I’m having issues with my youngest. He’s 10, and he has episodes of soiling. The school nurse has called before regarding this, and really did nothing, other than tell me to do a star chart. Things got worse in the summer – his friend who he’s never known life without left.
The nurse came (well two, one’s a student) and wanted to know all about his history. It went back to family life, losing home, moving, homelessness etc. She was so lovely - they both were.
It was hard.
She then turned the subject onto me.
She phoned the women’s aid area office. She said that clearly it’s a case of mental abuse and she thinks I need help. She feels I’m very low (which I don’t feel), and wonky leg is making things even worse. They are going to send a counsellor to see me. She even discussed my childhood.
I told her I felt like people must think I’m lying as it’s all so weird. She says she looked at me and could see that there had been abuse.
How can you look at someone and see that?
She agrees that my son’s problems are emotional, and is glad that he’s a happy, polite and sociable lad. I’ve asked for everything to be done in school. They’ll have a chat with him in school next week, and then come back to see me before deciding what the next step will be.
All this rubbish has been going on for most of his life. The Git got involved with the Texan when my son was only two.
She said I’d feel tired – I cried buckets – and I do. She asked if I felt better for having spoken to her, and I said I don’t know. And I don’t know.
I feel I’m being a drama queen. I feel all this is so ott.
Social Services phoned and I’m going to there ‘set-up’ up the road on Tuesday to have a chat and to assess my needs. I do so hope they let me have a shower.
Hello sparkling lime
My take on it is not that you "look abused" .....more likely that she could tell absolutely that you were telling the truth about what had happened to you! Sounds hopeful that you will get some support now (and a shower?). I remember when your son's friend left, it was so hard for him. They might suggest he sees a counsellor himself, either through the school or at Relateen. I know when my eldest was 12 he saw a youth counsellor and she helped him tremendously, he could say things to her that he didnt want to say to me, not because he couldn't talk to me but because he didnt want to worry and upset me.
It would be great if you got some emotional support yourself too, you have been through so much. BIG HUG! :)
The children were involved in religious brain washing. I went on when I was working nights, and I was too tired to see it - although the children were told not to speak to me about the Texan.
I was abused - just not physically. Doing a domestic abuse course made me realise that.
The story behind the children is quite awful - not physical abuse. It's something that can't be proved and something that I could well have made worse in my head. Emails and saved text messages though sort of show a bit of what went on.
The nurse spoke to the centre and listening to her reeling off stuff was quite awful.
My youngest needs to be sorted.
My eldest did have counselling at the school which the truancy officer put into place.
They think my son with special needs will be ok as his autism/aspurgers means he deals with things differently, but they may well speak to him too.
My daughter almost had a breakdown at one point with contact as he was forcing her to go there when she was adamant she didn't want to go. She would shake so hard. Even her head would shake. I would hug her to try and stop it.
I almost wish she hadn't asked about me yesterday. I don't like thinking about it.
God, I hope they let me have a shower - and blooming soon!! :D
Hi sparkling what a worry about your son, have a look at Leo's story at the bottom of the page on this link, it may well bring you some comfort and hope: http://www.eric.org.uk/Parents/CaseStudies/tabid/125/Default.aspx
I don't think you are being a drama queen sparkling, I think that you have had SOOO much to deal with over the last 10+ years, that you have done what most mums do, keep your head down and keep going, dealing with everything on a daily basis, never having the chance to stop and reflect on what has been going on for you.
I am so pleased they are sending a counsellor round to you, I think it is going to be a huge emotional rollercoaster and probably quite scary, when you start opening parts of your past that you have probably put to the back of your mind so that you could focus on the present.
It is going to be especially important during this time to look after yourself. NOT beat yourself up for what has gone on in the past, it is behind you and you can only change the future.
I do hope they are nice and that you are compatible.
Great news about the meeting with the Council, I hope they sort the shower for you, really push for it.
Have a good weekend and let us know when the counselling is arranged for, so we can be extra supportive for you. :)
Well, the woman from the local domestic abuse service has just called. She's booked me into the Freedom programme that should start in January - even if she has to go and get a chair from one of the other offices for me... :? I told her that I feel my issues are so minor - then she's left a leaflet, and there the things are. All of them - including being 'prevented from making decisions or forced into debt'
Why is it that seeing it written in a ruddy leaflet makes me cry?
