Father to an 11 month old boy

darrenhja

Hi my name is Darren im a father to an 11 month old boy. Although i have have friends i find it difficult to discuss matters relating to my son. As me and my ex split a few months back. Ive found it hard to see him as much as id like to as im in the forces and i work away alot. Also my ex had the property so i just live in forces accommidation. So i find it difficult to have him weekends. I feel as im between a rock at and hard post at the moment and feel a bit lost as i love my son dearly and want to be in his life more.

Posted on: July 13, 2010 - 9:55am

hazeleyes

Hi Darren, welcome along to One Space. Are you and your ex on good terms? I was wondering if it was possible for you to stay at the former home on occassional weekends to see your son? Failing that, could you perhaps take him out for the day, such as park, etc. It must be extremely difficult when you're working away so much too. Keeping in contact is so important for both you and your son, I'm sure others will be along later with perhaps more useful solutions for you.

Please keep posting. Where abouts are you based?

Take care

Alison

Posted on: July 13, 2010 - 11:09am

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hello darrenhja

You are very welcome here, there are others in your situation and it is hard to be parted from your child. It must be difficult not to feel bitter about what has happened, especially when you are the one who has been cheated on.

Have you got any other support? I am just thinking of organsations called Families Need Fathers , click here and also Dads Uk, click here . Both are useful contacts to have.

But please stay with us too, there is lots of support and understanding here.

Posted on: July 13, 2010 - 2:58pm

sadsy

Hello Darren,
what are the practical difficulties of having your son in your UK forces accommodation?

Have you spoken to anyone in the forces who has responsibility for the wellbeing of personnel? They may be able to give special consideration to your needs.

Stick with your son, he needs you.

Tell us more and we can help more.

Posted on: July 13, 2010 - 3:40pm

HelenT

Hi Darren,

Parenting while in the forces can be a real challenge. I have a friend I've known since childhood who is in the forces, her and her husband (also in the forces) have divorced and have had so little support. There is not control over postings and you can be expected to go weeks, even months without seeing your little one. Is this your experience?

For my friend she absolutly love the army; its been her life since she left school, but she is torn between her career and her child.

Your son will appreciate the efforts you go to to stay in his life. How are things between you and your ex? Do have family who you could stay at with him (your Mum perhaps)?

HelenT

Posted on: July 13, 2010 - 8:53pm

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi darrenhja

I wonder if you could create a contract that you could negogiate with your ex? Stating when you could see your son, perhaps Saturdays when you are working locally (then you could go swimming, to the park or a soft play centre) and then to be arranged when you are back in the area after you have come back from work? The contract could also state how and when you communicate regarding visits and then when you do speak, or text if preferred, nothing else is discussed? If you set a contract this means that you both know what is expected of each other, without rows, it shows your commitment and that you want an active part in your son's life.

I recently heard of a great idea where fathers who are in prison, read bedtime stories into a mic and then send the CD to their children. The children grow to learn the sound of their fathers voice and gain positive memories associated with it. I know your son is young and this does need to have the cooperation of his mum, but this is a way to keep a connection with your boy. Is that a possibility?

Posted on: July 15, 2010 - 11:06am

HelenT

Brilliant idea about the story tapes Anna! On the same lines are photo books where you make a story book using family photos, would this be something you think your son might like?

HelenT

Posted on: July 19, 2010 - 7:47pm