I've had £22.45. First payment since beginning of July. Could be that CSA are catching up with themselves.
He's still The Git though, even if it's down to the CSA :D
Of course, there's three weeks where there was no payment...
Whilst it's true that the CSA do have these "powers" they seem quite selective in their enforcement. It seems especially hard where the parent is self-employed.
Sooooo....
He's now £100s in arrears, knowing what he should be paying, and knowing what is coming to me (He should be paying £60 a wk, I'm receiving £37 a month - I know I wd get £20 a week if he was paying). Seen the children for six hours over the holidays...
He's off to Greece on holiday tomorrow.
How nice is that?
Just thought I'd share.
Hi Sparkling
What a ********** ******* . Need I go on? Selfish isn't the word for it. Don't let it get you down Sparkling, you have the love of your children and that is plenty enough. With a bit of luck, he might be bitten on the backside by uhmmmmmmm, whatever you want to dream up for him. Leave that down to you.
Don't let this ruin your evening, hugs for you.
Alison
x :)
He won't get me down. My mother-in-law was fuming though! We don't tell his dad - he's not up to it...
I'm finally having some tea (an omelette). There was a hoo-ha meeting in football, so got in at 8, went to check on my neighbour and now having this before going back!
That was a late tea for you! One of your famous omelettes.
Funny isn't it, that just when you think their dad can can nothing to surprise you, he does something like this. Mind you, I get the feeling that you are not surprised anyway.
Your kids are very lucky to have a fab mum like you! :D
Hear hear Louise.
I hope he has a fabulous holiday! :shock: :?
:lol: :lol: :lol:
It's situations like this that are unfair. And no, the CSA don't take debts into account.
With my ex the "family" home had to be sold to pay off his debts, my car had to go too. The debts, except for one which was in joint names that he'd been topping up for over 10 years without my knowledge, were in his name. We were married so they were considered to be joint. I lost everything, as my inheritance (not a fortune) had been sunk into the house.
CAB would be able to give you some advice with regards to the finances. If there any in his name, are you able to leave?
Could I ask how old your daughter is?
Are you aware that you could go to Court about contact and represent yourself? As there was an established routine, your ex has, in theory, broken this.
I'm really sorry that you're facing all this upset. The finances add so much more to the nightmare.
Hi Chrissie
I'm really sorry you are going through all of this. I'm sorry I'm not able to advise, as I've not been through any of it. I'm sure though somebody on here can help you, they are terrific.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Chrissie, that's awful.
I'm five years down the line and still get wound up about what he lost - and at the end of the day, it's my children who won't have anything...
It's good to 'see' you here though. Every one is so good at listening, and I often come here for a rant :D I find it can help keep me a teensy weensy bit sane.
Hi Chrissie
You must be furious! :x You will breathe a sigh of relief when the house is sold. I had some anger issues myself about the vast amount my ex-husband walked away with and then I realised that being angry wasn't hurting anyone but myself and was eventually able to move on, but it was very hard and took a long time, you will get there too.
In the meantime, glad you have found us and hopefully we can give you some support through this :)
Hi Chrissie, are you getting any other support with all these issues?
Hi Chrissie
This is brilliant;
Next time I'll follow Joan Rivers advice "Marry an old guy with loads of cash ... and a very very bad cough!
All the best
Alison
x :)
:lol: you are both soooo naughty!
You're right, chrissie, the best revenge is to live well. In other words, as we move away from loving the other parent, through hating the other parent, eventually we can achieve indifference to the other parent, which is the best place for us to be. However, until we get there (and it is a long, rocky road) then at least we can appear indifferent
And the CSA for this month - for four children (well, ok, three maybe as eldest is 18 on Friday, but then it's still the same %age) £22.21
Gosh. The children are so well cared for by their father - NOT!
Sounds like it will be caviare for tea at your house every night this week again, sparkling lime :x
What is happening at the weekend with your son's birthday, I know you said he had planned a jaunt and you might have to celebrate on a different day?
He's going to a car meet (Nissan Primera - not 'boy racer' stuff!) in London on Saturday. His friend lives in the Wirral and had planned to pick him up at 5.30am and drive down to London on Saturday. So... I've insisted that that I take him to Cheshire Oaks tomorrow, and he's going to stay the night with his friend. It takes 3 hours of the journey.
Just chatting to him now and he had planned to stay there on Saturday night too, but it's his mate's birthday! So I'll be picking him up in Llandudno and buy them all a MacDonalds (well, we don't do it often!! Seeing he's not having a party...)
