This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
Firstly hun - stop looking at his FB!!! It will serve no purpose other than to stress you out further. He will be deliberately putting posts on there to shake you up, take no notice your solicitor is best to advise you not him.
I guess your case is differet to mine as I never went crown court or was it ever suggested. I actually thought crown court was a criminal court, so maybe you eed to ask your solicitor why you may need to go there so you are clear.
My ex, of course, denied everything but I never expected any different to be honest. He was convinced that because a court had 5 years previously given him 50% access to his son there was no way the court would stop him now - he was wrong. My ex did have a solicitor up until the very last hearing so I had goe to court expecting his solicitor to cross examine me but it was him in the end.
Im not sure about asking not to be cross examined because you are making allegations against your ex and he will want to cross examine you on those allegations (i say allegations because that is wat they are in courts eyes). I chose not to cross examine my ex which was fine because I was basically allowing him to say what he wanted and then making a choice not to challenge him (which was my loss) but if you refuse to be cross examined you will be stopping your ex from challenging what you say about him (his loss) so i would get legal advice on that hun.
If I was you I would be on to my solicitor every give oppurtunity so you are clear on everything. I unfortunately did not have a solicitor so had to stress over the smaller details but you have an expert there you can ask so take full advantage of that.
hi caza how are u,well my ex said in loud voice in court well she turned down all mediation evrythin she refused everythin, jsut tryin make me luk bad, but as my soliciter pointed out i didnt av to go due to domestic violence,my ex dont av a clue, he thouight i think he cud swan in court and just av acess to our littlwe girl just like tht ,but i new different, my ex is blockexd on fb, i luked onc e at his profile and i wished i adnt, pics of him smiling with his kids, so got all worked up and anxious again, so i dont do tht again, dont luk on his profile hunb or block him,it wil make u worse, xx i av cafcass woman cumin myn wed to do a risk assessment, she seems nice tho so im not worryinx
Hi keira, glad your not worrying, as it doesnt change anything x
You are absolutely right that you dont have to do mediation if DV is involved, infact women's aid advise you against it.
hi i know i do need to stop looking at his fb it does upset me and make me much more nervous i have blocked him on fb but i can still see his, its almost like an addiction wanting to know if he,s saying anything about me or the case but most of the time i just end up seeing things and then regretting it, my legal aid is up the wall one minute im entitled next minute im not i was a couple of weeks ago but have just ha a bakpayment from tx credits that will show on my bank statements that they want and will again take me over the limit for legal aid , i was only just in the threshold another 30 income and it untitled me wich this tax credits payment hs just done , so am standing alone again :( i wonder if they would still look to charge him for offences ( assaults on me) and that is why they may want to take it to crown but i will find out , whens caffcass comin out to you keira? is it this week? let me know how you get on with them , i have thought about wording things differantly after reading your post little angel x
what court did you go to littleangel civil, or magistrates or high court, mayby i got it wrong mayby solicitor said high court or magistrates she definatly said one higher thn the normal one 
x
hi caza cafcass woman cumin at 1pm wed, doin risk assessment, see wot appens, how are u hunxx
hi im not well actually full of flu , heads wrecked over this legal aid thing x
Hi caza, sorry to hear that you are full of flu, bad luck, you don't really need that right now. I hope that you are looking after yourself.
How frustrating that the Tax credit backpayment came now. Let us know what happens with the legal aid board.
Hi kiera "see what happens" - great attitude! Glad that you are comfortable with the CAFCASS officer - you have nothing to hide.
hi anna well no point worrying, i do no im gona b anxious on day when im goin court as il av see ex, wont luk at him like last tym,as dont really no wots gona appen,x
hi caza aw sorry to hear ur unwell, not surprising hun, wqot u upto todayx
just gona stay in today feel so ill dont want to go out with it being bonfire night stupid kids let them off any where best to stay in keep safe keep warm, let us know how you get on on wednesday keira x
hi caza il let u no hun course i will ,gota get ready to take my eldest to hospital, hes at school but he finish earlier, sunny but cold, ope u are ok hun. i hate fireworks, make my jumpxx
Hi caza, sorry your unwell x It will prob be the stress so try (i know its hard) to relax.
I went to civil courts and they have a family division in there. If you are going to represent yourself contact PSU (personal Support Unit) maybe Anna or Louise will put the link back on that they gave to me...? I used them and they were brilliant they dont give you legal advice but they come in court with you and I found it really helpfu. Me and the PSU guy were passing notes back and forth during the hearing (he was even cracking jokes to calm me down) they also take all the notes for you as you are likely to forget everythig that is said once you come out of court. Hopefully you will get the legal aid sorted though - it is a nightmare isnt it?!
