Me again, sorry...
I used to have a box on top of the wadrobe too and would chuck special treats in it for Christmas too. Mince pies, special paxo stuffing, packet of biscuits (usally chocolate fingers 8-) ). Just one extra thing when I shopped - I still do.
I have a food hamper with communities first too - as my neighbour does it. She almost bullied me into it last year. £1.50 a week, and wow, it was brilliant. I'm doing it again this year (I asked this time :D ). Just incase there is one your way, a thought for next year.
It's not easy, I know, but with lots of chirstmas tele and music it works out ok...
Hello zane
You know what? Christmas is such an emotional time and it can be really hard if it is the first as a single parent. It is tempting to think that you want it to be the same for them, you want to keep their world intact.
Sparkling has had some fab ideas. I used to go one further when mine were little and get things from jumble sales. One of my son's favourite things was a plastic spaceship that cost 20p. Another idea is bartering. One Christmas I did the accounts for a friend who had just set up as an aerobics teacher and in return she gave me loads of Brio that her sons had outgrown, it saved her having to pay someone to do her books. Think about any skills you have that you could barter.
Did you know you can earn £20 a week without it affecting your Income Support? I know you are not near lots of facilities now but how about a couple of hours cleaning work, near where you take them for school, where you would have had to travel anyway? That money would really add up!
Whatever your choices, by thinking about them now, it gives you time to have a plan of action. Great stuff!
Thinking about your other comments about whether the boys are hurt, I think that's understandable. You have all been through a massive upheaval and one of the most important things you have kept intact is their security and safety...so checking them or imagining that harm may befall them is natural. It will pass as things settle down. Also it can feel like a massive responsibility when you become a single parent so this is part of it too, worrying that you have taken all neccessary steps to keep them safe.
Take care of you, zane26 :D
it's driving me mad lol my mind seems to be a constant whirlpool of worry and stress i have even taken to imagining the kids have been hurt a lot and spend my time running form room to room to check on them, they are find of course but it a nightmare. For instance i can be washing up and come to clean a knife and get a very graphic image of one of them playing with it...am i sick or just going mad? God this thread has totally steared off course lol sorry...
I do that too, I have all knifes out of the way, out of reach. Once I was lying in the bath relaxing and my son came up stairs with all the kitchen knives tucked in his underpants, little scratches down his legs.. as he'd dressed up as a pirate or something, he was about four and I leaped out of the bath, leaping up and down and frothing at the mouth : )
When I was first on my own I used to constantly check to see if they were still breathing, worry about them going up and down the stairs, I removed all the doors in the house as I was worried they were going to trap fingers. I let my sister take them to see my mum just recently, it was the first time I had been away from them EVER!! and I was a nervous wreck, unable to sleep at night leading up to them going, imagining them being involved in a car crash, I was off imagining my life with out them and it occurred to me just how much everything I do basically revolves around me.. and then I was thinking I've turned into my parents cos it occurred to me that they don't actually appreciate what I do and never will, I didn't! you don't, not until you become a parent your self and suddenly your entire day is just about them really : ) not that I'm complaining as I enjoy it.
But there you go : ) worrying is perfectly normal and it never goes away apparently... when I was in my twenties I went wandering around central America and my dad was stressed and imagining he was going to have to come there and identify my body in some unmarked grave after having gotten involved in some indigenous popular uprising, shot by government troops, these were his words as I'd not bothered to contact him or send a card or anything, when I finally got home I told him not to worry and that I was all grown up and able to look after my self... and he said and I remember it well, he stopped looked at me over the top of his glasses.. saying, "Simon, you will always be my little boy and I will always worry about you"
So apparently it never gets any better : )
Don't worry about Christmas, kids just want to have fun, mine have always gotten more fun from the boxes and packaging, my daughter will play with balloons for an hour, pens and paper, stuff like that : ) At five and six they are very easy to please : ) If you are happy and relaxed they will think that's how it's all supposed to be and be happy too, generally I suppose, at least until they start squabbling about something and one of them starts crying and they start pulling faces at each other behind your back and it's all he said she said he did she did... at least that's how it is in my house.
