This is a moan. I'm sorry.
This is to do with Scouts. It' involves my friend who was once a boyfriend, which is why I really could do with you view points, as I'm sure I'm being unfair. This is the one who had a heart attack back in February.
On Thursday we went to visit a local RNLI station. They came to us back in February, and this was a follow up visit.
I do Cubs and Scouts due to the lack of adult leaders. Basically, I "have" to do them both or the sections would close. I enjoy it, but have to say as one section follows the other, I'm shattered by the time I come home. Because of this, any trips we do are often joint.
For the Scouts, my friend is the 'other' leader. He knew of the visit, he knew what times we were meeting - including the fact that some of us were meeting at the scout hut as some weren't sure of the way -"convy"!!!!! He told me he knew where it was and would go straight there as it was quicker going across the island from his place.
Not a problem.
Got there, and a couple were there with their son who wants to join cubs, so we were in the car park a while, chatting. No sign of friend. There was me, the other cub leader and one of the parents who happens to be the Beaver leader who were CRBd. We had 29 children. Four parents stayed too. I looked at where the life boat station was in conjunction to where we parked, and figured I could walk it - to be fair, I had no choice anyway.
Great visit. The staff were superb. The children were split into three groups, to do a tour, and the scouts went first. They had to wait outside then, for the other. This is the point that if a comment hadn't been made, I figure I'd have been ok. This is why I think I'm being unfair on friend.
Three of the older scouts started to play tick. Sounded noisy as they were running on tarmac that was a bit gravelly. My son and another started silly playing too - they were bored, and I didn't feel it was unreasonable. A mother said it was a shame the older scouts couldn't behave...
Had the other scout leader been there (friend), the scouts could have left at that point. I couldn't leave as I had to keep the number of CRBd people there in ratio. Had this woman not been sarcastic, I think I'd be fine.
It was two hours, at least, before we went back to the car park. They all went on ahead. I could hardly walk by then. For the first time I felt my hips grinding. The pain was awful.
By the time I got back to the car park more or less everyone had left. Friend came up to me grinning. "I got lost hahahaha" But instead of coming to the lifeboat station (it's pretty big, you can't miss it), he stayed to talk to his mate, another parent, who happens to be CRBd but determined not to help.
I asked why he hadn't gone to the station. He didn't think, he said. He went anyway, I found it hard to know what to say.
Friday I could hardly walk. Yesterday I wasn't so bad, but had a lot of running around to do, so today, again, I can hardly walk.
There should have been another girl there helping too. She had told me she was coming. She's an occasional helper though, not one of the leader's.
I feel that becoming a leader you take on the commitment to take care of these youngsters. He's forever late. The 'other' cub leader will stay with me and the Scouts until he arrives.
I'm thinking of quiting scouts. I feel the responsibility all lies on me. I'm the same role - assistant scout leader (happen to be the group scout leader too, which was my original role) as my friend. We've done the training.
We have a camp organised for the end of June and I'm seriously concerned that there won't be the commitment needed for this camp. The girl I do the Cubs with will come in on one night if she's needed. Thing is, that shouldn't be the case...
Am I expecting too much from this friend? I have had words with him over this, as I feel no thought was given to the children or to me. I'm disabled. He knows that something like that would be challenging. Just I think if that parent hadn't commented on the behaviour of the scouts I wouldn't be feeling so negative about scouting.
If I do give up scouting, friend would not continue. There is a 99% chance that scouts would close. There are 16 Scouts who would lose their group.
Thank you for letting me rant.
Hello sparkling lime
How infuriating! And what an insensitive woman!
Well it is up to you what to do but I will give you my take on it. Your friend was unfair to leave you like that and you need to have serious words with him. Does he realise how much pain you are in? I only ask because I know you tend to "struggle on"
The other thing to say is that Scouts is not your sole responsibility. In fact, even if you left tomorrow then you would have done more than your bit. How about a letter to the parents of Scouts and prospective Scouts saying that the troop is in danger of closing, that you have some health problems that mean you are restricted in what you can do and that you need a new, full time parent helper? I know it takes a while to get the CRB check so the sooner the better. And if the parents think they don't have time, well hey you are a single parent with four children, one of whom has special needs and you have a disability and you work part time......how much busier can you get?
