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Hi,
does anyone have any advice on what is an acceptable timeframe to allow children to meet their parents' new partners?
I have recently separated and my ex has introduced our son to his new partner (a 2 week relationship!). While I am happy he is moving on, and hold no emotions of jealousy, I fear that all the recent upheavals, now coupled with meeting the new partner before this relationship is fully established may be even more unsettling.
His disregard for my wishes is causing such tension and arguments and I am afraid my son will suffer in the end. My son is still very young and I am so upset at the idea of a woman i have never met tending to him, and if the relationship doesnt last, what effects this will have on him.
I think this is a common issue, but apart from accepting it, what else can I do? Can i enforce a timeframe? is it an ureasonable request?
thank you! your situation sounds far more testing and you handled it so well. I wish I could be so calm and pragmatic! it's totally frustrating that I have to just accept it. i would never introduce my son to a new partner so soon. why do some (not all!) men not see the harm this can do?! agghhh!
thanks for your support!
Hi Cloud9,
My husband walked out on us totally out the blue 10 weeks ago, three weeks in he was only wanting to see our daughter insisting that he took her back his "new home, and new life". I refused point blank.
I have run myself ragged the last 7 weeks trying to get it into his thick head that our daughter wants 121 with him....he just doesn't get it. After a very weak moment I agreed, so he picked her up and he took her swimming with HER, back to his new home and also all went for a cosy sunday dinner, the 6 hours she was away nearly killed me. I never ever thought I would be in this position but I've now accepted life isn't always want you think it is!.
So where I'm at right now is trying to make firm arrangements for him to see her just 121 for a few hours, I just don't see why he would hesitate. He lives 24/7 with this person, it just doesn't make sense. The other sad thing is, he also walked out on our 13 week old son, there is no way on earth a strange woman (who I know nothing about) is bouncing my boy on her knee......no fri**in way. This wasn't our choice so it's all still up in the air.
Good luck and stick to your guns...
X x x
thanks ChaCha.
it helps knowing Im not the only one who has to deal with this non-sense - although I am sorry anyone else has to go through this.
i feel like my son is some kind of accessory - doting daddy showing off his child to portray himself as some kind of superhero while I do the less glamourous job (wouldnt swap it for the world) of being a parent 6 days a week.
good luck to you. at least we have our babies to make us smile when all else is going nuts!!!
Ditto ditto ditto!.
My ex really hasn't thought this through, I think he thought it'll be so easy but yes I agree, they do think their accessories. Its so sad that some men go from being superdads to hardly anything, still such a shock to me but all I can do is carry on and just see what happens.
X
Yep it is one of the hardest things in the world when our former partners seem to have absolutely no sensitivity whatsoever about their children's feelings (let alone ours) I have seen this in both men and women, it can also happen that a child lives with its mum and suddenly a new chap is moved in and is with that child 24/7 (and sometimes the child starts calling him daddy), much to the distress of the biological dad.
Anyway, Cloud 9 welcome and it is lovely to have you aboard! 
Whilst your feelings are absoutely natural, and I totally agree with you, sparkling lime is right. Unless this woman is violent or a heavy drug used or similar then there really is nothing you can do about it. Your son is still young and if this woman is just introduced as "daddy's friend" then it will do less harm than you imagine. The more significant problems come if she starts thinking she is a stepmummy. However, do not suggest that to him!!!!!!! I would have a (CALM) chat to him, or send an email. saying that you are worried that he is having a lot of contact with X as it is such a new relationship and he might get hurt if an attachment develops and the relationship splits up and say that a good way round this would be if X was seen as daddy's friend so that it was kept fairly low key for a while. Say that you were worried about your child and consulted some parenting specialists. Say that you wish him well in his new relationship, you just dont want any more disruption for your son, who has already had to experience his parents separating.
How does that sound?
thanks Louise.
We had a fairly successful chat this weekend, and i think/hope he undertands that my concerns are simply related to our son, and hopefully the penny has finally dropped. i have decided that arguing constantly about it isnt the way forward - and i have to learn to trust he will do the right thing, in the right way. Its so hard waving him off, but like you said, unless he's in danger there's nothing i can do. I don't have to like it but i can be the grown up in this sutuation. i thought leaving was the hardest part - it seems that was the easy bit!!
thanks to everyone for the advice. I feel more in control and less emotional about it all now. thank you :)
Hi Cloud9 yours is a good question and one that I may have to deal with before too long, as my husband left 20 weeks ago and then four weeks later his girlfriend gave birrth to their baby! So thanks for asking it! We had been together 14 years and have two girls. although he says he is not with her, there may be a time when he introduces their half brother to my girls which i dread to the end of the earth.
I wish you much luck in getting what you think best for your son!
xx
Hi
In my books, it isn't an unreasonable request. However, there's not much you can do other than accept it unless you feel your son is in danger.
My lot were introduced to their father's friends when we were still living together and married.
You can certainly ask his father to consider your wishes. It's sad, really, that he doesn't see this for himself!
The thing though that will get your son through any problems is how you deal with it.
I was always positive about thing with my lot, and they have semed to have dealt with things ok (friends were on the scene before I left which is now eight years ago). The older two, who were 12 and 10 at the time saw for themselves that things weren't really acceptable...