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This is what I mean when I post and say i seem to do stuff, and no one does things for me.
Last Friday, I had my niece and her two boys over, a friend texted me, and I said she was more than welcome to come. She declined. Today, my son wanted to visit them, got a text saying they had blah blah staying (who we know), and today wasn't a good time. ?????????????
Is it me? Should I feel angry??????
I open my home for anyone, yet when it comes to me.......
Tonight I am sad, disappointed, used, fed up with pleasing others and getting nothing back.
I did text woman and said we had company tomorrow, so couldn't see her. Was I mean? No, I don't think so. I've been there for months for her, and now, just today, she turns us away. I've said this before, but when it comes to my son, he is the one always upset. his friends are A okay, they get to come here, but the favour is never returned. Am sick of it. Why though?
Thankyou Bubblegum. Must be playing on my mind, as have been awake since 4.30!!! Maybe I'm too much of a softie, and I shouldn't let things bother me so much, must train myself to be harder!!!!!
Hi alisoncam
Poor you! I must say that it does so often feel as if people get support and help from you and they don't always give it back. Also I know that you agree to things you wouldn't normally do, as you think it will be nice for C.
I guess you know what I am going to say. It is all about boundaries and being assertive but these things take a lot of practice. I have found it useful to have a few "catchphrases" prepared as otherwise it can be hard to think of the right words on the spot. You could keep these phrases by the phone!
Think about what you want. Do you want not to see these people or is it that you want to see them but it to be a more equal relationship? I am thinking the latter, right? So your phrases could include something like "It would be great to see you but we always end up at mine and it is nice for C to get out and about so let's go to your house this time" or "Oh you are busy this week with your visitors, what day could we arrange for next week then, C is so looking forward to coming over to your house" or "Sorry I can't have X tomorrow as I have arrangements already. Shall we arrnage to get together later in the week, what day would suit you?"
I expect that you come over as such a lovely person that people don't realise you feel so put-upon. I am not telling you to stop being a lovely person but just to be a bit more lovely to yourself first. Think about if someone else, say me or sparkling, came to you and said what you have said in your post. What would you tell us?
Hi alisoncam, I have felt like you in the past.
I was going to start making excuses for the other person and say maybe she felt put out blah blah blah, but actually we don't know what the other person is thinking. All we can do is look after ourselves.
Louise puts it really clearly in the post above. Basically put yourself first. I know you want to help people and do it honestly and openly, but sometimes it can get too much and at these times you must say No.
You feel hurt that someone hasn't opened their home as you would yours, but remember we are all different and rather than get angry at them just make a mental note, that actually when they ask you for something, if you really don't want to, decline as it won't feel like a 2 way relationship.
Louise said: if someone else, say me or sparkling, came to you and said what you have said in your post. What would you tell us? (good question, look forward to your answer 
)
This is my chear up song.
:)
P.S. Don't worry about what other people are up to just carry on being who you are and doing what makes you happy : )
Providing you're not filled with the urge to stab people or something.
:D