I wonder if anyone has any experience of mediation and how it went for you.
Ex and I had an introductory session at the beginning of the month. The first hour was free because they were just explaining what it was all about. We were told that most people sort things out in two sessions. We were means tested to see if either of us had to pay. I get legal aid, he doesn't. When he was told how much the sessions cost, he nearly fell through the floor. Sensing that he was going to back out despite being told that the cost of mediation usually comes cheaper than his eventual solicitors bill, and wanting to get the separation agreement sorted quite quickly, I offered to pay half of his mediation bill. I'm hoping that we can sort things in two sessions as suggested but I have a feeling that Ex is going to want to push for more than is reasonable.
Thank you for your concern. The mediator suggested it after ex revealed he was 10grand in debt and I revealed I have 1500 in savings. I want to get the separation agreement done in a hurry so that I can come out of the closet with new man who I started seeing after I left but suspect that ex will say otherwise.
After signing up to go ahead with the mediation, we were asked what outcome we were hoping for. Ex said that he wanted to stay in the house (which is in his name only, although we were married when it was bought. This is because I was bankrupt at the time, thanks to ex#1) and leave half to me, half to his children when he dies and give me half of his pension lump sum. The mediator told him that although the house was in his name it was actually half mine and he couldn't leave me something in his will that already belonged to me and that it wouldn't be fair to make me wait for it. He asked me what I expected and I replied that I thought ex would stay in the house until the mortgage was paid in six years about the same time as he retires, we would then sell it and I would have half and some share of his pension based on how long we were married (10 years).
I'm supposed to get some independant financial advice and see my solicitor before the next session, although I have no idea where to find the former.
Hi Rosedragon
I totally understand why you want this over and done with, and you may be feeling that a court case would be more conflict-ridden than mediation. Also, there is the point that when a matter goes to court, you lose all control of the outcome ie someone else is making decisions about your children and your property. Is it difficult for you to go back on what you offered ie to pay half? Or maybe you could say you would pay half of the two sessions they think it would take...and this gives him an incentive not to drag it on.
It is good to know that your children's father has been told that he cannot claim to be the only one entitled to a share of the house. I hope you can agree on parenting time within the mediation session. Mediators tend to want to agree a fairly rigid pattern of parenting time so it is worth bearing in mind that some ifs and buts could be built in, for example if one of the children was invited to a party/sleepover during his parenting time, does he have extra time on another occasion in the week or is that parenting time lost, as it would be if the event were in YOUR parenting time?
As for independent financial advice, log on to http://www.unbiased.co.uk who will be able to provide the names of advisors in your area. Do check their fees before you meet them!
Let us know how you get on, best wishes
Louise
Mediation is finally over! :D We managed to agree on what will go into the separation agreement. Now my solictor just has to write it up. I got the impression that the mediator got quite frustrated with xh. He was definately leaning on my side and giving me help which I found amusing as mediators are supposed to be impartial. :lol:
Thanks for letting us know, sounds a great relief for you. You're right, they are supposed to be impartial but they are only human after all :roll:
Let's hope you can move forward now and get it sorted
best wishes
Louise
Aghhh rosedradon, what are you doing? Why would you paying for half mediation, i am sure you are trying to do the best for your child/children, but paying for him to sort himself out??? I don't understand. I can understand you wanting it all to go through quickly, but come on? If he can't afford to do it like this, let him go to Court, pay for it and see what he gets. Stop being so understanding........maybe i am being mean, but from reading some of your other posts, I think you should let him sort his own life out and you look after you and your girls, please??? He might want to push for more than is reasonable, but it doesn't mean he is going to get it, most dads seem to get the same, fortnightly visitation.
Sorry, i must sound like i am going a bit crazy here, but i just feel frustrated that perhaps you are falling into protecting/helping him with something he needs to sort out for himself, you are not his mum, you are his ex wife and he didn't treat you right and he needs to stand on his own two feet. god dammit!!! :oops:
You are almost an FP graduate! Keep your armour on!
Your friend wiseowl :)