I know what you mean about checking FB it can become a compulsion but just know that he would never post anything on there that isnt going to get at you so you will never see a post such as "It is not looking good for me in court" so his posts will only ever be one-sided and have no true indication of what is likely to happen in court. I dont know how you do it but my boyf has blocked my ex completely so i cant see his and he cant see mine so try and see if you can do that on yours block it both ways.
ive blocked my ex, i ope he cant see my profile how do u do it where he cant see anythin at all, i donmt want him to see anythinx
If you blocked him he wot be able to see anything hun. I was unsure how i got mine set up so I cant see anything on his. Think my boyf reported my ex on fb as he sent me friend requests and and messages so fb put a total block so i cant see his either.
Hi there weblink to Personal Support Unit for court (PSU) (click on the bold)
Weblink to How block people on Facebook and stop them seeing your profile.
hi thanks for the link on psu i have looked at there website and have tried phoning and will try again later it sounds like it will be really helpfull for me and i wont feel so alone i may even go down to there office and have a chat, i have blocked him on fb but i can still see his through other fb,s but i do need to stop looking i only upset my self more and your right little angel its not like he,s goin to say something like that, i feel so ill today and have lost alot of weight since all of this and im only a petite 7 stone already i dont want to look unhealthy when i get to court, i hate bonfire night my eldest daughter was hit by a rocket 4 yrs ago and left her with severe scarring on her neck 3rd degree burns was so lucky it wasnt her face x
Sorry to hear you have been feeling under the weather caza i hope it passes quickly, do look after yourself, i end up eating loads of chicken and dumpling soup when i don't feel good as it's not so heavy and full of good stuff.
Oh how awful for your daugther getting hit by a firework, is she o.k with them or is she afraid of them now?
hi caza well i avb lost over half a stone thru stress and anxiety and since court, ad no appetite gon down to siz 10 instead of 12, but im glad lol,.how are ux
hi im ok think mite be gettin chest infection , my eldest is 18 now she got a rocket thrown at her by a gang of boys 4 yrs ago, she doesnt like fireworks and stays in usually on bonfire night but she has coped amazingly well with the trauma of it all and the scarring, i know keira i cant afford to lose no more weight il disapear im only a size 6 now and the stress of all this will no doubt have an impact on my health to x
Your poor daughter, caza. You will be glad that Bonfire Night is over for another year.
Are you eating ok? it's hard to keep regular mealtimes when we are stressed, if you can only manage small amounts then make it GOOD things you are eating...a banana, some porridge, some decent vegetable soup, an egg....not processed stuff. Think of yourself as a champion for your baby (well, all your children really), champions need to be strong and they need the fuel to build their strength.
hi louise yes i try to eat well but the weight just doesnt go on me have always been petite but having the baba and the two older girls i just dont have a chance to keep the weight on, am just so stressed lately with all of this and the older girls cause me alot of stress at times to, feel like im running round in circles chasing my tail all the time, i dont sleep well because i have so much on my mind so just feel exhauseted x
good luck tommorow keira hope it goes well, let us know how you get on x
Yes, good luck kiera.
Caza you are obviously in a state of anxiety, glad you are eating ok, I suppose all I can suggest is to relax as much as you can. It can be hard to sleep though, I remember only sleeping two or three hours a night during my most difficult days, try not to beat yourself up for not actually sleeping....even lying down is good, and if you are up half the night, think about having a snack as your system will still be ticking over.
This WILL pass, it just feels never ending at the moment, but you are doing great, caza.
hi caza thank u , i feel ok, ive dun nothin wrong just worrieds il say wrong thing, i was same not sleepin cos anxious and worrying weeks ago bfore my 1st court date in july and erx harassing me, i was wreckl, now im niot, but only reasdon i dont get aklot kip now is my little girl lol, use to it tho now, xhow are u today cazaxx
hi caza well sat ere waitin for cafcass lady, my little girl avin kip,house nice and tidy and smellin of polish lol, ope ur ok hunx
hi caza well lady bin, she stayed hr and half,she wanted me tell er story of ex and when met him and evrtythin tht ad appened, didnt think i ad to do tht, i aqctually got upset when talkin bout everythin and wot appened on holiday when he assaulted me, she wantyed no risks to me if ex got contact, she said even if he got supervised contact wud he even b consistent and even turn up,she was nice tho, luks like court b adjourned as he asnt even dun drug testsx
the cafcass lady asnt spoken to ex yetx
Hi kiera, glad that the visit with the cafcass woman went well. Well done for telling the story of your relationship with your ex, that can be so hard, reliving certain moments.
