please help me!

andyledude

hi i am andy 23, i was recently 18/01/10 a father to a baby girl named Erin.. now the mother broke up with me for reasons unknown 4 months into pregnancy.. she became very nasty and i dont know why she told me was sleeping with someone 7 months on although i do not think this is true... she left without saying goodbye too give birth in poland.. she sent me baby pictures but has not contacted me at all.. i did not want to go to the courts as i heard how hard it can be but all i want to do is see and be there for my daughter... can anyone please help me with what steps i need to take to see my daughter.. i have no address for her nor do i have contact with the mother i think she is still in poland

any help would be so helpfull

Posted on: April 16, 2010 - 1:44pm

hazeleyes

Hi Andy, I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. To be honest, I haven't really any answers, except probably the obvious. Have you tried any friends that she had when she lived here? I'm sure others will be along later who will be able to offer you something else. Keep doing all that you can, as you clearly sound as if you want to be a part of your daughters life.

Take care

Alison

Posted on: April 16, 2010 - 2:25pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hi this seems to have gone on twice, I have replied on the other one, entitled "where do I start"

Posted on: April 16, 2010 - 2:31pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hello andyledude

Sorry to hear about this situation, which sounds absolutely awful. There are reciprocal agreements with some countries covered by The Hague Convention. You can go to a Uk solicitor but this may cost a lot of money so I have a couple of sites for you to look at which may help with your enquiries:

http://www.crin.org/organisations/vieworg.asp?id=3077

http://ukinpoland.fco.gov.uk/en/help-for-british-nationals/whenthingsgow...

I wish you good luck in this very difficult situation

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Posted on: April 16, 2010 - 2:36pm

andyledude

thankyou lousie and alison thanks alot x

Posted on: April 16, 2010 - 3:24pm

stuart

Hi andyledude

Just a little bit of help try the families needs fathers web site to see if there is any useful information on there for you.

There is a help line number on the web site.

Hope you can sort contact.

Stuart

Posted on: April 16, 2010 - 3:27pm

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi andyledude

What a traumatic situation for you, I imagine you are nearing dispair.

As alisoncam asked, I too wondered if you knew any of your daughters mothers friends?

stuart gave a good idea, Families Need Fathers. I am also thinking of Dad Talk and Dads Space.

I have also got in touch with a Family Solicitor that we work with sometimes and am awaiting some information from him as to what your next steps may be.

I am out of the office Monday and Tuesday next week, but I will have a look into the websites above to see if they have any useful information.

I am sorry to have not been more help at this time. If you find anything out please let us know.

Do you have any plans this weekend?

Anna - One Space moderator

Posted on: April 16, 2010 - 4:18pm

sparklinglime

I'm so sorry you're facing this Andy.

I really do wish you well and hope that you are able to make contact and have the relationship you so want with your daughter.

Posted on: April 16, 2010 - 8:13pm

victor calver

Hi Andy

That must be so very hard for you, my situation is very different but I understand the anxiety, you really do need to speak to a professional, International Law is very complex. I have had 2.5 years in Family Court over my daughters Mum trying to remove her.

She is with me this very second, without being there, I would not be able to contemplate, she is wonderful, demanding, precious and it enhances my life to the full as your daughter would yours, and equally you would for sure enhave her life.

I really would speak to a solicitor and a specialist, but the costs are beyond belief.

Try the Polish embassy, your local Euro MP, do you know what region of Poland, do you know any other family members (maternal) any of her friends here? If you can Jump on a plane or drive to Poland?

Take Care

Posted on: April 17, 2010 - 9:48am

andyledude

you have been more then helpful anna, i phoned the number from the link you sent me before, under the hague act i am able to trace her although i have no rights too bring the little one back to this country i am able to have an address and find out which hospital my baby was born in and if im on the birth certificate etc so that we can go from there.. i will kepp you posted when i fill the forms out but yes i am free this weekend if you wish too contact because the more help the better..

id also like to express my highest thanks for your support

andy

Posted on: April 17, 2010 - 12:59pm

andyledude

sorry it was louise who posted the link so thankyou louise and everyone else who posted

Posted on: April 17, 2010 - 1:00pm

hazeleyes

Hi Andy, that is a great start for you. I wish you lots of luck. Keep us posted on how it goes, and keep posting here, and we'll all give you support.

Its fantastic to hear that as a Dad, you are doing everything you can to see your daughter. My son's father didn't want to know, which is an awful shame for my son, but the fathers loss!

By the way, have you tried facebook at all? Lots of people are tracked down this way aren't they?

I hope you're enjoying your weekend.

Take care

Alison

Posted on: April 17, 2010 - 3:40pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

That's a good idea alisoncam, I didn't think of Facebook!

Posted on: April 18, 2010 - 8:09am

hazeleyes

Don't know why I didn't think of that before, I'm always on it!!!

Posted on: April 18, 2010 - 8:45am

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi andyledude

I am glad the links that Louise gave were useful and you have got a bit further with your quest.

Facebook is a good idea, or any other social networking site she may use.

Do you think you will go to a solicitors?

Posted on: April 21, 2010 - 6:00pm

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi andyledude

This is the response that I received from a solicitor that we work with.

This is not a straightforward enquiry because of the international element. I am, assuming the mother is Polish and has gone back to Poland. He will not be on the birth certificate and as they were not married will have no Parental Responsibility. He also does not know where she is. It would be relatively straightforward if she were in the UK and he had her address which is not the case.

As matters stand I think he should consider contacting an agency known as Reunite they have a useful website and deal with international cases.

Reunite also has an Advice Line, the number is 0116 2556 234.

Let us know if you call them and what they say.

Posted on: April 23, 2010 - 12:50pm