It's funny, but speaking to her and with the GP finding that this pain isn't in my head has made me realise that I'm not going mad. As she pointed out too that wonky legs aren't helping me with the plans I did have. She feels that I'm right in accepting the things I have and that I can't change them. She found that positive. Also when I said that even though we're on benefits we don't want for anything, she found that another positive too.
Wonky legs have held me back. I miss the long walks I used to have on the beach. I miss playing football and frisbee on the beach - they were all so therepeutic. With those, I could almost face anything.
Anyway. I'm not going mad.
Still feel like a drama-queen though.
Hi Claire-Louise
I have osteoathritis, and the bones have been crumbling and are floating in my hip joint. Sometimes it's not so bad, but when I stand from sitting my leg will lock, which is really painful. This started off in May 2005, and as it coincided with being homeless the GP said it was caused by stress.
I have 'bad' knees following a car crash in 1980. This means that I'm no longer able to squat or kneel.
The athritis is also affecting my neck.
Hi Sparkling
I am so pleased for you, that talking to this woman has helped you today :) :)
Maybe its made you cry because seeing it in black and white, has brought it to the surface for you. Its good to cry anyway.
I am glad that she has booked you into the Freedom programme. How are you feeling about that?
I hope you have a good evening Sparkling, and that you are feeling better
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi sparkling lime
I think you will find the Freedon programme totally fab and really helpful :D . I am not surprised you shed some tears seeing that leaflet, no-one likes to think of themselves in a "category" and yet it is so brilliant that someone understands and that you're not alone
Thanks for that. I'll hopefully have a chance to look later.
I'm sorry, but I'm so fed up.
I don't seem to have had a minute for "me" for ages. I don't even seem to have time to watch a television programme right through - Coast was on the other evening, and even that got interupted.
Today I "had" to help me friend with a contract, as his partner seems to have decided that she's retired. He was stressed, but I got it done. I only hope its right, I've not looked at a contract since 2001! Then I dived home and had breakfast (12.30pm) before getting to me craft class late (1.10pm). Straight to get youngest from school as it was torrential rain, got home, friend phoned to say he'd emailed stuff out all wrong so I needed to go and sort that out...
Time for chips from the shop (such a waste of money) simply because there was no time to cook tea before fireworks. Which were ok - £8 in the bucket - I always pay in full, as I choose not to go on the field, but still want to watch the fireworks! Daughter then wanted to go for a drive around to see what we could find - very little, but very nice all the same!
Then I came in got the key to my neighbour's and went in to see her. i know it's hard for her. I appreciate that. But she moans and moans. She's happy to listen to me, to be fair, but she was so stroppy tonight. I had that for an hour before she decided she wanted to go to bed. My daughter now "tucks her in", as she can do this and get away, if I "tuck her in" she wants to chat for twenty minutes or so - by which time my legs are agony and getting down stairs and back to my house is very difficult.
My neighbour on the other side is now home, and I know I've missed a call from her at some point today (no message left), and I'm certain she'll be wanting to give me a shopping list.
Tomorrow I'm going to see my Aunty (she was 88 yesterday). I know my friend has things he wants me to do because his partner is on strike ( think she's just on a high still after her 60th birthday party - that I wasn't invited to!). I know they're urgent, and I know he'll just pester me until I go. My neigbour wants to go to Asda and to Iceland. with a snappy "I'll get a taxi if you can't take me" after the request.
Saturday the children have Splash in the morning. I'll be back at 2pm. She then wants to go to the market.
None of these requests are unreasonable. Just every time I see her I’m there an hour. Shopping can take up to two hours.
Sunday is the Remembrance Parade - Scouts need to be sorted for that. Moany parents have meant that I've had to fork out a fortune on clear macks incase it ruddy rains. "or we're not coming". Heck - the parade is meant to be time out to remember those who served and died in the ruddy trenches! A bit of empathy with getting wet was the argument the previous Scout Leader used - and he's right. If they wanted to wear coats, they put them on under their shirts - so people ca see they're Scouts... Nope. Not this year. Comfort comes first. Again, it's the way it was put to me - not a suggestion, but instant hostility - and at the time I'd not said a word.
The reason my essay was so last minute, was because during the week, I’m spending about 21 hours a week with my neighbour. It’s not just the essays that are being left. I can appreciate she’s lonely. God, I love her to bits! Honest, I do! She’s wonderful. (I'm sure I'd have found some other reason for not doing an essay, by the way!). I used to see a lot of my mum - and chat a lot on the phone - but not 21 hours a week, I'm sure!!
