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I hope you enjoy Zumba.
With stuff still ahead of you, it's going to be on your mind. And you have good friends supporting you on the way and you will get through it.
doesn't make the path any easier though...
xxxxxxxxx
thanks sparklinglime i have got alot on and alot going on tio deal with and when teh case is over and i know the outcome hopefully things will become more clear for me and the boys . but till then no the path is not any easier :(
Hi shaz5, you have been through the mill and you know that it is not over yet.
It is understandable that you are feeling a little short with the kids, breaking up is hard to do and in the first few months you have been so caught up in the high emotion that has followed that you have been on auto pilot, but now you are coming down a level and reality is settling in, you still have some distance to travel, but this too will pass. You are a great mum so please give yourself a break and keep reminding yourself to take each day as it comes.
thanku anna i know that compared to most who split i have got alittle more than others going and and it is true i have not given myself alot os slack . where you say i am on auto pilot it is true i have been . it is not till you sit back and re read some of the post that it then you know what others are trying to tell you .i know that this week im on a short fuse as the divorce is going through and i have to go infront of a judge friday, even though i know that this is what i need to do abit of me is still upset that my marriage is final, but least i called the shots not him .
it as taken time but finally this week i have managed to get my elder son to go to bed on his own and not wait for me so he can lock up. what was happening i would go to bed with him and he felt safe knowing that he had locked up, then i would sit upstairs in my bedroom and watch tv there . i could sneak back down as he would wake . i just told him that this was not going to happen any more and that i would be ok locking up , so far he ok with it .
not yet managed to put the fence panel back in the neighbour whos fence panel it is is not very approachable ! i have tried with my son and couldnt do it so waiting for friend to pop round it will get done .
off to the shops today not really been for a look around other than food shop since xmas and i fancy new cushions in the lounge and as it is dry awalk to school again day .
Hi shaz5
Please do not compare your situation with anyone elses, everyones is individual and even if they were the same we would all cope differently anyway. You have experienced violence, animosity and your children have been caught in the mix too, so very emotional all round.
You will be feeling up tight this week as the divorce is going through. Yes it is painful, as we said earlier, most endings are sad, however much they might be the right thing. It is a loss of a known future, a loss of dreams, a loss of trust and also a loss of a 'friend' and someone you spent a very long time loving through thick and thin.
Great news that your son is relaxing a little bit over the locking up. He is very protective of you. Hopefully as things calm down some, he can let go of this responsibility and be a little boy again.
Did you find some new cushions?
morning all no anna there was nothing so i ended up getting a jumper .
the kids went back to their counselling last night and it was the turn of the little one to have a one on one . and that was upsetting to see him , but a shock as i thought i would have loads of tears nothing . he did go wide eyed and turn away from me but he couldnt say much but found it better to write it down . he used words like sad, upset , angry, cross and dissappointed all towards their dad. when asked he choose these words he couldnt say but wrote down taht it was because he had left and for hitting me. he was asked was he in there room at the time as he drawed a picture if us three being in the kitchen and he said no but it was what his brother had told him so he thought he was there . so then he said that his brother has been chattig away to him and asking if he was ok etc , which i kind thought he had been doing but still in away was a shock . they have told her that they dont want to talk to me as they dont want to upset me any more .
he had to draw pictures of when there was happy times with their dad and he only did when he came to visit and took them to the pictures . my ex only came for 3 weeks when i found out about the affair to see the boys and the one time he did take them to the pics it was fathers day . then since june really they have not seen their dad due to whats going on other than when he has turned up at gingerbread. this was a shock as he said before the split he couldnt remember anything that we had done as a family or he had done with his dad. there was as we have been on holiday trips etc but he cant think of any . all he could say was the three weeks he was coming he then drawn a pic of now and he did us 3 and we were happy .
