Young people and the law

harissa

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone could tell me if there are any leaflets aimed at children of around 10 years old and their parents? A lot of the material I have found is more relevant to teenagers and is therefore unhelpful.

My son was reported to the police last week for fighting in the play park but since then the police have taken to coming round here first every time an unidentifield local child has been up to no good. Last night it was to accuse my son of making hoax calls on his mobile which was something he would NEVER do. We were able to prove his innocence immediately but all this police attention is getting a bit wearing.

He is convinced they are looking for a reason to pin something on him. I'm sure they are not but would like to know what our rights are on the off chance he is wrongfully suspected again but can't prove his innocence immediately next time. I've heard horror stories of my aunt's friend's well-brought up, law-abiding grandson who phoned to report a fire (not in my locale) and who immediately became the prime suspect, even though he was visiting grandparents when the fire started. That poor chap was stripped of his clothes and kept overnight in the cells. His clothes were kept for forensic investigation so he had to travel home on a bus in a custody suit.

I'm now worried that my son, now he has a bad reputation, will be prone to similar treatment.

Posted on: September 20, 2008 - 12:23pm

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi Harissa

Bad Luck, it sounds as if you and your son are having a really tough time of it at the moment, I am not surprised that he is feeling picked on.

I have rooted around on the internet for information for you and your son and came across this website http://www.rizer.co.uk/ It might be of interest to your son, it is very kid friendly.

From past experience parents have found that inviting their local community police officer around for a discussion on how you and your son are feeling, can be very beneficial, you can tell them that you don’t want to be thought of as a bad family and you are looking for support. You have said in a previous message that you are dealing with your son’s behaviour, share this with the officer. It has also proved to be beneficial for the officer to talk one to one with the child himself.

What the public can expect to see from local neighbourhood policing team:
Neighbourhood policing teams are involved in proactive or preventative work to tackle low level crime and anti social behaviour that may be a persistent issue or concern in the local community.
Communities can now expect to see increased numbers of PCSOs patrolling their streets, addressing anti-social behaviour issues and building relationships with local people.
Communities should also have information about how their local force will be policing the local community, and have a point of contact for their neighbourhood team.
Local people will have the opportunity to tell the police about the issues which are causing them concern and help shape the response to those issues.

Keep in touch, we are all rooting for you, this has been a common problem as you may have noticed from the other responses. Let us know if you do contact the local community police and how you felt it went.

Good Luck.

Posted on: September 23, 2008 - 11:50am

harissa

It has all gone pear-shaped again.

Last night we were shocked to have had a visit from the police - this time concerning guns!!

On Sunday my son was only out very briefly and that was to help friends build a den next to the kids play area near my house. It seems that one of the kids in the park had a BB gun (they fire little orange plastic balls BUT are capable of firing ball bearings) and let my son play with it. My son says he only aimed it at the ground.

Anyway a passerby phoned the police to report a gang of children with guns and an armed response vehicle was called out. My son had come home before they arrived which is just as well as the police had been given orders to shoot! :o0

I am still in a state of shock, and my son's schoolteacher was horrified too when I told her.

The only guns my son has are a dayglo plastic supersoaker and a red plastic thing which fires little paint pellets. He is only allowed to play with them in the garden and would never be mistaken for a firearm. I had no idea that any one he knew had a BB gun, neither had such things ever come up in conversation before. Their sale had been withdrawn from all the toy shops and the toy stall on the market YEARS ago so they were well out of my radar.

I found this on the internet which might be useful for other parents who have kids who are likely to play with toy guns or who have friends who do. A lot of that information was news to me and may surprise you too.

http://www.gun-control-network.org/CE04.htm

Posted on: October 21, 2008 - 10:55am

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi Harissa

Thanks for your post, very useful information. I hope you got the chance to explain to your son the severity of the situation?

Was he scared by the police's reaction? Did he think it was funny? I would be really interested to hear how he reacted, what do young lads think these days, do they think adults exaggerate everything? It was a TOY gun after all......

What do we think as parents? Have your say here.............

Posted on: October 21, 2008 - 3:35pm

harissa

Hi Anna,

He was extremely upset and went and smashed up his supersoaker, fearing that it too would get him into trouble. He didn't think it was at all funny and, if anything, was alarmed by the police reaction.

The view on toy guns has changed drastically in the last couple of years so that it now seems almost acceptable for the police to shoot first then ask questions later. But realistically how many 10 year old kids will be playing in public with real firearms? Sadly, the police must respond with the assumption that the weapon is real.

I feel sick inside thinking about how much more unsafe our local area is now thanks to the vigorous application of antisocial behaviour/antiterrorist/antigang measures. It can't be healthy for the kids to be made to feel that they are criminals and automatic suspects.

Apparently we are not even supposed to let kids be in public in groups of more than two. This means that when my son and his friend walk their other friend back to his house (on the other side of the underpass), they may be stopped and made to give their names and addresses. It is all very big brother and more likely to get the kids to retaliate or even identify with the real criminal image. A lot of my son's friends are quite convinced they are all going to prison or remand school - and those are normal kids, not troublemakers!

