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Yes me too Sam W...
I never tell my ex what I am doing the weekends he is having the kids, although quite often I end up working but I am determined that I am not going to work this weekend, i am just going to have a weekend for me!
I spoke to my ex yesterday, he is having the kids for the weekend, he didnt mention anything about his phonecall the other day, I am sure it will come up again at some point!
The Git phoned me in August to see the children (first time this year as he moved away - so much easier) and I wouldn't even say 'fine thank you' when he asked how I was.
I hear him speaking to the children and they discuss me with him, so I just walk into which ever room they're in and tell them to not discuss my life with him - my lot are old enough to understand that, yet don't like to not answer his questions...
The weekend without the children was very quiet, I made the most of it and was very lazy! I thought the date went well on Friday, we went out for a meal, it was a lovely evening and we had arranged to spend some time together on sat, but I woke up to a text saying that he didnt think it was a good idea we met up again as he thought we were too different! I just dont understand men, we had spoken and texted loads over the last few weeks and really seemed to get on. I have had more texts from him saying that maybe he wants to try and I was supposed to hear from him tonight but it has gone quiet again!
It is just sooo frustrating! I just want to meet someone nice and be happy, and Im just so fed up of being messed around. Sometimes I think that I should just be happy and content to be on my own with my kids and think I am being selfish by wanting to meet someone else. It doesnt help that my ex lives with his gf, so i know whenever he sees them, he is never on his own with them!
You're not selfish to want a nice relationship. However it is also important to be happy on our own, just so that we can make our own happiness, for one thing. Sounds as if he is a bit of a hot-and-cold person, and for me, they have to be fairly sure of what they want. I don't know if you met him through the Net but sometimes people like the "idea" of a relationship but when they start going on dates in reality, it sort of hits them that you are REAL and they can't cope. Don' t know if that strikes true at all for you at the moment?
Hope you had some time to relax anyway without the children. Has your ex gone away again now?
hi sam how are you ? your not being selfish in wanting to be in a loving relationship we all like that and there is someone out there for us all just we have not meet him/her yet x.
I hope you are ok.
I have found that life is easier on my own with the children as I did meet someone and we were together a while.
That doesn't mean I don't think about happy ever after, just think it would be too complicated now after that experience - for me, that is...
Hi Sam,
I was married for 12 years and we have 2 children together, but like you My husband cheated on me with a mutual friend and is with her now. she is 28 with 3 girls, aged between 1,3,and 7 he is 47 and our children are 12 and 10. we separated sept just gone. he started with the good friends lark but i was suspicious and we had rows everday as she lived up the road from where I used to live. Our kids were getting stressed by all the rows. He said before We moved that he was gonna stay away and he said he slept with her and I was so upset that I wanted to smash her face in but we moved he said that he couldnt stay with me and he was staying with a friend of his paul and a few times when I rang he was there, then I found out his car was parked out the back of hers @ 6 in the morning. So I questioned him and he spun me more bullshit. finally he moved out and Ive sorted myself out, got a part time job and Im alot happier. hes still struggling on the dole with her and its my revenge as he said they keep arguing lol as they havent sorted their money out and theres no food for the baby etc. BUT we get on all of us and our kids are happy and him and his girlfriend have them @ weekends and Im not friends with her but im civil enough. when he popped round the other day he said that he loved me still lol yeah right but I told him I never want him back and Im happier now as I work and with him it would mean going back on benefits as he hated me working as he said oh we wont cope. Anyway it will get easier honest and sometimes its best to try and get on with the other woman even if just for your kids sake as its helped mine get over the separation quicker. Im learning to drive after xmas which he always used to say Id never do as I couldnt do it well I will prove him wrong.
So glad your date went well, good for you I hope you find someone whose trustworthy and treats you better. Im gonna steer clear of relationships for a few years as I like being single and I dont trust men lol will never live with another one ever again lol
Hi funky fairy, thanks for sharing, never say never though, time marches on and there are lots of good and trustworthy men...we just need to be ready to meet one, which can take an awfully long time!
Funky Fairy, thanks for your comments. I have met my exes gf a few times now, I dont particularly want to see her, but I have to try and be civil for the sake of the children. Well done on working and planning to drive after x mas, it is nice in a way to be able to do things without anyone telling you that you cant do it!