it is funny that really apart from when my ex as hit me before he was always sorry and that we were happy but then there was that feeling that would he do it again . since doing that programme on here i see that it was all about him being happy and pleasing him then we would be happy and things ok . when things were good we were like that picture family all sweet and rosey.now i see that he is being selfish as really was there anything worng other than he grew to not love me as we had planned things for the furture . he had said that he wanted to be selfish and had to be nad that was seen when he was coming for them few weeks as he would let the kids down time and time again. and it was thses times that he should have been more there for them than ever .
its the lies he is telling now that hurt like he sending letters to the kids and sending me money and i can prove them wrong but yet people wont take me up on seeing that he hasnt that gets me and for people top say that once everythink as been done that i need to be nicer towards my ex and sit down and talk about things and the kids like i think that never going to happen after . yes i will be willing to talk about the kids but he as to but i know he wont ever face up to what he has done and said.
i have had enough of talking about my t*** and it will be his loss as to waht he had missed out on is the kids i have the best bit seeing their faces in the morning and last thing at night and that is priceless to me xx
well off to food shop today then back to beavers and cubs tonite though the big one will be stopping cubs soon as he dosent want to move up tropps are awake so best go feed them and get ready for school joys
Hello shaz5
The counselling sounds as if it will be helping the boys. That is always the big thing with kids: they worry about talking about how they feel in case ut upsets their parent so they bottle it up..It's not just your family., it is something I have seen a lot.
Hope your day goes well 
i have recieved my freedom programme books and will read them for sure is there any more programmes that they do i could do does any one know ?
shooping done and put just sitting on here before work eating some cheese on toast and got the music blasting . pleased for myself as the last 2 weeks i have got the shooping way in budget of £70 pound and then i can fuel the car for £10 this week i had some spare bonus . i have half a tank so i like to keep it to that . shopping was good as i got myself a mag and a lovely lamb joint for sunday like when i come way in budget :) even read my gas and elec reading too and my bill was only £341 since sept so that was good for over xmas and having 2 holidays with the kids
just hoping there is no more rain now till after 1.30 as i dont fancy wet play
Not boasting or anything, but we actually have sunshine!!!!! **faint**
Hi shaz5
Doing the Freedom Programme face to face with other survivors can be really beneficial, see if there is a course near you here. There are some other courses out there, but they are few and far between.
One course that is run near here is the Pheonix Programme and I am hoping that we can get this online too as I feel that it is really beneficial for women to help them move on after recognising the extent of abusive behaviour their ex partner has displayed, you could get in touch with your local womens aid and see if they run anything.
I agree with Louise I think the counselling will be really beneficial for the boys, although of course it upsetting for you to hear that your youngest doesn't remember the good times. But in one sense it might not be such a bad thing as his heart isn't breaking.
You are so right when you say that you were the one keeping the peace and its great that you are recognising it.
Other people will never understand unless they have been through similar circumstances, so don't beat yourself up or get frustrated with others. Its not their fault and hopefully they will never experience any such abuse. I completely disagree that you need to be nicer with your ex. You actually need to do whatever feels right for you.
Shame about the cushions, but always fab to have a new jumper! Also very nice to have a lamb joint for Sunday - my favourite!
It is not raining here, I hope that it stays dry for you
morning all it stayed dry for me yest so no wet play which was fab . today i have got to drop the kids off quick at school and leave them with friends to take in to class as i have got to run into town to do the divorce . last night i made a list of question i want to ask whether i get the chance to ask is something else ! im feeling very nervous about going today and my stomach is in knotts. im feeling alittle like the first day i found out about his affair . empty feeling funny as it was me that made the go ahead for the divorce why im feeling like this?
may be after so long and its the fear of the unknown as to what lies ahead, what ever i have to got through this to heal
As you say shaz, it is the fear of the unknown and however much you know it is the right thing to do, it is still something you never in your life thought to face.....so understandable you have butterflies. Good luck for today 
xxx
Good luck shaz5, you have probably already left now and maybe actually in the meeting. I wish that I had said earlier, you are not going through this alone, we are all behind you.
Anyway, how did it go? It must have been hard, all endings are hard, but this is another step towards your future and your future looks good.
