I've just heard from the CSA who have reviewed The Git's income - I don't think it's because I've queried it.
His weekly maintenance has now gone up to almost £60 from the end of July, so an extra £46.11 a week for him to pay. Only so much overtime he can hide, I guess.
He won't be laughing quite so loudly now. OK, that makes me horrid, but I think after a 20 year marriage and four planned children that he should be far more supportive with them all round - and not just financially.
He chooses not to take part in anything they do and chooses not to share costs of their activities (that were being done before we split up)
Could that be the reason why he chose not to see them for almost six weeks?
I feel so horrid as I know that him realizing this would have really hurt.
I so want to shout and leap with joy around my kitchen, but the four wonderfully happy children are around me - eldest making bacon and egg for dinner - and I've talked him into making some for his younger brother! Youngest waiting for his sister to make him supernoodles! So I can't yell it from the rooftops. They think he's wonderful and responsible, and I can't destroy that for them.... Although last year he did tell the youngest that it wasn't up to him to pay for things as he didn't live with us.
It will mean an extra £6 a week for me, as I'm on income support, but at least we're a little bit less of a burden now on taxpayers.
:D
Hooray for you, its not horrid of you at all, you deserve that extra £6!!! And he should be paying it. You are rejoicing in justice, not his downfall! ;)
I'm not surprised.
I can even now see why he took them to see Transformers II...
Just checked my bank balance, and while I don't notice when the CSA doesn't get paid, when it does, I do notice how much it it - if you get my drift.
He should be paying £13 odd a week, due to go up to £58 odd a week from the end of July. I knew he'd never pay as he would think up something or reduce his hours. I've had no payment from CSA for the last 5 weeks (at least, not gone further back than there), but have £4. 84 going in the bank tomorrow.
Seems he's not going to be paying for the children then.
Like I say, I'm not surprised.
Here I am, getting three of them to Scout camp and getting them home, rushing to get my eldest to work as the buses on a Sunday don't fit in with his shift. Next week I have to take my daughter on work experience 15 miles away - oh yes, and pick her up, so all the fuel costs there.
It should be shared. It truly should be shared. If he doesn't want to pay, he could help in other ways.
Sorry. Tired. Really tired, and so fed up. Four children on your own, while we do have a load of fun, gawd it's hard getting things done.
Three sleeping bags to wash, three loads of waterproofs to re-waterproof and manky clothes to wash too. The children can wash the crockery and cutlery and re pack the boxes with torches etc, and stick them back in the cupboard.
They had a good time though. That's the important bit. Well worth the £60 for the three.
Hello sparkling
I hope things re looking a bit less daunting this morning. I must say I always HATED the debris that resulted from camp and even day trips...the bags would lie unpacked for several days until I could raise the energy to deal with them. Hopefully you will have some sun today to get those sleeping bags on the line :roll:
But the bigger issue is the one of you feeling you have all the hard work and responsibility, and also feel disappointed when you thought things were going better with their father. :? I guess that the past few years have taught you that it's never easy, but you just wanted a little boost. Seems like you're not going to get it from HIM though :( so here's one from me:
You are a wonderful Mum and ANYONE would be fed up with all the time and money and patience and hard work involved in your busy life as a committed parent. Just remember, it's for the kids and NOTHING to do with him. I wonder if you could have a look at whether you get some things for YOU in your life? that might help balance out the "unpaid taxi driuver/cook/nurse/slave" feeling that we can all get as parents. Be proud of your wonderful achievements, sparkling, and none greater than those four beautiful kids.
BIG HUG for you.....
Thanks Louise
I just feel a fool today, but I'm ok otherwise, thanks. Take That on Radio one helped! An hour's trip to take my daughter to work experience, and I need to collect her later. I have a meeting with the Scouts in Holyhead tonight too - half an hour the other direction 8-)
At least I could change gear this morning!
Stupid, stupid me thinking The Git was making an effort.
I feel such a hypcrite (which I can't even spell) when you tell people that contact and maintenance are different issues - yet when you get to a point like this what are you meant to to? Thing with The Git is that he wouldn't be bothered if I did cancel contact until maintenance is consistent. Just another reasont for him to point the finger my way.
He tires me out in an instant. At least now it's only sometimes.
I take it back. I'm crying again. I do feel sorry for myself, when really I have absolutely no reason to.
