My mum used to tell me that she worried about the 'three of us' (me and my brother and sister). I don't think the worry ever stops for us, what ever others may think.
I am nearly 50 and my Mum still worries about me! :lol:
Hi roxy
It looks like the general consensus is 'YES' you are still a single parent when your children reaches 18. And not just 18 but FOREVER!! ;)
I imagine that it is almost harder because you know that they are now responsible for themselves, but yet there is still SO much for us to teach them!
What do other people think? Is it easy to let go when your offspring hit 18? Do you pack their cases and wave them off into the world, or do you agree with Roxy that actually everything seems slightly more worrying??
Hi Helen it is good to have you aboard, you are very welcome :)
Hopefully others will chip in with their experiences. My eldest left home about nine months ago. Luckily it was not too far away so I have seen him once a week/fortnight. It is much harder if they are going to the other end of the country. I have also heard from parents of boys that they are sometimes not very good at phone calls etc.
One thing I have found with both mine is that as a parent, sometimes you have to engage in the metho of communication that suits them This often means texting or Facebook. Indeed, when my elder son lived at home, and was 15, and only grunted, I found that to EMAIL him was very effective and he even replied! How ridiculous, but it worked.
As far as the emotional implications go, however, I guess it can be helpful to separate out the sadness you have on missing your child from the sadness you may feel that a stage of YOUR life is over, that a child may need you less etc etc. it is quite natural to grieve at this time so don't be cross with yourself that you feel like this, it's (yet) another change in life to absorb into your psyche.
Keep posting
Louise
Oh Louise, teenagers are funny! Emailing your son, did make me laugh out loud, thats how ridiculous it gets! - But at least you were communicating! :lol:
Hi Helen, welcome to One Space!
Your baby of 18 years is leaving the nest, all those years of worrying, fixing, disciplining, compromising, badgering, caring, loving and picking up the pieces are finally over! Or are they?? :?
It is going to be a life changing event for you. You don't mention that you have any other children, so your life will be your own again. As Louise says it could be a period of grieving, the end of an era and its fine and normal to be sad. But looking on the bright side, there are many new challenges that you can now attempt. Raising a child alone, who is now going to University, is a great achievement, so take time out to feel proud and reward yourself. :D
She sure is!
That's great that you have that support about something that makes you a bit nervous. I am not very helpful to my son because I know it is not that with him, he just can't be bothered (maybe he's too busy doing my ironing, lol) :D
Hi raychell
Good to see you. I know, when they are little we can "dream" of a day when they are independent but even at 18 is seems they often have a lot to learn. It is interesting what you say about them leaving home. My eldest is 20 and lives independently but I know he is still "my boy". I am not wanting to hold him back or anything, just responding to a need, although sometimes I have to employ tough love!
I have found that it is not so much that people think my concerns are trivial but that they think a. he is old enough to look after himself so I should stop worrying and b.since it's all legal now then my responsibilities are over. And indeed I do think that they are less, but my experience is that he wants to be an adult one minute (going abroad with friends) and a child the next "Will you make me an appointment at the dentist AND TAKE ME?", which infuriates me :x
As you say, Roxy, you worry about them more than ever. When they are two, you can more or less solve their problems. Now, their concerns are more complex and at that age they can combine remarkable intelligence with incredible stupidity. Hence debt, drugs etc.
At least you have some good and honest communication going (WELL DONE YOU :D ), and he must feel very secure if he can even talk about his misdemeanours. You also have house rules, which is great ;) I have told my son that even if he was living here at 30 ( :shock: ) there would be house rules, not for me to be in charge but for co-operative living.
I also think it is harder work for a single parent as you don't have another adult to back you up or to discuss things with. It can feel to outsiders as if you have passed some sort of "test" that your child has reached 18 successfully.
Louise :)