Although my date last weekend did go well, I have given up on him, I never heard from him again. It is just so frustrating when guys do that as we had spoken a lot beforehand and got on really well, I was upfront about how I had been messed around by guys in the past. I just wish is guys didnt want to meet up again, they would just let you know rather than ignore you! Sometimes I do think I should just stay single and give up on men!
My ex is still around, he is on his course at the min, but doesnt know when he has to go back to his ship! I have been feeling quite down again the last couple of wks, I just find it very lonely. I am happy with my job, I work with some lovely people and am happy with the kids school, I just feel very alone, and still wonder whether I would be better moving back to the midlands. It would be nice to be nearer to my Mum but I know I would struggle to get a job with the hours and flexibility that I have now. At the min, I take the kids to school every day and pick them up 3 days a wk and they go to after school club 2 days a wk. I am going to spend the wk there in a couple of wks when it is half term, but I have seen a job advertised there, although Im not sure it is a job I would be entirely happy with! I just so confused!!
morning sam , you will still have your down days like wise i do its still raw for us . i know what you mean feeling lonely i do when the kids go to bed i could cry at times then yes i text friends , even call them but that lasts for awhile then i go lonley again. yes i have thought of moving friend want me to move by them my cousin and aunt want me to move there but they have their own lives and i have to cope at some point even know its hard you have got to really weigh up all the pros and cons for you and the kids . the week you got up here give yourself time to really think its hard sometimes yes you do feel like running away from our exs and their new partners i know i did and do . i think having that week away for you will be good breathing space and youi will be able to get your head round things and have a chat to your family see what they say do little steps at the mo x we are all here for you
I think once the children are in bed it can be lonely.
I still feel the same and my lot are now older, and I go to bed out the way at times!
Loads of hugs.
Thinking of you Sam...
This comment has been moved here.
Hi everyone,
Just to say I havent forgotten you all but my laptop has broken and has gone in to be repaired! I am using my Mums computer as we are staying with her for the week. I hope everyone is well and I hope to be back online soon
Sam x
Hope you are having a nice time with your mum and look forward to chatting again when you are back online! 
Hi Sam. Hope the repair isn't too costly. Enjoy your time at your Mums. Take care
hi sam hope you are ok and enjoying your stay with your mom take care
Here is the very site that can help you feel less lonely. You come to the right place.
Hi SamW, hope your week is relaxed and fun, look forward to hearing about it :)
Have a lovely time.
hi sam.w hope you had a lovely time at your moms and you are ok look forward to hearing all about your week
Hi sam how was it at your Mum's?
hi sam hope you are ok
Hope you're ok too...
Hi everyone,
I am back, sort of! My laptop is till in being repaired, I am not happy as it has been there for 6 weeks now and I have felt lost without it! I saw my Mum at the weekend and she has very kindly lent me her netbook so I am back in the land of the living now!
I hope everyone is okay? I have had the form to fill out for my decree absolute so hopefully it will all be final soon! Unfortunately my ex will be back soon. It was looking unlikely that he would be back for christmas and I had made plans to go to my mums and was just starting to relax about it all and now he is going to be back! He knows he wont be having the kids x mas day or boxing day as last yr he had them from lunchtime x mas day until after the new year.
He has said that he wants to have them from when they finish school until the morning of x mas day. I know that is probably fair but i dont want him to, I just hate the thought of waking up without the kids on x mas day and my daughter has already said that she doesnt want to be with him x mas eve. I just hate it as i know that christmas is going to be an ongoing battle every year. How does everyone else cope with it?
I will try to catch up with posts but it probably wont be straight away as I have a job interview next wk that I need to prepare for! I have decided to go for a job near when my Mum lives, still not sure if i want to do it but there is only one way tpo find out!
Sam x
My daughter's laptop was in repair for a few weeks. She was climgbing walls, but was able to use the computer in the kitchen.
Christmas is such a difficult time when it comes to the children. I've been lucky so far, in that the ex has never asked for the children to stay. And even though they're all getting on a bit now, I know I'd find it hard...
Good luck with the preperation for the job. Eldest recently had an interview for a part time job to fit in with college. I made him prepare - and he was the only one who had. He got the job I just hope it turns out to be a permanant role for him.
Hi Sam W it's good to see you back!