Can't kick myself up the backside, as I might twist my knee again! :lol:
Oh sweet thing, the last couple of months seem to have been testing you a lot. Big hugs for you.
You are doing a sterling job and we are very proud of you, your children are too. I was going to say 'Take the night off' but just re-read your post and that's not going to happen, but when all the children are settled pour yourself a sparkling lime and think about all the wonderful things you and your children are achieving.
Don't feel a fool, wishful thinking is what keeps the world turning! ;) I have done the same many a time, but deep down you knew there was something else going on.
Look after yourself xx
I had a meeting with the Scouts this evening, and it was good to be with adults! So handy my older two are old enough to babysit too. :D
Take That blaring on the CD and me singing my head off!
I'm ok again this evening. At the end of the day, it could be the CSA and not him :shock: I have to learn not to care.
One week and four days. I can do this. I can get to the end of term!
Thank you so much for listening, for the hugs and for the understanding. I value it greatly.
And we value you greatly, too! :D
I am not surprised you feel sorry for yourself, you have had a rollercoaster ride just lately and no matter what you "know" with your logical mind, your heart feesl what it feels :(
I have a really cheesy Take That reference for you....are you ready?........Getting to the end of term will take some.....PATIENCE. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Brilliant Louise!! :lol: :lol:
Fun filled morning... Youngest's trip today and the bus should have left at 7.45am. Well, it didn't go until 8.20am! Head was furious, I was trying to calm her down - while inside panicing as I needed to sort out my 13 year old for his trip - and I know there's something troubling him, but he won't tell me...
I have to wave to the bus. I've done this since my eldest had his first trip back in 1997!! I have to make sure for myself they're belted in, and know I love them. Always cry when the bus drives off - thank goodness he's in Year 6 in September, only one more to go!! They know me well at the school by now :D
Then the 13 year old (I'd got them up before taking youngest to school). I just hope he's ok. I cry for him (I'm a very emotional person :roll: You may have realised this by now 8-) ) he was upset yesterday - but his best friend did this trip yesterday (cycling), so it could be that. It could be that he was bullied yesterday as his best friend wasn't there. He loves cycling, so I don't think it's that (unless someone told him it's a 14 mile ride :D ). Anyway, he went. He wanted to walk in the pouring rain, with no coat, but I made him have a lift... Then my daughter to work.
It's not raining here, I just hope it's dry in the mountains!
Must hoover.
Hey sparklinglime
I know I have said it again and again on other posts, but isn't it just the worst when our children are not happy, even at the smallest things? I do hope your 13yr old cheered up.
My daughter got in flap yesterday because she decided to wear a skirt :o to school, with bare legs :o (methinks she has her eye on someone!!) She went to put her shoes on (the little ballet type ones) and got all distressed saying they didn't look right, she has big feet and the shoes were baggy (?) and stropped off up to her room and put on her trousers and school trainers, then ran down the stairs saying she was now going to be late. While all of this was going on, I realised I was getting all worked up, trying to be supportive,show her that it really wasn't all that bad, but wanting to fix it at the same time. She left the house and walked down the street and then turned round and gave me a big grin and huge wave - phew! she was happy again!
Being a teenager is SO hard, we just don't understand!!
Glad your day is still going well? Now go and do hoovering!!! :lol:
Hoovering - not a hope.
My friend phoned - her dog was put down last week, but her other dog is now ill. She's also the one who is 'seeing' a widower who is really, I feel, abusive. Two phone calls adding up to around an hour!
Then the "friend" that ex got close too phoned me demanding his telephone number - which I don't have, as he's never given it to me, and even if I did have it I wouldn't give it to her - as she's very cross with "my ****". Hold on, says I, he certainly isn't "my ****"! She calmed down (her daughter is in scouts, same age as my daughter, which is why our life's still cross). She loaned him money a few years back, and him not paying her back has helped a mutual friend realise that perhaps some of the information she had was true :shock: .
I almost burst out laughing when she said "now he's married this other woman and doesn't contact me anymore"... I resisted saying, oh you mean "your ****" :D
Anyway. Let's see if I can actually get around to plugging in the ruddy hoover... :? if I can find it... It's been a while.
Oh isn't it funny when the saying "what goes round, comes around" turns out to be true? :shock: Bet that gave you a little boost ;)
Hope your knee continues to improve, sparkling.
knee is so much better, thank you. I have now taken to shoving dogs out of the way rather than walk around them and twist it again!!