Her son’s not been down (live in Chester, about 70 minutes away) for over a month now. They do work a 6-day week with the judiciary, and her son has a lot of commitments with junior football, which is a tie. Even so, I think they could be doing more. My neighour doesn't like to impose on them... Oh. That's ok then.
I never seem to have a break.
The last time I had time out was last December when I had flu and lost three days – only to have to pull myself together because they stopped my income support without notice.
Mind you, if I did have time out (ex not had the children over night since August 2007, only has them for a couple of hours now every two or three weeks), I’ve no idea what I’d do. No one to go out with, no one really to call and see. When the children do go to their dad, I try to cook my self a nice tea – which I’ve not often finished by the time they come back!
I’ve no right to moan, I know. My children are quite wonderful and are good. It’s just me. I’m quite good at saying no to things now, but can’t to my neighbour (and I know the other neighbour is now going to have equal needs) nor to my friend.
Now I’ve ranted, I’ll go to bed. Not sure my knees (that’s an old problem after a crash in 1980) will work well enough for me to have a shower tonight (I’m getting used to my bath-board), but we shall see. I’m sure my phone will be ringing at 7.30 for me to type out this urgent price.
I know he’ll pay me £20 – he knows I can earn that. I can’t say no. I need that £20. When was it I got so greedy?
Sorry. I’m tired. I’ll be fine tomorrow.
Oh yes.... Seems the specialist - who I took her to see last week (two and a half hours) - thinks she should have her next hip done quite soon. He'll decide on her next check up in December! Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Hi Sparkling
Where shall I start with you??? Uhmmmmm, you are such a lovely person, always there helping others, running around after the kids, sorting the scouts etc. You are leaving no time whatsoever for just you. It doesn't matter if you don't go out, or meet up with anyone, just have 'me' time doing whatever You want.
Its great that you are helping your neighbour, hospital appointments, shopping trips, making her tea etc, but you also have a 'wonky' leg. It is not fair of her son to expect you to do so much for his Mother. Yes he's busy, but what does he think you are!!! Perhaps, the neighbour can have some sort of home help? She or her son, should get in touch with social services. You say, she might be having her other hip done? If something isn't done Sparkling, once again, you'll be expected to do things for her.
What can I say about the friend with the contract? This one is a bit more difficult, because of course you need the money. It's definately not being greedy, simply that you need it! I would also have been put out by not receiving an invite to the 60th. Like I've said to you before, even if they know that you cannot afford it, they could still have invited you.
You are a lovely lady, so stop beating yourself up over this. I somehow think people take advantage of your kind nature, because you can't say no, or don't like saying no. (Hark at me, I'm just the same, haha)
You have your own issues Sparkling, so try and start thinking about yourself for a change. I know you are not going to be able to do this overnight, but try decreasing the time you give to the neighbours. Explain that you have other commitments.
Your neighbour is probably snappy because she is frustrated at not being able to do things that she used to do. It's no excuse for snapping at you of course.
I will shut up now, and leave you in peace. I hope you have a lovely time with your Auntie today.
Take care, and catch you later
Alison
x :)
Lovely to see my Auntie.
Not been in long after sorting our pain in preverbial price - which I had to go to his place to sort in the end.
Daughter wants a lift to town - teacher's training day and they're off to the cinema. It's lashing down with rain, so can't really let her walk...
Then I'll have to sort out neighbour and get back in time to collect youngest.
Oh yes, must remember to pick up son from work later.
Still not had time to eat yet, so it does have it's advantages - I should be a size 8... (no where near that, by the way ;) )
Hello my dear sparkling lime
Oh-oh! Watch out! I have got my imaginary glasses on and am loooooking at you over them. Why? you may ask. Well I will tell you (you knew I would, didn't you?)...It is because in looking after everyone else, you are not looking after you. Now, you want to be kind to people, you're a lovely, kind person. But if you continue like this then you will be able to help nobody at all, not even the kids and definitely not yourself.
