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hi i like cookin for me and 3 kids lol, and pleased found out today my little girl got 10 hr free funding at a nursery nr me, start 7th jan, a break at alast lol, and plus lukin for job,well wait til court over with, well only me time i get is when my little girl asleep, or i av nyt out, i ad nyt out last friday gud nyt, how bout u hunxx
i dont go out no more havnt got anyome to babysit and to worried to leave her to wouldnt want him to use it agaisnt me neither x
hiya hun just got in, well i didnt av a babysitter, av now, my daughter mate sister she is nice, i trust er , kids like er, well im paranoidleavin my 14 yr old with kids when i even nip shop cos ex said i leave kid son own all tym and i dont, they sasy anythin to make us luk bad, but im not one with violent criminal past he is, ive dun everythin court av asked of me, he asnt, always us women tht av to jump thru hoops, i wore nice black suit for court , i luked smart,. ex luked like he ad his work gear on , like ur ex is avin a life and u aint, not right, i feel like tht, i do av my nyts out, av to or il crack up, av u no1 family to babysit av u friendsxx
Hello anonymous mum
I wonder if your elder daughter would look after your little one so you could have an evening out?
Did you phone Women's Aid again?
am worried to leave her with my eldest as he mite start dragging her through court to if he finds out or if i got seen, i have tryed again but no luck x
ur entitled to av a nyt out, ive ad few nyts out now, i do no wot u mean tho, av u got any gud friends, xx i rang womans aid few tyms,ad gud moan to umx
not only that i havnt really got any one to go out with any more lol, me mates preg and am quite isolated x
aw hun i do feel for u well im in house everynyt with kids, i mean when they are in bed just me on my own everynyt im use to it tho,my ex was always cumin and goin u c, im on net mums are u, we cud meet up as well if we new where each other lived lol, bet u dont liv far, i have mates but they av their own lives , x
wot u gona do exmas day and boxing day, my eldest daughter bk from uni exmas eve, cant wait to see er, she is cumin exmas day and stayin, we av all missed er, xwe av both said sorryx
Hi kiera I am thrilled that you and your daughter have sorted things out and that she is coming for xmas day, great stuff.
(Please remember the One Space house rules about meeting up with one another)
I know it is not the same as meeting up face to face, but hopefully just as supportive to be able to share stories and support one another.
Hi anonymousmum, you asked what to wear in court, I don't think you need to wear a suit, however it is good to look like you have made an effort and you are taking this seriously. However you want to look homely rather than glam model! I would try and find something that you are comfortable in and is respectable.
It is important that all these situations that have arisen with the children are mentioned in court, especially the racial abuse and also spitting on them, this is abhorrent.
I know that this is a scary time, but you are really not alone, many women have and are experiencing very similar stuff to you right now. As kiera shows from her own experience, abusive partners often come out with very similar language, so try not to take anything personally. He will do whatever he thinks he has to, to look good. You don't need to think about looking good, you need to think about what is best for the children.
hi im not on netmums is it good?
i know i dont want to look like iv made loads of effort a in glam but at the same time i am quite glam when i leave the house, but course its not about how i look i kno that, i will tell them about abuse to kids but wont it go against me for not telling before? they (the ss) already kno about the racial abuse and so do the police,
for xmas just be me and the girls x
...and re the outfit, next time you see your solicitor wear what you think is a good court outift and ask their opinion. After the court is over, you can look at extending your circle of friends and starting a whole new life just as kiera is doing now.
Kiera, glad you have made up with your daughter 
think i wiil go to primark in the sales and get a shirt and skirt or pants, x
hi hun how are u todayxx
Hi all,
Oh dear, anonymousmum, it seems you have been through a major panic! I can feel your pain. I was very very paranoid for a long time believing my ex could hear and see everything I said and done. You REALLY need to stop listening, reading anything he has to say - seriously! My ex bombarded me with Fathers4justice stuff and even had somebody email me from there but their organisation (from what I gather) does NOT support or want to be associated with abusive fathers. The courts will see through him - stop panicking.
Unfortunately I didnt take this advice and have caused myself no end of problems now. I have recently been diagnosed with Depression-related memory loss,I have dangerously high blood pressure and my anxiety has progressed. I am now under a psychiatrist and taking very high doses of medication. I look back now and wish that I would not of let myself get so worked up. You have to remember these men are very skilled at knowing exactly how to get at you - you have to ignore it. You will make yourself ill if you keep thinking about him. My memeory loss is very debilitating and I have to have a dictaphone with me for any important meetings because I forget what has been said it is awful. The doc said I put my mind under so much stress that it has shut parts of it down.
You have very good evidence on your side the courts know your ex is violent they are not going to put your child at risk. Your worry and stress will only benefit your ex.