Take care of you, I hope you have some sort of celebration for yourself. Whether it is a bar of chocolate or a bunch of girls round. Be kind to yourself, I imagine you will be feeling exhausted this eve.
evening all i feel so tired and drained like there is no life . it was a shock how quick it goes through and ends like that. i have to wait for the paper work to come through then thats is it. my ex was served in front of his barrister in crown court and he was not happy at all and his face said it all. but i have to got go to teh mortage people on wed to get things in place just in case he does get sentenced and also for the next part of the divorce . i have asked to remain in the house asking him to pay if he doesnt lose the job or get help . also up to yet he still as not got a lawyer for the divorce !! what is he playing at and the reason why it could go ahead is because i paid to have the papers served on him . but he still as no answered them and then after 8 months andwith only 5 weekd to go to the trial he as now finally asked to see his son the little one he wants weekly contact and to see him . i have said no as i feel that it would be too much after this time and i didnt want themt o be split up so she will be writing to him about that and he can send a letter but it has to go through her . i have said that after the trial that is when i want to celebrate not till then . it hurt me that now just before he now wants to see his son and not before and there is no way i could let him go on his own .
well it is done and im single and i have asked to go back to my madien name though some say i should keep the name for the sake of the boys but i dont want too . that is what got me how quick it is done and over with but it is a step forward . i think he wont go with the divorce either because i have done it or he thinks that if this with his new bit failed he could just walk back to me who knows why he wont but least i can carry on with it and it as been done . going to gingerbread now for a break from here as head is all over the place
Hi shaz well done for coping with what was a difficult day 
I would like to reassure you that there is very very little chance (needle in a haystack) of him being able to oppose or overturn the divorce, whether he has a lawyer ot not. Have you got the decree nisi yet? If so then there is a number of weeks that must elapse (six?) and then your solicitor will apply for the decree absolute. Sometimes, solicitors decide to delay applying for this until finances are setted so you will have to take her advice about that one.
The decision about your son sounds like the right one, as you need the sentencing over and done with and to know where you are with everything.
Hope you have a better day today.
Hi Shaz
Thinking of you loads.
xxx
Hope you're able to chill a bit today and recover.
Oh shaz, you have had a lot to contend with lately, so thinking of you xxxx
thank you all louise i have done the decree nisi yesterday just waiting for the next bit now then we will do the money bit after and if the crown court wont do the access for the kids i ahve asked for it to go to family court so they can be asked what they want or he gets a contact centre only. both now are asking never to see him.
i feel alittle better today took kids swimming lessons and then we went to tamworth so the kids could use their last bit of xmas money and came home they did homework and i did washing and ironing then we have just got back from a walk down the road and now the are having showers and then we are going to watch a film .
i just still cant get over how quick it goes through once on a roll . after all those years of being together its finished in a flash it hurts and upsets but i cant look back now have to look forward and up even though its hard .
his mom was supposed to be wanting to see us today but she never got back to us in the post today i had the letter from his solic via mine asking to see our little one i said no it would be too upsetting and not fair he would be treating him and not the other no this is best till after then see how they feel then the boys it is up to them what they want i will support them in what ever they want to go for visit or not.
its a cold day today and got the fire on now instead of the heating for now if dry tomoz like to go for another walk hope everyone as had a good day too
I know what you mean, how can a whole marriage just be over "like that"? I remember feeling glad I had got my divorce but also sad.
Hope you will have a relaxing evening, shaz
eveing all i was so tired yest think the emotions of riday ahd drained me too much so i went to bed and had a good lie in till 9 so for me that was good . the kids didnt go to karate either so that meant we could lie in which did us all good as with school and swimming we dont sleep in anymore . we went for a long walk to the shop to take back somethings and we walked there took all in all 2 hours but it was nice cold but nice. the kids moaned alittle but they enjoyed it . came home cooked lovely dinner and did some ironing now ready for dancing on ice and i shall recorder the midwife drama as that looks good too. my son treated himself with his money to a nerf gun so we have been firing at each other and they do come sharp so i hide under the bed covers.