Claire Louise has suggested a really good phrase to use. Never explain why you cant help or people could argue against that. When you go to your neighbour's say hello I am just here till 7pm or 6.30...or whatever you decide. Take your mobile with you and set the alarm, when it goes off you say Whoops that's me I'd better be off. As far as shopping goes, say that you cannot do that until your leg is better. There are voluntary organsations and care people at social services for that. Does your neighbour get Attendance Allowance? if not she should apply, and that money is to be used to pay someone to help her. Imagine, our lovely sparklinglime, if you were in hospital, what would they all do?........Ok so they can do it NOW. The kids are different, they're your kids: but in return for Mum's taxi they can do some chores.Also it is great to earn that £20 but you say when you are available and dictate your timetable. it is unlikely they will use anyone else, so they will have to do it on your terms (heh heh)
I know it is very, very hard to suddenly start "setting boundaries" after being so very helpful to people for years, I had the same problem myself for long enough...and all the stuff I have trotted out above can't be done all at once. Maybe just pick one to start with? I just want you to love yourself as much as everyone loves YOU ,and you love everyone else.
Take care
Thank you :)
I really shocked my neighbour. I took my daughter to town to catch the bus, came home and my neighbour was at the door saying good bye to the hairdresser (my other neighbour's daughter). I said, 'I'm afraid we need to go now, so I'm back in time to collect the youngest. Can you be ready in ten minutes"...
She said no, so I said in that case, I really don't have time to go later. She said ok.
We did Asda, and at 3.05pm I said it was time to go. Also, no time for Iceland, will need to do that again... She complied :D
She is very critical about the neighbour on the other side not getting help, and is adamant that she's fine.
So today I was assertive. Very sarcastic comments left for the friend - I did get the price done, but it was well late before that was sent in.
Very lazy evening just pottering. Would quite like a can of cider :roll: but can't - driving later. Sparkling water will have to do.
Still no time to get these dogs to the dog groomer though, 'my' dog needs to go for skin stuff, but is far too tatty (its not urgent), and my 'mum's' dog needs a tidy up to make her treatment easier - eye lotion keeps going over her hair and not in her eyes.
Well done sparkling lime
I bet it felt good to be assertive. The more you do it, the easier it gets and also peoples' expectations of you will alter.
There is a great book about assertiveness called "A woman in your own right" by Anne Dickson. It could equally apply to men, so I don't know why it is not called "A PERSON in your own right"!
Hey Sparkling
I absolutely agree with everything Louise and Claire-Louise say. A big pat on the back for you :D
I hope you are having a lovely Saturday, and hope the parade goes well tomorrow. Hopefully, the rain will hold off for you all
Take care
Alison
x :)
It didn't rain :D
Had a bad day yesterday. I had a major tantrum in the morning, and seemed to cry the rest of the day. I think I'm going through a crying phase!!! Must get tissues.
Just phoned my neighbour, and she doesn't want to go shopping. I shall pop in before I go - as I do need to shop. Iceland today...
Glad it didn't rain; so much for the macs!
Sorry to hear that you're feeling weepy, sparkling lime, it can go in phases like that, I think. Are you able to say what has triggered it? sad music? things you are thinking about? things that happen? I often think that in this culture we have a strange attitude to crying, as if it is something we "shouldn't" do (unless we are on X-Factor :lol: , sorry :oops: ) But seriously, crying is very therapeutic and releases loads of stress hormones and can actually help. I know members with smaller children can get sick of them crying but I sometimes see a small child in a supermarket and think well yes, I hate being here too and I wish I had the facility to shout "WAAAAH" myself!
You also mentioned tantrums. They are a good way of letting your feelings out too, as long as no-one gets caught in the crossfire. On a calm day, make a little list of all the ways you could get rid of that frustration. Some things from my own list are "punching a cushion, going for a swim, singing at the top of my voice" I can imagine that last one appealing to you, sparkling lime ;)
Everything built up last week. I seemed to be out all the time, leg was locking a lot, which was a pain ( :D ), and I think the fact that everyone seemed to be stroppy with me (and I'm sure I wasn't stroppy with them) when really, as I was giving my time willingly to help, I don't think they should have been. I do things because I want to, yet ... Nope, not sure what I'm trying to say here, but I'll leave it in anyway!!
It's just I ask, people say they will, and almost four years down the line, I'm still waiting for jobs to be done.
My neighbour so far today... Phoned to say she couldn't get through to surgery (emergency appointment system, you need to phone at 8.30am), so I took her with me to drop youngest at school and then took her to surgery, helped her in, sorted things, back to car, helped her back to house. I had to go out - eye lotion for my mother's dog, then phone to say I was back... Oh. Off out now - to take my neighbour back to the surgery :D
And my mother's dog - she's old. Looked after, she's quite content. Saturday no one did what was needed.
Loads of other issues...
