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i have to take baby to court with me to have no childcare my neighbour who i hardly kno said she will comw with me and watch baby while i go in but baby doesnt kno her neither and i kno she will get distressed , il speak to solicitor today about his threats to see what she thinks to , how did it go with caffcass with you darsen, he kicked off to cos i told him i will be telling them i have concerns i think he thought cos we,d spoke i was gonna say i had no concerns really manipulating
they are coming next wedneday, im so nervous, what if they dont believe me? its awful that the exs can do what they like and think they can get away with it. i would advise you to tell your ex as little as possible or nothing at all about what your going to say and do in court because that only gives him the heads up
i know exactly how you feel darsen im like the same wt if they dont believe me he is so manipulating and will do his best to charm them and so will his family and its just me own my own fighting an army of them my word against there,s next wednesday is when im in court, let me kno how you get on with them
will do and good luck in court x
hi anoymous well my ex isnt allowed any contact ata ll with my little girl she is 2 half, dont no if u have read my thread on edge, its long thread lol,i av ad cafcass to see me weeks ago, basically report is all bout my ex, he as violent criminal record, he delayed hair strand test he put dye in his hair, all gon against him, police av raided his home last nov found drugs again, last hearing next tue, it was emotionaly abusive relationship, plus he ad double life, he lied to cafacss officer and minimized wot he did to me when he assaulted me, even supervised she doesnt recomend, last report was last week, he even pretended he was sumone else on face book, ive deactivated my account best way, if u r ex as made threats it all as to b reported hun,i didnt av say to much bout my ex ass cafcss got his criminal record which spks for itself, it all come out nbout him in court in july i didnt even no extent of his violent crimes, p;us hes not allowed cum nr me or my area, hes high risk, ur ex sounds same hun. protect ur baby best way u no howx
im in court next tue, my cafcass officer is very nice, and she can see right thru my ex and his lies thank god, he as criminal record not mex so cafacss as no concerns bout me
hi keira. my ex had no previous record other than assault on me so he is going to say i gauded him and he neva had violent record bfore our relationship he is also denying assault on me when i was pregnnat cos he wasnt charged he is saying i lied , he said no charge so in the eyes of the law it neva happend , this is because i neva put a full statement in cos i was so confused and in such a mess, he has said his solicotor told him that the police have said there was no dv and no dv has been ticked on the court application
they already have it on record that he has said he will kidnapp baby from when i last stopped speakin to him , and he also made up another fb in another name to contact me through ,but i actually spoke to him on this so it wont look good, he is completly minimising evrything he has done and doing
hi hun these men try manipulate the system sum succed sum dont, my ex isnt, he says he wants see his dawter yet stil getin trouble with police recently and drugs weapons , its joke, glad cafcass lady seen thru him and give no contact, he asaluted me abroad and he said he wasnt charged but he was, so they are lookin into it, glad they are to prove he was charged but released on bail, he evn laffed bout wot he did to me to cafacss lady, he is so ignorant, ope ur ok hun, it is hard im dreading court tue yet really ive done nothin, its all against him, want it over with so i can move on, bet u do to, x
im really worried , apparently the courst have no funds for contact centres and are actally treating women who have been in dv relationships as it was there own fault the courts up here are apparently all for the dads, my freind went through it and her ex went to prison for assaultting her , they wiped the floor with her said it was her own faault she knew what she was gettin in to and even caked her a criminal for keeping her child away from its idetity and human right she was in tears she has to drop baby offr at mac donalds cos theres cameras, she ws concerned abpout kidnappin and about baby gettin distressed and they said well thats your fault and the younger the baetter they will get over it!! am so scared this is how it is gonna play out for me
my case is bit different, cafcass av got ex criminal record and it isnt gud, i didnt no bout extent of his violent crimes he ad dun 6 years in jail fro wounding with intent, i dint even no tht i scary, tht assault he did on me was totally out blue, he could killed me, but i took him bk 2 months later, dumb, but he must b high risk cos cafcass doesnt even recomend supervised in contcat centre, plus theres my saftey to consider, i av non molestation order on him, icud b marracced again the cafcass lady said, i myt av to move as well, fed up of it, if they av ur ex on record threatenin u they shud take tht into account, surly he shudnt b allowed nr u as wellx
Hi kiera and anonymousmum,
When it comes to court decisions it is very unpredictable as to what the decison will be, it depends on a lot of things, and each of us will have individual cases that may have some similairities but will also have other factors that can mean that the outcome is different to someone else in a similair situation.