Hi sparklinglime
You, once again saved the day, its such a shame you don´t get paid to do this! I bet the boys had a great time.
Was the woman that made the comment a parent of a younger child? I think often when we look at older children we expect so much more, until our children reach that age!
I don´t think you are being unfair that you were cross with your ´friend´you had both made a commitment and he let you and the cubs and the scouts down and left you to carry the load on your own. I am sure you took it all in your stride and kept everything under control, but I don´t think that is the point. It could have all gone swimmingly or it could have all been complete chaos, he was supposed to be there as a leader.
I think Louise´s idea is brilliant and I hope you get a letter around. You may find a parent who is as keen and as committed as you are and it may give you a second wind, perhaps?
Let us know if anyone shows any interest. It is NOT fair that you shoulder all the responsibility of this.
The mother has a scout who's 11 and in Year 6, and the older scouts are year 8 and 9.
They're weren't doing anything awful at all - and I'm pretty strict.
I love the idea of a letter, actually, and will hand them out in the next couple of weeks...
Thank you so very much.
Hi Sparkling, I could imagine steam coming out of your ears!! I agree with Louise and Anna about the letter, thats a great idea. As for your friend, he needs a good talking too. After everything that you have done for him.
Take care
Alison
x
I hammered out a letter yesterday, but I'm sure I'll edit it before Thursday.
I've spoken to a couple of Scouty people and have had a supportive email off the explorer scout leader, so I'm more in control of things now. I think I've become a very controlling person, to be honest with you, which at times I find concerning.
I'm ready for sarcastic comments from Scouts on Thursday and my reply is ready. We had keyrings and pencils from the RNLI, and I had told the Scouts they could have them when we got back to the carpark. Some did ask the other Cub leader, and she said they'd have to wait until this week.
So they'll moan, won't they "you said we could have 'em" And my reply will be
Yes, I did. However, when I got back to the car park you had all gone. Not one of you waited for me to get there, and not one of you came to see if I was ok.
They can wait until next week, which will be the first session back indoors.
I hope the parents will be with them, and I hope they gather how bad that was, leaving a disabled person behind... Not that I dwell on it, I tend to get on with things, but I'm pointing it out on this ocassion.
Apologies for dreadful spelling!
Good for you!
As for being controlling, perhaps you could replace that word with "empowered"? You can't run it without some clout!
This is the letter after some (lol) editing. Tempted to put some back in though ;-)
May 2010
Firstly, I would like to thank all of you who joined the Scouts for a walk to Mariandyrys (have to say I had no idea of the distance) and the visit to the Lifeboat station.
Having discussed the visit to the reserve with the Explorer Scout Leader, and having been at Moelfre Life Boat Station, I would like to say how pleased we have been at the way the Scouts conducted themselves.
The Scouts needs to have more helpers. All helpers need to be CRB checked. Even if you feel you can only help once a term, this help will be gratefully accepted.
I am disabled. There are things I cannot do, yet I feel I have no choice but to do them.
If no help is forthcoming, there is an alternative, of course, and that would be to either restrict activities solely to the Scout hut – which I know the Scouts would hate – or to close the group. We have 16 Scouts at the moment. There will be more moving up from Cubs in September/October, with a couple of Scouts moving up to Explorer Scouts.
I have asked parents for help, but this request is not taken seriously. All the Leaders are volunteers, giving their time to try and bring something a bit different for the youngsters – who are all fantastic. I cannot do hikes. ***, as you know, had a heart attack earlier this year and at the moment cannot do hikes.
I need parents to please give their time to positively help with the Scouts with outdoor activities. In winter, these will be virtually nil. Even if you feel you can only help once a blue moon, this is not a problem. If you feel you would like to be a uniformed part of Scouts that would be fantastic.
There is a Scout camp planned for the end of June. One of the planned activities is a hike to the beach on the Saturday. If you feel able to help with this, and have a CRB issued by the Scouts, please let me know. It will not be a long hike this time the restrictions we’re facing.