well i have a week ahead of me going to sort things out ready for the next stage of the divorce and hopefully i shall be wiser from wed on the house . hopefully i can ask for a break with the house while i get the social to help if he does lose his job ? then im going to try to get few jobs done around here windows cupboards etc . i have got to stop thinking of the past as that as now been buried and i cant look back and turn the clocks back. sometimes i would have as i know him and his ways and i knew someone wanted me and he still would be here for the comfy blanket etc and company but then i can live with him and his lies and always wondering how he is and if he is ok or in a mood etc im ready for the trial to take place and hopefully then i can burry it and him and look forward to what ever it may bring and then hopefully people will not judge me and say it is my doing when he was the one that did it .
i have alot to do this week with going to the banks etc and yet i feel calmer and not as stressed as i thought i would be . well im off to do us all hot chocolate and snuggle up for tv
HI shaz. Enjoy your evening, sounds lovely hot choc and a snuggle. Hope your week goes well, and pleased to hear that you're calmer. Take care.
Hot choc and TV sounds like a good idea...
Onwards and upwards shaz!
Wow, well done shaz5, it is ongoing, but you really are taking each day as it is thrown at you. It is a painful journey, but you are walking it well.
The quickness and ease of a divorce seems to really have taken you by surprise. I agree with you after years of working on a relationship, having a family, home etc etc, that it can all be over with a piece of paper.
Glad to read that you and the boys are a tight little unit and it sounds as though you will stick together through this.
thanku anna we are and with out them i know i wouldnt have the strength as i have . yes it is not a nice journey at all and im still very unsure as to the house yet , after looking into things it may be i have to sell , il know more tomoz when i go and see them. at least if i know if my ex does get sent to prison im hoping that till i get on my feet they would do me a holiday break . i have been thinking of asking them would they buy the house and we rent off them .my head is like a speed train and i would like it to stop . just not nice at all . i was going through the filling cabinet yest and i cant open the top draw , i have before and now no it is not locked just jammed and as trying i cut my hand . try again today when the kids are at school . trying to get all the paperwork for the solic for the next time i go.
the deputy head of my sons school wants the letter for him to go to court so she can send it to the sats to ask them to be alittle easy on him i suppose . he as got mock sats this week started yest and in may or june sit the really ones so i got to take that in this morning.
i bumped into a old friend last night and she sent me into over drive panic. saying because im not on income support i wont be able to get help in either the house or rent, she didnt seem to think after trying to help her daughter. always when you cant get someone to talk too or help is when you feel low
another cold frosty day off for another walk to school kids in tow moaning lol well the little one will be hates walking doesnt see the point
Morning shaz..thinking of you...I know how you feel with your head in a spin...actually I thought the divorce proceedure would be slower, you start with the decree nisi then have to wait at least 3 months is it? for the absolute....Not sure if I have that correct...and although really awful to feel it is the end, I also think it will help us move on too...( I'm trying to hold on to that thought anyway,) it really is all so hard though isn't it?
Hi shaz5, when you say that 'they' would do you a holiday break, is that the mortgage providers? Also you mention that you might be able to sell it to 'them' and you rent it from them, who is that?
It is pretty rare that offenders of domestic abuse go to prison, although I think it is absolutely right that they do, please do not get your hopes up.
How is your hand?
hi mich no im sorry to say that once the nisi is done to get to that part can take some time as there is lots of things you have to go through once that as been stamped it takes about 6 weeks for the absolute to come through then its over . for me i am then doing the money side and the kids after the divorce so for me in 6 weeks my marriage is well over . to go into court to get the nisi stamped and that to be done so quick was the shock mich as i thought i would be in there a long time but it is done in minutes .