: )
Bubblegum I am really glad you said that about your dad. It makes me realise that each generation of parents is not so different after all ;)
Bubblegum I am really glad you said that about your dad. It makes me realise that each generation of parents is not so different after all ;)
I find my self often stopping and thinking, wow! my parents did this or went through this, or I remember something said or a look and I understand it suddenly, what they were saying or doing and why : )
I once went to this house when I was around 20 and all hanging up along the window were mushroom and I said, hay! my mum and dad used to have those hanging and drying. It transpired that they were mushrooms of the magic variety : ) But that's not really what I was getting at in the paragraph above, that's just funny, I think so anyway.
later : )
:lol: yes that makes me chuckle....
I remember once my eldest was born, I suddenly felt so "close" to all the parents in the world, as if I had suddenly found out a secret, i.e. the way we love our chidlren. A dear friend of mine has four children and one of the boys turned against him when he separated from the mother. My friend did not see his son for over a year. The relationship did get better later then all of a sudden, when the boy became a dad himself, they became closer than they had ever been. His son was so overwhelmed with the love he felt for his own baby and realised that his dad felt like that about him
Last xmas was the first one with just my son and I . I stressed out so much about whether it would be fun for him, and would he be happy with what 'father xmas' had got for him. (The previous years we had spent with family). Xmas Eve arrived, and just before he went to bed, we put out the reindeer food, mince pie etc. Xmas day was perfect, so relaxed, just him and I playing games. He was more than happy with what he had. In fact his best present was a bag of marbles. (I had told him weeks before how I used to play marbles at his age). He was delighted with them. I don't think xmas is about how much you spend, as long as you are together, and make it a magical time for the little ones. The older ones, I'm guessing are a lot harder to please! My time will come for that!!!!!
Now the school uniform is paid for and birthday organised, I shall have to think about xmas. I tend to buy a little something over the weeks, whether it is a present, or pickled onions etc.
Take care all
alison
x
That's lovely, alisoncam!
Zane, have you been to see the lone-parent advisor in your local job centre? If not, do make an appointment to see if there is anything else you can claim.
My lone-parent advisor is brilliant.
I hope they can help.
It was the DSS who suggest I claim DLA for my son. Never ever thought he'd qualify - and cried when he did. The didn't tell me about Carers Allowance though - that was CAB when I went to see them about something ex defaulted on and they were chasing me for payment..
I didn't know that, thanks.
How does Attendance Allowance come into it? I thought that was for older people who qualified.
Thanks zane, I will look into that.
I was so thrilled when I got the extra fuel allowance in the spring.
My electric was put up in January by just over 50%, even though my account was in credit - and they wouldn't reduce it again either. It's made things a bit more tight, shall we say.
I cried when my son qualified for this. In my eyes, his problems were minor - but then we're used to them, aren't we? I do find that now he's older I think people can see he has 'problems' with his behaviour.
I'm sure you have, but just incase... Have you been in touch with:
Contact a family
http://www.cafamily.org.uk/index.php?section=861
Family Fund
http://www.familyfund.org.uk/
They give grants for families with disabled children. I had a grant two years ago for a big load washer and dryer, as my son is not always dry at night (do have the odd night now, but that's because it's after midnight when he goes to bed and up before 6.30am). They gave me a grant for days out two. You can claim every year, but I didn't claim last year, as I was car-less. This year I did but an application in for days out, hoping to have some money for the holidays - but the grant still hasn't been looked at. No rep, I guess, to call at the mo. Shame though, as we've only had one day out!
We also have a parents forum which was set up by the social services department, giving a voice to parents of special children. It brings a lot of collective information and knowledge to the table, and good to chat through problems that sometimes someone will have a solution to.
I have to say I feel ancient today. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders! Other issues too though, away from the children.
Hi Zane
As a newcomer, i haven't caught up with posts etc. Just read your one, and (not being nosey) don't answer if you don't want too, but are both your children hard of hearing?
I actually felt sorry for myself before I joined the group. I felt down because i was single, but now reading other posts, I count my lucky stars. It could be a lot worse for me. You sound so strong, and i admire that. You are a trooper, and your kids are lucky to have you.
