I want to train to be a driving instructor - failed the first part of the test 10 days ago, so not a good start! Not heard from my driving instructor either, so feeling a bit negative about it all at the moment. I'm on benefits, and hate it. I worked for over 22 years. I had plans to train to be an instuctor when I first left ex in March 2004, but couldn't find anyone local to teach me. I was made homeless, and basically fell apart.
I have four children - 17, almost 15, 13 and almost 10. I have a people carrier. March 2007, the engine blew up, so replaced it at a huge cost, only to have it break down again May last year. I've spent thousands on it (credit card!), and in the end SORNd it in October until I can afford to carry out more repairs. It's not an old car, and I wasn't able to sell it.
Last Friday I had a letter from the DVLA saying that I failed to tax my car and I've had to pay a £40 fine - would increase to £80 if I didn't pay within a couple of weeks. I'm furious. I have to prove I've SORNd the car, yet I don't recall receiving a letter to confirm this. I was so upset at the time too. However, I had a refund on my car tax and completed the SORN form at the same time at the local DVLA office. I've put all this in a letter. Takes money away from my re-sitting the first part of the test fund - if I do it...
I was collecting my youngest son from school, and my friend came to sit in the car. We started to talk about my oldest boy. He's resitting GCSEs and is doing well. He wants to do A levels and go on to University to do Graphics. My friend then proceeded to tell me that I would never be able to afford to send my son to Uni. She knows that she and her husband will struggle and he has a good job. Even with the income from a driving school, I should start to talk him out of Uni.
My daughter (almost 15) wants to be a vet - clearly the same advice there...
So that wound me up.
My sister has a 17 year old son. Last summer we were talking about my son's interest in cars. I told her he couldn't wait to start driving. She told me that her son would have to wait until he was at least 20 before she'd pay for lessons. Her husband has an absolutely fantastic job. She told me I should point out to my son that lessons were out of the question.
My son comes to me this evening to say he's been on MSN and his cousin is having driving lessons.
I let my children down so much already as everything is a continual budget. Don't get me wrong, I can pay my bills, and we have a reasonable life - even on benefits. My son is so dying to learn to drive. Part of me hoped I'd have been qualified by the time he was 17!! Silly me - think far too much of my abilities.
It crosses my mind that if ex was truthful about his income, and was paying £300 a month maintenance instead of the £50 odd that work would be a more feasable option - we might even have been able to compromise on maintenance and him pay for son's lessons.
So here I am, at 46 feeling slightly resentful that I lost everything because of my ex's debts - I'd spent my small inheritance form my mum and dad's estate doing the "family home" up, so that went too - feeling stuck again, when only two weeks ago I allowed my self to feel hopeful.
Day at a time. Best way really. No dreams allowed here.
Very pitying post this evening, sorry. Insomnia has returned. Must add tissues to my shopping list on Thursday
AND I just want to add, for you Sparkly and for all parents reading this who worry about their children...I have just seen on the website homepage that Barack Obama was raised by a lone parent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Louise ;)
Thanks Louise. I do appriciate your reply. My eldest told me about Barack Obama - I told him he has now excuse now for not achieving goals!
Amazingly enough, I came across my children's building society books. I only had three children when my mum died. I had a small inheritance, and while most was put into the house, I'd put a little bit away for the children. The books were in a cash tin, so although safe, it was a case of finding which box (still have a few I've not unpacked after three year - big house to a very small one, no room!). I updated them. Enough money to tax the car I bought off a friend a few months back for him, and enough to book a block of DRIVING LESSONS!!! Such an excellent idea Louise. I wouldn't have thought of that - my head still isn't quite up to speed again yet.
Hi sparkly
Great find with the bank books! Sorry to hear you were having such a rough time the other night.
Oh the highs and lows of parenting alone ;) It sounds as if you are feeling a bit better.
Good luck with your sons driving :)
That's brilliant news! It's even better when good news is unexpected, isn't it?
Now all you have to do is get over the total and utter shock when you see your CHILD driving a car; I am still reeling though he passed his test a year ago!
Louise :o
That's brilliant news! It's even better when good news is unexpected, isn't it?
Now all you have to do is get over the total and utter shock when you see your CHILD driving a car; I am still reeling though he passed his test a year ago!
Louise :o
I'm not particulary looking forward to that bit..!
Oh it is fantastic news, it'll mean that he can help transporting your other children around too, I hope you have let him know this already??!!
When I was younger, both my older brothers had to take over to-ing and fro-ing me from friends houses, then from pubs and clubs - it was fab for me, but I think they also liked it too because they were looking after me (haha, I had them wrapped around my little finger! :lol: )!!
Hello Sparkly
Hope you are feeling a bit brighter by the time you read this and...nothing wrong with a good cry now and then. Your post was NOT trivial at all.
It sounds from your message as if you are feeling disappointed in not being able to move foward with your own plans, frustrated with the bureaucracy that holds you up, and feeling disappointed that you think your kids may not be able to have the opportunities enjoyed by those with well-off parents. Does that ring true for you? Hopefully you will get some support from the other parents on here too but here is my two-penn'orth.
Firstly I remember you having just a minor fail on the hazard perception. That means that you were nearly a pass!!!! So if and when you decide to go for it again then hey, what is to say that you won't succeed this time? The SORN thing must have been infuriating, but at least you can show that you cancelled the tax at the same time. I would have thought that you would have had a reminder letter before now, if they thought you hadn't SORNd it. Good luck with DVLA; like the CSA these bodies are sometimes difficult to get through to. On a financial note, I wonder if there is any way you can get more maintenance, ie you can let them know your kids' dad real income? Sorry, I know that is a sore topic :?
Your comments about your son maybe not being able to have driving lessons and wondering if any of the kids will get to Uni struck such a chord with me. I can't give you any "advice" but I can tell you something that has worked for my family. My son worked part time from the age of 16 and I made him give me part of his wages every month and saved them up for him and then he had enough to purchase a block of lessons...and while taking them he kept giving me some of his wages and I saved it up for the next block. I dont know if you think that would work for your son? Personally I felt that it encouraged my boy to see that you have to work for things.
Re Uni, all students seem to accept these days that they have to work through their studies. In addition, lower income families do get some help with the costs. In fact my impression is that it is middle income families who could struggle more in terms of reduced grants. Students from families with a income less than £25,000 per annum, for example, will receive a £2,906 grant and a £3,497 loan for the forthcoming academic year. The grant/loan balance changes as the family's income gets higher. See http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/7697171.stm
So I hope that has given you a smidgen of reassurance. Your kids are very lucky to have such a caring Mum!
best wishes
Louise :)