hey all, well the ex showed up for his visit on sat with his mother, he was very drunk. what on earth is going on, is his mother daft in the head or what. the ex kept grabbin my baby and trying to tickle him, baby was trying to get away from him so my dad had to pull him away. dont understand how they think this is normal behaviour
hiya if ex was very drunk no way i would want him near my baby, u shud stop contact,he isnt safe, and demand drink test, liek hair strand or urine test every week, i have court tomoz, not lookin for ward to it at all. are u okx
im not in court until march, can i ask for them things in court? good luck tomorrow xx
hi couirse you can ask for test for drink or drugs i mean hair strand test expensive so myt go for urine test, but ur ex doesnt seem safe, i would ask and say to ur soliocter if u have one ur concerns, im goin court on my own gutted, my friend cant come with me now, she as broke er foot, x
Hi darsen, i would keep notes off what happens and when you next meet with your solicitor you should talk with them about what happened and see what they suggest would be the best way forward, you could ask about the likelihood of being able to request that your ex get tested.
It was good that your dad was there to help out.
Keira i am sorry to hear that your friend can't go to court with you tomorrow, how awful though that she has broken her foot, any chance off another friend or family member stepping in at the last minute to go with you?
good luck today kiera
the social were here today, it went great. the lady was lovely. she was supposed to meet the ex at 12 today but she has a bogus number and an old address!! He obviously is taking this thing seriously!
hi darsen how are u, no way, well my ex gave false adress to me, so the soliciter sent false warning letter to a false adress, these men ehx
Glad the meeting went well darsen, and it does sound as if he is making it pretty obvious to them what he is like 
its funny because it was the ex's solicitor that demanded this report be done!! makes no sense to me.
hi evryone had court on wednesday my solicitor really made me anxious kept changing things one min was goin in fromt of magistrate and then next min goin to conciliation hearing then she said i didnt need to go in as court had approved the recomendations she really made me nervouse think she was just teying to save her self time cos she had another client , they have recommended a section 7 report on him all police records to be bought forward and alcohol testing and am back in end of may, have to do ststements i will have to respond to his as he is denying some allegations , and i think will have a visit from caffcass , im gona have to say something to soloicitor if she doesnt help me proper;ly when it comes to the ststement can believe how she treated me it was so unproffessional at the end of the day shes getting paid so she needs to do her job properly
hi hun how are u, i didnt have to go in court thenk god, i went tuesday, bk in court june 21st,im glasd tho ex avin to do alcohol testing, my ex as to do yet another drug test,wish they would stop givin him chances,i av different soliciter, gutted, and now my cafcass officer is leavin so il have a new one, hope she as nice as old one,ye sur solicter shud do job properly all money they get,cafacss got all my ex criminla records, and he as very long record, x
did nthey do a section 7 report on him or section 47? or any? i mentioned to my solicitor anger course and caffcass also mentioned him doing som sort of couurse but then it wasnt in the recomendations i get a feel that they are sympathising with him
Hi anonymous mum, it sounds as though your solicitor has left you feeling very anxious about her competency.
I too wanted my ex to do an anger management course. In some parts of the country this is ruled by the Judge, however I was told, which makes perfect sense to me now, that he will only learn anything IF he wants to. He could be sent on a course for 12 weeks so he could get access, but even if he turned up every session it doesn't mean that he will have absorbed and chosen to change his ways. Do you catch my drift?
hi well i said to cfacass lady ex vileont dangerous man and would u want him near ur dawter thts what i said to er, seriously, she said well he asnt assaulted a child, cudnt believe it, i said well he called me namees to my 2 sons to their face , thts abuse, and why are my kids at risk if i av anythin to do with him and hes high risk, i dotn want him tom av any contact, hes lied to the cafcass lady to er face. tried delay drug test, asnt dun anythin ciurtrs av asked of him, i have, yet i feel they are givin him chance after chance, cfacass lady said if its found he was charged abroad when he assaulted me then he b then untrustworthy and liar. i said well we know tht already for gods sake, i dont understand it at all, x
hi yes i know what you mean anna my ex done a domestic violence perpetrators course a couple of years ago and was very well behaved while he was on the course but actually he neva changed he just pretended he had untill the time suited him and if anything it actually taught him other ways to be abusive :(, i kno keira its not nice the way were being doubted untill its proven , but i suppose ther are women out there that do lie and they have to try and work out who is lieing and who isnt but obviousley the history of abuse is enuf, yes my solicitor is makin me more anxious i will see how things go with her the next time i meet her and then will say somethin if i need to x
he actually told them im a fantastic mum and have done a great job with the baby, but obviousley he has said other things to me to scare me but thats one good thiung cos im not the one in question and i think he thought i was gonna be easy on hi m but i told them everything x
they said the same thing to my freind keira that he has neva assualted a child and gave him contact and she has to drop baby off at macdonalds , caffcass iv heard havnt really got a good rep and apparently fail domestic violence victims , im really worried cos of this to , i think they will say the same to me he has neva hit a child
my ex asnt seen my little girl for year and half now,she is only 2 half now,mean if he gets supervised at centre, thts only short term, wot bout after tht, mean last nov police raided his home twice, found canabise and weapons, it was in report, he violent dangerous man, why would they even allow contact, it terrifies me ,mean he even put dye on his hair to get out fact he uses drugs, and now he as to av another test, so we will see,and plus theree is risk to me, i av non molestation orser on him, and i could b marraced again , tht wa ssin latest report,so how would contact ever work,
When agencies such Cafcass are involved there decisions are based on the childs needs/rights and if the child/ren are at risk.
