Hi Gillybean and welcome
Sorry to hear you are having a hard time with your childrens' father's parenting time. Whilst I know of people who have found it worked for the other parent to come to the childrens' home, I know many more who would find this traumatic. It is your home and your right to retain your privacy.
Princess has suggested some really great ideas (thanks, princess! ;) ) and I would also endorse the comments re Child Support. Look at http://www.cmoptions.org/ to check out your options. You could even come to a private agreement that he pays for something directly, such as the rent...and then he knows where the money is going.Take care how it would affect your benefits though, if you receive any. The receipt of any money will affect Income Support.
The Skype is a great idea in principle and may work as the kids get older; at the moment it will feel like a chore that they have to stop whatever they're doing (and enjoying) so drawings and letters are a great idea. You could suggest to their dad that he could send picture postcards and maybe even photos on email. As they get older they will like to see him on Facebook etc but at the moment the contact needs to be little and often.
It sounds as if you need to take control of the situation and take the decisions about how this will work
best wishes
Louise :)
I am glad your advice has helped, Gillybean :D Please do have a look at the site survey mentioned on Anna's Thread "We need your feedback" and give your views on the site as this gives the organisation and its funders essential information.
Do keep posting!
Louise :)
If he were to book a family room at something like travelodge or premiere inn, then he would be able to take the children there - even it it was only to watch television for an afternoon. After all, they have settees in there! I believe they're open over Christmas too. If every I find I can afford a break, I stay in these places with the children. I even have one of those little fridges I take along for cold mild and yogurts.
I can't comment on experiences with phone/Skype contact, as my ex has never phoned my lot.
Great idea, sparkling lime! I have stayed at those places in the past and the big drawback awas the lack of a fridge but nowadays with mini fridges around, you can overcome that.
Good luck, gilly bean
Louise :)
Hi Caralan
Thanks for your input, it sounds as if you have had a really rough time of it. It is great to hear that you are encouraging your boy to have a relationship with his dad-as you say it is all about the children. I do think that you make some really good points, but especially when you say the children will eventually work it out for themselves, I think that is a great comfort during difficult days when you resent the other parent, to remember that
Louise :)
Hi,
Welcome to the site and hope you find it as supportive as I have this last week :)
First of all, I wouldn't force the kids to speak with him over the phone, what about getting the older one to send him a letter and the youngest to maybe do drawings, that you can then send through the post. The kids would enjoy doing that, and it gives dad something special to keep. You do have to keep the lines of communication open for them, He's their dad.
About the contact, I would explain to dad that when he comes home he has to take kids out for a day. You could even look some things up for him to do. You need to recharge your batteries as well. Also try and keep it to set days when he's back in the country. Pick days that are suitable for you and the kids.
Surely if he works abroad for so many weeks, I wouldn't imagine that money would be an issue for him. So the fact that your denied maintenance is shocking. He has a right as a father to support his children, and should do. It doesn't matter a toss what you do with the money, Its really not his concern. You have to clothe,feed, heat and house your children.... what is he doing with his money?
I'm at work at the moment, so have to finish here. I'm sure others will come up with some good advice.
If I think of anything else I'll let you know.
Take care
J xx