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jps39

Hi my ex-wife handed my boys ove, after I went up to get them for a contact visit to bring them down to stay with me in Holiday.She told me that she now wanted my boys to live me as she could not cope(and she had a very controlling partner at the time too who my boys did not like) so she agreed to me having residence and I gained a residence order in December 2004 which is still in force today. In it we agreed contact would take place in the local are where I live and where the boys where going live.This contact was agreed as she had a history of not being trusted and only visiting contact Too.

4 years later , she leaves her bad Partner (good for her) and then starts trying to arrange contact, staying contact, with her parents, who my boys were visiting at the time ( when the parents can only agree contact as agreed between them). She had has no visiting contact in 4 years and has shown no interest in the boys and I've never had a letter, nor phone call from her to ask to see the boys or to arrange any contact.

i have now found that she has been talking to my boys when they have been at school on their phones and their email and arranged with her parents to go on holiday ( without my agreement) arranged behind my back, at being of July 2009. I have found out that they did not just go on Holiday but her parents took the boys back up to her (300 miles away) and now is refusing to return them. I know have to go back to court to get the boys back.

The questions are should contact have taken place, if no contact or interest shown in 4 years? Should it have been only vising contact and not staying contact until a certain amount of visiting contact had taken place? Anyone?

Posted on: July 20, 2009 - 8:00pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hello jps39

There isn't really a definitive answer to your question. You didn't know exactly what was going on and no-one could have predicted it. The only comment I will make is to say that maybe contact after a four-year absence would usually build up gradually....but as they were still having a relationship with her family then I don't see how you could have monitored it. You're right, you will have to go to court to get things sorted and the sad thing is that you will find it hard to trust their mother in future re contact times

Posted on: July 20, 2009 - 8:50pm

sadsy

Hello jps39,
what a horrible shock! Well done to you for remaining so calm. You must be beside yourself.

You could try families need fathers as a source of information, they have a phone line too, but hours are limited to evenings.

http://www.fnf.org.uk/

Really, does look like solicitor territory.

Are you still able to contact your sons? They need to know you are still there for them.

Posted on: July 20, 2009 - 9:32pm

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi jps39

I have just been looking around the internet, I wondered if the Childrens Legal Service would be of any use, here is a link to their factsheets and numbers: http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/Legal+Advice/Family+law/familylaw.htm

Quote:

The questions are should contact have taken place, if no contact or interest shown in 4 years? Should it have been only vising contact and not staying contact until a certain amount of visiting contact had taken place? Anyone?

I guess contact can take place regardless of how long the other parent has been absent. If you have the residency order though I would have thought that they need to be returned to you, but as the others say, I would definitely get to a solicitor asap, to find out all your options.

The fact that she has been contacting the boys without your knowledge, must be quite hurtful, I imagine you feel quite powerless, considering you have had 100% control and responsibility for the last 4 years, you don't deserve to be treated like this.

Please keep in touch and let us know what you find out and where you are with it all.

Posted on: July 21, 2009 - 4:04pm

sparklinglime

jps39, I'm so saddened by your post. To say my heart goes out to you is an understatement.

I hope you've been able to get some legal advice.

Personally, I think the point can be made that the children have been taken away from their home, school and friends and should be returned. In theory the nrp can start contact whenever they choose - very unsettling for the parent with care...

I'm not sure if you're into virtual hugs, but sending them anyway.

Posted on: July 21, 2009 - 8:09pm