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I am new to the site. I am a mum with 2 children, a 5 year old girl and a 19 month old boy. My husband has left after 8 years of marriage. I am devestated and looking for some support


Posted on: June 4, 2010 - 9:00pm

Hello : )

Normally there are lots of people here, maybe its the weather and they are all out and about sunbathing and going on holidays and what ever.

Unfortunatlly I'm not really very good at giving advise and making people feel better with kinds words.

It does get better though and one day soon you will be able to look back and actually laugh about it, at least this is my experience and my wife was leaping up and down frothing at the mouth and telling me she was going to kill me and the children on that fateful day five and a half years ago when she was dragged kicking and screaming into the back of a police van by men in stab jackets, Leaving me with my daughter who was then five months old and my son who was about one and a half

Oh how I laugh now.

Siriously though it does get better, it's been nothing but a sort of on average steady upward sort of thing for me, the only downward times have been when we've had to go back to court, they are the worst bits, court, I hate it.

Talk to people or at least get out and be with people you like and that make you happy and try not to get lost in a world of anger and bitterness as it will just take you down into a place that may be hard to get out of.

Some of the other people here probably have better things to say : )

I'm off out as the sun is out and I'm going on a demonstration walk to protest Israel's continuing blockade of Gaze and its generally terrible record with the Palestinian people.

Later : )


Posted on: June 5, 2010 - 8:38am
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello Claire0508

Welcome to One Space, we are all here to support you and help each other along the way.

You sound as if you are still in shock about what has happened. Do you have family support and/or some good friends to talk things over with? it's important to talk things through at the moment as you will have such a lot of different feelings.

How are the children doing? I expect it is harder for your 5 year-old to understand. What were the circumstances of your break up?

Hope you will feel at home here and able to link up with others in the same situation. I won't ask you any more questions right now; don't want to overwhelm you.  Just one quick tip: don't forget that at those times you feel alone with your situation, even in the middle of the night, the Samaritans are always there. Their phone number is 08457 90 90 90. They have helped me in the past when I have felt low.

Others will be along soon to say hello.

Take care.

Posted on: June 5, 2010 - 9:14am

Hi claire, a big welcome to One Space. There are people on the group who have been in your position, and can help you through this difficult time. Just a few kind words can make all the difference I find. Do you have family and friends around to help support you? How are the children handling things, especially the 5 year old I guess. Does the ex still keep contact with them? Its very early days for you yet, and it will get easier in time.

Please keep posting, others will be around at some point. As Bubblegum says, maybe the hot weather is keeping them outside.

Take lots of care



Posted on: June 5, 2010 - 9:25am

Hi there, am new to the site to, I have a 21 month old boy and have just separated from my other half after five years together.....

I know how lost you must feel cos I am feeling it too!

Hope we can support each other!!


Posted on: June 5, 2010 - 5:12pm

Hi loopy, I have posted to you on the other thread, but shall give another welcome anyway. A big warm welcome to One Space. I'm guessing that others are out enjoying the sunshine at the moment, but Louise, one of the moderators normally checks in regularly, so am sure she'll be along sooner rather than later.

What have you been up too today? Do you have family and friends around you?

Take care, look forward to chatting



Posted on: June 5, 2010 - 6:30pm
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello loopy 6302

I have said hello to you on the other thread and asked you a few questions so we can get to know you more. I am Louise, one of the moderators of the board, along with Anna. One of us, and sometimes both, check in every day to see how everyone is and to help where we can. We both have lots of experience of parenting on our own, and so do the other members, who are really friendly so I hope you soon feel at home.

What are you up to today?

Posted on: June 6, 2010 - 7:29am
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi claire0508 theses are tough times and it is great to see that loopy has found your post, she is absolutely right, you could help each other too, it is very therapeutic to chat to someone in a similar position.

How are your children coping?

Posted on: June 8, 2010 - 11:39am


Hi all

Thanks for your lovely messages. We have been having problems for a few months but I thought we would work things out. I have since found out that he has been seeing someone else and told me last week that he is moving out and its over. So far just told our oldest child that Daddy is sleeping somewhere else but that he will see her every day. She has accepted that as he has been coming and going for months. He keeps telling me to just move on and get a life without him but doesn't realise how hard that is.

He has been building a separate life for himself for months but it is all new to me and I have the children and not much help from him.

