I'm putting it in this section rather than general interest as I feel it is a parent thing.
I took my son out to the pub last night.
He was 18 in December, and when his dad wanted to see him for his "special two hour slot" (long story...), I got him to dress reasonably smart as I figured his father would take him out. He didn't. Bought him a DVD which they watched, and the DVD has been kept, and I don't think however good a film it may be that my son will get it out again.
Now I hadn't thought of taking him. I'm huge and disabled - in my eyes a total embarrasment. So when my son said he'd never got is pint as a laugh talking to his mate I said I'd take him if he wanted. He did.
We had quite a chat. He says it's clear to them all that their father doesn't give a monkies. The disappointment they feel is huge. It seems they have a wonderful mother who they love very much and who has always been there for them.
(yes, I'm crying!)
He went back to early school days to all we have done. He says his friends remember the cars (I worked hard to pay for my long wheel-base chrysler voyagers to get stuff in the boot), while he just remembers our days out. He remembers the only time their father came - when son insisted on waiting for their father to come home to join us on the beach. A beautiful summer evening. The Git just sulked. Youngest was pretty new at the time, about 5 months old.
That was the only time they ever asked their dad to come out.
The reason why being on my own with them has been so easy.
My son is livid over The Git's birthday episode. He is ashamed of his father.
He even discussed the time we were homeless, and how the chap I work for (and who stresses me out at time) saved the day and got the keys to the house for us after 8 weeks of waiting when the housing association wanted us to wait another two weeks at least.
He said it was the most horrible time ever - when he didn't think things could be worse...
We talked about the renault and how hard trying to repair it has made life - yet says it was worth it. They know why we're broke with that... We talked about the trip we had in that when his best friend joined us, and how he'll always remember that.
It was an eye opener for me.
My children are proud of me, and for all I do for them. They're not bothered about wonky legs. They like the fact that Scouts is giving me a lot, and the football a different angle(!).
He's told me that they will always look after their brother with special needs too. He'll be ok, I know, but he will need to be kept an eye on and encouraged...
One thing though, if that is how he feels about The Git, he will slowly start to influence the other three. AND I'm not going to stop him... (yes, it's wrong, I know).
I'll probably forget all this by tomorrow - and possibly, so will my son!! lol
How absolutely utterly wonderful, sparkling lime. A conversation to treasure in your heart.
Of course they are proud of you and of course they love you but sometimes it has been hard for you to realise this.
It is not wrong at all for you to let things take their course and for them to think about their dad in any way they choose. In fact, your post is the perfect example of something Anna and I often say on here to parents of younger children: in the end the children make up their own minds and they DO understand what has gone on.
Way to go, sparkling lime, you are a star!!!!!!