Leg still locking though, just need time to chase up the X-ray!
However, my leg locked the other night after a Scout meeting, and I was chatting outside with the others, using the crutches, and my leg did eventually unlock.
Shows it is weight (which I know it is, honest), even though my weight is now less. My mother-in-law (far easier than the long-winded version) reckons it could well be my age now too :o Not that I mind my age at all!
Soooo, if I go somewhere no one knows me, I could go for a walk with the crutches (although I'm thinking of trying to find some nice sparkly pink hiking sticks - sturdy ones!) as it does take weight of joints while I build up strength again from being silly and panicking and not going out... It's all so silly. Just a case of getting my head to sort this out logically.
Kitchen table is clear. Work tops are clean, hallway hoovered (yes I did find it) and vaxed. And the phone hasn't rung yet!
Hey sparkling, you have had a busy morning, cleaning, polishing and hoovering!!
I hope you have taken some of your own advice and put your feet up this afternoon for a bit of Murder diagnosis!!! :)
Glad your knee is improving. "Knowing" it is weight is one thing, but it doesn't really help in the short term :( I think you would look fab with sparkly sticks, everyone would think you were a celeb. You could be in "Hello" magazine with the headline "Sparkly Strides Out" :)
You know those "top tips" that you get in magazines eg. get off the bus a stop early to get an extra walk? well I did this today, got up as the bus approached the stop and it suddenly did an emergency stop. My arm was nearly wrung out of its socket. So should that be "get off the bus a stop early and keep the A & E staff in business"? :shock:
:lol: :lol: :lol:
I am not laughing at you nearly breaking your neck or arm Louise, I am having a chortle over the sparkly sticks image I have in my mind!
"Sparkly Strides Out"
go sparklinglime!!
How is your day today? I just saw that your thread was at the top of this board and I thought of all the people I know - YOU are SO not a horrid person and we really should change the subject title!
I hate buses for that reason! Goes with my phobia of falling!
I've still not googled for the hiking sticks. Neighbours have now got used to me carrying the crutches about - as they're my crutch! :lol:
Previously I must have misread your post, because I thought you had said you were looking for sparkling pink hiking boots and then Louise added the sticks and I was going to add that I think that Dr Marten do a glittery pink boot!!
Still no CSA payment since 6 July - the £4 odd.
Strange man, The Git, choosing not to support the children...
I know, it is difficult to get your head round it. I expect it is something to do with thinking they are giving money to an ex-partner rather than in support of their chidren
The CSA rules themselves often feel nonsensical too. A good friend of mine married a bloke who already had a teenage child. His former wife had remarried and her husband had a really high income but my friend had to do an evening job in order to find the maintenance her new husband was paying. She always said she had no problem in respecting his support of his child but did resent the two foreign holidays the exwife had every year, presumably on my friend's wages..... There does not seem to be a middle way.
No, you're right, there isn't.
I knew he'd get around to avoiding payment anyway. I just don't understand, in my present situation, why he can't choose to support the children. If I was rolling in it, I wouldn't want it anyway :roll: (see?? This is me being difficult!).
I had asked for an attachment of earnings as he has two employers, but seems CSA don't want to do this.
We're doing ok anyway, just £20 extra a week would help with it being the hols...
Shows he's a Git though :D
And just knowing he had that stomach lurging moment opening that letter to say it had gone up by almost £50 a week though... Priceless. 8-)
:lol: now you sound like that credit card ad, sparkling :lol:
I would try again for the attachment of earnings order. If it is a no from the CSA again, I would write to the children's father saying that as he has not paid what he is supposed to then you will ask for an attachment of earnings order....that might motivate him as he may not want his employers to know?
I won't contact him Louise, as he'll know I'm struggling, and that would just make him smile.
The Texan told him that I would struggle financially without him ( :shock: ) and would go crawling back to him. While I know that was a while back, I can still close my eyes and see that email.
As my eldest said, we don't need anything from him - and we don't.
I honestly know you're right, and it is what I should do. I just don't have the strength to.
It's up to you, sparkling....sometimes peace of mind is worth its weight in gold ;) so don't feel you HAVE to do anything.Just keep on being the fab mum that you are ! :D
I can feel your joy from here, SL, no need to get on the roof tops! :lol: I don't think you're a horrid person at all, just sufficiently honest to admit that you (understandably) feel vindicated :)