Posted on: October 21, 2008 - 4:35pm

wiseowl

I remember when the Early Learning Centre in town stated that they would never sell toy guns or Barbie's, I thought it was a bit extreme. When I was a child me and my brothers used to play cowboys and indians in our back garden, we had toy guns and had a great time, I've actually got a scar on my cheek from when my brother tied me up - (I was always the indian (native american to be politically correct!) which is actually much cooler than a cowboy cos i got to wear the feather headset and paint my face with my mums old lipstick!!) ANYWAY!.... he tied me up dug a gun into my face and demanded i told him where the gold (smarties!) were. I still think it is quite a cool story behind the scar!!

I agree with you Harissa, our society has got so extreme on certain issues, how many terrorists have actually struck this country?

It is worrying that more and more kids are playing with real guns, threatening each other - I actually think guns are cowardly, there is much more skill in using a knife or your fists. :? To set the record straight though, i HATE violence of any sort.....

I hadn't heard of this thing of kids not being allowed in public in groups of two or more, i have never heard of anything so ridiculous. I remember as teenagers we used to rant about youth club only being once a week, now there doesn't seem to be any youth clubs at all.

When will the government start to look after/respect/support our children - the generations of the future??? :oops:

Posted on: October 23, 2008 - 12:14pm

Clarebear

Harissa, you poor thing. Where do you live? Is it that your son has just been tarred with the same kind of behaviour of the area?

Whilst I could go on to 'bring back corporal punishment' meaning that children never used to get that far with weapons, which means innocent children weren't just grabbed off the street assuming the worst, I won't. Soap box put back under the stairs.

I think the danger here is that children will become what we tell them to a certain extent. My mother told me before that the more I tell Emmie she is naughty (and by jiminy she can be!) the more she will believe it. And therefore adopt that role. If she's going to be told she's naughty, she might as well be. Obviously I have changed my tactics since then.

However, god forbid this should ever happen with your son Harissa, but if he is constantly hounded by the police, he may get the feeling that he might as well do something bad, seeing as they're round there regardless of whether he has or not. THAT is the danger in my mind.

I don't know where to suggest you go for support or help (other than here) but my thoughts are with you, this is the only house that I haven't had the police round (courtesy of ex boyfriends) and would be mortified if they turned up, so can empathise with what you're going though :(

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

Clarey xxxxxxxxxx

Posted on: November 4, 2008 - 12:53am

Anna

Parenting specialist

Good point Clarebear,

Our children hear what they are being told and believe it, we form and mould them into who they are, we are their mirrors . Adults behave the same too, if we are told often enough that we are stupid and ugly, we WILL end up believing it.

I think in generations past this was not the general consensus, but it makes absolute sense. I absolutely cringe when out shopping and hear a mum or dad calling their child stupid or an idiot. It is very counterproductive.

We must remember when tell our children off that we say that their behaviour is naughty not the child, the same applies when praising our children, we should say what they have done is good, not that they are a good girl/boy - because this then insinuates that they could be a good or bad person.

From your other posts Harissa, I think you have been very suppportive of your son and it seems as if the troubles your boy is experiencing are from external sources. How is he, we have not heard from you for a while?! :)

Posted on: November 6, 2008 - 2:42pm

harissa

I've not had much time to write much as I've been spending time job hunting - gawd, WHERE did all the blooming jobs go while I was busy being a full-time mum?!

Anyway, son is doing very well thanks! He is representing the school in the county cross-country running championships this weekend so fingers crossed!

He even volunteered to show propective parents around his school tonight. I'm so pleased that the teachers headed my pleas to give him some responsibility. It's clearly working.

We've heard nothing more about the gun thing, in spite of the dire initial warnings. My fear now is that it will land on him several months after the event and set everything back to square one again. We really could do without having a social worker, as the kids with social workers tend to be treated negatively by the other kids. My son has worked so hard to prove his worth, I don't want anything to upset his progress.

Regarding young people and the law, there was a letter in my local paper from a local concerned mother whose 19 year old son who, while simply walking along the street, had been stopped by the police because he was wearing a hooded jacket on a chilly evening. Oh no, hoodies! Many of the local kids have experienced this too and, far from being a crime deterrant, it is brewing up resentment and distrust amongst the young people. It is all very sad.

Posted on: November 6, 2008 - 11:57pm

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi Harissa, so glad you are back in touch!

Brilliant news about your son, he is obviously enjoying the responsibility he has been given. It is like we were saying in earlier posts, if you tell your child that they are responsible human beings and we treat them as such, we find that they become actually that! :)

It is such a shame that youths are being treated like outcasts, if only this country would wake up and recognise that if we treat that generation well, they will blossom, if we treat them like criminals, guess what, they get angry and resentful and fulfil the prophesy.

We should follow the footsteps of our European cousins and engage positively with our children, keep family as the most important thing in life and not latest gadgets and fashion.

Posted on: November 7, 2008 - 11:03am