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im a single parent with a 1 year old daughter. she means everything to me but im doing everything on my own. dont get me wrong i do get family help but nothing at all from my daughters dad. He doesnt want to know at all he is more bothered about his brand new car and his new girlfriend. im sick and tired of feeling like im failing all the time, i just wouldnt mind abit of help and more money..................
can anyone help ???????
everything i have done is for my daughter nothing else but its so difficult been a single parent but the best thing i have ever done in my whole entire life. :)
Hello yummymummy93
Welcome along!
I agree with Anna, and also would like to ask if your child's father contributes towards her upkeep. If no, or very little, would you consider involving the Child Support Agency? (click to see)
Hi all
yummy mummy. Hey
I can totally empathize with your situation I hope its gotten a lot better since.
have you considered house sharing ?
If you are interested please check out my latest post as I am currently looking for one or more single parent family to share a household.
Hi all, am a single parent with 2 years old daughter leaving in a temporary accomodation. My daughter's dad only been seeing her since october once in a while every time. He does not contribute toward her upkeep! I really dont know how to bring up the subject and what to ask him he should be giving me to help!
Can you please advise me ?
Hi Sab and welcome to One Space.
If your ex is on your daughters birth certificate he is financially responsible for your daughter.
Have a look at this website Options to help separated parents make decisions about child maintenance arrangements.
Once you find out all the options, do you think you would prefer to discuss it with him or do you think it would be better for him to receive a letter from them? If you can manage arrangements yourselves then you won't have to pay the fee to receive the money.
Do you have his address? Does he work?
Hi Anna,
Many thanks for your reply!
He is not on my daughter certificate and he is married with 2 children! When we first met he pretending to be separated and he never mentioned about the children until I started to become suspicious.
When I found out I was pregnant I wrote to him an email about finding myself pregnant even on the pills. His response was that he never wanted another child and clearly in other words that he was careful meaning not taking part of his responsability that he wasnt himself protected.
I am really concern that he is not really trying to bond with his daughter and not even wants me to tell her he is her daddy because he says that would confuse her! He only get in touch once in a while to only see her with me in a flying visit always before a meeting he has to rush to go afterwards!
We met this Friday for him to see her. At the same I tried to tell him that I was going to put her in a nursery at my work place because the childminder became to expensive and it's time for her to go to a bigger place with more children. I added that I had to give £586 in advance for deposit which I had to borrow from someone and that it is becoming more difficult financially and that only earn very little in my part time job.That didn't seem to bother him at all and he carried on saying: Oh my god, it's £ 586 a month, well I replied the childminder is even more!
I think he believes I am getting enough help and that he can get away with it because he tried to say but you have... and didn't finish his sentence!
He is got his own business, all his details are on the website for work purpose.
Hi Sab
Your daughters father is financially responsible even if he is not on the birth certificate, though this can sometimes be more difficult and prolong things, especially if he denied he was the father, you would then need a DNA test to prove he is the father to be able to make him take some financial responsibility.
It is a shame that he is behaving that way towards your daughter, how much he should pay is dependent on his personal circumstances and income, are you able to ask for him out right to support your daughter? you could start with asking him to help with a fraction of the child care costs!
I agree, Sab, you need to find a way to get him to play his part. He would be very reluctant for you to go through official channels, especially if his wife does not know about you and your child but maybe you could get a private agreement?
Hi Sab
How are things with you? Have you thought any further about going ahead with Child Maintenance?
What a difficult situation Sab. Is his wife aware of you and the child? If not it's no wonder he is reluctant to be involved. I feel for you so much, it's so unfair on you and your daughter. How are things going now, did you go ahead with CSA?
yummymummy93, I completely empathise with how you feel. It's so easy to get bogged down in the things that make us miserable and our regrets, and how we wish things could be. Acceptance is key - once we can accept where we are and be grateful for what we have, we can begin to move on and build a life for ourselves.
So much easier said than done, and it takes time. Good luck x
Thank you all so much for your concern and advice! I read all your comments and kept thinking about what to do and what to say. I found it difficult to speak to him and I am not sure what to say exactely, I am scare he would react badly. I am scare that he would not want to see his daughter anymore but on the top of all she needs to know she has a dad, it is a bad time she calls him daddy!!! I sent him a text a couple of weeks ago saying that I was disappointed in him and that I was going to check what are my rights. Since then he tried to call me to talk on the phone but I ignored because I am scare that he tries to twist my mind. He then send me an email for us to have a chat on the phone. I still didn't get back to him because i think it would be best to say what we have to say by email. Please I need advice on what I should say exactely, I have to get back to him before he thinks I am not serious or stupid!
Hi Sab, first and foremost, you have to do what is right for you. If you would prefer to communicate via email then that is the way forward, do not let him manipulate him into talking on the phone.
Everything you need to deal with right now is factual and that can be done in writing.
What is it that you want to say? Can you tell us here all the things that you would like to say/ask him and then we can go from there.....
I would like him to understand that my daughter needs to understand the meaning of the word daddy
I would like him to understand that he needs to play a part in my daughter's life not with those flying visits that have been going on for too long
I want hin to understand that even if the government helps me, I still have to pay rent, bills, council tax and nursery costs, as well as costs linked to raising a child (clothes, toys, food etc)
I am also planning for her to have singing lessons, dancing lessons which is related to her education
So what's the best way of addressing these points with him? I think he should tell the truth to his wife...
Hi Sab
Unforunately you may not be able to make him understand that he should visit more often or take a more active role in your daughters life, but you can do something about getting financial help and of course it won't hurt to at least try to get through to him that he should be more involved with his daughter.
I think you have said in a previous post that you would prefer to email him, i think that this would be better as if he refuses to give any support etc you will have a record of his response.
It would probably be best to start by mentioning how important you feel it is for him to have more contact with his daughter and that she needs to know him as her daddy, it will be more confusing for her further down the line to find out that he is her father than it would be now.
As for the financial side of things you could just ask for some sort of contribution to your daughters up keep, i.e. could he help towards childcare costs? or towards clothes and other essentials? it may help to have a sum in mind for example half the childcare costs or £££ a week/month to help towards essentails.
I would not mention the singing lessons etc yet as your daughter is still to young for these and it will probably be easier to focus on the current financial support needs.
What else would you say?
Hi yummymummy93, welcome to One Space and Welcome to Single Parenthood!
I think we can all relate to you here - a little bit of help and some more money - that would be great! However rather than spend our time wishing for it or thinking that life is unfair, the best thing I did was ACCEPT it.
It is really hard when we feel exhausted, broke and alone, we feel that the world is passing us by and ignoring us. This simply isn't the case, so we have to change how we view the world.
You have a gorgeous daughter, who you would do anything for
It sounds as though you have help from your family
I am presuming that you have a roof over your head and can provide food for the table.
So at the very least your basic needs are catered for. The only way from here is UP!
What do you think you are failing at and why?