anna yes it is the mortgage providers and it is them that i was thinking i may be able to selll the house too if things were to go down that path .yes i do think that they should go to prison but i dont think he will get that but this is what i have been told to prepare for by the cps and the police and womens aid too . so i dont know how to think or feel on that leave it to the day . if not then i have asked for a injunction to be placed and he pays the house but he wont except that the kids will not want to see him . it is not just what he as done to my hand it is his behaviour too after he was put on bail writing letters when he shouldnt have texting turning up when i was at gingerbread . i know why he did that to see the kids i no doubt he is missing them but he as texted to say that he only wants them everynow and again that was sent in sept to our neighbour who he asked to be the third party. sorry you are still a parent and if you want to see the children it as to be on a regular basis and times not as and when it suits. but the sad thruth is this is what happens and what goes on . i have seen it through my own eyes and friends now have this trouble then the dads wonder why the kids are upset or mad it comes down to us again we have but the kids up tp this .
to be honest i cant say what will happen it is in the hands of the courts and jury . my hand is doing alot better still have the lump as to how it as healed and im still under the hospital and physio but it is doing alot better thanks
Hello shaz
Just to clarify, you can only get help with mortgage interest payments if you are on Income support and after a substantail waiting period. However, in a rented house, they look agt your total income (from whatever source) and assess how much help you can get towards the rent and council tax (not usually much towards the council tax if you are on Working Tax Credit, in my experience but a better conttribution towards the rent)
Don't worry about your son's SATs, you have other fish to fry. My youngest has a very late birthday and so was very young when he had to take them, he got some Level Ones, the school retested him about six months later and he got Level Two. He is a child with "mild but significant learning difficulties" and yet has come out with seven GCSEs, so I think that schools can panic a bit early about SATs etc.
morning louise i have asked ready for a holiday break to be set up if in case things go wrong with my ex and he loses his job. other than that i shall be looking for more hours at work or another job to help me out and then i think i shall take over it will be hard but i may be able to do it im not sure as to how much help i can get if i was on working tax some say you can get afair bit off them if i was to work more hours im still waiting to hear about the cleaning job least i can have a break till i get another job sorted still up in the air but least i know more info and what i can do . as i say it will be hard but least we have each other and others can do it so can i i cant even ring the tax up as i dont know what it the other job is . if i get working tax does this mean child tax will go back down to the £40 i was getting for 2 kids do you know?
Hello shaz
To get a definitive figure email our Money Expert.
However, I can tell you that if you are entitled to Working Tax Credit (ie working 16 or more hours and under a certain income then you would get the full amount of Child Tax Credit as well, which is just over £100 a week for two children. Your Child Tax Credit calculation before would have been based on your previous circumstances.
morning all thankyou louise i will email them once i know what the hours and the rate of pay if i get this job still waiting for the person to go . i dont know i seem to be alot calmer since going to the mortgage people . i have sat since with pen and paper working out things and yes it will be tight and there will be savings had to be made and when ever it is nice walk not use the car but i think i will get there . others have done it so can i and if he gets a job or keeps this job what he has then i shall go for csa .
dont know why i dont seem to be as stressed as i did at the start and i wonder now why i did as things have a way of working out but it was scary looking back now to where i am now. i still have away to go in the fact i have the court case and to get another job to fit around the kids and the house but i have a holiday break set up to help me . kids seem happier and have said that they will help to look after their house.
my ex as yet still not agreed to the divorce or got anything sorted out on that nor as he replied to the letter about returning the christmas gifts he had brought for the kids that are no good . be too late soon
did anyone else have thunder and lightning last night ? we had one blast of thunder and that was it but the rain was bad and teh wind picked up again and this morning is very wet just hopes it stops before i have to go to work as i really dont want wet play today !
Ooh no thunder and lightning here...
Well don't forget that at the beginning everything was new to you and it was understandable to get so panicky. Now, a little further down the line, you have seen that things CAN be resolved or at least improved. I remmeber thinking (at about the same stage you are are at now) "wow if I had known I could do this and get through it so intact I would have done it before" (my separation was my decision, put off for a very long time for fear of not coping)
Have a good day and fingers crossed for no wet playtime
No thunder here...