Christmas is always a tricky one.
I am wondering when reading your post, what say do you have in all of this?
You weren't sure of his comings and goings so made plans with your mum. However he knows he is going to be back on land and wants the children from school til xmas day?
I think your children are old enough to be listened to. What about a compromise that instead of christmas morning it becomes xmas eve lunchtime? As your daughter has stated she wants to be at home.
What about 2.5 days in between xmas and new year too? There is no right or wrong way of playing it, but hopefully it can be arranged so that the children are happy.
In this article Avoiding Stress at Christmas, there is a bit about when you don't want your children to spend this time with your ex.
Good luck with the job interview, if you get it, you will soon know if you want it or not! What is the job?
sparklinglime - CONGRATS to your son for getting the job, eeek! Its so pleasing isn't it!
Ditto well done him sparkling...
Good to see you back sam W
Hi everyone,
Sorry I have been quiet lately, I went for the job interview in the midlands last wk but unfortuntely I didnt get the job. I wasnt even sure if I definitely wanted the job but I actually felt quite upset when I got the phonecall to say i hadnt got it, I think it is just yet another thing that has knocked my confidence back. I felt like I should have worked harder to prepare for the interview but there is just so much going on at the minute! Looks like I am stuck here for a while longer!
My ex is back in the country aswell now, we had a bit of a disagreement about when he was going to have the kids over x mas as I already had plans in place as it was looking likely that he was going to be away. yet again he has messed my plans up. He is going to be having the kids from when they finish school until the morning of x mas day.
I will try and catch up with some of the posts later
sam x
Hi Sam
I'm sorry your plans have been changed. Not easy for you either.
I'm sorry you didn't get the job. All interviews are experience though. Years since I've had one and I know I'd worry.
Loads of hugs
Hi Sam, your children's father does seem to try to change arrangements a lot, doesn't he?
Sorry to hear about the job interview, do you think that was a sign that it is not the right time to move or do you want to continue looking?
hi sam hugs sent sory to hear about the job . i agree with louise's post about your ex and the job? its hard but i think i would have said sorry i thought you wouldnt be here so i have made plans but then its again the kids would end up hurting and yet again we are made to fell like we have to keep the peace x
Thanks again for the replies girls. I think I am going to stop looking for jobs for the next few months and will just see how it goes!
You are right my ex does like to change plans, I should have been stronger and stood my ground with him but I know how difficult he makes things if he doesnt get his own way! I just get fed up of having to change my plans etc because of him. I am missing out on having a decent amount of time off with the children over christmas as I am unable to have the time off between x mas and new yr. My Mum is going to come back with me though and look after the children when I am work, so that will be nice x
It will be nice to have your Mum there anyway, Sam. I know you feel you are missing out but those can be trying days once the children get into that post-Christmas slump. The worst thing about going out to work that week is getting up early while everyone else is in bed!
Thinking of you Sam..Don't feel down about not getting the job( It wasn't the right one for you)...I like a saying my friend told me: 'What's for you won't go by you'...so just think that at some point something better will come along...It will be lovely having your Mum with you too...
hi sam dont feel sad that you are missing out spending time with them at christmas they will understand and when you are with them you will make it extra special xx like mich said that job wasnt the one for you there is always something around the corner . may be with you breaking up and wanting to move it was all too much in one go . it is nice your mom will be with you over the xmas period , just think new year new start and may be things will become clearer as to what you want in moving etc .
dont feel bad in that you werent stronger in telling your ex that he keeps changing his plans you will get stronger but your ex leaves it till the last min and you are put off . stay strong you doing great
That will be good having your Mum there. Nice for the children too...
Loads of hugs Sam.
hi sam hope you are ok x
Hi everyone,
Sorry I disappeared for a while, I finally have a new lapon thanks topc world! Its a long story but because it was taking them so long to fix mine, I have now got a nice brand new one! I will try and get caught up with the posts but it may take some time!
Things are pretty much the same with me, my ex is around again for a while. He had the kids for a week over christas and had them last weekend. Idid have a bit of a row with him after he called me about some concerns about our son at school and when he asked if i struggle with the kids, i said i do at times, his reply was that they could live with him as he would be able to cope with them!!
To be honest I have been struggling a bit lately, i dont really know why in particular, just finding it hard with the kids, work, the house etc! im sure it will settle down again!