Take care
Alison
xx
Wow some brilliant information here, thanks guys.
zane26 Do get in touch with your local Job Centre and ask them to do a financial review now that your circumstances have changed, you will need to take everything along to the meeting including details of income, savings and housing.
Sparkling lime, shame you didn't get a reply about the days out grant. I process grant applications from local funds on behalf of families up here and the credt crunch has meant there is far less grant funding to go around. By the way, you mentioned Pathwords yesterday, I went to find out what it was and can play it on Facebook and you have me converted. What a fab game! :D
Hi zane26, just wanted to add, as I did earlier in a previous post, that our children don't understand the material things, unless we have raised them as spoilt brats!!
I think everyone here has shown that! Lots of things to open is fun, bright fun paper and what worked for my first xmas was glue, pompoms and glitter etc, although we always had it in the house, I gave it to my daughter for her present, she spent the whole day in arty heaven!! she was only 4! I always thought as well that making stuff before christmas, like calendars (agghhh) you know, post cards with 11p calendar attached with a piece of ribbon! And our own crackers make Christmas sometimes more than the day itself!
Do you feel that the pressure is off a bit now??
Louise and sparklinglime, I find pathwords annoying, but do love a game of text twist!!
I must not try and find text twist
I must not try and find text twist
I must not try and find text twist
I must not try and find text twist
8-)
Hi Purplepeg
Just the mention of xmas sends a shiver up my spine!!!!! Now I have bought my son's new uniform and birthday presents, catch up on unpaid bills, I shall buy a present a week. This year, I have additional, (More shivers). Earlier this year, I tracked down my son's half sister. It is wonderful of course, but she has an older brother and sister!!!! (Start saving the 2's and 1's more urgently)
Take care
Alison
x :)
:lol: :lol: :lol: sparkling lime!
Ooh give it a go sparklinglime! Go on......I dare you.....!
Although don't mistake me for a puzzle pusher though! :lol:
I might later. I need to sort out accounts for Scouts (sorry to go on about Scouts).
However, you may never see me again! Between taipei, jigsaws and wordpaths, I'm already bad enough!
Good luck with it.
xx
Just reviving this thread to say.....My eldest came visiting on Sunday. he told me that his three housemates (also students) had been shocked when he said to them that a £150 i-Pod was too much to ask for at Christmas from me! I said while you're on the subject don't worry about getting me anything. He said but my housemates will be horrified at that too, and we laughed....and he said "you know, what, we've been brought up differently to that and I am GLAD"
Hooray!
Oh Louise, that's so lovely. That's it such a credit to you and to your son.
Isn't it good when they can see beyond material things?
I was telling my lot that this Christmas won't be exciting - more tinsel stuck on car ariel! 8-) My eldest said that he's not bothered. So long as we can have Christmas dinner together... I've been paying into a Communities First hamper all year which covers that!
I also said I was going to add up everything I'd bought for them all year and stick the sum in their stocking! I won't do this as I think I would be the one to faint.
Louise, that is lovely, and must have made you feel so proud of your son. :) I truely hope my 7 year old turns out like that.
I think we are all doing a pretty fab job with our kids, guys :D Pat on the back all round.
Sparkling lime if you really do put tinsel on your aerial, please please PLEASE post a photo of it, I would love it!
I will.
:D
I shall organise this with Santa!!
Hooray! :P
Thanks for that information jean.
That sounds so lovely.
As far as I'm aware, there is not specific group for lone-parents in our area. I just think it's a brilliant idea being there for each other.
Yes it is, and of course it does not just have to be lone parents, it can be any parents.
If people are really stuck, I do know the local Salvation Arrmy are very good with Christmas parcels, otherwise listen out on your local radio station for details of things going on, In your area, the Lions have an annual collection and this is distributed by Social Services, so again SS is a good place to call if you are really short this year.
In a slightly less desperate situation, as well as all the fab ideas Jean has come up with, think about a barter system. If you're on income support you can only earn £20 a week without it affecting your benefits but goodds in kind are different. You will need to think about what talents you have for this one; for example I once did a friend's accounts for her and in return she gave me a load of Brio for my boys (who were amazed on Christmas morning). It makes sense top do a bit of work for toys that are too expensive for the current owner to put them in a jumble sale.
oh and don't forget Freecycle! http://www.uk.freecycle.org/
What a fab post, aitch!