But I'm ok really. :roll:
Well, sparkling lime, here is one place you can be sure of support and a cyber-shoulder to lean on. I am sorry you had such a bad week with your leg. The errands seem never-ending for you. I know that sometimes I do not get the help I want and people tell me it is because I come over as very capable and not actually needing the help. I wonder if you and I should both be a bit more "helpless"? ;)
Perhaps I should. I'm just not sure how!!
My neighbour has phoned, and doesn't feel up to going to Iceland. I feel rather bad being relieved... Ok, just a teensy bit bad...
Go on, say it: "PHEW!"
PHEEEEEW
:lol: :lol:
Weeelllll. Starting to think this should be “my blog”!
Could I possibly have another rant? It’s coming up the anniversary of my Dad’s death – it will be 18 years on the 15th (officially the 16th as he was revived and put on life support. We donated his kidneys. I just find it easier to think of him dying at home, than having spent that time on a life support machine, with my Mum and I watching him). It will be 13 years on the 15th of December since my Mum died.
I know it’s been a long time, but I loved them incredibly – as I did Jill – and I still miss them so very much… I find this time of year can be difficult.
My sister mega annoyed me last year when I sent a Thornton’s chocolate hamper (cheapest one!) to her and my brother for Christmas. My brother sent a lovely couple of emails saying how much he enjoyed them - my sister sent one heck of an email telling me off for getting her something, and what was the point in sending me money... (a £50 cheque). My sister is 11 years older than me, and my brother 13 years older.
Now, personally, while it wasn't what I planned on sending, I had flu before Christmas and it was all I could manage, as I thought it would be a treat. I put a bit of thought into what I got.
What thought goes into a cheque?
Emails have been few and far between this year between my sister and me, with me sending emails and not receiving replies - fair enough, they're busy, I know.
When my Dad died, me being home made things easier for them – they didn’t need to worry about Mum as I was there. They didn’t often make contact when my Dad was alive. Mum and I had a brilliant five years. We talked about my dad often (my Mum and him would argue so much, there was DV, but even so, my Mum missed him) and she enjoyed my children and their lives were enriched by her love. I only had three children then.
After my Mum died, things were left for me to do. My sister refused to have my brother sort out the estate (no Will), and my brother wouldn’t hear of my sister doing it. So I did. I organised the sale – they insisted it went on as soon as the estate agents opened after Christmas. I did all the viewings. My sister did some rotten things after my mum died, including removing all my Mum’s ornaments from the house and locking them in her car boot. The reason I have never visited (couldn’t afford it anyway) is I know I would loose it if I saw those ornaments. I’m quite sure I’d end up smashing them all. Even so, I knew my sister would be coming up in a van to collect a load of furniture my mum had (brand new Stag bedroom stuff), so I didn’t take ‘my’ bits and pieces from the house as I wanted it to be homely for her when she, her husband and son (then five) came. Mistake, as she took a lot of these with her along with the furniture… Spoke to her about it, but got a ‘well they’re down here now’. She ‘chose’ so many things for her son, that meant so much to my children – who saw their Nain every day. Two things my eldest loved – Mum bought them for him, really – but no, my sister took them too.
I am going off topic here! Anyway. I cleaned the house out once stuff was cleared. No one helped me. Not even with the spider-filled shed. I asked, but no one did. I used to leave the front door of the house open, in the hope someone would call. No one did.
My feeling of isolation goes back to this time. I felt I must be such an awful person that no one – not even my then husband – felt able to phone to see how I was. My eldest son was devastated loosing his Nain, by daughter then 2 and 10 months stopped talking, and my then youngest – my son with special needs, who was 11 months old would wail and wail wanting his Nain. So much to deal with. No help. Totally alone.
So many issues. Some involving my sister, which I didn’t pursue. I could have had a Solicitor struck off, and my sister would have lost her job. So it was left. And my brother will tell people he has one sister, as he won’t acknowledge her.
So, my sister being so petty over what I thought was a rather nice Christmas gift is nothing new. No support with my divorce, with loosing everything, and no interest when I was homeless. I can only guess that she – and my brother – must have been expecting me to have asked for money or to go an live with them!
All I have wanted since my mum has died is for them to phone me. To speak to me and let me know what has been going on in their lives. I’d have liked to have known how my nieces were (my brother has two daughters, now 32 and 30) and how my sister’s boy (now 18) were getting on with things.
I don’t know them. I’ve only seen them a handful of times, and I like to think I’ve been a good Aunt, sending money and gifts over the years. My eldest niece and I get on ok, really. We do text each other every now and then.
