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New Mum? The Dad needs to be reminded that your son has a Mum...
Sorry, that makes me mad when the child is told they have a "new" parent... My lot will refer to The Gittess as step-Mum if talking to people, but call her The Gittess (well, her name... But we need to keep that private, of course 
)
work went well today.
ive swapped a shift to help another worker. i have child away anyway, it looks good on my record too! It looks like they MAY be okay with me staying in the job. please please keep your fingers crossed for me.
ive found the inspiring book, Positively happy. Ive read the first six chapters. made me feel better about myself. My family commented and so did a co worker.
i have tomorrow off but working sunday so house will be cleaned tomorrow. if not it wont be looked at till next weekend!!!ha. Not that robert downey jr is coming or anything!!!!(i can wish).
My fingers are crossed Bella. So glad you had a good day.
Had email from ex. was friendly. phew. i cant respond as im not allowing self to. im waiting for legal side to take over as i dont know or trust his intentions. It may sound hard but ive only me to protect me.
Hope you all having a nice weekend.
Yes,you have to think about you and your son.
How is the house-cleaning going? I am asking as one who has done NONE today, but have done the laundry and changed the beds
Hi, well i did change the main bed. i did the washing loads too. had a quick tidy and fell asleep!
Went out on the fri eve. a dance/musical thing. really enjoyed it. took in a can of ready prepared g and t. cheaper than going ot the bar!
A pal got me the number of an agency who may be of use to me in my line of work. if i do one shift a week it will almost pay the mortgage if i had to buy him out. see how it goes.
How has the weekend been for the others on here? are you looking forward to the school holidays? im working four of the five days off. im hoping to take my son out on the friday...so if he is reading this.....Stop it! dont spoil the surprise son!!!
Oh, your halfterm is a week behind many people's Bella, Most children have been off this week, my son goes back to college tomorrow, that is after we have been to the dentist.
That was funny, taking the can into the do on Friday, I know a lot of people who do things like that, saves a bob or two
Hi, oh im fuming but maybe there is no need. Let me explain.
Ive just got in and there is official looking mail addressed to ex. I googled the address of the po box number on the reverse and got phone ready to inform them he no longer lives here. the internet "told" me that its a loan company! The amount is visible through the cheap paper envelope. Its nearly 4000 pounds.plus its for a member of his family ( ex is guarentor). have sent email telling them he no longer lives here and is it secured against the house? not contacting him as we no longer on speaking terms.
Have you checked your credit report Bella? The Git was still trying to take out loans using the address I moved to after I left him!
You can get a note put on your credit record to state you are no longer associated with him...
oh thanks for that Sparklinglime. i dont know how to do it but i will try in a minute.
im just getting self some stability then this comes to rock me over!
I know, it is one thing after another at the moment for you.
Have a look here; scroll down to where it says Check your credit files for information. Sparkling is right: you can lodge a "Notice of Dissociation" if you need to, but get the report first
thanks. i will read more tomorrow, i need to rest brain or i wont sleep. i didnt really want to have to pay out on credit checks. i just wanted to contact the lender and say that he doesnt live here.
what on earth have my children and i done to deserve this? isnt it enough that he treated us like he did? i feel like just packing my things and walking away. he wants this and im getting tired now.
im trying to get another job to coincide with present one. i have to be prepared to pay his mortgage as he wont sell. i really have no choice. im turnign into his mother, bailing him out as he only has to spend money on him and his busy busy leisure time.
Sorry to moan yet again. need someone next to me to push me..no, ive looked and there isnt anyone here.
I've never worked out what I did Bella.
I just see him having a responsibility free life :-))
its ok. i opened the letter (as its been delivered to my home, and nothing for mr x comes here, he paid for mail redirection to his secret address). I rang the number and eventually got through to a human. then another one. I spoke with a boss who assured me they wouldnt tell me anything as i am not the homeowner, mr x is. they have done all their checks and if the loan is not paid of mr x is well aware they will take the house. he has agreed to this by signing the contract. i said he doesnt live here and hasnt since xxxxx.i even gave them his current address.
its all data protection so even though i have the details in front of me about the loan, names of people involved, they wont help. Ive said the other person on the loan earns well over 110,000between him and the wife as both high up in xxx work.(no details on here). if they need a loan and they are earning that amount but cant survive then they cant repay 4000 so house WILL be taken. they agree they will take the house. it doesnt matter that i own half outright or that i have a child here. it isnt my house and it cant even be sold and then debt paid, they have the right to sell at whatever they think.
Im just wondering, if i apply for a loan for, say, a random address in the phone book in ,say, timbuctoo, i must be able to get one. i dont have to be the true home owner and i can get the money and walk away, leaving the mess behind me. cool eh?
Rang police, got a log number but they cannot help. he must be the owner to have the loan. the loan company will have searched thoroughly and be satisfied that he honestly does have the right to put house up for the deal.
just wondering, where do we live when i just walk out and hand keys to him? imdone with fighting for whats mine
Is the house in joint names?
yes in joint names and joint mortage. broker advised us to do that.
just thought, if he got loan he would have needed my signature so im either not on deeds anymore or he faked my signature.
Ex managed to get allsorts without my signature. He even kept topping up a joint loan which I thought had been paid off in 1992...
Lenders just have an interest in their figures not morals.
I honestly don't mean to sound negative, it's just how it was with me, sadly. I think the gutting bit is that a "partner" feels able to do this. The Git never felt the need to apologise as the debt was all down to me, apparently 
£49k and nothing to show for it, that was the bit that got me...
It took aboout two to three months before The Git agreed to sell the house. When that was sold then I felt able to move forward.
Hi Bella
Have you contacted your lawyer to see where you stand now that you have found this loan on your house?
yes ive managed to get through to the solicitors secretary at 905am. he is going to ring me today.
im still waiting.
im at work in few hours then on early tom.