I'll worry myself half to death on Saturday at the thought of them being on the motorways to London, but what can you do? You have to let them go... And he has been going away on Scout camps since 2004! I should be used to it.
I agree it is terrifying letting them go off. One way that I cope is to remind myself what I was doing at their age.
He will be so excited going to the meet and that's great that you have taken some time off their jouney, I hope it's not too tiring for you, though :) You will be glad to get him back safe and sound in the evening, even though you have to go to the "Golden Arches" ;)
I just feel that if the driver is 'less' tired, I've done my bit.
He's a sensible lad, to be fair. I've met him a few times now, and I've met his mum and dad. But even if I hadn't, tomorrow (at 3.15pm) he is 18...
(but, while he lives under my roof - and he's already had that speech!! :lol: )
And he still wants me to call him 'my little cherub (not in front of the mates though, to be fair, I'm not that mean :D ), and he still gives me a kiss before school and before bed (if we're speaking to each other).
His dad wants to see him at 6pm tonight. 'Some stupid present probably', he said. Told him to dress up nice, his father might surprise him and take him out for a meal 8-) He just looked at me.
Well... he's in arrears with CSA, so he must have something planned. £30 short this months, and £30 usually is the budget for presents...
For those who haven't read my tale, I lost my house and car to pay off ex's debts. So while I may sound really mean about the CSA, I figure he has no excuses.
He had a dvd off his dad - we watched it last night when we had cake at midnight :shock:
Not long been in and I'm shattered. It hasn't felt like his birthday at all, really, but it was nice opening presents at midnight...
He's had a great day, I think. Seems he felt abandoned when I went into a shop with his siblings without him. He had come for a goodbye kiss, so I assumed they were off... Whoops. :roll: Silly me leaving my crystal ball at home! I'm doing a good job not being a clingy mother though, it would seem :D
Hello sparkling lime
Glad you were able to have presents and cake. Hope his trip to the "meet" goes well and you can soon relax once he is back home!
Hi Sparkling
I hope your son has a fantastic time. Try not to worry, (easier said than done of course).
Take care
Alison
x :)
He's sent my a photo of the Ace Cafe with all the cars outside. It looks nice and sunny. At least I can breathe for a few hours!! hahaha
That's brilliant :)
He's on the road again now **sigh**. I just hope they're having better weather.
The CSA phoned me earlier! She was really nice too, and 'seemed' to listen. My letter from September :roll: had appeared on her desk and she phoned me to discuss it as there were no copy letters with it and no record of them having received any of the 8 or so letters I've previously written. :shock:
The Git hasn't had a review since April 2007 (when he did genuinly have one job which was a few hours a week). She pointed out it was his responsibility to keep them informed. She's going to arrange an attachment of earnings on both his jobs (she could see he had two jobs from payrole info in front of her). It can only be back-dated to the date of the letter though, and not to 2007. So he would still have "got away" with paying what the law requires for over two years...
She'll be writing to him today and he has 7 days to reply.
Merry Christmas!
Now... he could have played fair, carried on paying what he pays (this month its £5 per week for all the four children - £22 for the month), but could help with things like taking turns taking eldest to work, taking turns with shoes for our son with special needs (he can got through a pair of shoes in a week), informed me that the children were not going to be staying there anymore instead of just 'dropping' it.
Will have to see what repurcussions there will be here now. Because there will be.
I feel sick. But it will mean that we will get £20 a week that we can keep rather than him choosing not to be responsible towards them.
So why do I feel horrid?
I can't upload anything onto the family quilt - I've tried a few times now, but always comes up with 'error' (or something like that...).
He's home safe and well 8-) Not that I was ever worried :roll: And he's had a great day. He's working tomorrow, so his official birthday tea is going to be on Monday after school.
I'm going for an assessment at the Bangor Uni on Monday morning to see how they can help me with my studies. All I need is an exam room I can get to, or have my exams at home... We'll see. So I'll be using my slow-cooker for the first time. :D
Hello sparkling lime
Glad your son got back safe and well, they don't realise how much we worry about them, do they?
As for why you feel horrid about the new CSA assessment, may I venture to suggest that even though you know it is fair and he has been shirking the responsbilities he should have taken seriously, nevertheless the idea of opening a new can of worms is a bit nerve-wracking and I am guessing you just wish you could "afford" not to bother and to let sleeping dogs lie.........BUT hey that money is yours by right and it will be brilliant if you can get it.