I told my sister about the osteoarthritis. I know I was upset about it, and I sent an email and told her how afraid I was of seeing a consultant. I am. Fair enough comment, I think really.
No reply.
Funny thing is, that time was when my older foster-sister got in touch via Facebook. I declined her as a friend – not wanting her to know my business (another long story – bet that surprises you). I get an email off my sister saying she had accepted Mary, and thought that I should. Clearly Mary was in need of family support as thing are difficult. My sister my have a Facebook account – but never uses it… Family support. Boy, could I have done with that, even if it was on the phone, or in writing
I put a comment on my Facebook that day “Do I really matter at all?”
The Explorer Leader’s wife posted a comment, asking if it was children or something else. I said something else. That Thursday she came to see me. To see if I was ok as the comment had worried her. God, I was so touched. She held me and I wept. How good it felt to be hugged!!
All this is actually leading to the fact I had an email off my sister yesterday. A very long one (including the bit saying how badly affected they are by the credit crunch, and how they’ll have to have a change in lifestyle when her husband retires from his six figure annual salary job). In it she asks how I am. I’ve replied with a 6 line email, commenting on what she was saying about things her end (including saying that it’s easy enough to adjust to having less of an income :D ). I never mentioned how any of us are. I see little point. I’ve not emailed her since September. Christmas I will send a card. Nothing more. It will be a home-made one, so a bit of time would have gone into it.
However, I’m chuffed with myself in that I did restrict it to those few lines. It’s taken this wonky leg situation to make me realise she has no interest in me. Being that much younger than the two, I had so hoped they could have found a bit of time for me.
I think I feel better for getting that out! Very selfish really when I know Alison and Sy are having such difficult things to face.
Sparkling
Going to shout at you now, haha. (you know i'm kidding right). Firstly, I'm so sorry I wasn't on line to chat, and you got lumbered with my son ;) Anytime, just tell him that I'm wanted, and I would end the phone call.
You are NOT a selfish person, (can you hear me)??? Reading your post was like reading my story after my Mum died. Some of my so called family came to the house the next day, and trashed it, taking their 'belongings'. Never ever will I forgive them for what they did. Solicitors letters were being sent back and forth, (hell of a long story). I knew they couldn't win, sooooo, I was a bitch, because I wasn't paying for my solicitor, I kept it going for as long as I could. They started it, and I was determined to finish it by making them pay!!!!
My Dad died 21 years ago, and my Mum 5 years, and it doesn't get any easier I don't think! It must be dreadfully hard for you with Christmas coming up, and the anniversaries of your parents. My Dad died on the 28th Feb, and my Mum died on the 1st March. I know you have been really down at the moment, and right now, I can't say to you that it will get better. Of course it does, as you know, but it's something personal to you, and we can give you loads of support, and see you through this shite period, and you will get through it, because you have a wonderful family, (your kids), and you are strong Sparkling. You have been through so much, and still here you are giving everyone your support. Don't be crying on me now girl I can't afford to send you tissues!!!!!
You put a lot of thought into those chocs for your brother and sister, and if she can't see that, then she has the problem not you. Good for you in keeping the e.mail short and to the point.
Sending loads of hugs from me and my son. You've won his heart too :D
Take care ok
Alison
x :)
Hello dear sparkling lime
hear hear to what alisoncam has said....and as for this being a blog, have you given any more thought to that life-story?
You know what? one of the hardest lessons in life is that we cannot change other people, we can only change how we react or if we decide to engage with these people at all. You have decided to reply politely to the email and that's that.Good for you! I can so understand that you have kept hoping and hoping. It may well be that she is worried about her financial situation (people can often take on loads of committments with the expectation of a continuing mega-income lifestyle) but it is ridiculous to be moaning to you about it.
I know you miss your Mum, Dad and dear friend so much and we are here to support you through the difficult times.
Take good care
Where would I be without you all?
Thank you - and yes I am crying!
A friend has just gone, she checked through my application for DLA. I rely on my car, and if I can qualify for the lower rate it can go a bit towards the monthly cost. She reckons I should get the middle rate (not counting on anything, honest) then one of the children can then claim Carer's - they'd have to share.
She's checked everything, and even though I get Carer's allowance for my 13 year old, this is all in order to do.
Anyway, it's submitted, so we shall see. They will be able to see what I'm getting already. This one, if I get it, I won't feel like a scourge on society with...