Well written Sparkling. I really hope that you get responses from this. I actually think letters are better, rather than asking verbally. Surely some of the parents would be prepared to help out. After all their kids belong to the cubs, scouts etc too. Good luck with it. Keep us all posted on the outcome :)
Thanks for posting that, sparkling lime, I was going to ask you if you would share it with us. That's a good letter and tells it like it is. This way, if the youngsters activities are cut back or cancelled, the parents only have themselves to blame.
Great stuff!
Thank you.
You should have seen the first one!! **whistles**
Parents who help need to be CRBd too - which adds to the problems!
Really I think the 'other' leader who chatted in the car chatting should be disciplined!!
Sy. You are far from dumb and very intelligent and clever man. Don't ever lose sight of that.
Ooh I thought sadsy was referring to the other leader...
Sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Honest, I am...
Other leader needs a slap!
:-D
Ahem! No violence on here please!
He needs a good talking to, that would get you a lot further :)
I was just listening to Radio 2 this morning and I was thinking of you, sparkling lime.
They were discussing a child's school summer fayre and the distinct lack of enthusiasm of parents to help out. A lady wrote in to say she was a scout leader and was fed up with parents not helping, so every term she issued a rota which allocated parents to individual dates, with the footnote that it was their responsibility to swap with another parent if it was inconvenient. I wonder how that works with the CRB thing?
I would like to get every parent/grandparent CRBd. The AGM is tonight and I will appeal to all who turn up (probably two - maybe less as the weather forecast isn't too good) to get CRBd.
It's not been a good year really, too many things getting in the way.
The other Scout leader - who I keep calling friend, but even that's pushing it at the mo - is in hospital. He's expecting to leave this morning and me pick him up. I've picked up his dog.
At least another reason for trying to persuade them to CRB.
I was at my last football meeting yesterday, and they have the same issue trying to get parents into help.
Hello sparkling lime
How did the AGM go? It's very frustrating when so few parents are willing to help (and yet they want the activity to continue for their child) The one advantage here where I live is that there is a very good secondary school affiliated to the church and competition for places is fierce. Parents can earn "points" for their help with community activities as well as church involvement, so the one source of parental help with things comes from those with Year 5 children. Cynical, me? :-0
I didn't realise the other leader was in hospital.
Are you glad to see the back of the footy meetings?
Glad to see the back of football. Quietly left the room while everyone chatting. Could cry this morning though, as they're arranging a family camp - really should shake this feeling of exclusion though. I'm the only lone-parent, and would not be able to go even if legs did work due to other commitments.
Must stop sulking :-)
AWWWWW!
Yes, I remember that "I am the only single parent" thing when my boys were at Cubs. I used to feel resentful that none of the dads of the other boys ever offered a lift to my son to the camps, or to include him when they did "men things". I mentioned this to someone I knew, whose husband was a Cub leader and she went red and said "I didn't think; I wish you had asked" And that was about the size of it, we DO need to ask, but heck it is really difficult and I always wanted to be independent!
They will be all the poorer for not having you there, sparkling lime
I'm not sure really if youngest would want to go anyway, to be honest!
I have my friends wedding next Saturday - going on my own to that, but not worried about that.
It's not quite a "I'm on my own" thing, really...
I'm getting a migraine!
Okey-doke, understood :-)
Hope your migraine didn't get a grip, they are awful; I used to get them when I was younger and can sympathise greatly.
Hi Sparkling, I think they could have included you in the family camp talk. Even if they knew you wouldn't go or whatever, out of sheer politeness and all that you get involved with. Bad manners on their part I think. Don't let it get you down though ok.
Always the outside looking in really with the football. Definitely a clique.
To be fair, a couple did come up to talk to me today. That again though is because I can't stand on the field as its uneven and I lose my balance, so had to stay on the path!
And... I'm a lot older than them too...
The Dad I spoke to screwed up his face at the idea of the camp!! And he used to do Cubs! Hahahahaha!!
Now then, now then.......(secret laughter)....
I imagine after yesterday's muddy experience you will be even more glad to escape football, sparkling lime!
Can't edit it. When I say friend went anyway - he went home...
There could be a few addendums!!
We are expecting 5 of the Cubs to move up to Scouts in September/October. Two will move up to Explorers.
I have also been told that I can have some help from a friend who is a scout leader in another group. Her mother, however, is dying from cancer. It could be that she won't be able to come, and I certainly don't want anyone putting her on the spot.