Single Dad in France

Hi, Yes I do plan to stay in France, at least until the boys have passed through their basic education. My youngest only had a year or so at UK schools and has had 7 in France, so it wouldn't be fair to plonk him in a UK school (although he'd be top of the class in French!)

I'm a self employed handyman/gardener. I also do some web design work. Anything that will get a bit of money in. It's been hard work building the business, getting a good reputation, earning the trust of suspicious locals. But I finally felt I'd got there. Then Madame leaves and it feels like I'm back to square one.

Their Mum is staying in a nearby town. I take them to school, she picks them up and brings them back here. But doesn't spend any time with them at the moment. Her view is that once she is settled, they can come over and see her from time to time, if they want and if it is convenient with her.

Thanks for the pointers about the site.

Thanks All.

I'm really lucky over here and have some fantastic friends who have been very supportive. As you say, talking is such good therapy.

The boys are being great at the moment. They've grown up a lot in the past few weeks. I talk as openly as I can with them, but it is awkward. It's now come to light that there is another man involved and my wife is pushing me for money.

She has no real income (1,800€ last year) and wants me to either sell the house and give her about a third of the value or pay her rent at a flat plus the electric, food, petrol etc until she sells enough of her art to support herself. I was just about earning enough to support 1 house.

It doesn't seem fair to me. I'm looking after the boys and she left us! Everyone thought we were the 'perfect couple' so it can't have been that bad living with me.

I guess I need to check in with a solicitor or Avocat.

We had a birthday dinner this evening for our 14 year old. My in laws have come over and my wife came as well. My son said it was great apart from Mummy sitting there saying nothing. I know it's early days and everything is in turmoil. Hopefully things will improve, but the money thing may be a stumbling block. I've got to look out for the boys.

Thanks all

Thanks again all.

I've now contacted and English 'Euro' solicitor to find out my options/responsibilities.

The boys are still (generally) being good. Although we had a major ruck over iPods last night. I'd finally got to bed before midnight and fell asleep without a pill! At half past midnight, my youngest came up in tears saying his brother wouldn't leave him alone about sharing iPod files and it had got violent.

Ended up with the youngest in the bathroom, door locked and laying in the bath with his quilt! After a fair degree of shouting. My youngest came up and slept with me and I said we'll sort this out in the morning. There will be no screen time today and I'll be taking there iPods away at 10pm from now on. I already cut internet access overnight.

Not the start to Fathers Day I was hoping for, but hopefully it will get better.

Paul

Thanks for the encouraging replies. I'm new here, but already feel at home. 

Us blokes are not generally good at talking about how we feel, but this experience has taught me that it's absolutely vital for your sanity.

I tried the family meeting and it worked to a degree, but we'll need more I'm sure.

I like the thought of being the alpha male. Best not mention it to the boys though! :-)

Paul

Hi,

Not posted for a while, so I thought I'd drop a line to say how things are going.

Not well, from where I'm sitting.

I took legal advice from an Avocat (lawyer) in Poitiers, but I dumped him after he contradicted a lot of what he'd said in our first meeting in our second meeting. I've now taken on another guy who seems to know what he's talking about.

I've been caring pretty much full time for my sons (16 and 14) for the past 5 months. My wife who now lives about 8 miles away only sees our youngest for a couple of hours and one sleepover every week or so. My eldest wants nothing to do with her and she's made virtually no effort to show him her door is always open to him. In fact she ranted at me that he "had to sort himself out".

I now know for sure that another man is involved. In fact she told our youngest son about it a few months ago, but told him to keep it secret from me and my eldest. I can't believe that she would put that sort of burden on a 14 year old. After he had told me that he knew about her boyfriend, he said he felt much better and had felt really bad keeping it a secret.

She's still going around the ex-pat community making up stories about how bad things were at home, which forced her to leave. Most are smart enough to see through her tales and it appears she's not got a sound enough memory to be a good liar.

However, the facts that she left her sons, has had virtually no contact with them and is committing adultery, apparently has not effect on financial settlements. I can try and claim some money for caring for the boys with no physical or financial support, but she can counter claim as I am staying in the jointly owned home 'rent free'. It will be pretty much 50 50, which will force me to sell my dream home and move me and the boys into a smaller, less comfortable house.

To add salt to the wounds, I've been a property owner for 31 years, but only known my wife for 17 years. She came into the marriage with nothing, but like an idiot I signed half the house over to her about 10 years ago. She was 14 when I bought my first house! Again, all this counts for nothing in the eyes of the law.

I'm feeling very flat about it all. A beaten man. The boys are struggling at school and I've no doubt the stress of what's going on is having an effect. I've spoken to their head teachers, but they are not interested in that sort of thing over here. You just get a 'not my problem' attitude.

I'm trying to spend time with them, but it's not easy balancing earning a living, keeping house, cooking and supporting my sons. I guess I'll get the knack in time. They help out if told, though sometimes a 'no internet' threat is required. Sometimes it's more trouble than it's worth getting them to muck in.

Basically, it's all a bit plop at the moment. But I've always been a person who makes the best of whatever I'm dealt with. So it's a big knock, but I'll be back.

All the best

Paul