I'm glad you feel things are getting there shaz
morning all not a good start to the weekend did we have . went to gingerbread friday night and as we turned onto the carpark who was there my ex and his new girlfriend . i know i should have turned around but then that is him winning . because he didnt get out of the car just pulled his seats back lower he stayed there till we went in then i went to find out where had he gone in the pool . now this leisure centre the pool is more for fun than to swim but it made it hard as when my son wanted to go to the toilet i had to take him in the ladies and that is not fair . i know my ex is doing this to wind me up to show up there at the times we go and with his new bit but i see him for being silly now but its the kids that he is hurting . i rang the police sat and they cant add any more bail on him as they say he is entitled to a life which i agree but why cant he go to another centre . so for now we are not going to gingerbread , it is a shame as we had a laugh friday after the kids made biscuits and played in the hall but it is not fair to upset them anymore till after the case as my son as got to go he needs to be strong and no more grief.
yesterday i felt like he had won stopping us going but i will take them swimming by us it only be for a while .it as upset us . then the kids went to aparty and it was a disco and the speaker fall off the stand and hit my son in the head what a lump . then the friend we were close too her son was there and he just laughed at my son which added to it so last night i was glad to get in close the door and go to bed .
very windy today got washing out pegged down kids are at karate so im having a hour or so to myself. i have brought a book for my son to write down how he is feeling more so after friday seeing him crying . what i cant understand is why wont they open up . the little one well he cant remember things we did do as a family and now im wondering is this normal should i be seeking more help for them or leave it . they have 2 more sessions with womens aid then they have finished but my son who saw it all as only had 2 one on one sessions and the little one only one and still now they wont open up say how they feel other than they hate him and dont want to see him . what would be the best here any ideas ? i want the kids to be happy again and feel like they can open up .
caught up yest with the call a midwife programme from last sun and thought it was fab so il record it again as dancing on ice is on hope everyone is having a good day
I enjoyed the Midwife programme too. I hope I remember about it this evening.
It is hard when you come across this situation. I'm sorry it's happened too Shaz. Is there another entrance you could use?
Oh what a shame, and your poor boy getting hit on the head, unfortunately other children will laugh as they just see it as if it was on a cartoon on the telly.
As for the memory thing, your boy could be blocking things out if they are too painful but memory at a young age is not constant anyway. My youngest was not far off four when me and his dad split, but he has no memory of his dad being in the same house as him (I know that is younger than your boy but I am saying their memories can be slow to develop) Give him time
I love Sunday night TV. Miranda Hart Hart is in the midwife thing tonight, I was hearing on the radio that the writer of the book, on whose memoirs it is based, had asked Miranda to play that character especially
morning all what a horrible wet day out there today . yest was a ok day i had built my hopes up as one of the parents said he could help me in selling my car as he knew someone and i could get near £2000 for it and then he could help me with getting a little run around . which i was pleased as the car is too big for us . well he sadi he would call me at 11 never heard a thing then at school i saw him and he said you have to sell your car private you wont get anything only worth £900 if that . now im no whizz at cars but i know that it is worth alot more . just wish people would be helpful not fob you off . i will have to wait till i can save up some more then look then .
my eldest son does extra maths lessons and as been doing since dec.there afew that have been having them, its because the teachers feel that they could get higher grades in the sats . i left it to my son and he loves going its a hour aweek split between 2 days half before school yest and the other after tonight . well yest the teacher came up to me and said how proud she was of him and how well he as done my son was bleaming from ear to ear and i was so proud of him as this is something he likes going too and he loves maths . why il never know as im no good at maths and my little one just sayys what is the point to it and will tell the teacher that too , but then he doesnt see the point to school he like playtimes and lunch times and thats it .
well i think i can say that today it is going to be wet play oh joys last week wet play wasnt too bad i can still hope that it stops by lunch
Hi shaz5, well done your clever boy
I know you are worried about the boys emotions, but I am feeling that maybe you want them to express something that maybe children can't. They are so innocent and tend to see the world in black and white, right and wrong. They have admitted that they feel angry, which is great, but perhaps this will not come out at this point.