Hi littleangel you are so right to much stress can make us really ill aswell as make it more difficult for us to make rational decisions, in my own case i made alot of decisions based on how i was feeling mentally and emotionally and was really caught up in the here and now and this caused me no end of problems at the time.
I hope your health improves soon littleangel and that you are looking after yourself, getting plenty of rest and relaxation.
hi little angel i av dun my statement, ive signed it, i ad gud chat with my soliciter, i av contested hearing in feb,and i av say why i dont want ex to av contact, i very heavily supervised in centre but worries are after centre,terrifies me thinkin of ex with my little girl, he isnt allowed contact with me or my kids stil, i never want to see him again, and cafcass report says i cud b marraced again if i av any contact with him, and they av do assessment to see wot risk he poses to my little girl,anyway gona av gud exmas, 1st exmas without my ex mithering, av gud exmas klittle angelx
Your right Sally I was not rational for about 6 years while all the harrasment was going on. Im gutted I got in to such a state but I can see it now so can start to improve.
Keira, glad you got your statement sorted. I testified why I didnt want ex to have contact too - you will be fine. Forget about that for now and enjoy the festivities x
Xmas will be so much more relaxed for you this year you can just focus on your kids and enjoy it all. Hope you have a great day.
hiya hun how are u, ope u are all okxx
hi evreyone i found out today my ex has got a new girlfreind and it shouldnt i kno but it really hurt my eldest has gone off with her boyfreind and wont answer my calls so wont be home for babys first xmas evrything is ruined my first xmas without him and first xmas for baby and they have both ruined it , i feel like i cant function dont see any point having a xmas am sending my 14 yr old to her dad and there family for xmas cos im feeling so down and alone, i havnt even got the time to wrap any presents my eldest was supposed to help me with it , my first xmas with baby supposed to be such a special time and cant believe my eldest has done this to us, i have been crying for two days over how much she stressed me out and then i see him flaunting about his new girlfreind , i just feel like things are neva gona be on the up,i should be enjoying my self this time of year, he ruined so many xmas,s and i really wanted this one to be differant, my eldest was supposed to look after baby for me for whemn i go to court and now havny even got anyone to do that , how can my own flesh and blood be so wicked to us, my ex used to manipulate her alot and went through a really rough patch where she turned against me because of him befreinding her she knows the pain im in now , i just cant understand it
Hi there anonymousmum,
I think it's only natural to feel a sense of betrayal when someone we were with for a period of time - no matter how that relationship might have been - meets someone new. Please don't be too hard on yourself for being human!
When it come to your eldest - give her chance, she may well be in touch before Christmas; it's still a couple of days away. It sounds as if you have all had a rough ride and she may well have just taken herself of for some 'head space'.
And as for Christmas being ruined...says who? Don't put yourself under any more pressure - you've read littleangel's acount of how too much stress has affected her. Try to have a chilled out time with you and your baby - make it special for the two of you if no-one else is going to be around. You could have a really relaxed one...and think about me running round like a headless chicken, organising everything and being a control freak 
Thinking of you,
Mary x
i cant even eat have smoked 20 ciggys today , he,s with her now my stomach is in knots, an my eldest she does this to me evrymonth near enough she deleted her sister and her cousins off bbm, and her boyfreinds mum is awafull the last time she done this the mum rang tax credits and tried to put a claim in , i kno she wont be back now, i feel so hurt by both of them x
hi hun im ere to talk, aw hun i do understand how u feel when found out my ex ad never even left his girlfriend, and ad new baby inew s*** bout,and my dawter wudnt spk to me cos she stil angry bout my ex,giv ur dawter bit tym, i did and she spkin to me now, i no exmas day is tue, wait til nmonday and see how land lies, how is ur little baby hun, and ur ex is a******* let him do wot hell he wants, please please dont b upset, easier said i noxxx
Moderator; this post has been edited. Please remember language used should be of PG level.
hun dont send ur child to er dads, b together,my ex ruined every exmas he isn t this yr dont u let ur ex ruin it this yr cos thts woit he bloody wantsxx
Hey kiera,
Those are wise words. You sound on good form, which is nice to return to the boards to
anonymous mum, kiera is right - see how the land lies tomorrow. Try not to wind yourself up; that may sound impossible but if you start 'overthinking' things, take a few deep breaths and find something to do to try to divert your thoughts.
The truth of the matter is, people will do what they will do. We can not control other people's actions or thoughts, only our own (no matter how much we might want to.)
