Hi, I am new on here.
I have a worry and have given you some background of the situation so I can give a quick overview of why it is worrying for me.
I think I have skin cancer, I have only told my parents and one friend. I have put in a brave face, but I can't talk about it to anyone I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. Both my parents have had skin cancer, my dad's was not too bad it was the one from too much sun exposure on his face and had a small amputation. My mum had malignant melanoma and had a large amputation. They are both fine and needed no further treatment.
I developed a small black mole on my breast in the last month or two, my daughter pointed it out to me when she saw me in the shower. I left it and kept an eye on it for a bit, and went to my gp last week. I was referred to a skin specialist, but have not had the appointment through yet. Today the mole's top came off and it weeped and then crusted over again. I am very worried now. I looked on the web to see what it could be the last hour and I feel sick, it sounds like it is skin cancer and I am scared for myself and mostly for my children, if their father found out he would use it against me, he hates my guts and blames every problem in his life on me and would be delighted if he found out, he told me he wanted to kill me and wanted me dead so many times, he laughted at me when I had serious endometrosis problems and a dislocated hip, after he left, I feel like he has cursed me, he would be delighted to hear that it was cancer there would be no sympathy for the kids or me, he would not help and in fact he would cause more stress in my life if he found out, from past experience.
I am a single mum to two kids with no contact with their father. I have had a long term stressful situation and was terrified for over two years with all the ex put us through. He was controlling and abusive, and dragged me through the courts for everything although finances are still ongoing, I would never know what I was going to court for until I got there, he finally withdrew from child contact after he was exposed, he had lied and lied and finally his lies caught up with him so no contact, he is expecting another child with the woman he left for so I don't expect to hear any more from him for a while as he will be busy with a pregnancy and new baby for the next couple of years.
I really don't know what to do regarding the children if anything happens to me, I have made a will already, we are close to my mum but she would not cope with the ex and the kids, they would have to go to him and he hates the oldest and he is abusive emotionally and used to hit the youngest, his g/f is an odd bod as well.
Posted on: August 1, 2009 - 9:30pm
Hello redgirl
What a terrible and horrifying worry for you! it is natural that you should immediately think of your kids....and I can give you lots of information about the legal side, but that is not what you need right now.
Right now, you need to believe that even if it is skin cancer you have caught it early and you are going to be seeing a specialist very soon and, just like your parents, some skin may be removed but you will pull through. That is what you have got to believe, so that it propels you forward.
I know it is sooo tempting to look it all up on the Internet but actually you can end up scaring yourself when it is very likely there is no need. You have done the brave thing, you haven't ignored it, you have gone to your GP and if you don't get an appointment letter through in the next few days then you need to phone the GP's surgery and explain about it weeping and crusting and ask that the GP puts in a more urgent request. Ditto if you you do get the appointment letter but the appointment isn't soon.
What this has done has brought into focus the implications of everything you have been through with the separation. There is no reason that the children's father should find out, even if you do have to have treatment. But I hear that you are still frightened of the effect he can have on your life. You KNOW that you must put that behind you now and that you WILL be able to deal with this health worry. There is lots of support here for you, to get you through the next few weeks, if that would help :) Also I have a Helpline number here for you, for an organisation that specialises in skin cancer, it is to be found on this webpage http://www.wessexcancer.org/folders/what_we_do/support_services/marcs_line.cfm
let us know how you are, keep posting
very best wishes