The glib thing to say to you is this:
"Your daughter is incredibly lucky. She has a mother and father who love her dearly and who manage to be polite and co-operative parents despite their separation, and she spends plenty of time with both of them. She also has a step-dad that dotes on her and she will be looking forward to the arrival of a new baby".
That is all true but I guess it is not much help, cos you know all that already. If you didn't, then you wouldn't be able to co-operate with your daughter's mother so well. I am sorry (but not surprised!) that you feel so angry. It seems that it is so deep-rooted that counselling would need to be longer-term rather than quick fix. I would just mention something that helped me (when I was two-timed and eventually dumped by a beloved partner). I used the Paul McKenna book "I can heal your broken heart" as a starting point. He suggests a visualisation technique. You will have to read it to find out more!
Another thing I would mention is that anger can translate very easily into physical energy and at times I thundered up and down at the swimming baths, not quite like Michael Phelps, but certainly not like the slug I usually am ;) This really helped.
I am glad you have managed to avoid seeing him during the past year. I would continue to avoid him while you feel like this.
Take care
Louise :)
Hi xhomedad
I can completely understand your frustration and probably a sense of bewilderment, my brother went through very similar circumstances and it destroyed him.
It sounds as though you have sought help and support by going to counselling and I guess there is no quick fix answers, only time will heal the past.
I love Louise's suggestion (well Paul McKenna's!) for when you feel particularly aggressive towards your ex friend!
Although it sounds that he took everything from you, perhaps you can focus on the fact that although he is a step dad, he will NEVER be able to take away what you and your daughter have. My brothers ex married his best friend and then moved 300 miles away with his two children and made life very difficult for visiting. But although that was 7 years ago now, he has fought every step of the way and his two girls absolutely dote on him when he is given the chance to see them. The oldest especially as he was a stay at home dad for a year and their bond will NEVER be broken.
Keep doing what you have been doing, try and get out and about as much as you can and treat yourself, you deserve it.
Andy, I'm so shocked to read your post, and so incredibly sorry that this is happening.
Nowhere near what you're asking but a good friend got very close to my ex. Her husband took her away for a holiday to make her decide whether to stay with him or be with my now ex. Strangely enough, I do think I could have coped with it, as I know the children would have been so important to her. Their 'friendship' had been going on for two years while I was working nights. I worked it out before a mutual friend told me about it.
Her daughter is the same age as mine, and they go to Scouts - which I run - so our paths cross. I get on ok with her now.
I think you're an incredible person coping with this.