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The Git used to get a thrill from it. I never sunk to his level though.
I have realised he is getting some sick pleasure in winding me up - no more!
thanks for all your support girls -
LRH, it is not putting pressure on the girls to ask them to text you that they have arrived safely and what town/place they are staying in, your eldest is 14 and can easily do this. You can explain calmly that you are responsible for them until a certain age and need to know approximately where they are.
As for the solicitor/legal aid question, I didn't shop around, I asked others in the area who was good and then went to them, would have transferred if I was not happy though.
great advice as always thank you
I am so surprised that my ex is so happy in his new life but he seems to be doing his damndest to hack me off!
I will be going to see a solicitor in the school holidays (yeh! only 5 days to go till we break up!)
but I just can't understand why he is behaving the way he is - I seem to be constantly angry and annoyed with everything he does at the moment - it is so draining!
Youngest came into my room at 4am - she had been awake since 2am and she couldn't get back to sleep - so by 4.30am we were chatting away - I have put two lots of washing on and now I am shattered - I know she is anxious about breaking up from school, about the school holidays, about going away on our holiday, about going away with her day, about going into her final year at Primary School (Juniors in England!) but it is so exhausting!
Hi lrh, it is exhausting isn't it.
You mentioned yourself in other posts about knowing that you control your thoughts and feelings towards your ex and I was wondering if you could create a couple of stock phrases that you repeat to yourself when your ex does something that gets your back up? So that what he has said doesn't round and round in your head, but puts a full stop to it.
I imagine that it feels as though he is acting completely out of character and that is why you are feeling so frustrated with him.
It is good that your youngest is sharing her feelings with you (why do these things happen at the most random of times, I will never know!), will there be a point today where you can have some quiet time for yourself?
I am in a bad place at the moment - I am pushing the kids away and can't seem to stop myself.
The ex has sent me another solicitors letter and I have my appointment next week but it is making me feel that he is prepared to pay the bare minimum and that is that - not even sure that we can stay in the house - he wants me to pay the mortgage which is fine if i am in employment but if i lose my job i lose my home - it is such a mess
I am being a horrible parent at the moment and even though i know it i can't seem to stop myself
Try and explain to the children that you have things on your mind (I know you can't really explain why) which is why you're moody.
I used to tell my lot so they would know it wasn't connected to them.
Children are very forgiving...
Oh littleredhen, I am so sorry to hear that you are in a bad place. Unfortunately it is usually the children that bear the brunt. That is the joy of being a child of a lone parent! We have all done it!
I know that in the past you have not watned to move forward with legal stuff, I think because you didn't really want to face it, but the time has now come.
sparklinglime has a good suggestion of just telling the children that you have a lot on, they do understand and know what you are usually like. Just remember that there comes a time in the day when you need to switch off from it and leave it til the following day.
Good tip from sparkling. Sometimes, we just don't know where to put ourselves. You have a great deal on your mind at the moment.
You say that if you lose your job you lose your home. That is the case for many people...not that that makes the thought any easier of course. And it is possible to get employment insurance with a mortgage, indeed that is why help with mortgage interest is delayed for 39 weeks for more recent ones as we are expected to have that cover in place. You could also give some thought to getting a smaller place if that would be cheaper in terms of mortgage, council tax and power/water bills.
Anyway that's by the by. Let's have a think about you and the girls. I imagine you feel pressurised by being the parent in charge of everything and everyone relying on you 
Is it this weekend they go away? If so, could you make a supreme effort just for a couple of days and metaphorically put your worries/anger/angst in a box just for a very short time until they have gone?
Finished at the school I was working at part time today - had a lovely send off - only been there 3 months - they gave me a small gift and had some lovely comments in the card.
Off to my other school tonight as its the Primary 7's prom night!
My kids go away last week in July - we go on our hols first!
I have got an awkward situation with work coming up and I know its on my mind - all my hours will be at the one school but it is a few hours in a different role and to be honest I don't want that job but I think the head wants me to do that job if you see what I mean - I can't not go for it though as I would only have 10 hours without it!
I have been feeling calmer today but maybe because we finish school tomorrow but solicitors appointment next week
I think what I am saying about no job no home is that if we sold the house and we rented then at least I could get help with that if I lost my job but I doubt I would get insurance with my mortgage as I am on a temp contract so they would be daft to.