Let us know how you get on at Uni, I think they will be pretty helpful :D
Hi Sparkling
Glad your son had a great time, and back home safe and sound. I have years to go before that happens, but it's always on my mind! I think it's terrific about the uni. I think you have a lot of guts to go for something like this. I wish I had the courage, and confidence.
I'm pleased that the CSA are finally doing something. Don't feel bad either. That money is yours, and you're entitled to it.
As for your son and his shoes, that must be a nightmare for you. At the start of school in September, I couldn't afford clarks, (which I've always bought before). I bought the cheap ones, and I sure can notice the difference. I think it's worth buying the dearer ones, so I'm hoping too at the end of January.
Take care
Alison
x :)
I stopped buying Clarkes from when I was on my own. I just couldn't budget for them. I try to buy reasonable ones (or at least did!), and the shop in town (a national chain, shall we say) did measure their feet and helped make sure even the 'cheap' ones were ok. To be fair, they last ok too.
But then the Clarkes for the four - well, unreachable!
It gives me something else to feel bad about though :lol: especially with my youngest 8-) I'm sure you realise by now that I do like to feel guilty about things, and feel guilty if I don't have something to feel guilty about as I figure I must have forgotten about something...
I can't believe I only just found this thread was still going ... Dur.
Anyway, all I wanted to say was - they seriously said it's his responsibility to keep them informed? So if he doesn't tell them he's a millionaire they wouldn't bother to check from one year to the next??
Sigh.
I don't even want to think about waving sons off in cars. Mine is still struggling with being away from me for half an hour, and today he got scared by a 3D dolphin at the IMAX. Aahh!
That would probably have terrified my 13 year old!! :lol:
The Git will get the letter today :shock:
Hi Sparkling
I hope you're not sitting there worried about him receiving the letter today. (I know what you're like). It's his problem, not yours!
How did yesterday go at the uni. Sorry if you've already posted about it, I'm trying to catch up on here!
Take care
Alison
x :)
Yes, try not to think about it, sparkling lime, if only you could have intercepted it and put "Merry Christmas" on the envelope in glitter-glue :lol:
I have also been wondering about your Uni visit and was looking to see if you had reported back to us. How did you get on?
Yes, try not to think about it, sparkling lime, if only you could have intercepted it and put "Merry Christmas" on the envelope in glitter-glue :lol:
I have also been wondering about your Uni visit and was looking to see if you had reported back to us. How did you get on?
I love the idea of glitter glue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got to the uni. Couldn't park nearby, even though I'd been told I could. It was lashing with rain, and the car park's on a hill ( a distance a way, and the hill, on the wrong angle is a nightmare to walk along for me).
He was off sick :roll:
She said they'd tried phoning - but I was driving, so my phone was in the glove box! :lol:
Aaahhh Sparkling
What a complete waste of time for you, and a tremendous struggle for you. When do you next go back? Did they give you another date?
Take care
Alison
x :)
What a shambles! I hope the guy is going to phone you to rearranage? is that the next move?
Hi sparkling
I am sorry to hear that you are having trouble with the Family Quilt, its supposed to be simple and easy, perhaps the images are too big? We need bubbblegum!
What a pain travelling, parking, getting wet all to find out meeting cancelled :roll: tut tut
Any news about the letter?
Appointment, in theory will be next week.
No news on the letter.
I'm guessing the photos are to big, yet I can get them on flickr. It has happened before on a forum I post on. Fatal error sort of doesn't explain the problem - if the photos had me in it, I could understand that :D
(...gets out imaginary glasses to look at sparkling lime..... 8-) )
Bubblegum, any ideas how sparkling can get her photos on?
Bubblegum, any ideas how sparkling can get her photos on?
Make them smaller :)
Maybe?
I always export pictures out of my photo album, which is organized by Google PIcasa, which is free and I can import them from my camera, touch them up (no jokes please) and then export them at what ever size I want, I'd have thought 640 by something would be small enough.
But I don't really know... but I do know I had to make mine smaller when I uploaded them to the quilt, so maybe.... or maybe they are in a format that the quilt doesn't like, maybe your camera saves pictures as bitmaps, like mypictre.bmp or some other format that quilt doesn't like, I'm pretty sure it likes jpegs, like mypicture.jpg
But ultimately I don't know.. : )
Thanks Bubblegum, can you make the pictures smaller sparkling? or store them in a different format first, which LETS you make them smaller?
I shall have a fiddle over the weekend to see if I can - I might moider you bubblegum 8-)
Hi sparklinglime, have you read Harissa's post in General Interest, titled Child Support Agency help. have a look, it might be a route to pursue, if you did so wish? :D