Ive rang the mortgage co. asked when i was removed from deeds etc. they said im not and im still liable for his mortgage. Ive explained that he has loan and house is used as collaterol. they asked why i signed and i said i never. basically it is legal and i simply have to repay this loan if needed and his mortgage.
I said that we agreed he would pay HIS mortgage off and i would use MY money as deposit-every single penny. OR he could travel back in time and pay mine and my husbands mortgage for us when we took it out and THEN i would help him to repay his mortgage. (at the moment he unable to build a time machine).
Lender said they will take back the mortgage, then loans owed on house will be taken off then the costs are taken then what is left is SHARED between us. i walk away IF LUCKY in the positive, having lost majority of what i put in. but at least ex gets to give entire family money based on my house value and he wont be blacklisted. i will be unable to get a mortgage and possible loans etc even though i will need to borrow money to get deposit for a flat for child and me. Its all great news for ex and no one upsets him. he always comes out on top.
Oh Bella that sounds like an awful situation to be in, you could contact our Housing Expert to see if they can offer you some alternative suggestions to this situation.
I find it hard to believe that after all these years that it can still happen.
My sister had a mortgage in place for me to keep the laughingly called family home (she is a mortgage broker).
She couldn't believe when The Git got away with so much.
My solicitor said that he's laughing, I'm struggling, and even though he agreed for me to have 75% of the remaining capital that 75% of nothing was nothing... (actually it was £2500). I inherited £16000 from my Mum and Dad's estate and this was used to build an extension on laughingly called family home.
At that time (and for 2 years after we split up) The Git was earning £34k a year. He saw me go onto income support.
Bella I know it's horrible. I really do. I cry reading your posts as I relive the frustration I went through.
In March it will 8 years since I left The Git. Not once have I missed him or regretted it.
The anger is generally kept aside now, in the same box as bitterness.
I just feel where you are now can only be changed when the house is sold. Will the mortgage providers agree to the house being sold without his signature?
How can a loan be granted witth the house as collateral when you are the join owner of the house and have not sigened anything, that's what I don't understand, Check that out with the solicitor, Bella.
Hi. My Laptop has broken. I can use my phone but hurts eyes n spellings r bad.bear with me plz. My solito is v v busy.cant ring me.secretary has taken my details n is to as him to write letter to ex asking t sell. Police just say rring solicitor ad its a civil matter and not fraud.even rangthegovernment dept who he is scared of.they are t think about ihe
He Really is untouchable.he will destroy me.i will not be able t afford a house or even a rental.must stop writing glum stuff as worried son reads it online at School library.need local pal n support.just dont have that.
Hellosorty for silente.Laptop is definately broken.well ive been taken on by an agency.i have t work a short shift t assess me but then they want me t work exclusivly for them,leaving my temp job as its a lower level.im not sure. Means son had t sleep out 3 nights a wk.BUT i could take mortgage on! Then sell in own time. Any ideas?
Hi Bella
Am I getting this right, you are considering moving to a different agency? Can they offer you permanent work? You say that your current job is at a lower level (is that pay level?). How do you and your son feel about him sleeping out 3 times a week? Where would he stay, at his dads?
Of course it would be brilliant to take on the mortgage yourself, I guess it depends how myuch disruption your little family can handle and for how long?
Hi,yes agency Offering me work for which i spent three yrs training for.current job is lower skill level and lower pay level.new job is double wage but double hours too. (keyboard too small,hence errors oops). Son will stay at grndparents previous to my shifts. At least i will see Him on the other days plus i can then afford treats for us.hopefully sort mortgage into my name n sell ASAP.take away some pressure. Sorry phone Heating eyes,need t use pc at library.
Hi Bella, does your son feel happy about this? Are his grandparents in agreement with this? Are there nights that he can stay with his father too?
If it means that you are on better money and able to cover the mortgage, it all sounds great!
I was just thinking whether you had a spare room? If so, you could get a lodger in who wouldn't mind doing some babysitting and you get an extra income like that!
Good luck with things Bella. I do hope they work out. My fingers are crossed for you.
Anna,lodger good in theory but Im v cautios.i need police checks hefore anyone spends time with son.also at mo house not mine but joint purchase.
Sparklinglime-Thanks,maybe this will be the chance i need to become independant.i know i will need family t help but they hav agreed as it will benefit children n me. His dad not able t hav him over since mid december.he needs t move into a flat or house.
Sorry for delays in replying but caht get into the library n phone seems t write whatever it wants.ha.
I have the same problem with my phone Bella it's the predictive text and i don't now how to turn it off?
Hi,sorry for silence.can't get to the library to use pc.hate using phone ad can't correct errors.house is going up for sale ant day now. Can't say much more.living on own also.not by choice but by surprise! I don't agree but can't afford legal advice whatsoever.better not say more as son aware I use the site n also my name on here Sorry for losing contact and j hope you are all well.if could contact any other way,I would.you hav all been supportive so many Thanks.(hope phone hasn't written too many errors!) Big hugs to you all. X
Do take care Bella.
My very best wishes.
Bella we have missed you. You could change your user name by clicking on your proflle and then the edit tab?
So are you saying your son is with his dad?
Hi Bella, hope you're okay. Just catching up with your posts. I hope you're able to get back on line soon and let us know how you and son are doing. Take care.
Hope you can get to the library soon, do keep in touch
Hi Bella. That was lovely of your ex to send the roses, and hope they cheered you (even if for a little while). Your son is probably feeling the effects of everything too. A lot going on for him with regard to his Dad, and your ex now, plus you're working different shifts, and so he doesn't always get to spend time at home with you. Or it could simply be his age!!!
Hope work goes okay for the weekend.