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Hi anonymousmum, it sounds as though you are in a difficult place, yes you have been hurt and it seems that your ex is living an enviable lifestyle, however you know that you are better off without him and soon you will feel more in control of your life.
not if he wins if he wins i feel like he,l have more power than me this woman will be my lil ones stepmum he once said to me one good thing that will come out of this is that she will have two mums , i kno i am her mum and her only mum but he is sure gonna play the mind? power game with her if he gets this access , and continue to rub his happiness in my face aswell , this girl is very young and he is controlling her but shes obviously cool with that , that gives me concerns of what could go on behind closed doors to x
well it wont last wil it, my ex said he lives at his nanas and lives with family 3 times a wweek so cant b tht good,in my case my ex asnt got at all wot he wanted and im glad,my ex said few times i cant wait for my little girl cum and live with er daddy and her siblings i said over my dead body, he said yes thts wot i meant, he always said when she was 11 she go and liv with him, strangex
isnt it when there 11 they can make there own chioce over who to have contact with x
well tht explains why he said it then , not a chance is tht appeninx
In Scotland, a child can choose from the age of 12. There is no set age in English law but the courts take a child's wishes more and more into account as they get older.
Anonymous mum, don't forget that the life he reckons he is having is a loads of bravado. I agree with kiera, it will probably not last.
hi louise cud i ask for advice, well ive ad letter from my solciters sayin bout what judges final word is, its bout the indirect contact, thru a 3rd party tho, i av to ring my solicters and suggest a 3rd party, but there is no1, my parents defiantly not, they dont want my ex knowing where they live and i dont blame um, my brother i never see, ive asked my mate but she doesnt want anythin thru post of him,id otn blame er, so what cud i suggest, hes not allowed any contact to my adress, my solciter said no to cards bein delivered to there office, what bout the post office, cos i dont av acluex
and im not allowed to show my little girl the cards, i av to keep um in a box x
what about a dv agency keira x
Hi kiera, I was going to suggest the solicitors office, that is what happened in my situation. However they have already said No to that. anonymousmum makes a good suggestion, what do you think?
hi do u mean like wave, but lady let me down last wed goin to court, and asnt once rang me to see how court went , very upset bout itx
Hi all,sorry not to reply I was feeling unwell after all the drama I have had,Keira my x n I had a row over 8 wks ago n he told ss I was drinking so now I cant c our son,had contact at a family centre up until this Weds but finished now n waiting 4 contact centre,I had been asking how my son was every day 4 6 days via txt n he kept ignoring me,I lost it n sent nasty messages to him for 4 days-couldnt help it he gets my son taken then ignores txt-he wants me out of his life but it not happening,anyway he got me arrested for the text n I was charged n in court yesterday-I got an adjournment as solicitor advised magistrates I need support so gotta c a probation officer soon,I job hunting at the mo but now I gotta record,he sent me txt also but police didnt care,I not even allowed to send my son gifts,I got know job,no friends n my daughter on hols with her Dad til nxt Friday,I stuck indoors all day on my own with too much time on my hands,I hate these men they are poison,hope all is peaceful for everyone today xx
Ps I havnt been drinking like he said n gonna make em do a test to prove it xx
Hi lorraine43, yes good idea to get a test!! Have been reading about your news on the other thread.
Kiera, I understand why you would not feel able to rely on wave after they let you down, and I don't blame your mate for not wanting involvement with him. You could either ask another agency such as Sure Start or Family Mediation (they might be the ones if it is happening because of a court order) or you could use a private mail service like this one here, please note I am not recommending this one in particular as I have no personal experience of it, I see it costs £15 for a year and they will forward it on to you
hi louise is this normal to do indirect thru 3rd party, cafacss didnt recomend indirect contact, judge said no contact rare so they ad to offer my ex summat, x
I don't know how rare it is, kiera, it seems like a pretty good thing for you, though, as it means he is not even allowed to send mail directly
hi louise thank you for reply, well sure start sounds good as its 5 mins from me,il ring my solicter and mention sure start , dont no where family mediation is, but ilmention it to solicter, they cant expect my friends to accept crads etx off my ex, i dont blame them,x
well im out to a friends tonight, avin few glasses champage and good chat, got babysitter coming later, b good just to get out of the house x
Hope you had a good night, kiera 
hi im feelin bit annoyed thinkin avnt i bin thru enuf thru court, like i spoke to my solicter bout tryin find 3rd party to get cards off ex. like why shud i b one doin all the thinkin, he took me to court for gods sake, my solciter said i dotn blame ur friend not wantin cards off my ex, why shud it b on my shoulders, judge said sort it between ourselves, im waitn for the court order cum thru any day now, say wot he can send thru post, i want to move on not b worryin, case is closed so why am i stil worryin bout whop he send cards to and like its down to me, gona tell my solciter how i feel ,sorry for goin onx
Its fine kiera, we are now sweeping up the last pieces. Let us know what the solicitor says, as I am interested to what they suggest. You can't pull someone out of thin air can you!
