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right my partner is paying his ex £120 a month plus then paying half for his daughters gym and swimming fees... now she keeps asking us for money and telling the little girl that we are taking her out for the day when we dont have the money to go which now we have to take her becos the mum goes nuts cos he dont take her anywhere.
do anyone think this is right???? x
May I just say something without it being taken the wrong way???
I really dont understand comments like "its great the father is paying so & so toawrds his child" so he damn should, the cost of raising a child & social events should not just be a mothers responsibility!
Hi Tinkerbell2, I agree, it is the absent parents job to pay for their children.
It is always good to hear when the absent parent is paying because I work with so many parents whose ex's don't pay.
The point I was trying to make above was although great to be supporting the mother financially his children need his time more than money.
Hi Tinkerbell2, I so agree with you. The person who was writing to One Space at the beginning of this post is the partner of the dad in question and she was cross at what her partner was being asked to pay, and Anna was therefore saying that him paying was a good thing (as well as the quality contact issue)
I have never understood it when a parent refuses to support their children, and I used make the assumption that it was more about them being reluctant to hand over money to the other parent rather than witholding support from the child, but now I am not so sure. A friend of mine used to go without food the last days of every pay month so that he could pay his child support. He said to me "but they are my kids, they come first" and I reckon that's the natural instinct of a parent for a child.
Hi
I always found that with my lot, a day out they loved involved a picnic on the beach or by a lake. It doesn't need to be a theme park or anywhere with an entrance fee to be a day out.
Somewhere they can run about and you can all have a day full of laughter is all that is needed.
Children spell 'LOVE'
tee. eye. em. e.
Read that somewhere : )
Implying that it's positive time spent that counts : )
Maybe I posted something along these lines already : )
I don't think that it matters if you did Bubblegum, we all can do with a reminder from time to time, i asked my lot a while back if they remember what they had for xmas two years go or a birthday or the something that they so wanted when they were younger, other than the odd faviourite toy/thing they could not remember, but they could tell you about those times what we were doing who was there etc, which kind of proves the point.
I find my A has so much more fun with days in the park than big expensive days out as she gets too over whelmed then hardly remembers a thing where as a simple park day she remembers the slides etc :)
The things that my boys remember are things that made them laugh, games and jokes we had together 
In regards to paying for your children when your the absent parent every ones situation is different I never got a penny of maintenance for the children's mum as she did not work and is a kept woman. Now one of the children is living there I am expected to pay !!!!!!
I never asked for any maintenance anyway as I know the absent parent had to pay to travel to pickup and collect the children and look after them when it was her access time .
Hi stuart, that does seem unfair that you never had any help and yet now you are paying for your daughter. How are things in general these days?
Hi louise
its not for my daughter shes 19 and doing well. It's my youngest lad who 12. I am not paying for him yet. When I had the children I told there mum I did not want any money and they should us it for petrol money to come and collect the children and to use it when they went to stay with her. Just hope the favour is returned at the moment she is saying she to don't want any money.
Yes I read it on the other thread now, sorry I missed it earlier as I have been away. Hope the financial status quo will remain, and that your boy will settle down, it is a very volatile age for both boys and girls
Hi louise
Like I have said before for the last 6 years not a penny of maintenance for any of the children while she lives off her husbands salary and they don't do to bad he has his own business if there married is it not classed as a house hold In come? Then now I may have to start paying the going rate. I don't mind I will if I have to but just think the system is all wrong. You can sit on your arse and pay nothing or work pay your taxes and still have to then pay hundreds of pounds to support your children. Where was my support when it was me doing the daily grind ?????
Hi stuart, the child maintenance does seem so wrong and unfair at the best of times and now both parents (the receiving and the paying) will be charged for the service seems ridiculous.
Is there a figure that you can come up with, or an agreement that covers the petrol, that she would agree with so that neither of you are paying the CMS?
Hi anna
we have agreed to pay £100 by direct payment through the bank. Like I said I don't mind paying for my children but where was the financial support when I had the children for the last 6 years when the mum had a husband who was financially sound where's the justice yes I am miffed the law is a shame.
Glad you were able to come to an agreement stuart, the system really does sound so unfair alot of the time.
Hi Sally
dam right it does. They ask you to support your children financially when you split. Mum had no intention of wanting to work with new husband working and supplying the house hold Income. maybe because I chose to raise the children the goverment don't expect working fathers to want to be the resident parent. I am going to write a letter to my local MP.
Good plan! Yes I do think much of the system is designed around an assumption that the kids live with the mum whereas about 10% of single parents wth day to day care are dads. Maybe it would be fairer if the support amount was based on the household income of the parent without day to day to care rather than their individual income?
Hi Louise
yes that would be fair it used to be that way then the law was changed as the governent said that the absent parents partner had no financial obligation to the children if they were not theses.
Hi jessie_james2014
It sounds as though you are feeling very cross with your partners ex.
Your partner sounds like a good man supporting his child/children.
£30 a week is a fairly average amount for a non resident dad to pay. (although to be honest that amount doesn't really stretch that far)
I think it is great that your partner is going halves for extra curricular activities so his child/children don't miss out, good for him.
Your partners child/children deserve to spend time with their dad, so perhaps he could find some free or low cost places to take her/them ie the park, a walk by the river, soft play etc??
You might be interested in visiting Being a Step Parent