Whereas we carry things, they can forget that they feel sad, sometimes at the drop of a hat. (you know perhaps when they were smaller and crying and screaming for you when you drop them at nursery and you spend all day worrying, but then when you pick them up they are fine!!??!!)
They have been in a supportive environment and also taugh how to express themselves, they might not use the knowledge they have gained right now, but it will have come in handy.
No rain here for quite a while, I hope it missed you at lunch time
morning all. been busy trying to sort things out for the divorce paperwork wise . sons assembley yest which was nice and got the other sons next week . last night was upsetting as he finished cubs . he doesnt want to move up to scouts as one of the leaders is his dads friend and even though he as been told that he doesnt come to this group he does turn up and if they go to trips he be there and as put him off.so it was upsetting and we both cried as did the one leader. a sign that he is growing up too . he as been going since he was 5 and half . the little one goes so we will be seeing them .
my son as been lying to me abit , only little ones like when i ask have you hit your brother or how was school is say fine then later he say it was horrible and then i find out that he has hit his brother . i know this may sound silly but due to mmy ex lying for god knows how long any lie hurts like hell and i cant have it or handle it any advice on how to deal with lies when i feel that its a reflect on me am i doing something wrong as to why lies have to be told? i know kids lie but at the min it makes be boil
Hi shaz
That's so hard for your son - and you... Is there another group close by he could go to? We've had Scouts joining us rather than moving up as there have been issues in their group... Miles between groups around here though, so just a thought.
My eldest lies, and I feel the same. He does eventually admit to it now, and probably only to a small percentage of them. The Git lied so much he wouldn't even know the truth if he tripped over it...
Loads of hugs.
Hi shaz5 - would you rson consider St Johns Ambulance, or something similar, do have a look around and see what else he could do, independant extra curricular activities are so important the older they get, great though that he made that decision on his own.
When our children lie, it can be very worrying, however get some top tips on how to handle it from this video on Lying (5-9yrs) and know that it is nothing that you are doing wrong.
If our children have grown up with lies it is normal behaviour to them, however as they get older it is important for them to know the consequences of a lie. They will remember that they felt let down or fooled by a liar and we need to know that they are creating the same in someone else.
sparklinglime its great that your eldest is owning up to lies. He obviously wants to do the right thing, but his initial reaction is to lie and get out of it. However I think the more confident and assertive our children become the less they feel the need to lie.
Does everyone have blue sky today?
Hi shaz
I like you totally dislike lies, i have told my lot from when they were little how much i dislike lying and have mostly been able to tell when they are lying and when asked why they have lied their response is usually "i don't know " or "i thought i was going to get in trouble".
I never used to punished them for lying, just kept repeating how lying can make people feel etc thankfully they will own up when they have lied, as they have got older this has tended to be past off by them as 'joking', which i know is just their way of trying to minimise their behaviour etc.
But i have had to start using consequences for their occassional lying depending on what they have lied about, about a year ago my son lied about were he was going, he said that him and his friends were going to see a film, anyway to cut along story short, he had gone to a club that does under 18 nights, and he knew that i would not have let him go if i had known.
The consequences of his lying was he had to miss his football match that weekend, which he was not happy about, since then though he has not lied about where he is going. I used to worry too about what am i not doing right, but have come to find that it is all normal behaviour and that it is childrens ineffective way of problem solving and we just have to teach them how to face their problems head on and support them through all the confusion off growing up.
hi i have sat down and had a talk to my son about the lies and he said he knows it was wrong and that it really upset me . im hoping that it stops now . had a good weekend as i still at times find them hard going . in time they will get better and i wish people would stop saying that they cant believe that we have split up not you too or the other thing is dont you think it is time you called the police and stop it all going through now . what they seem to forget is that what he did to me was infront of our son and that is serious if i hadnt called the police but they think it is me .not long now till the court case 3 weeks and then may be i will feel less tired
Hi shaz 5, as we have said before, unless other people have been through what you have been through, they really have no idea.
Who keeps saying these kind of things to you? As if you are just being an awkward woman?
I think you are doing so well, staying resilient to these comments and striving forward for justice.