I feel so low its hard - thanks for the words of encouragement though!
Awww lrh, I'm so sorry that you're in a bad place at the moment. I have taken bad days out on C, frustrations etc, so I do know where you're coming from on that one. Sparkling passed a good tip though, so hopefully that will help you. The school thing I understand too, as I don't want to go where they've put me for September, but I keep telling myself, at least I have a job. Not helping mind, but nothing else to do but grin and bear it.
Am pleased you are off on hols soon, you need the break away, and a chance to relax with the girls. It'll be great. Take care. Remember, one day at a time. x
Hi lrh, yes I see what you mean about the house....although do bear in mind that Local Housing Allowance is not paid to people with more than a certain amount of savings and although you might not have those now, would you if you sold the house and got a share of the equity? You could run this past our Housing Expert if you want detailed information.
Last day at school for you then! Hope it goes well and then you can say PHEW.
Thanks for sorting out new look!
Needed a change of clothes but put the hair back to my normal style
Well we are off on our holidays on Saturday morning - we are going to a friend's lodge on a beautiful Scottish island - my sister is joining us so I am really looking forward to having some good adult company
Eldest is really cranking things up but I am trying to ignore her - don't think she has left the house for four days
they are off out today with their dad (well I say off out but more like over to Granny's cos he can't seem to think of anything else!) he texted youngest and told her they may do something different and then my eldest tells me they are off to Granny's - it makes my blood boil - he is so unfair telling youngest one thing and then doing another
Oh well I have let it go now Louise before you tell me off!
So I am organising stuff today and then going to lie on my bed with my book and fall asleep - hope everyone has a good day
Hey lrh - have a lovely holiday. It sounds like everyone in your house will benefit from a break and a bit of R&R. I am very jealous, as I love Scotland.
Difficult though it is, try to leave everything that is going on with your ex behind and get as much as you can from your time away with your girls. Recharge your batteries as much as you can - and have fun!
Have a wonderful time.
Have a wonderful holiday, LRH. You can rant on here as much as you like about the girls' dad, it is only the name-calling that the Forum rules ask us to be restrained about...but as for your feelings then we are here to listen
The Scottish island sounds lovely! and it will be great to have your sister there too. Hope you have a decent day getting ready.
The rules are quite right Louise and point taken
I am worried about the weather - my sister has to travel from the south of England by train tomorrow and we have to travel across Scotland from East to West - the forecast is very grim - last time there was lots of heavy rain the railway lines were flooded - nothing is going to spoil my holiday is it?
Hi lrh, hope you enjoy your holiday no matter what the weather does, thankfully your not camping
I think holidays are like a lot of things, they are what you make of it!, i speak from experience in that i spent many holidays getting my undies in a knot (yes this does happen on the odd ocassion). over all manner of things, all the time, until i realised the only person not enjoying themself was me 
.
Will have my fingers crossed for some better weather and look forward to hearing all about the great time you had.
Nothing will spoil the holiday. Its only rain, and it isn't cold... Sunshine will simply add to it.
You're going to my dream holiday location! I'll get there one day...
Have a wonderful time.
thanks - starting to feel more positive - the weather and a teenager will not spoil my holiday
Good for you, lrh. Bon voyage!
thanks rudimentary mary - not had much of chance to get to know you - are you with us for a while or just until Anna is back?
On the boards for three weeks or so, lrh - I'm covering holiday leave.So I'll be around for another fortnight yet
lrh, have a lovely holiday. I'm sure your daughter will 'perk' up once she gets in the holiday mood. Enjoy your time with your sister, and I really really hope the weather is good for you all. Have fun, 'see' you when you get back. Am waving goodbye
Thanks - we are leaving early in the morning - waving back
We will miss you lrh, but have a wonderful time!
I am home
Welcome back lrh we missed you, how was the holiday?
i hope you had a lovely time.
Welcome home lrh, how was it? How did the girls enjoy themselves?
Good morning everyone - wow what a great holiday!
We were lucky because we got a friend's holiday home although we still had to pay it wasn't anything like the going rate.