Thanks for the update. How annoying that your ex hasn't done the drug test, it means everyone is waiting around for him. Maybe he is waiting until he gets a clean run?
hi keira not suprised you got upset hving to relive all of that in your head, what sort of things did she ask you , did she speak to your LO, did she give you any idea of her thoughts on your case, are you representing urself hun x
hi anna yes thts wot it felt like reliving at all i got upset ,she wanted to no risk to me if he ad contact,she was shocked with everythin i told er bout things he ad said to my kids bout me and bout my eldest dawter, i told er as much as i can, she showed me thick file on his criminal record,no he asnt dun drug test in said tht he prob waitin til out his system but it stil wont go down well in court the judge said it wont luk gud if he asnt dun it,but he can say he waitn for legal aid go thru, x
hi caza yes i got upset,well she ask wud my little girl b avin sleep so we cud chat in peace, she was asleep but woke up when she was there so got er up,she was shy at 1st then fyn,she was chatin away and laffin so she cud c my little girl was happy adn well dressed etc,she said even if he got supervised contact he myt not even see it thru and not trun up, given wot he is like,and she said cant see ex bein tht bad with me and not with his girlfriend,prob when he was with me he ad split up from er and vice versa,i av a soliciter, avnt spoke to er,xcafcass lady adnt spokwe to my ex yet, she wont go to wher he is tho aparently he as to go to erx
hi caza i feelreally anxious,my heart pounding, feel like bk square 1 , i feel down and awful since tht cafcass lady bin, x
Morning kiera
It is always traumatic to have to relive the horror of abuse and that is what you had to go through yesterday. Please remember two things: IT IS OVER and.....YOU ARE NOT THE ONE IN THE WRONG.
The other thing I was wondering about was...now you are supporting and helping other women on here, it might feel more comfortable for you when you reply to other people who are/have been in abusive relationships, that you concentrate in your post on talking about THEM rather than telling your own story....I was just thinking that this would also help you move forward, yes helping other women but NOT reliving your own trauma. What do you think?
Hello caza
How are you this morning? Have you managed to stay away from Facebook? Hope you got some rest last night.
hi everyone yes iv managed to stay awy from fb for over 24 hours now have had such an urge to look though but i just tell my self im not goin to see anything thaat will make me happy and stop, i was speaking to a freind of mine who has been through similar situation and the courts have given her ex unsupervised contact as they have said that he is a risk to her but not the child , it just made me worry all the more about things ahead, keira you have been so strong i think its normal for you to feel a bit anxious from time to time and it will be ups and downs through this time i will expect the sam itd what im dreading the most , but stay strong hun, i wonder if caffcass will want to speak to my older kids who arnt his , cos they wont be able to speak to baby shes to young and surely they wont just hand baby over to his family when she doesnt even know them , she would get distressed x
None of us can say exactly what will happen, caza but the main thing is to get the best help possible from your solicitor
Well done for staying away from FB!
hi caza how are u today, im ok, was down after cafcass lady but was to b expected, howa av u binx cant see them handimn over ur babyu to family she doesnt even no, it is worryin isnt it x
hi , havnt been on for while how are you doing keira has there been any progress, i found out today that ex has got hiw legal aid and has told everyone that he has the highest awrd and he can have parental responsibility and get put on the birth certificate and have his daughter back in his life and throw her a big party, im really worried now :( x
he,s found me on here he,s made comments that have been removed it was his name!!! how do i deactivate my account and hide everything? i cant beleive this has happnd the male name that commented whta did they say??
i thought this was safe, he has seen evrything commented on all the posts i commented on and they have been removed some one please tell me wat is goin on
wheres he moderators? i need to kno whats happend
Hello anonymous mum
Moderators cannot be on here 24/7 as we are all parents with our own families too and funding does not permit this either.
I don't understand exactly what you mean. Obviously this is a public website so anyone can see it on the internet, that is why we ask you to have a user name so it is anonymous. It is probably best if you do not explain about his name etc on here. Please send a private email to info@onespace.org.uk marked for Anna's attention outlining exactly what you are concerned about in terms of him "commenting" and it will be looked into straight away
im really concernd that he has seen all of my comments he commented on all 3 threads i commented on wich is a bit of a coincidence i, im worried he,ll use this against me in court
aw hun do u think he as seen wot u av messaeg, they find way dont they, tht appened on the womans aid, man was messagein on there,how are u hun, av u emailed the moderater on ere, what as bin appening with u hunxx
hi well was in court 21st nov, he stil asnt dun drug test, he got til jan 2nd thts it , then its contested hearing 26th feb, i av stand up and say why i dont want him to have contact, hes a very high risk offender, and risk to me, he isnt safe to av any un supervised acess,i cudnt go in court and face him,i was in private room, i didnt av to go in,than k god, but av to feb, got do statement tomoz at my soliciter, ex legal aid asnt cum thru, wish he wud disapera, im worried tht he wil cum after me if he stil gets no contact, myt have to movex
i cant email the wizard on this computer mayby ask her to email me first and i can reply, i know this is a public site but he must have said something that has alarme the moderators for it to be deleted 3 times on 3 separate threads, i dont want to have to deactivaate my account but it looks like i will have to now, i did keep my user name as private as poss but he has no doubt found me through my posts anothr way
u have dun nothing wrong hun, are usure its him, how have u bin hun, xx
aw hun ope ur ok, how wud he no its uxx
i wonder what they meant by it could go to crown, he will deny he already told me he denys it , can i say im not comfortable being cross examined or ws that just because your ex was doing it himself, he has been putting all over his fb that i couldnt be botherd to go to mediation and theres no point going to court cos he will just win any way and have her every week :( x