I am just about managing to function day to day and have friends around but once the children are in bed it is hard not to cry

Posted on: June 10, 2010 - 7:26pm
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello claire0508

I have sent you a message on the other thread about things in your area :-)

Don't worry about times that you cry at night, it is all part of the grieving process and although it might not feel like it, is actually very healing. We are all here for you as well and if you feel that you really need someone to talk to in the night, just give the Samaritans a ring on 08457 909090. They have helped me a number of times

Posted on: June 11, 2010 - 6:42am



I haven't been on for a while as things got a little messy. He came home twice saying he wanted us to be together and left both times the day after. I felt such a fool and now he is with someone else and wants a divorce. I have been a mess and have considered ending it all. I know my children need me but I am finding it tough to cope and go on. I took the step of phoning the samaritans today but still don't know how I will cope without him. I still love him and would have taken him back now she gets to be with him and me and the children suffer. life seems cruel and unfair.

Posted on: June 29, 2010 - 2:42pm

Hello claire sounds like your having a rough time at the moment hun.

My name is stuart and i have 3 children and was married for 13years then out of the blue my partner said its over and had found someone else.

My god it hurt like hell and felt like my world had come to an end, you have problely been there yourself.

But hold on you can do it you got your great children to think about and you carnt control what your ex partner wants to do, you now need to concentrate on yourself and as hard as it is it does get better with time believe me its now 2 half years for me and its the best thing my ex partner did for me.

You get to be your own person an face new challenges that are ahead of you. You get to find yourself again, rebuild your confidence and sef-esteem got for it girl look after number one for a while.


Posted on: June 29, 2010 - 3:15pm
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Dear claire0508

Well done for contacting Samaritans, how was that?  You are going through a very difficult phase, but this is part of your journey and you will get through it, even if it doesn't seem like it.

Start believing in yourself, you are worth more than a couple of nights of passion. Could you perhaps set some boundaries about when he can come round and how long for?  So he earns your respect and vice versa.  I know when you are in love all you want is everything to go back to normal, but at this time the relationship has gone too far out of hand.

You deserve someone who will love, care and be considerate of you. 

His behaviour is appalling and very unfair on you and your children.

At the moment you are in shock at the break up of the marriage, the loss of a father in the home and worried about the future, but you can deal with all of this over time.  Can you think of some of his bad points?

Philanderer, headworker, disloyal, takes advantage of anothers vulnerability? You know him better than i do, but everyone deserves more than that, wouldn't you agree.  If he had treated your friend like this, you would be outraged, yes?

You mention that you have questioned whether you can go on, I wonder if you could perhaps treat yourself to something, you have had a hard knock and you need a little pampering, whether it be a DVD from the supermarket, or a something special to eat treat or just letting the children stay up, ignore the housework and laze around for a little while?

It sounds like you need some extra support for a little while have you been able to find any support in your area? 

Posted on: June 29, 2010 - 4:21pm

Hi Claire


I haven't been on for a while, so am just catching up and I can see that we are going through similar things and so many of the wonderful ladies and gents on here have experienced all of the emotions that we are going through.  

I am not a counsellor, nor am i a professional in any field qualified to give 'advice' but I am a mummy like you and I am battling through the minefield that has been put before me.  You were unbelievably strong to phone the samaritans, I dont know if i would have found the courage to do that.

For me, after the initial shock of finding out my partner had been cheating for two years (basically since I had given birth to my son), I have gone through a maze of feelings and have felt so low that I just didn't want to go on any more either, but I find my strength comes from my little boy who needs me.  Sometimes it takes every ounce in my being just to get up, and go to work but it is getting easier every day, and my focus is becoming clear. It will just take us time to come to terms with things and get beyond this horrible grieving process.  The important thing to remember is that you aren't alone in going through this.  

Take each day as it comes and don't be ashamed of your have done nothing to be ashamed of.  Life is unfair, but its how we tackle it that makes us stronger.  You can and will get through this, and so can I , and in a couple of months or however long it takes, we will look back and be proud of how far we have come.

Keep your chin up and keep in touch




Posted on: June 29, 2010 - 9:09pm
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi loopy6302

Thank you very much for your encouraging words.  And for sharing your struggles, it is such a hard thing to come back from, when your trust and your future have been turned upside down - by the one person who should be on your side.

I think you are right, taking each day (or even each hour!) as it comes is the only way forward.

Do you find solace pampering yourself to little treats? If so, what are they?

Posted on: June 30, 2010 - 4:24pm