3 more weeks and counting eh!
morning anna it is friends that we had and neighbours as what is the reason is when we were together we seemed really happy and close and i felt that too but he had the problem in the way that he couldnt talk or tell how he was feeling to me and as i see it there was nothing we couldnt have chatted about even if he said that he just fall out of love or we had grown apart then yes that would be hard but we could have talked, but we didnt and this is it im on the way to being divorced and the court case is not far away . thats how come he hit me before was due to him not being able to talk not that is the any excuse for what he did.what they dont get is not only is it wrong to hit a women but it is more serious to hit a women infront of a child !if it was them would they be saying the same thing then !
got talking to someone in asda last firday and she knew us as a couple so i told her and she was nodding her head as she as been there with her ex but she didnt call the police as the kids werent involved. she had troubles with her ex signing the divorce and as for the money side she had to go to court as she said that he lost his hands and was unable to write all of a sudden. she told me my ex was doing the same and he can only run for so long and then the courts will catch up with him . they bury their heads thinking that it will all go away and life will resume how they want it to go . and yes sounds very much like my ex as done the same he as yet to reply to the solic about sending back the xmas presents he brought that are no good . by now it will be too late to send back or exchange so when i can i will have to try to sell them myself .
well there was no work for me yest as the boiler at the school stopped so had a day to myself and i went to friends for a chat and cleaned the house and watched birdsong that i had recorded and then walked to school to get the kids . last night when i went to bed the kids had wrote me notes with hearts on and telling me that they loved me and build out of lego a flower and they had put them on my dressing table that was sweet and lovely
Awww Shaz, that's lovely.
xxx
Hi Shaz 5, I think people want to have happy couples around them, to keep the world in balance and if your neighbours knew the pair of you, then they want to see you fix it back together.
However they only have the idealised vision of you. You know the reality. I hope that meeting up with that woman in Asda had a positive effect on you. Its difficult, but you want to be proactive and move forward, but it seems your ex is stuck. But as you say the Courts will catch up with him and this will have to move forwards.
Birdsong --------Oh My!! Wasn't it wonderful!! I sniffled the whole way through, the main guy Stephen was divine and the acting throughout was brill.
PS. Great boys you have there.
morning all yest i did do the freedom programme , i was todl about it before but yest i sat and did it . though it brought to light things i had but to the back of my mind about our marriage as really whenthings were good they were good . with my ex he never spoke of how he was feeling would bury them till it went to a row then he let out but this time he ran away in away . during the marriage he hit me 2 times and once before so in all 3x not good . these are when he was really down or angry in between he would hit walls or bang the worktop . but yet what i cant understand is that i stil loved him and thought we would be together till we died.
in fact over the last 2 year we would hardly go any where if was me always asking would you like to do anything or sorting things out . he would never just pop up and say do you fancy the park or swimming or something no i would have to ask or say it and now i see that was not right . i know we have 2 fab boys and it hurts knowing that he can see the one boy but hasnt tried not even a letter, yet i wouldnt let one go with out the other as that wouldnt be fair.even after doing that yest i still feel that i love him not in the way i used too but may be for the boys i will always .there is that saying you cant turn back time or dont look back and i know that deep down i couldnt trust him again its not knowing the furture that is scary if everything was sorted then i may be feel more settled . with the divorce fri and then the case im feeling more unsettled then ever.
it will all come out in the wash as they say . i think what as got to me is when the police said that i was to prepare for the worst that is playing on my mind . its still boils down to the house what will happen friends have said that the social will step in and help they cant see you on the street but i cant seem to get that into my head . a good friend said that you have gotten this far and gotten yourself sorted so i can do the next part but im not settling. silly things with the kids are bugging me just need to relax deep breaths . you may think im being silly stupid and over board and i would blame you in thinking that or writing it .
had my hair done yest and that felt good got to tidy the house today and i may even go back to zumba tonight . i will reget that as tomoz i wont be able to move lol the kids have not woke up yet and i have turned the light on time to wake them hope every one is well