Sam x
Hi Sam, welcome back.Of course you are going to struggle with the kids from time to time, I don't think there's anyone on this planet that doesn't!! Sorry to hear you've been struggling lately, but like you say, it will settle down again. Give it time and you will get there.
Don't worry about catching up with posts, I find it difficult after missing a few days hehe. Take care. x
Hi Sam.W
Nice to 'see' you again 
. Great to hear that you have a swanky new laptop!!
You say that your ex had the children for a week. I think sometimes when they have been away for more than a night or two, it can be a struggle just to pick up speed again. Also Christmas can be a stressful time and also having your ex around could also upset the apple cart a bit.
So yes as hazeleyes said, we all go through phases of struggling to keep all the balls in the air! However keep an eye on this, if it goes on for longer than a few weeks, then we must look at ways to help you cope better.
Did you have a good Christmas?
Thanks for the replies girls. I agree that maybe it is the come down after christmas, I also findit hard as my friends that were realy good when I split with my ex just dont seem to keepn as much contact with me now. I try and make the effort to arrange to meet up and its lovely when we do but it aways seems to be me instigating it. I know it sounds silly but there were 3 of us that were friends, i no longer work with the oher two and i am the only one on my own, their husbands are in the forces like mine was and I gues i feel a bit of an outsider. Imjust gnerally feeling a bit unsettled at the min.
I did have a lovely christmas thanks, amazingy i ended up staying at my exes granmothers x mas eve as he was there with the kids, that way we both got to see them x mas day. I then had the kids back and we spent x mas and boxing day with family. My Mum came back with me after that as i had to work abd i took her back home new years eve and stayed for a couple of nights again.
I'm not sure if i will ever catch up with the posts, there are so many!!!
Sam x
Hey Sam.W, you don't need to catch up with the posts
You can just go to Discussions (top left) and then click mark all discussions read and you will be fresh again
I was wondering whether you could set in stone, the first Thursday of every month, to meet with your old friends and then make a concerted effort to find some newer ones too?
I'm glad you had a good Christmas.
For the first couple of years we did birthday's at his Dad and step-Mum's house...
I know where you're coming with when it comes to how friends find it difficult to deal with divorce too. I lost touch with a lot. It's sad, as I feel I was a happier person after!
Its only February and my ex has already made a point of telling me that he will be having the kids this x mas! I just know that it is going to be a constant battle every year as we both want to see them. If I say anything to him about how much will miss not seeing thme x mas day, his reply is that I can spend x mas with him and his gf at her house, mmm I dont think so! I was talking to my Aunt about it the other day and she got quite angry saying that he doesnt have a right to see them x mas day as I am the one that cares for them the rest of the year, I deserve to see them then. I feel the same but I know it doesnt work like that and I get a bit fed up of people telling me I am giving into him. It is just so hard as i am the one that has to deal with him and our youngest is only 4 so we have many years to go!
It is coming up for 3 years since we split, it is hard to beleive it has been that long really, so much has gone on and I am definitely a much stronger person for it, sometimes i look back on things and dont really know how i have got through it all!
I do worry if i will ever meet anyone again though, I have had a couple of brief relationships and been on quite a few dates. I feel that i still have barriers though and I am scared to let myself get close to anyone in case I get hurt again. I did meet someone after x mas who i got on really well with, i found it difficult though as he wasnt working and doesnt have a car. It must sound really shallow but I want to met someone who is going to be able to pick me uop and take me out and treat me every now and again, not someone who i have to pick up all the time and have to pay if we go out. Also he has had depression in the past, he is better know but i worried that it may come back. I do still think about him though and wonder whether i made the riht decision as it was lovely to have adult compnay when we were together but i really do want to ge it right this time!
Thanks for listening
Sam x
None of it is easy. Ex never did ask for the children over christmas, other than seeing them for 2 hours on the day. I was always prepared for it.
I believe alternate Christmas's are part of contact order's.
One thing I have found out with my lot though, is that they love having two birthday celebrations, and would have with Christmas too.
Loads of hugs.
Yes good point, sparkling. My friend's ex-partner does that to her all the time, cancels contact so that he scuppers her plans.
Glad you are feeling positive, SamW and hope you enjoy the date!