OOOH good luck with the DLA, that would be a big help. Don't worry about having a little cry, you know what i said about stress hormones ;)
Not feeling too bril at the moment. I think I'm fighting a virus or something! I was in bed before 8pm last night!
Also I do get down this time of year, even though it's been many years since I lost my parents...
Eighteen years ago today my dad died. I'm reliving that day in my head - funny how things don't fade.
A beautiful morning, and me with my feet up on the bed reading a magazine (how indulgent!!). Eldest was due on 26 November.
My Mum phoned and was hysterical, saying Dad had collapsed and she was phoning the doctor. I was frantically trying to get my dogs in the house when Mum phoned again to say Dad was dead and she had phoned an ambulance.
I drove so fast that day and was there in minutes (home was a couple of miles from where I lived) the ambulance was there.
They got Dad on a ventilator, as they got there so quickly. He was taken to ICU (as it was then). They declared him brain dead. The following day his kidneys were donated. My Mum fell apart...
So, officially, my Dad died on the 16th November, but I've always coped better thinking of him dying at home on the 15th.
I was a proper 'Daddy's girl'. We walked the dogs together and would have some lovely drives out. Whilst there was a horrid side, he would hit my mum, I could keep that separate.
He never saw my eldest, which was so sad, as he'd been practicing pushing the pram, which we chose so the handles were high enough for him, as he was so tall and had a bad back. Never thought he wouldn't push it with the baby.
So, while it is 18 years ago, I miss him as much as ever.
Bless him, sparkling lime, and bless you too.
I was just asking how you were in another thread. I hope you have some lovely memories of your dad as well as the sad ones. I know things weren't easy for you but it is good to remember the happy times too. BIG HUG
Hi Sparkling
I know yesterday was a really hard day for you, and like the others have said, you have great memories of your Dad. I hope the children made an extra fuss of you.
Take care
Alison
x :)
We've had a few strange things going on in this house.
Nothing scary, but can be spooky. I tell my lot that it could even be Nain and Taid (Welsh for grandmother and granddad) popping in to see how we are.
My youngest came through to the bedroom last night to say he'd seen a shape go downstairs. Funny thing is, my daughter said the same on what was my Dad's birthday.
I believe they do 'pop' in every now and then to see us. Just there are times I miss them so much it hurts. Other days, I'm fine.
When my mum died, I did write so many things down. Bits and pieces, memories that I know my eldest will remember (he's the only one who does remember Mum).
You're very encouraging Claire-Louise. I just might get them down in some sort of order one day (probably when an essay's due as avoidance exercise :D )
Can I just say thank you so much for your support. I really do value you all being here for me and the support you give.
Hello sparkling lime, I am glad that you are getting help and support here :D
My dad died over seven years ago and I still talk to him sometimes, also my Nanna. They always live in our hearts :)
I feel sick.
I have found work that my eldest and I laminated for his GCSE graphics. He got a D as all the work wasn't submitted. I've asked him why it wasn't taken in. The work was done.
He doesn't know.
I don't believe this. Graphics is what he had wanted to do.
I was in Seasonal Crafts class today, and someone commented on the fact that I was quiet - so unlike me. I am down too, and have no right to be.
I just want to go and sit in the loo and cry buckets, but have to go to Scouts.
Hi sparkling lime
Kids never cease to amaze me, in many different ways. The answer "I don't know" is a very annoying one :x but actually he probably doesn't know. It can be so exasperating to turn ourselves inside out for them, and then they don't remember to do their bit. At least it shows you that the D was not a true reflection of his abilities. Any chance of a re-take?
Hope Scouts went Ok. HAs your neighbour's daughter in law gone back home again? how have things been for you on that front?
Thank you both.
My neighbour's daughter-in-law didn't come. I took my neighbour 23 miles yesterday to meet up with a lift for a weekend away with bowling - she's an umpire, but going to watch.
She's back on Monday. She's texting me when she wants picking up. How nice for me.
Took the youngest sailing this morning, and came back home to a child on the computer, another child on the PS2 and daughter in pyjamas watching tele. It was 1pm. I picked up the son of my friend who's moving too. House sold and exchanged, so they've collected the final bits to clear the house, and the removals will be there Monday morning.
I cried buckets when she left (she didn't see me!), even though she's a fair weather friend, really.
Still down, and feeling guilty for being down. Don't want to deal with anything. Can't face anything. No idea why, really. My life is really good, and I know and am grateful for this.