We set off amid the worst floods - one of the main routes to the motorway was shut sending me into a tizz!
Got to the beautiful island and it was damp and drizzly but it didn't matter
My sister joined us a few hours later and by Sunday evening the sun had come out - we didn't have another wet day until the day we left (yesterday)
The kids swan in the sea and I sat on the beach and felt joyous that we were not there with the idiot!
We visited castles and went tourist shopping - we ate out every day - my mum had given us money so we could do that - it felt so extravagant but we are so worth it!
I even went mad and bought myself a new silver bracelet - spending far more than I meant to but I just didn't care.
We were sad to leave yesterday but we had all missed our cats like mad.
My sister went home on Thursday and the eldest started her usual tricks but apart from one huge row I managed to reign it back and stop any further arguments.
We all had a brilliant time and came back with a tan, lots of shells and stones and some great pictures
I have missed you all and will catch up on everyone's news soon I hope
Must have brought the good weather back here because its lovely and sunny today and my mum said it had rained her nearly everyday
Hi lrh, great to have you back again, it sounds as though you had a great holiday, just what the doctor ordered! And, yes, you are soooo worth it!
It sounds as though you were able to sort things out with your daughter. I am sure they loved having you in good form!
I am now listening to the song you put on - aww very romantic!
Glad to hear you got a tan too! How were the cats when you got home?
I feel like I am on a piece of elastic - I keep stretching ahead looking for my future and just when I get it in sight I get yanked back to the beginning of the lonely road.
I have been reliably informed (not by the idiot) that he is moving in with her
Possiblly on a temporary basis but who knows - he has not told me or my kids but she - VEW has asked her kids if they mind - so at what point will my kids be told or will they find out
Unfortunately I can't confront him with what I know as I was sworn to secrecy - it could have legal implications for the other party and I wouldn't put them in that position
I felt like I had been punched in the stomach
Also he had asked to have the kids an extra afternoon today and I agreed - being the reasonable human being that I am - he told me a certain time and dropped them back an hour early - also he was texting and speaking on the phone a lot while out with the kids.
I have texted him and told him that if he can't stick to the agreed times then we will have to review contact and also if he can't give them the attention they deserve then he will lose them.
No reply as yet and I doubt he will bother cos he is a coward
So sad today and didn't sleep last night - the memory of a happy holiday has gone
Awww lrh. I always find the hardest part of the holiday is coming back to reality.
I'm so glad you had a lovely time though, and hopefully you'll soon start to think of them - and look at the shells and remember how nice that felt.
The only good thing about last year was centre parks. I cried buckets leaving, knowing we were coming back to disruption (although we didn't know how bad at that point). We still talk about that week though, as it really was a bit of heaven.
I agree sparklinglime; coming back to 'reality' is always the hardest thing about having being away. I have a 'hangover' everytime I come back from a break somewhere (especially if it's a festival!),when being back in the world I normally inhabit with all its limitations & small but niggly problems just feels unfair It sounds as though you had an absolutely glorious time lrh - try not to let go of that (you are SO worth it!)
I think it's a great thing that you are a romantic & are considering a new relationship - do you have a clear idea of what you do & don't want next time?
It can be really hard when your ex partner moves on (even if you know your relationship with them would have never worked out). It sounds as though your ex moving in with his partner has come as a bit of a surprise & on the back of your holiday 'comedown' the timing is poor (but would there ever have been a good time?)
Sending you hugs x x
Why is it that we try and cover up the mistakes of our ex's and smooth things over for our kids - is it because we want to protect our kids or is it control.
During the last visit with the kids my ex spent a large proportion of the time texting and phoning - he only had them for a short visit so why was it that he couldn't concentrate his efforts on them (no reply needed!)
I contacted him (yes foolish I know!) and told him what the kids had said and that I had asked them to talk to him if it bothered them which they refused to do.