Hoping you manage to find some peace with your situation and have a lovely Christmas.
i know i cant controll what she does but she has big such a difficult girl for like 5 yeers now , im her mother and she stabs me in the back walks over me like im muck and even went on my ex,s side when he was abusing me, she is wicked , i neva brought her badly but she has treated me badly, she knows i dont need this right now and i cant believe shes doing this right now, and me ex hasnt helped the way im feeling , i dot know why i am staying in this city , i stay for them ( ie my older girls , but they dont appreciatte me) i should just leave , my eldests behaviour is affecting my health, and so is my ex,i could write pages and pages of stuff that she has done to me, i could of gone to my mums for xmas but stayed for my two older kids to spend xmas with baby and she knows this and she knows i am on my own for my babys fist xmas and first xmas without x how am i supposed to pretend to be happy i am so upset cant eat am all knotted up inside, i cant go throguh this with her no more shes nearly 19 shes an adult, my priority is the baby and shes affecting what should of been a really special time , and of course so is x
hiya hun my daughter is 19, and nearly adult, my daughter said to me how can i call myself a mum, i was gutted, she said sorry since but stil hurts, wish i cud move a way, please take deap breaths and u av ur baby to think bout, spk to ur daughter tomoz hun, see wot she saysxx
speaking to her is impossible cos she keeps puttin the phone down on me i havnt donr anything to her , we was fine before she left , her boyfreind was supposed to go to prison on thursday and he got off with community service , this was for burgallary, she then told me she would be home in an hour an then when i rang her to try and find out if she was on her way she just kept puttin the phone down and has done since, shes even deleted her sister off bbm, i even sent her text messages asking her to pick the phone up and just tell me wahts shes doi g, cos im gettin all upset iv told her how upset shes makin me and she is not taking any notice , shes out of order x
today we was supposed to go shopping for food for xmas cos its hard for me on me own with pram, yestaday we were supposed to wrap all the presnts togther, and tommoz its xmas eve , she knew we had plans, i feel like everyine just hates me me own family me ex and his family x
aw hun please dont spk like tht, i do understand thio where ur cumin from, my dawter blocked me from fb, she stil as, im same with pram and shoppin its hard init, i got my food delivered, no1 hates u, but ur dawter is out of order hun,she really is, xx
really wanted this xmas to be a happy one x
leave it til tomoz hun see how land lies ok,xx
Hi anonymous mum
It is very upsetting what is happening with your daughter but don't let it ruin your Christmas. You can wrap prezzies on your own!!!! you can pop out for the shopping even with the pram! And wow it IS a happy Christmas as you do not have your violent and abusive ex with you. Feel sorry for the new girlfriend, she has a nasty shock coming! As for you....you are the woman who has been so strong in moving on and starting the process of rebuilding your life
You say your daughter keeps doing this every month. Well that is not acceptable. She lives in your house and you have a right to a peaceful life and to make the rules for that house. Tough if she does not like it, she is a grown up and needs to know that you will not tolerate it. If she is still suffering fallout from the past then by all means get her some help (such as counselling) but you need to keep miving forward now.
Please post on here later today telling me us you have been to the shops and have wrapped some prezzies!
i wish i could beleive that louise but apparently he wasnt abusive to his ex before me..it was all just me....., his new girlfreind is 22 with a 6 month old baby and she lives next door to him and his mum his mum has taken her in when they shuned me away, he put pictures up holding her baby and the mum holding her baby, i feel so broken hearted i know i shouldnt i should be glad, it was a year to the day he annouced his relationship with her the same day we splitt up ( a year that day) , and as for my daughter ( eldest) i really cant take this off her no more she,ll push me to a breakdown , last time she done this i nearly threw her out but she kept saying she didnt want to go so i gave in , but this time i think she will have to cos baby is my priority and what i have going on ie courts, i need all my strenght for that and cant have her drainig my strenght away , she obvuiosly doesnt give a dam , i wrapped some prensents last nihght x
Well done on the wrapping!
Whether he is abusive to the new partner, he has been abusive to YOU and you are well out of it. Of course you still have feelings for him, but your feelings are for what you wanted him to be and sadness that it was not like that.....you know in your head that you are better off away from him when he treated you like that.
You sound a bit stronger today, hope this is the case. Your little baby has sooooo many magical Christmases to come
hi hun how are u today, ive wrapped my presents, thank god, well his ex said he as never harassed er or hit er,but i dont believe er at all, only spoke once, it prob was not even her,no way my ex only like this with me,av u bin able spk with ur daughter hun,did u do ur shoppin, yes at least u not got ur abusive ex with u, i am glad i avnt this exmas, very glad, please try av gud exmas with ur little onexx
hiya hun how are u , ope u manage to av gud day yesterday, im thinkin of u xxx
happy new year xxxxope ur ok hunxx
hiya hun how are u, ope ur ok xx
what did you wear to court keira , a suit or anything like that x