Have you contacted Wave to find out where they were? I know it might feel difficult but they offer you a service and they should have been at Court to support you. Dont get mad with them just assertively ask what happened, as you were left vulnerable.
hi anna thank you for reply, i felt very vunerable, and on my own in the room inbetween goin in court, an hour and half i was in this private room on my own, cryin, was awful, like ive done nothuin but im wreck, and my ex wudnt bin crying and hes the guilty one,and i cant pick sumone out of thin air can i, and why hell shud i, why shudn io contact wave, u no she asnt rang once to see how court as gon, cant believe itm, i wont b goin to their freedom programe again, wave ran it, but i believe god if i cud get thru contested hearin i can get thru anythin,its just me and kids, and thts it idont want a man for ages, not interested,now case closed i dont want b mithered bout who he sends birthday card to, think this shud b sorted in court, even judge said and cafacss i shud av peace for me and my kids, cafacss guy said hes worried for my kids and me if this case carries on, thts why case closed, ex wanted it adjoured cos he said he cudnt afford to reaply, selfish horrible vile man, thts what i think of him, he asnt changed, and im wprried he sale thru the perpertrators course and stil b the same, he wont change, even in court he was mouthin off bout me, same man, arrogant, manipulitivexthug, sorry i feel upset, cos iots true its the man whose guilty and yet us women bein dragged thru court and out thru it, its very wrong anna
I really understand how you feel Hun
i feel like that about contact I have to take them to every contact, I have to fund it, I have to do it all while he sits there ? How's that fare it should be sit 50/50
i think your ex should sort out cards and who he seds them tto pity they carnt be sent to am post office for you to collect x
it never ends I feel for u x
i feel for u hun, we both no what we are goin thru dont we,xx liek we av to do all the runningx
Yep we do court did not feel equal to me in repect of gender
feel like I need to start my life again you ever felt like that ( keep my kids) though
iv got nothing just me and my kids and left with a tone of emotional baggage to deal with
i have just found out Csa took him to court an and a order was granted and hes paying every week so that's good news one less thing to deal with
well thts good news hun, ive never ad penny of my 3 kids dads, my eldest daughter dad only one thtb paid and bin there for herx
Hi there, it is such a tough time that you are both dealing with at the moment.
I can hear how cross you feel with Wave kiera, they should have been there with you at Court, however I still think you should contact them, for all we know the worker is off sick and no-one else knew about the court. You have learned loads from the Freedom Programme don't give it up just because of one person.
I have been angry, felt let down, alone, isolated, scared and vulnerable, however please believe me there is life after all of this, if you let it. Don't snub any support that is on offer, take it graciously and don't be afraid to ask for help either.
Great to hear IDT that your ex is paying CSA, very pleasing
I would do what Anna said and call to ask why no one was there for u at court? I'd put them on the spot itannoy like you asked em to go to the dentist with you it's bloody horrible going alone in them side rooms
you did great cos I was scared and I had people with me
x
Sometold special told me this:
take it one step and day at a time and know that, However long it may take
all will be well in your world again
im clingy on to this through my tears tonight x
hi hun how are u, ive bathed my daughter she ad er milk, now sat watchin shaun the sheep lo, then im gona av my irish cider with ice lol after she in bed of course, we can chat on here tonyt hun if u wantxx
Yeah that sounds good
im ment to be painting my sons bedroom but carnt get my head round it tonight x
my little mans in bed now x
hi hun god ive got paint to do room to get my little girl in it, stil not done, she in bed, my 2 boys on laptop and fifa game on ps3, im watchin emmerdale and avin blottle irish cider lolxx
hi hun how u feeling tonytx
He's got 6 kids I've got one I don't like it
i feel worried and anxious last night scared me
i am having a glass of wine ;)
How ui feeling now
I'm going to head to bed while I feel tired x
talk soon
hi hun i was chargin laptop, im ok im goin bed soon, my little girl as me up so early in the morninx
I'm still up ;)
so tired though
X
Hope today is a brighter day for both of you.
IDT, do the children come back today?
Kiera, will you ring wave?
hi hun how are u today sorry thought u gon to bed, xx
hi louise i cant ring wave, i have not had one fonecall to even see how the outcum of court was, so im not ringin wave, liek my support as gon apart from one space who as bin there for me since march 2012,even lady from surestart asnt rang to see how court was,she new wot date i was goin, but u no i need to move on dont i,but i ienjoy spkin to ladys on here who i have bin spkin to for a while, espec im doin this , cos i have been thru it all,so mayb i could help and support them, x
I definitely believe you can be a great support on here kiera, listening to people's stories and encouraging them to share more, if they wish.
I still think you should ring Wave, they have let you down and you are well within your rights to tell them so, assertively.
and just had a shock, knock on door and i looked out window, like i always do, i dotn answer the door, and i saw srocky felle like my ex, i panicked , i wasnt sure who it was, then i sw him with my sons medication in his hands, cant believe how i reanoidact even now, my heart pounding hands shakin, so paranoid
Well, it's right that you exercise caution, kiera, the panicky feelings will settle down in time.
well not heard from solicter bout who wil b 3rd party for my ex to post birthday card etc to me, i rang a week ago, my solicter is baffled who it will b, avnt heard anythin, leave them to it, avnt thought bout it til today which is good wonder if he is attendin domestic course stil twice a week we will see
Hi kiera, good thinking, leave the decision with the solicitor, what more can you do?!
I am so glad to hear that you haven't thought about all of this for a few days, that is excellent and probably a break that your mind has needed
hi louise stil avnt heard from my solicter regardin 3rd party with my ex and in direct contact, avnt heard anythin, wonder why, xdid u av good holiday
Morning kiera, I did have a lovely break thank you and was glad to see that you did too
Don't worry about not hearing from the solicitor, it is up to them, and let's face it, it's not mega urgent....just let them stew in their own juice 
hi thanks for reply louise,yes ur right lolxx
he kept saying to me il get some one younger than you better than you when he had her a secret , thats how its made me feel old unatractive an a failure , he seems they seem so happy and im in turmoil x