You're right, kids do want our time rather than our money, and it is a great idea to prepare all year :D
I tend to shop all year round. All my children have winter birthdays too, which made this a necessity. I have a bag in my wadrobe with bits and pieces I buy during the year.
The food hamper I do with Communities First was brilliant last year. My neighbour has had them for a few years now and they have been consistently good. Really good meat too. That made such a difference last year - mainly because I had the flu! It means I've not saved so much with the saving schemes the supermarkets have.
I use ebay a lot, I have to say. Freegle (we have this now rather than Freecycle) has interesting things on too.
As I tell my lot, Christmas isn't about how much gets spent on whoever, or who has the most presents. This bit is the magical bit - the build up. Come Boxing Day the excitement seems to fizzle out if it's gift orientated. The fun is sitting with the fairy lights twinkling against the tinsel.
I love sparkly things. :D
Hi, I'm not going to preach pr anything like that but I have been on my own for a while and there are some advantages, however small ones, even at Christmas. It sounds really daft but as soon as one christmas is over I start for the next, I put a little away into a saver account, it may only be £1.50 per week or so but over the year it mounts up, I make sure its an account where I have to give them notice to draw the money out too. Also I buy little bits over the months, cards and wrappings in the sale, 2 for 1 when they arrive, Ebay for bigger items, Charity shops are a great way of getting bits and pieces. Also as there's only you, you get to spend all that quality time with your children without your ex demanding his share of you! this is a time, to spend time not money with the kids,my sons are 13 and 11, but they still like to snuggle up with me and a good film, or get wrapped up and go for a long walk or bike ride. Also if this last thought helps...you may feel on your own but you arent, we are all with you, all us single parents. Whatever you do have a wonderful Christmas and life ahead. Hxxxx :)
Best wishes to you too H. I hope you have a lovely Christmas.
Last year as we were crossing over the pedestrian foot bridge that Leeds to our local shop, it was a particularly wet raining cold day and I happened to glanced down into the raging torrents below and saw a father Christmas hat, all wet and bedraggled on a rock in the middle of the river... and so I told my kids, looks like there wont be any Christmas this year as father Christmas appears to have drowned.
This year I'm just going to tell them it's been cancelled due to Iceland's present financial crisis.
:lol: :lol: Bubblegum. That should save a bit of cash anyway heh heh
Last year as we were crossing over the pedestrian foot bridge that Leeds to our local shop, it was a particularly wet raining cold day and I happened to glanced down into the raging torrents below and saw a father Christmas hat, all wet and bedraggled on a rock in the middle of the river... and so I told my kids, looks like there wont be any Christmas this year as father Christmas appears to have drowned.
This year I'm just going to tell them it's been cancelled due to Iceland's present financial crisis.
:o :o :o :o
I've told my lot that Iceland going bust means Santa won't have a budget :lol: I just get silly looks now 8-)
Personally, quantity not quality apply at their age, and possibly that makes it a little easier.
Do check out things on ebay and other auctions sites :roll: (are there any?!!), and possibley freecycle too for bigger things. Honestly, they don't notice if they're not in boxes or if they're not quite perfect.
I got my youngest one of the dinosaur things that cost a bomb new for £20 and he still plays with it two years later! His mates didn't see it wasn't new and no one commented.
I'd wrap hat, scarf and gloves in seperate parcels, hot wheel cars for 99p, chocolate Santa, and I'd always get each a cuddly toy from Tesco - they have a different type of snowman/santa/penguin etc at very reasonable prices.
Find a good hiding place, and get one or two things a week. They won't be wanting anything big, and even if they do, they don't seem to notice when they don't (again, I can only go by how my lot have been).
My lot were told that Santa had a budget too...
The most important thing, I say to my lot, are the fairy lights and the Christmas tree, and sitting together with the warm glow around us. Christmas is not about gifts, it's about the magical spirit that comes with it.
My lot don't really believe anymore, although the youngest is clinging onto it, and we still all love the magic of fairy lights...