Empty nest
Hi every1
I know some of you have smaller kids but my eldest is 19. He works fulltime and his best mate, who is at Uni 15 miles away, asked him to share a flat. He moved out last night. His room looks empty and sad.
its a lovely place, the new flat, and not far away and he still works round here so I will see him plenty but it is the end of an era. As a single parent I must admit that I relied upon him as another adult in the house. Now I am here with my 14 year old (who himself feels rather bereft) I keep thinking of when my eldest was a baby/small child and wondering where the time went....and wishing I had valued that time more. Feeling a bit sorry for myself today.
Tigerlily
Hi Tigerlily,
I so know how your feeling!
I have 2 older boys.. well men now :D (23 and 18)
Oldest son moved out a while ago, but my youngest son just left in June this year. I was absolutely devastated! He was my best friend, he worked hard to help provide for me and his little sister, handing over half his appr wage to help pay the mortgage. I loved when he came in at night after work and being with his friends, he'd sit on the end of my bed and we'd catch up with everything. He supported all my decisions and was a rock for his little sister.
In June, we had a bit of a disagreement, (about house rules) and he decided to leave to live with his mate in a flat. I thought that he would last a month.... nope we're now in Oct and he's still there.
Like you, the house seems so empty, F misses him so much, and my washing pile always seems to be done :?
It does get easier, you start to fill in the gap with other things. Me and F are just still plodding along the same,adjusting to all that space in the house we've got.
I never saw him for weeks after he left, apparently thats normal for lads, they forget, and are having far to much fun :shock: But he regularly comes in now. He's fine, clean, still working and I can now see that I have done a great job in bringing him up! He's a man now, although he'll always be my little boy.
I can't bring myself to move his room, F has decided that it would be great as a toy room for her :D she asked L and he said yes.. but I'm not ready yet.
I'm so dreading when F leaves home now, I've got a long time to go though she's only 6 ;)
Be proud of what you have acheived, as Louise says you have brought him up to be a mature, stable young man.
Take care
J xx
Thanks guys
I had a text from him last night saying he had done a big supermarket shop and he and his mate had cooked their first meal together (the mind boggles). I have done his room out, got rid of the rubbish and put a little portable Tv in there that we had spare, washed all the coffee mug stains off the windowsill :o so it is nice for him to come back to if he wants to stay over sometimes.
I know I shouldnt have dome this but I looked at the messages on my youngest son's mobile :( and he had been texting his friend saying how unhappy he was and that life would be even harder now without his brother. He said to me about how his brother wasnt a very good cook and I said I would teach HIM if he wanted so that he could when he wanted to have his own flat. He didnt look too impressed lol.
Princess thank you for your comforting words. As you say, we each still have a younger one to care for and it's best not to think about how it will be when THEY go. Louise I will try not to panic if I dont hear from him much, we have a really good relationship and it's part of the Circle of Life for him to find his own place in the world.
TL
Hi every1
Just a quick update, I have met with my son for coffee this morning while I was in town, he had phoned me last night to say he was coming over for an opticians appointment and could we meet up? I suspect he had a financial ulterior motive cos he ended up with a massive breakfast bagel and a slab of carrot cake courtesy of Mum's wallet.
Anyway he is really enjoying his new place and it was good to see him so happy :D
TL
Seeing him happy is surely the best we can hope for as parents, yeah? :lol:
Of course you miss him, but be proud that you've raised a capable young man - all your own work! Fi x
Thank u, Fi!
Had a phone call today saying he is coming for his tea tomorrow (Sat) and then staying over....has made me realise that actually our relationship is different but he still wants to come back. That's GOOD! :D
TL
Hope you are feeling a bit more settled, Tigerlily? It's a new regime for everyone, and you will look forward to his visits as well
Louise :)
Well he has just been away to London, I did worry about him, staying in a hostel but he got back late last night. I do feel more settled, Louise, but got all the other stuff going on now with my ex going abroad, on the other thread
TL
Hello Tigerlily
Sounds as if you are feeling really low today and missing your son. I am glad that it is a nice flat he is moving to, so many first places can be grotty and that would be even more worrying.
How marvellous that you have brought up a young man who is confident enough to go out into the world and try out his independence! Don't worry if you don't hear from him too much at first, it is understandable that he will want to enjoy the novelty lifestyle and celebrate his new freedom. I am sure you will soon be reconnected as he goes along and learns a few lessons in home making and budgeting, repairs and cookery...all things you can advise about.
You say your younger son is a bit sad too. Why not use this opportunity to forge a stronger bond with him and have some quality time for the two of you? this is sometimes harder for boys so it is worth taking some time to talk with him about what he wants. In other words our idea of a good time may not be his! ;)
Maybe other parents can help you out with how they coped?
Louise