So he texted them and asked them if it bothered them - so not only did he break my trust with them but he put them on the spot and the youngest said it was ok - not sure eldest even bothered to reply
So lesson learned for me
But the question I asked myself is all the way along our separation is why I have tried to get him to step up and hinted at things he could do better but I really don't know why - they will love him no matter wha,t of course, but even now they see him for what he is - my youngest said "I think Dad has run out of ideas cos we've been to the pictures 3 weeks on the run" how sad is that
In order to protect myself a bit more I am going to get myself another email address and when things go round and I need to sound off I am going to send an email to myself
I think some of it is about me wanting to control things and some about wanting to protect my kids from his stupid ways
Glad I go that off my chest
In answer to your question Mary I am not really looking for a new relationship or even contemplating one but I saw the Cee-lo Green song on Youtube and thought - yes that is what I want someone to sing to me one day
If I were to meet someone new they just have to be kind and thoughtful and good with the kids!
Hey lrh,
I think that its good that you know what you want when you decide you're ready for another relationship - didn't mean to rush you into it! I like it when I hear a song & it really speaks to me too
I also think that it's positive that you have recognised some controlling aspects to your behaviour around your ex. I think this is totally understandable, as you want the children to have as good a time as they can when they are in his care. A great deal of learning comes from just observing things about ourselves.
Great idea about 'having a word with yourself' via email! But we are always here for you on the boards.
don't worry mary - you weren't rushing me!
just didn't want anyone thinking I had my eye on someone - you will all be the first to know if that's the case
it was funny today I was sitting at the traffic lights and saw a rather smart man in a suit crossing the road - I thought mm he looks quite nice - but then he walked straight into the pub - it was only 12.30pm and I thought no I don't want someone that is off to the pub particularly at that time of the day!!
I hear you littleredhen! No daytime drinkers unless it is a particularly lovely day and its the weekend or you are on holiday
feeling upset, angry and alone today
kids went off with the idiot yesterday
I have tried making plans and something is holding me back
Went on to meetups.com in my area - joined a few more groups and then looked at the people who were going along to stuff and got scared that firstly I don't know who these people are, second that maybe they are just strange and I will hate it and thirdly I am not a shy person so why can't I do it - I can't stay in for the whole week they are away
Oh lrh, I'm sorry to hear that.
What do you think it is that's holding you back? It sounds a bit like a crisis of confidence from what I can hear - that's not a criticism, it can be really scary meeting new people, even if we're naturally 'good mixers'. It's only human to be concerned about that all important first impression that others get when they meet us.
I often find that cliches can hold a lot of truth - that's why people use them so much - & a good one is 'strangers are only friends we haven't met yet'.
P.s. I'm very strange & people still claim to like me!
omg what a horrible day yesterday - eldest promised to text me when they had arrived - youngest texted at 7.45pm by then i was about demented - the idiot text me at 8pm - I was so angry - they arrived at 4
I spent about two hours after that crying and being mad
Today doesn't feel any better - spoke to my mum and she more or less said I have got to get on with it
I don't even know what I want to do anymore
How horrible for you, lrh. I'm not surprised you got angry & had a good cry.
'Chin up, keep a stiff upper lip' & all that associated nonsense doesn't work with me either. And I think you're entitled to feel a bit lost at the moment. It's ok not to know - it just feels really hard while you're in the 'not knowing'.
What will you do with yourself today? Any plans?
Thanks mary - I just feel so lost and can't seem to get a grip
I have looked at things to do and just can't seem to motivate myself
I don't really understand it as when kids are here I am always telling myself that I don't have anyone to watch them
Having said that I have been let down by my friends - have texted and emailed them about doing some stuff and there has been silence - finding that so hard
Hello dear LRH
I am back from my hols too and so glad to hear about your week away. And I lurrrrrve the Celo Green track (now maybe he could be one of our Crazy Crushes?)
I know you were dreading the girls going away for multiple reasons. I am sad to hear about what your mum said to you but I am thinking that her response was just because she wanted to help but she didn't have a solution to give you.
It is OK not to have an answer and it is Ok if you need to be "inert" for a while. I know it is not your usual style but I hereby give you permission to go with the flow. The only little nag I will put in is even if you decide to do zilch over the next few days, try to get a bit of fresh air even if it is a walk round the block
We are here for you to talk to.
i know I will be in touch with the kids during the holiday but i guess what i am saying is God forbid there is an accident anywhere I will be spending all my time wondering if its them until i hear from them - plus i had intended on sending them night night love you hope you have had a lovely day message each night but wasn't expecting them to reply and don't want to put them under pressure to do so