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Hello, have been looking at this site for a week now, and thought I would say join in and say 'Hi'.

In brief, husband walked out 3 weeks ago after 13 years together with little more than a 'can't do this anymore'. 2 kids heartbroken, me very shocked and upset, but he needed to find himself, so tough on us. Anyway its been an up and down 3 weeks and I am doing ok i think. I am not a 'fall apart' kind of person so will make this work - for him because I love him, but more importantly for me and my beautiful kids because we deserve better.

its all been friendly if a little weird, but today is kids first day with him. They were so excited, but it was strange watching them go. tried to keep busy this morning, but now the stomach pains are back and hands even shaking as typing! its so quiet. knew I should have gone out somewhere.

Anyway, thats me. its awful to say given everyone's circumstances, but its nice to know i'm not alone.


Posted on: August 15, 2009 - 1:33pm
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello purplepeg and welcome to One Space. Yes it IS good to know that there are other people in the same boat as you. Times when the children go to the other parent can be some of the hardest of all.

I notice that you talk about keeping things together for the kids but also say that you love your husband. Are you thinking that he will come back after he has "found himself"? it is important always to know where you stand as it can be terrible if they come and go, as others on this site have found :( What an awful shock for you after 13 years, I imagine you are reeling. There is a book that will help you, "Putting Children First" by Karen and Nick Woodall, available from amazon or

Have a look around the site, purplepeg, and join in any of the threads that take your fancy. I am sure that others will also say hello to you as they check in :D

Posted on: August 15, 2009 - 4:25pm

Hi Peg

I'm so sorry that you've had the need to seek the board out. What a dreadful shock for you and the children to deal with.

I've been on my own a long time now - five years - I was married for 20 years, but the marriage had been over really for a few years before that.

I found it too difficult to watch him drive away with the children, so I always took them to his place and he brought them home.

I really hope that being able to talk things through will help to sort things through.

My very best wishes.

Posted on: August 15, 2009 - 4:49pm

Thanks for the welcome. Kids are back now - worn out but happy, and I am a lot calmer.

Louise - I am sure he is not coming back - found or unfound! I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it, but in reality I know its not happening. More than anything I don't want to risk the kids being hurt again. The image of them clinging to him sobbing as he told them he was going is something I will never forget and I will never forgive him for putting them through that.

I do want a reason though. Not sure I will ever get one, but it seems like a lot to throw away - with no discussion.

Will carry on working my way through the discussion boards.....


Posted on: August 15, 2009 - 6:11pm

Hi Peg,

You seem so brave! Glad you've started posting, everyone is so supportive, we all take care of each other in a nice cosy virtual sense! When my husband decided he was leaving I seemed to somehow go into automatic pilot, for my son's sake, its amazing how you can carry on for the sake of those gorgeous children of ours isn't it? Even tho my son was only 2.5 at the time I can honestly say that its him that got me thro those horrible early days and weeks. Saturdays are the worst day for me, son generally goes to his Dads for a few hours, I am learning now tho to try and plan what I'm going to do and I find the time goes quicker and quicker. If you are anything like me your moods and your ability to cope will fluctuate dramatically - sometimes I feel I could take over the world and am really proud of everything I have achieved, other days I just want to cry and curl up under the duvet - these boards are great for those days cos there is always someone that has been thro something similar that can tell us that we can cope and that things do get better - which I can confirm, they certainly do!

Keep posting

Bec x

Posted on: August 15, 2009 - 7:11pm

Bec, you are so right about the ups and downs, tuesday I was arguing with large media company about changing names over and feeling so on top, then two hours later I was crying whilst making the kids tea. I am trying to take everyday as it comes -although I have to write everything down for that day, cos i seem to have lost all sense of time! It will be 3 weeks on monday eve and it feels like 3 months! One day at a time, one step at a time - my name is Peggy and I have been left!


