitin for my mum cum bk off er holiday in majaorca so she watch kids, no1 else to watch um, x
kiera, a trip to the curry house with your eldest sounds absolutely brilliant, he will really like just having you to himself. 
What a brilliant idea, kiera!
hi louise i was thinkin shud i contact csa regardin my little girls dad, or not bother, i no hes not allowed av acces, shud i leave it, mean why shdun t he pay, my other kids dads never paid me, its so wrong, csa recemended a fiver off my sons dad said no cos dotn want any hassle cos he as mental problems, and my eldest sons dad they said they cudnt trace him, i think all these years not ad a penny, so wrong
I do think you are entitled to support for all the children, whether they see their dads or not. Even if you only got a minimal amount, add together money from both sons and your little girl and it makes a difference every week, you could even save it for a holiday!
I also think it is a really positive sign that you are looking forward like this and feeling confident to tackle the next task
i dont want to stir things up really, im not sure, just wrong tht ive never ad a penny off any of them, apart from my eldest daughter dad ,he as always paid xand bin there for herx
Yes there is that to think about, the stirring things up but your daughter's dad is very much on the back foot now, and you could call the police if anything happened and they are very aware of him. It's up to you, of course, you might think it isn't worth the hassle
louise im shook up im not over reactin, i ad leave my nyt early, my thug of ex there, it is big club with like 5 rooms, i saw him and thought oh god, he was with 2 girls,then he seemed to disapera, then i looked he was walkin towards me, my mate was with me thank god, he walked right past me but acted like he was walkin towards me,he gave me dirtiest look, and girl he was with staretd squarin up to me, ex i no ad gon to lookj for me, i went to sercuity they didnt take me seriously, i was watchin my back then incase i was glassed or summat, of all them 5 big rooms he wlked past me, cum on, i cum ome early,there is indefinate molestation order, agains t him ,shud i ring 101 police or leave it, he as breached, i wil tell my solciter tho i avnt over reacted tho . i was genuiankly worried uno wot i really do hate him, the look he gave me was look of hate
Hi honey, how are you? Has the rest of your night been quiet? Ie he hasn't contacted you? Just keep on your guard a little today,
i hope you managed to have part of a good evening before you saw him?
no your not over reacting at all, I'm not sure hes breached it, why do nt you call your solicitor Monday and ask if hes breeched it or not front ask the police if he has or not they sometimes seem to somehow get it wrong.
x
Hello kiera what a shock for you BUT in truth you would probably have seen him sometime, just by coincidence and at least it is over and done with now and you survived.
I agree with IDT, not sure he has breached the order and you will need to check with your solicitor. After all, he was in a public place, the meeting was by chance, it was not on your home street where he could reasonably have been expected to see you and whilst he behaved in an intimidating manner and you felt scared, if they look back at CCTV all that will be seen is him walking past you, and no assault took place. It depends on the terms of the order. However, if because of this meeting you hear from him, I think you need 101, as that is direct and intentional contact.
I am sorry that this spoiled your night out, I feel sad that you are feeling restricted in your life like this, hope you are feeling bit calmer today
What does it say on the non mol? it should say what he must not do
eg, it might say he must not intimidate and harass you
hi i wilring my soliciter monday, ex was lookin for me, all them rooms and walked past me jsut to try to intimidate me, and tht girl squared upto me, i didnt even no er, i ad to go home then yes,i was to wary i kept lookin over my shouolder and turnin round, i hate him,
best thing is to ring my solicter see wot she says, it ruined end of my nyt yes, i adnt bin oyut 2 months, he gave me look of hate, it scared me cos didnt no wot he wud do, e as put me in hospital once remember, he deleberatly walked towards me, proves he never change and i dont want him seein my daughter, i dotn trust him at all, he is a violent thug,
Yes call them Monday,
did he say anything to you?