yea but i think they can get it wrong , i kno evryones sitiation is differant but they even have a bad ofsted report, and they have put children at risk before by giving children to abusive ex partners , im not sayin this will happen to you keira cos they have to look at evrything an dont kno what the outcome will be , but i am nearly 100 per cent sure they issue contact to my ex partner and through this contact he will try an make my life a misery , and possibly have an emotional effect on our daughter, but cos i have no proof this might happen my child is basically gonna be put in that sitiation and there will be nothing i can do about it, he has told them he isnt in a nother relationship when i kno he is and im concerned about dv being an issue but cos i havnt got a name they cant do nothing about it
hi hun not right is it, how can we protect our children like this, apart from movein away which believe me im seriously thinkin bout doing so ex dont no where i live,
there solicitor and the courts can find us through national insurance any way and they could still be granted contact through holidays and things like that so moving away may not be an answer
well summats gona have to happen as no way i will accept contact if ex gets it, over ny dead body
just see what happens i kno its hard , whens your next hearing x
june 21st, ex drug test is from, dec til may, see if he clear of drugs without hair dye, and when cafacss find out he was charged for the serious assault on me abroad then doubt they wil give contact,. he said he only hit me once, anmd he wasnt charged but hes lieing, and they wil find tht out
im dreading what the court will order , and that if i go against a court order they can take action against me , cafcass dont really seem to understand my situation i think i have only had telephone conversation with them and think i will meet them next hopefully i will be able to put my point across better face to face, i told the one on the phone about the forced abortion, and she said she doesnt really see how that would affect my babys contact .....well i was trying to show the extent of abuse and controll obviousley ?? !!
i said to cafcss aldy how u could let dangerous and violent man nr child is byond me, thts wot i said, cos thts wot i think
he has lied to about saying he would abduct her but that is in a police report , and he has assault on record 3 times
i kno he has even said to me this isnt just about baby , but again its my word against his, he will use contact to controll me upset me and make my life chaos and threy think that is the best interests of the child! he even said he will turn her against me that emotional abuse
u see cafacss got my ex criminal record, and i didnt have to say anythin bout him, it was there in black and white, hes violent, weapons drugs, even lst nov police found drugsd in his home, and thts a man who wants contact with his daughter,plus drug test putin dye on his hair, cos he obviously is takin drugs, he lied to cafcass lady to er face, he ad girlfriend and new baby i new nothin bout, everythin is aginbst him in report, so now wait drug test again, hes not allowed cut his hair,or us ehairn dye, so id like to see how he goes on, and when cums bk tht he was charged abroad then i think he wil get no contact,way cafacss lady was talkin anyway, so fingers crossed
my ex said to me u aint getin rid of me
my ex said the same to me
but i think they will give mine contact, cos he,s already charming them
we go thru enuf their bullshit and takes alot to get rid of um,then they drag us thru court and bully us that way, doe sit ever end
well dont hink mine as charmed anyone, thank god, cafacss saw thru him, he lied blatenly to er face, im prayin no contcat, dont no wot il do if giv contact
i could tell they sympathised with him and he dint have a bad word to say about me ( not to them any way , he does that when he knows no one else can hear) she asked me about why he hadbt seen baby for so long and i said it was best to remove us fro m situation as he became threaning, and she mention his family she said he said his family had welcomed me back in to there house , he is trying to make me sound like the bad one and has said i have controlled aceess with his daughter ,his family manipulated me they didnt welcome me, she really wasnt very understanding he really wrapped her round his finger by the sound of things
he is prob tryin to scare you, i ndoubt very much his solicitor said that. they will try anything as i only know too well. the police are there to protect you, just tell them exactly that if they ask why you talked to him again.