hello
Hi confused&alone
I guess that if your ex works away, and the kids are used to it, then at least you can cover his disappearance with that, although of course that isn't a real solution, but it does buy you a bit of time.
Although your ex is nowhere to be seen at the moment, he will, (i'm sure) get in touch soon for the kids sake. He is probably upset too, and maybe needs a bit of space.
Keep posting and others will be along, (and that one, I can promise). In the meantime, keep strong for yourself and the children.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi
Poor you going through this now - not that any time is good.
If it's been hard going, you might gradually realise that things are just that bit more relaxed than you expect. In a way, having 'just' you and the children to focus on can give you a chance to come to terms with things.
As Alison say, it is better for the children if you can be honest. My youngest was 5, and very simple answers were enough to satisfy him.
Do you feel able to focus a bit on Christmas? I love fairy lights and tinsel and love to sit in the quiet with the just the fairy lights on. Quiet...
The children will be far more concerned about Santa than much else, I'm sure.
This board is brilliant and very supportive. Please do keep posting - even if you feel its only to rant. We understand how frustrating things can be.
Hello confusedandalone
Welcome to One Space, although you may feel that it is sad that you had to join us. You must be in shock about whatg has happened and it is difficult to think straight in the circumstances. Whilst honesty is generally better for children, because it is Christmas I would be inclined to say "dad is working away and we don't know when he can get holidays" and get on with the festive season as if he is not going to be around. It is my guess that he will pop up around the big day anyway, but you have to be focused on the kids and giving them a nice time. You also need to think about looking after yourself, as you may feel like you are walking through treacle. There are these boards for support for you but you could also think about some counselling through your GP. And do no hesitate to phone The Samaritans if you feel low, especially at night, I have found them to be a fantastic help at difficult times in my life, their number is 08457 909090.
How are you feeling today?
Hi confused&alone
Uhmmmm, the nights? Well, as I've always been on my own with my son, it's not a partners company that I miss. Sometimes, I crave adult company though, and I find that hard at night time. I think it is like everything else in life, you just get used to it I suppose! Actually, no, you don't get used to it, you learn to live with it.
I am so so glad that you called your Mum, and especially pleased that your step-dad is going to collect you for Christmas day. I think it might take the added pressure off you too, which I guess you really need right now.
Louise, (as always) ;) is spot on about the Samaritans. They are really brilliant, and I always found that it was great that I could pick up the phone anytime, day or night, and someone would be there for me.
Our decorations are up too, and I love the lights, and tinsel. (however my son and his friend did fly an aeroplane through our tree, so that had to done again). I'm positive before it comes down, it shall be re-done again, and again, and again. :lol: :lol:
I hope you have a good day, keep posting, we are all here for you.
Take care
Alison
x :)
I'm so glad you phoned them, confused&alone.
I do hope that you will be able to let the children know together...
I'm quite often here in the evenings - especially if I'm essay avoidance 8-) .
My very best wishes
I'm quite often here in the evenings - especially if I'm essay avoidance 8-)
.
Tut, Tut. :geek: :lol:
Hello again confusedand alone
This sounds so tough and such a dreadful time for you to go through. Your son might find it hard to grasp exactly what has happened. You need every ounce of strength you can drum up to get through the next few weeks. No wonder you are angry with him, just wanting to walk away and with no regard for the kids.
We are all here to support you and share your worries. Let us help you through :)
Hi confused&alone
You have dealt with so much today, and I can honestly feel your pain. You can maybe talk to your daughter again tomorrow. You all need time to get through this. Just keep reassuring your children that you both love them, and maybe keep telling your daughter that you are not going anywhere.
If your ex is really going to work abroad, then perhaps you could turn it into something like an adventure for your kids too. Do you think this is really his plan, or could he just be saying this?
If your ex is coming to collect his stuff, it could be a good idea to arrange it when the children are at school, and this, hopefully will give you both a chance to discuss things.
Keep posting for support.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi confused&alone
What great timing your ex has :? I can feel your pain through your posts and I am hoping that now you have told the children, you are feeling a little different today?
Alsioncam was right when she says that you learn to live with it and as lush has been saying on another post. Being single can actually be very refreshing!
It sounds as though it has been a tough 8 years, you may have some difficult times ahead, re-arranging your life, but you may well find that you end up feeling much happier. You can explore life and get out of it what you want. It must be hard with all the clothes everywhere and you must give yourself time to grieve the loss, but now its just you and the children full time, you can do it in your own time.
Have you had a look around the internet and had a look at what is on over the Christmas period in your area? See if there are any local womens groups where you can meet new people and learn some new activities. Support groups often have festivities for you and your children at this time of year.
It is good that you contacted your mum and you can spend Christmas there. I would try not to concern yourself with the future at this point, just focus on day to day things and treat yourself to something special, you have to look after yourself.
How well do you know your local area?
Hi
I'm sorry he's done this. What an awful shock for you.
My third child has autism/aspurger's, and has probably coped with everything the best. I always felt his own 'little world' shields him from so much - at least I hope it has - and the educaitonal psychologist seems to agree.
You might find that you have a lot of questions from you daughter. My heart goes out to you.
Hi confused&alone
Welcome to One Space. I am sorry that you are feeling so alone at the moment. You are going through a terrible time right now, and right on top of Christmas.
Its an awful time for you to tell the kids what is going on, when they should be looking forward to Christmas and everything, so I'm not sure really what the solution is here. Are you and your ex able to brave it out until the holidays are over? I'm not even sure how you would get round this if he already left two weeks ago. Gosh, this is really sad isn't it?
I always think it is best to speak the truth to kids, but to do that would spoil their holiday.
Do you have family that you could go too for the holiday, so you are not alone. It could also give you 'thinking' space too.
There will be others on here who can offer advice, so please keep checking in.
Take care
Alison
x :)