Did the girl say anything to you?
no was tht look he gave me, he proap hates me, i no he blames me for not being able to see my little girl, the girl didnt say anythin she looked like she hated me, i didnt no er, i felt bk to bein scared again, i kept lukin over nmy shoudler i cudnt relax, i went ome early, even leavin i was scared to bump into him
it wa svery big club, he saw me, yet he deliberatly walked past me, another form of control, him tryin to intimidate me cos he nos hes not allowed to contact me at all,
my ex knows the law very well,
Yes so he probably knows that is as much as he can do, without being arrested if you know what I mean
my ex used to drive up and down the road at end of my house when he was on bail because he used that rd for work but he took the p***
do you know what don't give him any more head space, really is he worth it? Nope he is not put him out your mind tell your brain to refuse thoughts of him, I every time a thought of your ex pops in your head replace it with a nice thought of something else.
kust keep your wits about you x
i feel down so much, cant believe he stil as tht effect on me, i am scared of him xi dotn trust himx i dont want him to see my little girl x
This is a big thing I believe that they can do something that to others is a small thing like a look or a small comment but its what it does
with the texts I get they knock me down and make me feel like sh*t
it doesn't matter what we say that fear that's triggers by him, it's hard to combat its real fear, even when there not near us , in our own homes etc we feel it.
just look after yourself honey today, can u watch a film or something with your kids, they say don't comfort eat but f*** it iv done that all week, get some ben and geries
aw thank u for ur replies, well im in bed watchin corrie and spkin to u of course, and gona do fry up when my boys are back from nanas. my mum babaysat last nyt, but boys slept at nanas,then gona do chicken sunday dinner, ur right hun, seems small to other peoplke yet to us one little thing and im wreck even now, and it pisses me off, case closed at court, and i see him, and tht look he gave me liek wot he gave me when he punched me in the face in teneriefe twice, never forget it,he doesnt deserve to see his daughter, and girl he was withshe propa gave me look, god nos wot eh as told um, tht im stopin him seein his dawter,a dn im bitch from hell, im goan stay in now for while, want save up for big deposit for family holiday abroad next year, tht is my aim nowxx im glad he does live miles away, btu the fear is stil there
cud i av help movin away do u think, i dotn want ex to no where i live,court is over with case closed so i can move
Hi kiera, it is not a small thing if it has that effect on you! but as I said, it may be that he has not contravened the order, in which case you may not have a remedy against it
As for moving away, your best bet is to contact Women's Aid initially and talk through your options.
wots point of avin protection order and a indefinate one tht stil allows him to walk towards me and giv me look of hate eh, wots point, how did i non he wasnt cumin towards me to punch me in face again, sick of it, wil i ever b fre, my ex is one evil thug, he is, cafcass said he is risk to my little girlk the judge said it,and i believe he went to thty club cos he nos i go to look for u, even tho i cant prove it,he isnt daft, he nos the law very well, healways said to watch my back tht i dont want tommake enemy of him, so course im gona b scared of him in court he said he doesnt believe im scared of him and tht im lieing, joke wish he was dead cso thts only way il b free of him, seriously or me move miles away il ring womans aid,
Let us know if you ring them what they say. Xx
ok hun il let u no, how are u feelinxx
i feel so down i hate my ex, cant elp it, keep seein his face lookin at me, rang woman aid , no answer, i just dont no wot to do, avnmt i bin thru enuf how much more can i take, im scared and feel panicky im scared hes gona do summat, i wa sfine til i saw him
i feel low
Take some deep breaths honey and tell yourself that you are ok
I know this is horrid and you don't want to see him but you've been through s**t so we are not going to let this break ya ... Ok you can do this
google your local wa number call them please and talk it through with them it will make you feel better do it ok and tell us how you get on, you will get through dont bother with the national number to busy if you do nothing else leave a message and they will call you back.
x
Please ring them? Do it for me,
He has no right to make you feel like this
when does it end hun
Pretend your talking to meas telling me what I should do
what would you tell me x
I don't know, I don't
I wish I knew that
how long you been split I forgot? I'm two years next month
Do you feel like calling wa?
i ended it for gud last may 13th court ened 8th august this year ive tried my local wa but no ansax
How you feeling now
hi well i have met sumone, met him on night out 2 weeks ago,he asked for my number,we have bin txtin each other and i have met him twice and i actually like him,he says hes one of the good guys after i told him bout my ex, not everythin but like goin thru court etc, he does seem really nice, it as bin over year,have i left it long enuff to meet sumonne, my eldest son said i wont meet another thug wil i and put them thru it again, my heart broke,and eh said remember my eldest daughter left cos of him, cant say er name can i, lol, i thouhgt god .i felt guilrty, is said never wil i bring a man like my ex into our lives again, what do u think anna or louisex