Posted on: August 15, 2009 - 8:22pm

If it makes you feel any better, I cried one day down the phone to the washing machine repair line for Comet - I was having a really down day and they said they couldn't come out to me for a couple of days! I'm sure they have put a black mark next to my phone number now - nothing like a hormonal single parent!! lol

ps - did the trick tho, they came the next day ;)


Posted on: August 15, 2009 - 9:29pm
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

ah guys, never be afraid to show your emotions, it is what helps to heal us. I had similar experience with the man at the garage, my nanna had died and it was the last straw on top of my separation, I threw a massive tantrum because he pointed out (quite rightly) that my MOT was overdue :oops: Anyway we became friends after that even if he did make a rather non-PC remark about ladies and their hormones :o

Purplepeg, it is really hard when you don't understand "why". I know this is something that other people on this board have struggled with and maybe Pansy or sadsy have some words for you on this topic? It is also about redefining our identity isn't it? Myself I never thought I would be a lone parent and it was a surprise to find I was one. Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes, You might also like to have a quiet time at the end of every day where you pick out just one positive thing about that day and feel glad about it. Some days it might be nothing to do with you personally, it could be "the sun shone" or "the garden looked nice" but it is good to know there is something to appreciate each day, and gradually there will be more things appearing like "I coped with seeing my children's father a lot better today" or "I sorted out that hassle with the electiricty people", that is things you have done yourself!

Take care

Posted on: August 16, 2009 - 8:09am

Hi purplepeg

I'm glad that you decided to post and join us. I have only recently joined myself and have already found it very helful.

I was only with my ex for 18mths but I had a beautiful daughter with him. Although we werent together that long it was extremely hard and the hormones just wouldnt let up, so I can understand the highs and lows. Even now 4 yrs later I still get the down days every now and then.

I have put a picture of my daughter on my desktop with the caption, "This is why you do, she's beautiful, well done"

Whenever I feel that there is no point and feel down and look at that and it really help cheer me up, although I am still sad it helps to put life back into perspective. Hope to get to know you more,

Keep going one day at a time well done!!!!

Posted on: August 17, 2009 - 10:07am
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi purplepeg

One thing to do when the children are with their dad and the house is quiet is put some of your favourite music on, from when you were a teenager. It is amazing how it can change your mood and remind you of better times, or times when you were young and free and it felt like the world was your oyster! :)

Posted on: August 17, 2009 - 10:54am
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello squeak2711

I love the idea of having your daughter's picture to focus on; that's fab! :D

Posted on: August 17, 2009 - 1:37pm

HI Squeak2711, you are right - my kids are my everything and they are getting me through this as much as I am getting them through. its only been 3 weeks so we are still at the clingy cuddly stage, with bedtimes being a bit tough. However things are settling down, routine returning as much as it can in the holidays, so I'll just drown in their cuddles and know I have the best deal out of all this. It is just one day at a time, and today was bit tough at times, but if all this has shown me anything it is that nothing else matters more than them and all the small stuff can wait till bedtime.

Maybe there should be a 'lessons learnt' topic! Sorry bit down tonight - had a meet with him to discuss finances.

Anna - love the old music idea - hardly ever listen to some cd's cos of 'offensive language' and little ears not mixing! Will definatly be doing that next time.

Thanks everyone


Posted on: August 17, 2009 - 10:53pm
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi purplepeg

"Lessons learnt", that is an interesting idea. perhaps we could have a topic called " Things I wish I had known!?

I am now INTRIGUED as to what music you would put on with the offensive language, do please tell! :o

Posted on: August 18, 2009 - 10:48am

Hi Louise - main language concerns would have been Guns 'n' Roses and Soul Asylum! I have a very varied collection!

Had another thought for a topic - things people shouldn't do/suggest/say to people on emotional rollercoasters! I was given the first twilight book to read - omg!

Anyway - off to pack picnic for day out. really hope the rain holds off.

take care everyone

Posted on: August 20, 2009 - 8:29am
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Oh, my son has a Guns and Roses T shirt, explains a lot........ :lol:

Actually the topic you suggest, purplepeg, could turn out to be a combination of funny and sad. People who have not been through this process can say things that are meant kindly and are just the WORST. Other people clearly set out to wound us from the outset.

Hope you have a fab picnic and get some decent weather!

Posted on: August 20, 2009 - 9:11am