My eldest is now going to be working Thursdays, when I told him he shouldn't work on a school night. Not just that, after Cubs and Scouts I'm shattered. I will now 'have' to get him after. Also means he won't be coming to help anymore (which is fair enough). Badminton on a Friday matters more.
Just to have someone think of me every now and then would be rather nice. Just there isn't anyone.
Hey ho.
hi sparkling lime, there doesn't have to be a reason to feel down, sometimes we just DO. :( I wonder if you feel like keeping a mood diary? thinking about the smilies on here, maybe you could pick an icon every day, or invent some of your own, and draw an icon in your diary/calendar each day? When I did this I realised that my mood was very much related to hormones, and not what you would expect (ie not PMT!) Of course it doesn't mean you can suddenly cure it but I just felt better knowing that feeling that was "normal" for me, and I was extra kind to myself.
Your children are just at that age where they need Mum's taxi all the time and this can be really stressful. My eldest is 20 now, as you know, and old enough to realise I am a person, but my 15 year old just lives in his own world and I honestly think that most kids of this age cannot see that we are individuals, we are just Mum. I recommend a little afternoon nap from time to time to boost your energy levels. As for your neighbour, words fail me, at least you have the weekend off! :shock:
Take care of you......
That's a good idea Louise. I might try that.
I do get a bit low this time of year. Both my parents died this time of year (dad this month, mum on 15 December). Whether it's something to do with my eldest being 18 and sort of no one to share it with, maybe... or mum and dad missing him growing up. I don't know.
Jill and I would talk for hours on the phone in the winter. I miss the light evening. I've got a bright light on my desk now, incase it helps - wrong bulb though!
Seasonal crafts is meant to be for me, and I think missing the one 10 days ago is the bit that sent me in a bit of a downward spiral, as my neighbour needed to go shopping. Also, I think she's realised this... I had asked to be home in time, but she lost track of time - which is understandable when she's rather stuck inside when she's always on the go.
The training course today was good. I'd asked the children to sort out stuff in the living room. Eldest want his friends over on his birthday, and it just gives us a bit more room! Nope. Nothing done.
I sort of know it is my dad really, as when I dropped my neighbour off, you come back over the hill and look across the sea to Anglesey. I just cried. My dad loved that view. He's buried in Llanbedrog, on the Lleyn Peninsula. Wonky leg means I've not been able to get up to his grave - it's up a hill.
I miss walking on the beach. My children and I would climb sandhills and race down them. It's four and a half years now. Most days it's ok, but at the moment its not...
And, birthdays coming up, so I know on top of all of this, I know The Git will be on the scene again, playing the doting dad and the children will realise how wonderful he is and he will be their priority.
I'm a jealous little madam!!
Here's to walking on the beach again in the future! :D
I agree it will be infuriating if the children's dad puts in a guest appearance re their birthdays :x Just remember you are the rock that keeps them steady and cared for all year round (Halo icon required!)
Dearest sparkling, you are in a bit of a pit at the moment, but in your last post, your have really explored why. Did you find that knowing the reasons why you are feeling blue, help?? I often say if you are feeling down, don't try and hide it, wallow in it, be sad, cry , watch sad movies and generally let everything hang out. If we accept how we are feeling today, then we can make changes tomorrow, or we will just wake up and feel slightly better, a bit like having a cold.
We adore you on here and it is so hard not being able to pop over and take you out for some pampering, because you of all people deserve it.
You are a fab mum and a complete rock, but just remember you are allowed to be soggy bit of bread too! ( :shock: :? :lol: ) Its human nature, we can't be perfect all the time!
How are you today??
Hey there, me again
I am so sorry you are going through this. Are they saying that by looking at you, they think you were abused? Are they saying they think your son is mentally abused?
He has been through so much in his short life, and having his friend suddenly gone in the summer is another heartbreak for him.
I guess you seeing a counsellor isn't a bad thing. You can at least tell them exactly how you feel, and simply rant and rave about your ex etc.
No way are you a Drama queen Sparkling. I think you sound very much like a together woman, who deals with things logically, and rationally.
I'm pleased to hear about Social Services getting in touch, and meeting up on Tuesday. I'm sure they will let you have a shower hun. Why wouldn't you get something that you need? These people are there to help, and you need help.
Sorry I wasn't on here to answer this yesterday. I hope you are ok.
Don't know if this will help with regard to your son.
http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/sick/encopresis.html
Take care, lots of hugs for you
Alison
x :)