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selling house

Digby

We have now been separated 4 weeks, though it does seem longer :) Things are okay between us, as well as they can be anyway. He now wants to sell the house. I don't really have a problem with that, especially as i can't see it selling anytime soon. But i am really worried as to where me and my son will end up.
I am a self employed child minder, so my earning vary greatly, week to week, month to month, depending on the children i have at any one time. Also a parent can cancel the contract at any time. It is one of the worrying this about being self employed.
Luckily at the moment my earnings are just about okay and we are managing, but if they go down i will struggle greatly. My ex's idea is that i will be able to take out a mortgage once this house sells. He seems to have gone into it all and says i would get one, he has even found houses that i could buy :x I haven't looked into any of it, but the way my earnings vary, i can't see a bank giving me a mortgage, and even if i do we could end up somewhere really awful, as that is all we could afford.
Wherever we go, the place will need a lot of work, something i just can't do and it is just getting so depressing.

The thought of having to be financially liable for myself and my son is really worrying me, and i just don't know how i will do it. I am 50 and can't imagine still paying a mortgage in 15 - 20 years time. I worry so much about my son and what i am putting him through.

I know there are no answers, but just needed to get this down.

Posted on: April 26, 2009 - 9:24am
ficurnow

Do YOU really want out of the house? That's the first and most important issue to consider. It is my understanding from what has happened to friends (not my own circs, as I chose to leave the marital home with the children and let him buy me out) that if you want to stay in it he cannot force a sale until your youngest child is 18 and at that time the house would be sold and an agreed percentage paid to him. I'm admittedly no lawyer so please get some proper legal advice on this but my gut instinct is that you are entitled to stay put for the moment - especially as it is such early days. Good luck, Fi x

Posted on: April 26, 2009 - 12:11pm
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

Hi Digby

I understand things to be the same as Fi is saying and I too think you need legal advice.

In our case the family home had to be sold to pay of his debts.

He does seem very keen and, um, encouraging. Don't be tempted to do this to keep him amicable. I don't mean this to sound awful (I'm 46) but the length of your marriage, your job and your age (sorry) are all factors here.

Best wishes

Posted on: April 26, 2009 - 4:49pm
Digby

I suppose i just want him off my back. Until the house is sold, there is always going to be that hold there. When i saw a solicitor a few weeks ago, she said that the house would have to be sold at some point, probably around the divorce becomes final ------------ a year away yet. She never mentioned anything about waiting till our son is 18 [ he is 8 now ]. As i said i can't see it selling anytime soon given the current climate. Houses here are taking well over a year to go if not longer.

My ex seems to be coming over really well and helpful, something he never was when we were together. All of a sudden he seems to have money where he didn't before. He has already paid for our sons out of school activities of £100. He has NEVER done that before. This is not the same man that i was with for 10 years. Perhaps i am just supicious by nature :D

He seemed very generous when he was pointing out that i would get maybe £40, 000 once the house is sold, more than he will as he will take on the "debts", meaning a loan and credit card. When i first met him 10 years ago, i had a lot of money from my first marriage, which has all gone on this marriage and a huge deposit on the house, something he has conviently forgotton. I will be left with very little once we are divorced. £40,000 isn't going to get me another house.

Sorry to sound as if i am moaning all the time, i know there are people out there far worse off than me. It would be easier if i had family here to moan to, but i don't. Digby

Posted on: April 26, 2009 - 7:12pm
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

You're certainly not moaning. I'd say this was a pretty major thing.

I would see it as suspicious too and listen to your gut instinct. Its almost as if he's doing this to rush the sale of the house.

This is me being cynical. You say you want him off your back... I'm 5 years down the road, and The Git is still there, making little waves. Saw him last night being all nicey-nicey by Asda, yet so clearly false. You think that selling the house will move things forward, but somehow there always seems to be something else following - I'm sorry that's being negative.

If your solicitor feels the house has to be sold - which somehow I still don't agree with, try and find as much documentation as you can about the amount of money you've put into the house.

Don't rush into anything and don't agree to anything - not just yet.

Best wishes

Posted on: April 27, 2009 - 12:00am
Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi Digby

What a worry for you :( I do feel for you, I had exactly the same thing happen to me 12 years ago. I felt shocked :o that no-one had explained to me about the ins and outs of the fate of the house until really quite far down the line so I am going to be up front with you in the hope that it is helpful.

You will have to be guided by your solicitor of course but it is not imperative the house is sold. It depends on the terms of the financial settlement attached to the divorce. The court's main concern is the well-being of any children involved. I guess at that stage a judge may well make provision for your son by specifying a percentage interest his dad has in the house equity, to be paid when your son is 17 or 18. But if this happens then the house would have to go into your name in the meantime and you would have to take over the mortgage as it stands now. It might be worth getting an appointment with your current mortgage provider (or your own bank) to see exactly how much you could borrow and what bits of your income are taken into consideration, and how your self-employment affects things. If you did manage to take ove the mortgage then you also have to think that in 10 years you need to pay the other parent's percentage to them. What happened to me was that because houses had gone up in price so much between the court's ruling and the eventual payout to him, what I had to pay him had doubled and in the meantime, Muggins here had been paying the mortgage and "maintaining" his investment!!!

If there is no way your income would support anything like the amount of the current mortgage then you are going to have to bite the bullet and consider the alternatives, which may include buying a small flat, moving to a cheaper area or private renting. As you say, the house would take ages to sell anyway but if the mortgage is in joint names then you are as liable as he is for the payments so.....if you may have to sell in the end it is worth being pleasant to your boy's dad so that he keeps on paying it in the meantime. You could say to him that the court will sort out all your finances as part of the divorce and this will buy you some time. I also agree with sparkling lime that it would be a good idea to gather together any documentation relating to the money you brought to the property purchase.

Take care

Louise :)

Posted on: April 27, 2009 - 10:41am
Digby

Just a quick up date. My ex has backed down on selling the house at the moment :D The estate agent was due to come out tomorrow, which i have now cancelled.
I spoke to my ex on Sunday and he was still all for selling, even though i told him how worried i was. He just said i have brought it on myself as i was the one that wanted the split!!
But i spoke to him again tonight and he has had a change of heart [ for the moment anyway ]. We have agreed to put things on hold for a few months to see how we are both managing money wise.
So i now have a bit of breathing space and feel so much better. Though i am sure there will be more dramas along the way.
Thank you all so much for your help and advice. It is good that there is somewhere like this that i can go.

Posted on: April 28, 2009 - 6:42pm
Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

I am glad you have some breathing space, Digby :D

I think it is so important for separating parents to realise the possible full implications on their housing situation as I so wish this had been explained to me when I had my divorce. Knowledge is power, so they say, and it's good to know the ins and outs

Take care

Louise ;)

Posted on: April 28, 2009 - 8:33pm
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

That is good news!

Posted on: April 28, 2009 - 9:15pm
Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi digby

I am not sure where in the country you are, but here is a useful link to information about "If we separate what happens to the house?"

http://www.barcanwoodward.co.uk/content/family-law.htm

Please let me know if this is useful to you!

Great news that you are having a break from the worrying :)

Posted on: April 29, 2009 - 10:46am